All Comments on 'Harem Mode - ON Ch. 04'

Great story, enjoying the development.

You Absolute. Fucking. LEGEND. I love you man. I had honestly though that my favorite author, who’s humor I found most appealing and relatable (wink), had been lost forever. Imagine my surprise opening up the Sci-Fi and fantasy thread only to find this gem. Gem? Masterpiece? Gemful Masterpeice. I seriously hope you continue this series despite all of the shit we have to go back to soon. Shitty curriculum... anyways, great moves, keep it up, proud of ya!

This series was getting good. Until this chapter when it went off the rails. This was a disorganized, headache inducing atrocity.

Inn0cent_bystander is harsh but not wrong. I'm not going to list errors, but the story development really is all over the place; especially damning was Kayla's religious father saying stuff like "goddamn" and the cute, virginal Kayla all of a sudden being described as a whore - that just doesn't compute. My suspension of disbelief is strong but not this strong. Needs a lot (A LOT) of editing. Get yourself an extra pair of eyeballs, please?

Still like the concept, though. I'll be back.

It's not a habit of mine to comment directly, but seeing as this is my first submission in a year and since I don't know how frequently I'll be writing these stories in the future, I think it's only fair to let you know what goes on in my head and what I plan for this series.

The purpose of my writing has shifted from being an erotic outlet to being an opportunity for creative expression and storytelling practice. Because of this, I really do appreciate feedback and am more than amenable to criticism (some of you may know I rewrote the entire third chapter in response to backlash). The fact that I'm primarily receiving criticism leveled at the development and characterization instead of erotic content means I'm succeeding at what I set out to accomplish, and that you guys are still reading because you're invested in my stories. Not to pat myself on the back, but each of these chapters have a HOT rating, and the main character hasn't even had sex with anyone yet.

Feedback helps a lot, and if you've ever written for this site yourself, you'll know that the viewership tends to drop dramatically with each installment in a series. It's only natural for people to stop paying attention as time goes by. It's a shame though, because audience participation is one of the few ways I can gauge how people respond to my experiments with the storytelling. This chapter is almost twice the length of the first one, but will probably plateau around a tenth of the views. Which means I won't get to know how people respond to all the new stuff I'm trying out. Balancing humor, sexual payoff and plot only gets harder the longer the story gets, as more details have to be memorized for consistency, and even my own relationship to the story and its characters are changing in real time. I've gone through an entire relationship personally (which partly explains my absence) between the releases of Chapters 3 and 4, and I apologize if there's a tonal shift from the first 2 pages (which were written a year ago) and the last 3 (which I wrote just recently). The hardest part is to include just enough sexual titillation to justify writing on this site as opposed to somewhere else, while also furthering the plot and characters enough that readers think of the characters as people.

To the most recent commenter, don't worry. Kayla is still a good girl. The scene with the ice water is supposed to seem out of place. I don't want to spoil my own story, but there's foreshadowing there that connects to a later passage, that should have broader implications about the nature of the game. I promise that the section will benefit from closer reading. As for her father's boorishness... Well, at the risk of sounding Australophobic, he is part Bogan. So there's that.

I like this series and I'm glad to see it back.

But I have to agree that this chapter has a lot of issues. At times you're so desperately trying to be funny that you completely ignore the flow of the story (see the "australien whore" coming suddenly out of nowhere). The multiple PoVs and time skips are a little confusing as well. Took me some looking back and forward to realize what what exactly is happening when and how. And I still don't get why he's carrying a slip with yesterdays lottery numbers to school.

Anyway, Happy Holidays to you, too.

Jesus i thought you quit after so many retards made stupid comments glad have this series back

Amazing chapter keep up the good work

first 2 pages I just scrolled down cause where frankly boring AF.

only when you switched to the Anna interactions it started to shine

Been waiting for the next update. Great chapter and I’m excited to see where you take the rest of the story.

I think was most disconcerting for me was the change in focus. For three chapters the focus was on Chet and his development, and his working his RPG elements. Then suddenly in chapter 4, it almost appeared that the story focus changed midstream with half of this entry focused on Kayla and her personal life, something that may be useful for us, but not something Chet would be privy to.

The second half seemed to get back on track, though with your stated shift in focus to less sex, I'm wondering if the harem part, too, will fall by the wayside. Make no mistake, I'm still interested, but the unexplained shift was jarring, as if you decided to write a totally different type of story -- without telling us.

In any event, the conclusion was an interesting bit of foreshadowing. You are a good writer, and I look forward to the next entry. Thanks for sharing. 5* Slainté

Lets start with what I didn't like first: the beginning of about 2/4 of chapter is just not really relevant to current station and could be spreader over future chapters, than followed 1/4 of chapter spent on breakup (and it was while necessary to move story forward it could be summer up with background character asking why Kayla was crying with "oh, she just had a bad break up with her bf").

The last bit with Anna and Chet secret masturbation session seem bit random, it almost feels like there was supposed to be a scene were Chet buys a rpg bonus/perk that let him ooze sexual pheromones that mess with his and Anna head.

Cut the '(troll face)' and all the other emoji shit out, if I wanted to read some """youth slang""" I would read twitter/tumblor blogs.

Now for the good; Thank you for not giving up on this story, Im happy you are also placing the character development onto higher gear and hopefully we will see the 'harem' part of the story. Chet starts thinking how to use the new cheat skills for his own benefit gets a plus, having character be creative with whatever power set they have is much better to read than giving out a big red "you win" button for him to press ever time there is slight problem (the whole deal of spending xp for doing cool/difficult seems like a good compromise ).

Suggestions: Dont be scared to use the rpg bonus/perk in a more extraordinary ways (since it already allows Chet to modified his body and skills and affection reader etc) to affect events and even other people around him.

So much jumping around in this chapter I kept wondering if I skipped one somehow. Kept taking about Annas house in past tense as if I already read about it. Very rough reading

Hey misterminute, I like this story and am so glad that you made Ch4.

I turned off comments on my stories because there are some real idiots out there.

I'm normally busy, so it is hard to find time to write. I totally understand that life comes first since you are sharing your stories for free. I liked the flash-back, it is a good technique used by famous authors. Best of Luck to you.

I really hope he doesn't hook up with his mom though.

Looking forward to more and anxious for more

This is the most unique potential harem story I have read. The video game elements are done well. Please continue this story, and turn it from a potential harem into a harem. I am interested to see what cheat codes he finds to unlock Harem Mode. Well done on creating a character one can empathize with. I just read all of the chapters in a single sitting.

Complete nonsense, why the hell wouldn't Kayla go immediately to the locker room, to get her spare swimsuit?

Show a bit more common sense, and again, get an editor.

The whole thing with the unrealistic split should just be deleted.

Enjoying the way you're doing multiple perspectives and teasing with incomplete information.

Optimistic there'll be no incest - no reason he can't find a way to help Mum find some fun elsewhere though.

AMC made the Gremlin not Chevy.

Wtf bro. Wasshappenen my dude?!?! Things are turnin around now, bring the fun story back! Plz. I beg.

Bring back, bring back, bring back this story to me, to me!

I loved this story. I really hope more gets added!

Again, the Australian shit is funking cringe. Its 2021, no one speaks like that.

1 star, its ruining a good story

Gosh, great story here. Lots of details, and in some places it was a little too much, but all in all it was quite realistic. Looking forward to more.

Awesome story. Hoping for more to come.

This was an awesome tory up to this chapter, then it fell apart. So many continuity breaks and randon, unexplained actions on everyone's part.

What lead up to him goin home with Anna. Perfect string of words and actions? Does Bitch Mode work in conversations now? How did he tutor Anna in math, it's his worst subject. How does he know there are sandwiches in her fridge? WhyTF did he beat off in her kitchen? Wasn't Anna's tattoo supposed to be a redwood?

Why is MC cheating at bball when she isn't watching? He acknowledged that he needs to save XP.

WTF was with the drive for Syd to get naked in her own kitchen? And the Exp on the fridge after the fact?

WhyTF did Anna do the same?

Finally, you spent 4/5 of the chapter developing the story of a character that barely interacts with MC while MC is lowkey suicidal in the background?

Get them to fuck already!!

Please.

We need more

RIP

OMG! What a place to stop! Please continue the series.

5 stars. Thanks

I am commenting on your story which has already been written. But I'm commenting as if it is being written as I am reading it. Interesting plot twist. I have not looked up the rest of the series and I am not one of those who go to the end of the story to find out what happened so, I will continue to read and say thank you and hope your 2020 was blessed.

Youe writing improved with each new chapter.

I stopped reading this installment on page two. I have no idea what all that crap about Kayla was about. It did not appear to add anything to the story. Delete those passages!

The story line is getting better as I read but isn't this a Harem story?

This chapter had a lot of dialog that could have been condensed down.

A lot of improvement over time. Different style this last chapter than previous. Great job.