Happy Halloween! Pt. 02

Alas, the bus turns around the corner and disappears by the trees. It is heading to the Marginal Tietê Freeway, then join the Castelo Branco Freeway to finally reach Campinas City. My heart pounds as I feel our distance increasing. I feel for his necklace and kiss the little cross. Valter was real after all!

After my hot shower, I eat some of the delicacies Auntie gave me. I think of her promise and have hope. Valter's future and happiness is now in her hands.

I press the phone receiver to my ear and speak gently, as if to myself.

"He's real, Edu."

"I bet he is, Ken."

"It hurt so much, to be separated, dear. I feel that part of me is gone with him."

"I just envy you guys."

"Edu, Valter will come back, someday."

"I bet he will, honey." He clears his throat. "So, have you planned a date to see each other again?" He asks. Both of us know there's another coming holiday in twelve days. It's going to be on Friday, which means, we'll have three days off in a row. I smile and bite my lower lip in excitement.

"We haven't spoken about it yet, dear." Actually, Valter didn't invite me to come to his place, which is quite understandable. He lives in a stuffy old dark place. I suppose he's too conscious about his condition. He'd surely die of shame if I saw how he lived, the poor dear. I feel sorry for him, for having to go through so much suffering in life.

"I understand you, honey."

"Valter is a poor man, and he can't afford to come for visits so often. He's still trying to pull out of his poverty, dear." I don't wish to speak about Auntie's promise to help him. A dark thought just crosses my mind. What if, out of his pride, he refuses her help? This is a real possibility.

"Perhaps it was better this way, honey. Now that he is away, you both can think logically about what to do in the future." My dear friend Edu is so rational. What does he understand about matters of the heart?

In bed, I can only think of him, of our good times here, our adventure on the roof of my building, Auntie's church outing, and our stroll in the park. I smile as I think of this strong, corpulent, and rough man holding the rose bouquet. I shed a tear as I think of his scarred body, sad face, and shy smile. I can only feel empathy for his broken and tormented life. To think of it, his Jason costume was befitting of him. It brought to the surface his rage and non-conformity to the injustice done to him. In contrast, his flowers, this necklace, and his love for me show a pure, strong, and noble heart.

God, how I love this man! I hold the small cross, and pray that we'll see each other again. There's just so much I need to tell him. I close my eyes and recite my prayer. Good night, Valter, my dear officer! I think it must be past ten P.M. He must be safely home by now.

On the next day, a busy Monday, I get his message as I return home from work in the evening. I sit and feel a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I read the first few lines of his e-mail with a throbbing heart and bit my lower lip. Then, I continue reading it.

"It was hard, my love. I felt time was ticking for me. Each minute spent with you was so precious, but also so scarce--each second spent with you was so precious, like drops of refreshing water to a thirsty desert wanderer. As I saw you on that platform at the bus terminal, I wanted to run to you. I wanted to stay and beg on my knees for you to take me the way I was. I didn't want to go back, to my dark existence again. Not after having savored your kisses, felt your delicate body so firmly pressed against mine. I felt each kiss that you blew for me. I blew my kisses and held back my tears. It was the hardest task I've ever done in my life, my love. You moved and touched my heart of stone. You've melted the ice, and make it beat with renewed hope. Now it longs to be near you again. I smiled, while my heart bled, for us both as the distance between us only increased. The moment the bus left the terminal, I closed my eyes and cried like a child. I felt the weight of my years crushing me. The painful vivid memories, the traumas, fears, everything held me tightly, trying to pull me back to their dark domain. Yet, I felt a spark of hope. You gave me that hope, my love. I looked out the window and saw the cold endless metropolis slowly being left behind me. Countless time have I come to visit my sister, brother-in-law, and nephews. But this time, it felt so hard to leave. I closed my eyes and recited a prayer. I prayed that, God allowing, someday, we'd be together again."

I pause and dry a tear.

"Later, the bus reached Campinas Bus Terminal. I got off slowly, for I was the last passenger to get off the bus. Intimately, I was hoping to stay, and make my way back to you again, my love! I got off the bus and waited in a dark corner for the next one, to take me back home. To my surprise, I saw a young mother holding a small child, who was deep in sleep. He must have been two years old. This young mother then spoke to an older lady who was besides her, giving her a hand with her stuff. I overheard that the young mother was actually, coming from a visit to her husband who was in jail. The poor child was born three months after the father had been arrested. I looked away and clenched my fists and teeth. I took a deep breath and boarded the bus, which would take me back to Holambra. I leaned my head against the cold glass and tried to get some sleep. No one spoke in the bus. Half hour later, I rang the bell, and got off on the dark deserted street. I looked at the mother and child for the last time, and bit my lower lip. Oh, God! How I wanted to offer them protection, tell them everything would be all right, that they shouldn't lose faith, that her husband needed them, their presence and love. I also thought of the kid of future they'd have."

Poor dear Valter! How I wish I could give him a big warm hug.

"The bus disappeared from sight, and I was left alone. I could hear my heavy boots stomping on the hard pavement as I walked ten blocks down to my darker deserted street. I could see the blue light by the living room window of a house. Then I heard a few dogs barking, and the rusty noise of my iron gate scrapping the cracked concrete floor. I closed it, and walked along the dark narrow path, feeling the unsteady board under my boots. I suppose my neighbors were already in bed. I reached the back, and took out my key to open the rusty padlock. Even a child could break it and enter my place. But, what is there to be stolen? As expected, my small room was stuffy, dark, and empty. I left the door open, so fresh air would come in. So, you might be wondering how come I'm writing this long text, instead of speaking with you using my Messenger, my love. I'm going to be honest with you, Ken."

I pause and gulp. I wipe my tears and continue reading.

"Today, I had a tough day. As usual, I had to wake up early and go to the Justice Department Bureau in Campinas to report to the authorities again. I had a sandwich on my bus for lunch on my way back. I got off near the garage to start work. I was surprised to see another man working in my place. My boss asked me to follow him to his make-shift office. He handed me an envelope and told me he was sorry. I nodded, and returned home. I didn't have the heart to, start looking for another job in the same day. I just wanted to, punch someone! I just wanted to end this agony somehow! I shed tears of frustration, anger, and despair. I fell on my knees and wept. Forgive me for writing these hard lines, my love, but that's the truth, and I can't hide from you, Ken. I honestly think you should go on with your life, without me."

My hands shake as I try to summon courage to type something for this man. After a couple of minutes staring at the blank screen, I realize I cannot type anything. I cannot, I simply cannot pretend life is going to be all right, when Valter is unemployed, frustrated, and alone. I can't pretend that he'll find another job tomorrow; that he'll save the little money he has; that we'd meet again in about twelve days. My encouraging words will seem like an offense to this man. He told me to, forget him. I feel the necklace and touch the little cross that he gave me. Things will have to get better, for both of us.

Aunt Yoko's funeral and burial take place on the Republic Proclamation Day, on November 15th. Mother comes, and stays at Aunt's big house. A few cousins keep her company. After the burial, she comes to visit me at my place.

"Is this where you live, dear?" She looks around my shoebox apartment with folded arms. "What would your dad say if he saw this place?"

Neither of us feel hungry, and our pasta is left on the plate, getting cold.

"She said you were dating a former convict, dear."

"Yes, mother. His name is Valter," she purses her lips, and tries to smile.

"I don't wish to hear anything more about this man, dear. Your father and I have already decided that we won't accept him into our family, and that's settled, Ken."

"Mom, you don't need to worry about him anymore. I haven't heard from this man in thirteen days. I got an e-mail after the day he left me; on the same day that Auntie met him. Since then, our communication ceased." Her smiles vanishes and she takes my hands.

"Just leave it the way it is, dear! I'm so glad that this man realized how unacceptable this situation is! He's put an end to something that should never have happened. At least he's got common sense."

"Common sense? What do you mean by that, Mom?"

"What kind of future will both of you have? My son dating a former convict! What will others say? Oh, God!"

"Auntie promised to help him get his job back and clear his criminal record, Mom."

"I've already heard about all this, dear." She looks away. "She called me on that same Sunday."

"I see."

"Listen, son, I won't beat around the bush here. I'll be quite plain with you. I told her to forget about it. He was not worth the trouble!" Involuntarily, my tears begin to fall. That should explain Valter's ominous silence. Now I feel it's truly over between us.

"I supposed you did this to, protect me, right Mom?"

"You'll understand that in the long run, dear." She takes her purse, opens it, and hands me a white envelope. "It's for your expenses, dear. And, you don't need to see me to the airport. I've arranged with a taxi driver who's got my luggage. Goodbye, son."

"Mom, in spite of everything, I love you and Dad." We hug.

"Mothers only want to protect their children, dear. Remember that."

"Have a safe trip back, Mom. And send my love to Dad." She smiles and takes the elevator.

Two weeks later, Mom, I, and a bunch of cousins sit in a meeting room. She promptly came to the meeting that Mr. Parreira, Aunt Yoko's attorney, set up for all her relatives. He is going to read her will. I just feel sad, desolate, and all sorts of mixed feelings. Perhaps I just felt betrayed by her empty words. Oh, God, she was Valter's last hope!

After the reading of the will, I turn to Mom in disbelief. Everybody turns to me. I feel tension in the air.

"Congratulations, Cousin Ken!" They all say. Then, they shake hands with me coldly, and leave.

"Leechers! Bloodsuckers!" Mom says under her breath.

"Mom, what a thing to say about my cousins!"

"Anyway, I'm glad to know that at least now you'll have a decent place to live." She adds. Mr. Parreira chuckles.

"Only a place to live, Mrs. Nakamura! Your son is basically settled for life! You've heard about each item she's left him."

"Do you really mean to say that her house, the apartments on Paulista Avenue, her car, and bank investments," I turn to mom.

"How many apartments did the document list, Mr. Parreira?" Mom smiles.

"Six in total, madam."

We then take a taxi to the Bank of Brazil agency where Auntie had her account in. I think it was the same agency that she worked for until she retired.

"You'd better deposit this life insurance check right away, dear. It's not safe to be walking around the city with, well, so much money," her hands are shaking.

We enter the bank and speak with Mr. Tanaka, the manager. We present to him the papers that Mr. Parreira presented to me.

"Oh, my condolences, Mrs. Nakamura and Mr. Nakamura Jr." He bows and shakes our hands. We enter his office and he checks on the computer screen. His eyes widen and he gasps. Then, he rings his secretary, who brings a bunch of papers for me to sign.

One hour and half later, we leave the bank and have some coffee at a quiet restaurant.

"Wasn't Mr. Tanaka kind to stay until this hour with us in the office, Mom? The bank was already closed to clients." I smile and sip my coffee.

"Gosh, I never thought Yoko-san was a rich widow!"

"I bet no one knew about it, Mom."

"You just have to watch for your cousins, dear. I bet they're dying of envy right now." She shakes her head. "And watch for that man, what's his name again? The former convict?"

"It's Valter, Mom. And stop calling him that. Just call him by his name, Mom!" I sigh. "I haven't heard from him since, well, that e-mail that I spoke to you about."

"That's much better this way, dear. But I warn you, I bet he'll try to contact you as soon as he finds out that you've become rich, son."

"I'm afraid I've lost him, Mom." I look away. Damn it! My throat catches. I don't want to cry in front of Mom. I take a deep breath and speak matter-of-factly. "He's terminated his Facebook account. When I finally tried to send him an e-mail message, it's just returned, for his account has been terminated." I dry my tears and bite my lower lip. I feel her hand on my shoulder.

"You do, well, love him, don't you, son?"

"What's the point of speaking about love now, Mom. Listen, I'm fine. I mean, I'll be fine, honestly." I don't look into her eyes. She strokes my hair.

"Well, I know I'm acting against my better judgment. But, have you tried contacting his sister? He has one, doesn't he?"

"What?"

A bit over a week later, on a Saturday mid-afternoon, I decided to give it a try.

The house is modest and very old. This area still has some Italian restaurants that are ancient and traditional. One just needs to watch for criminals while visiting the Bixiga District. I check the address and ring the doorbell. I look around for neighbors. No one. I ring it again, and somebody finally opens the window.

"What do you want?" This chubby middle-aged lady demands. She's holding a baby in her arms. I just hope I didn't wake the poor thing.

"Hi, miss. I'm a friend of Mr. Valter Penna. I came to check if you have any news from him." She eyes me suspiciously. Another child stands by her in the window.

"Are you Ken?" I blush and nod emphatically. Gosh, could Valter have told her about me, about us? Possibly.

"Yes, I am." I speak shyly. She leaves the window and shuts it abruptly. I wonder what I should do now. Perhaps our meeting is now over. Just then, the front door opens.

"Come in!" I open the rusty iron gate and approach her door. A black cat comes out. "Macabéia, come back to the house!" She takes the cat and turns to me. "Come in quick or this stupid cat is going to escape again!"

I follow her into this dark crowded living room. I find toys everywhere. The coffee table is overflowing with baby bottles, bibs, binkies, toys, etc. She picks up a few children's clothes from the sofa and gestures for me to sit. I also find a bible on the arm of the sofa.

"Thanks, miss."

"You can call me Judite." She eyes me suspiciously. Valter told me she's quite religious, and nosy. So, I don't expect much sympathy from her.

"Thank you, Judite." I smile. I see another boy by the hall. Valter told he had two nephews.

"If you want to know about my brother, well, he doesn't live in Holambra anymore, thank the Lord!" She raises both hands to the air and looks up, as if receiving a light from above.

"No?" I gulp.

"By the hand of God, a miracle happened! People from the police contacted him again. Apparently, some big shots from Brasília were involved. He even had to fly to Brasília and have a meeting." My heart pounds.

"A meeting, in the capital city of Brazil?" That's the city where politicians live.

"Yep! He came back and got his gun, badge, and uniform back!" Her eyes are shining. I bet she's holding her tears. "The last I've heard from him, he's also got a big compensation from the lawsuit against some guys. I think their names are Otacílio and Raposo. My friend Gláucia, who attends my church, was also tried. The poor thing got two years in jail! I still have no clue how he got those big shots to protect him. He says he can't speak about that, for it's confidential information." I have tears in my eyes and nod my head. I stand up to go.

"I-I should be going, Judite. Thank you for having me."

"I'm sorry I didn't serve you anything." I shake my head and smile. I turn to the kids, then look at her. "Can I ask you a big favor, Judite?"

"You want his new address in São Paulo?" She looks stern. I shake my head, and take off the necklace I have. I hand it to her the only treasure I have.

"Please, Judite, don't tell him I was here." She takes my hands and kisses them.

"You're doing the right thing, young man!" She shakes her head as she admires the necklace. She kisses it and smiles. "I'll forbid the children from speaking anything to him about this visit. Go in peace and God bless you!"

As I reach the street, I feel the faint warm breeze, the traffic, and the noise. I call a taxi and head back home right away.

"Hello, Edu?"

"Oh, hi, dear!" We chat for a bit and I tell him of the great news. Then, he asks me why I did what I'd done. "I don't know, dear. Perhaps it was better for us this way. Intimately, I bet he wishes to protect his family and me. There could be trouble ahead, for he's got involved with big shots and dangerous people. Officers know of danger and want to protect others." I take a deep breath, and realize mom was right after all.

On December 21st, we have a cool lunch at a steak-house downtown. We exchange gifts and take many photos together. All the teachers receive some nice porcelain coffee mugs, and a Christmas box of goodies from our boss. We all hug each other and leave.

Karina, who is our school receptionist and a short lady, walk back together to the subway station.

"How come you're not driving your old Mercedes, Ken?" She is struggling to carry her heavy purse and the Christmas box.

"Drive in this kind of traffic, honey? Are you out of your mind?" We reach the crowded square.

"You're right, honey. Hey, look! They're having a Christmas concert! It's the Military Police choir, dear!" My heart begins to pound.

"Let's watch them, Karina!"

"I'm afraid I can't, Ken. My family is waiting for me. You know how the kids are at home, now that the school semester is over!" We hug and kiss. "Have a great Christmas and New Year, dear! And see you again next year for the new semester!" Then, she goes to the Liberdade Station.

I turn to the crowd and join them. The male choir sings beautifully! I notice the big Santa ringing his bells merrily. I smile and have tears in my eyes. I also notice him wearing some black heavy boots, the same ones that the police wear. He's also a cop, but wearing a Santa's costume. The poor man must be dying from our Brazilian heat.

The concert ends and we all clap our hands. I smile and find an empty bench to sit. What a lovely evening! I'll never forget this day!

"Ho-ho-ho! Mind if I sit here?"

"Oh, sure Santa!" I can hardly believe how big Santa is. "The concert was just beautiful, Santa." He nods. Another officer comes our way.

"Hey, Officer Penna! Come for the official photos!" The choir officer says. Just then, the penny drops. I turn to Santa and look into his eyes.

"Valter!"