Harmony: Blessed But Not Perfect

For six months they avoided the subject of sex. This was unusual for Harmony. When she desired a man, if he hadn't brought up the subject, she did. She felt an inner restraint with Shawn. A lot of this restraint was due to his deceased wife.

The toughest part of their relationship was anything related to his deceased wife Brooke. She felt he was holding back because of the loyalty he felt toward his wife. Harmony admired him for being loyal while she lived and it was a key to Harmony falling in love with him. She was feeling a jealousy toward his deceased wife. This was the first time in her life she ever felt jealous. She distrusted this feeling and it made her uncomfortable with herself. She witnessed her mother always accusing her Dad of cheating. Everyone knew her Father would never cheat and he never did. Both her parents, no matter what their struggles, were very loyal to one another. Harmony never liked her Mother's jealous rages or when she'd threaten to leave. Nothing scared Harmony more than to be taken away from her Father and her Cousin Tyrone. Because of her Mother's behavior, Harmony often times felt relieved after her Mother passed away, this feeling of relief often times caused Harmony to feel guilty. Harmony felt she was jealous of a ghost. The two things that haunted Harmony most was the spare bedroom and the pictures of Brooke hanging in his condo. Harmony, when Shawn wasn't looking, found herself studying these pictures. Harmony felt she had noting in common with Shawn's deceased wife. Brooke was: Caucasian, blond, green eyed, had small breasts, seemed to have a proper upbringing, and they were born in the same year. She became angry at herself whenever she stared at one of these photographs. She wanted to remove everything connected to Brooke from Shawn's condo. She restrained herself because she didn't want to act like her Mother and he promised he would remove all of her things. She hoped he would choose to do this sooner than later.

When the fabric was done drying she brought the pieces into the sewing room. She started with the zippered track jacket. She felt a little embarrassed as she started to sew this jacket together. This would be the tightest coat she ever wore. This coat would hug her breasts and would be tight around her mid-section.

She thought about her breasts. Overall she felt they were more of a nuisance than a blessing. The worst is when people would focus on her breasts instead of herself. This complaint followed her into the bedroom. She longed for a guy who touched all of her body and wouldn't just focus on her breasts. She longed for a guy to give her a full message. She received one once. What tempered her arousal was all the time he spent on her breasts.

A consistent fantasy was being with a guy who was enthusiastic about giving oral. What felt hypocritical to her, guys wanted her to go down on them with enthusiasm, but seemed to discount her desire to receive oral sex. What killed the desire to go down on guys was when they ejaculated without warning. She asked every guy to warn her before they came. Only two of her lovers consistently did so. Four of her lovers were willing to give her oral but only two of these four were good at it. The times she asked for it outnumber the times a guy just did it. She longed for a lover who would spontaneously give her oral. She had three lovers who enjoyed receiving oral in public places. Only once did a lover give her oral in a public place. She often imagined what it would be like for Shawn to give her oral just off of a bike trail. The idea he would give her oral as bikers were going by was a turn on for her. The last time they went to a movie theater she imagined Shawn giving her the best head of her life.

She finished sewing the coat together. She inserted the flash drive into her laptop. She selected a design and it appeared in the display of the commercial embroidery machine. She selected the type of garment, put in the garments dimensions, moved the image to where she wanted it, and saved it to the program. She printed a list of thread colors and what order they would be used. She went along the wall and selected the colors on this list. She threaded the colors in the proper order. She hooped the jacket and secured it to the machine. She double checked everything one last time. Only when she was certain all of the colors were in the correct order and the thread was indeed properly threaded did she hit start. With how loud this machine was she unplugged the speakers and switched to listening through her cellphone with earbuds.

This is when she began to sew the leggings. This design was a little bit more complicated than other leggings she had sewn. Even still: with how many times she sewed her own leggings and orders from the internet this was the easiest part of her outfit.

It was obvious Shawn had a thing for athletic wear. She was certain he enjoyed himself after their last bike ride. She had sewn herself a matching biking set. This was an athletic crop top and a pair of ribbed biking Capri pants. To use up some fabric she chose a multicolored butterfly design. This outfit was clearly a distraction for him. It was such a distraction, when she stopped to fill her water battle at a water station, he ran his bike into some bushes. She pretended she never witnessed this mishap.

She focused. The least thing she wanted was to cut out the two halves of these leggings again. When she finished sewing the left and right sides together she focused on the leg bottoms.

She recalled their first in depth conversation about their relationship and sex. On this night she purposely wore a pair of bright colored feather patterned tights. She matched it with a loose fitting V-neck shirt and a more decorative bra. She suggested a science fiction horror movie he mentioned more than once. This of course gave her the excuse to cuddle up to him. To her surprise he responded. For the first time they ended up cuddling. She was overjoyed when he took her hand.

It was as if taking her hand was turning a key. He apologized for leading her on. He expounded on what he was thinking and feeling. The more time they were spending together the more he was feeling guilty. He felt like he was cheating on his deceased wife. He confessed he asked his Daughter what she felt about him dating again. His Daughter Carrie was overjoyed he was finally hanging out with someone. He was honest with Harmony. One of the reasons he was afraid to ask Harmony out was a fear Carrie would disapprove of their relationship. Before Harmony could question him on this. He went on to clarify. He believed his daughter would have disliked their age difference. His daughter felt as long as they loved one another and understood the difficulties she didn't care. What convinced Shawn to move their friendship into a relationship was when Carrie mentioned he shouldn't let the memory of her Mother stop him from being happy. Carrie made it a point to tell Shawn; she believed her Mother would want him to move on.

His daughter was happy and relieved he found someone.

Harmony asked, "Did you tell her I was black?"

His answer, "Only after Carrie asked what you looked like."

"Did this bother Carrie?"

"She wouldn't have cared about that."

She sat up on the couch and looked at him.

"What was she concerned about?"

"She's afraid you'd be after my money."

"Oh."

"Don't worry. I told her you were not that type of person."

Harmony asked, "Your rich?"

He explained, "After leaving the Air Force I became a partner at a security company. My partner decided he didn't want to run it so I bought him out. I expanded it. I became tired of security sold the business and we moved back to Wisconsin. This is when I received my real estate license. I received a tip and bought some property. When I sold it I had enough money to start my own real estate company and build apartment complexes through out the Midwest. To pass the time I started to work part time at a local gas station. I liked how the owner was running his few stores. We talked and I became a partner. I'd like to think I had a big part in this franchises success. While growing the company Brooke became sick. We moved from Wisconsin to be close to University Hospital. We hoped the experimental treatment they were developing would work. Of course it didn't"

There was a pause.

Harmony felt the loss.

"After she died I no longer wanted the responsibility of being an active partner. I stepped down from my role but they have kept me on as a partner. A few months later I started to work at the grocery store."

"Why do you work there?"

"It gives me spending money for my hobbies. Plus it has decent health insurance."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to like me just because of my money. I want people to like me because of me. Honestly I wouldn't care if I ended up broke."

Harmony answered, "We wouldn't want that to happen."

He smiled, "I know."

They laughed.

She became very serious, "I don't want to have a relationship with you because of your money. I didn't even know you were rich. Your my best friend. And."

"What?"

"I'm in love with you."

He answered, "I'm in love with you too."

She could tell something was wrong.

"Whats the matter?"

"I'm not sure we should date."

She felt a sinking feeling and immediately started to tear.

"Why?"

In a concerned voice he asked, "What about sex?"

She asked, "Are you able to have it?"

"Of course."

"Then why would it be a problem?"

"I'm afraid you'd be disappointed. I've only had sex with Brooke and..."

He paused.

She waited.

"I'm not very large."

"That's the reason?"

"Yes."

"I admire the fact you never cheated on your wife. And you haven't been a player since her death."

"What about my size?"

She answered bluntly, "My favorite lover and my worst lover were on the small side. The longest lover I had was average sized. I was with one guy who would be considered big."

"He wasn't your favorite?"

She answered honestly, "No."

"He wasn't?"

"I had to mentally prepare myself to have sex with him. It took a while to find positions that didn't hurt. I have to say he always made sure I was ready before he entered me. This is what I liked about him. It wasn't sex it was the fact he spent the time to get me ready."

"Oh."

She winked.

"There was no way I would give oral."

"You give blow jobs?"

"I prefer to give them to small guys."

"Really?"

She touched his arm and gave her a seductive look, "Really."

"I'd like to receive one. Only if you wanted. I'd tell you before I..."

With relief she answered, "Came."

"Yes."

Very serious, "I'm not a fan of a guy shooting it into my mouth without warning."

"I wouldn't think of doing that."

She cuddled up to him.

Her impulse was to give him one. She felt they weren't ready. There was more to discuss.

She was honest with him, "I would never reject a guy because of his size. Of course there is always adjustments to be made. If I had to choose between a real big cock and a small cock I would always choose a small one."

"Your not just saying that?"

This irritated Harmony, "Have you known me to lie to you?"

"No. It's just..."

Harmony didn't let him finish the sentence, "I'm not the type of person to tell people what they want to hear. I've lost customers because of it."

Shawn replied, "I bet you've received many more customers than you've lost because of your honesty."

"I've heard that."

Shawn asked out of concern, "Why was the one short guy your worst lover?"

She rolled her eyes.

"He wasn't confident."

"Oh."

"With my favorite lover he was upfront about his size. Just like you are being."

"I just think it's only fair. Some women only want a big cock. Plus."

A slight pause.

She waited.

"It prepares you."

"Telling me shows your confidence. I'm sure it isn't easy for guys to tell a lover they have a small cock."

"It isn't."

"I like the fact I don't have to pretend it's bigger. The guy who lacked confidence didn't want me to even see it or touch it."

There was a pause.

She asked, "You know what?"

"No."

"It was a tiny penis. But it didn't mean I didn't want to have sex with him. I'd have worked it out. The sex ended up to be horrible not because he was small but because of how timid he was. It was the only time I ever regretted having sex with anyone. It was clearly my worst experience."

"Oh."

She felt free to say, "I have never regretted having sex with my favorite partner. Just as I have never regretted having sex with the guy who was real big."

"Oh."

She asked, "You know why he was my favorite partner?"

"You mentioned his confidence."

"He cared about me. He liked foreplay."

"I care about you and I love foreplay."

"This is what I'll look forward to."

They smiled at one another and she gently took his hand.

"Besides. The average size is around six inches."

"I've read that."

She was blunt, "Have you measured yourself?"

"When erect I'm between the four and a half inch mark and just below five."

"I'm looking forward to the day I can play with Mr. Tweety."

"Mr. Tweety?"

Excited and with a smile she stated, "I name them all."

"Why Mr. Tweety."

"Tweety is something small that I like. You know I like cartoons."

"Yes I do."

"Tweety is one of my favorites. He's short and cute."

He laughed.

She loved the fact he laughed.

"I guess it's Mr. Tweety from now on."

This turned her on.

She leaned in and asked, "Would you like me to give you a blow job?"

His answered surprised her.

"Lets wait."

"You want to wait?"

"I think there is a lot to discuss. Plus, I'm not ready yet."

She snuggled up to him.

They focused on the movie.

She requested, "Lets pause it and go back."

He did so. She was amazed they avoided sex.

That night she made love to herself. It was slow and she teased herself. As she touched herself she imagined Shawn was the one touching her. She ended the session by rubbing herself off and imagining the anal beads were Shawn's cock. If Harmony believed Shawn would hurt her she would have never imagined having anal sex. If Shawn was indeed a consciousness lover she felt he had the perfect sized cock for anal sex.

She stopped the sewing machine. Cut the thread. She inspected the leggings. She touched up the right side inner seam. She inspected it again. She felt it was done. This is when the embroidery machine stopped and started to beep. She set the leggings on the sewing machine. She stepped over to the embroidery machine and checked the screen. A spool of thread was out. She went to the wall and grabbed the proper colored thread. She threaded it and adjusted the needle. She briefly glanced at the progress of the pattern (without moving the jacket). She was pleased. She hit start.

She grabbed the leggings and laid them out on the table.

She thought of the things they needed to discuss. A practical matter was the possibility of getting pregnant. Before having sex she wanted to be on the pill. She was looking forward to having sex without a condom and finding out what it felt like to have a guy ejaculate inside of her.

She recalled the conversation they had the next day. Again they were cuddling up to one another watching a movie.

He paused the movie and bluntly stated, "I'm a confident guy. It's just I've only had sex with my wife."

She answered, "I've heard."

"You heard?"

She answered matter of fact, "Jill told me."

"Our neighbor?"

"Your wife told Jill that you were a great lover. You know what I'm looking forward too?"

"No."

She gently touched Shawn's arm, "Brooke told Jill that you're great at going down on a woman."

"Brooke liked that."

She asked, "Did you like doing it?"

"Of course."

Harmony gazed into his eyes, "I'd love to be with a guy who likes giving oral."

He stated, "The one thing I don't like is a lot of hair down there."

She never thought of this.

She asked, "All I'll have to do is shave down there?"

"Yes. I don't like pubic hair."

"All of it?"

"A landing strip is great."

She clarified, "You'll give me oral as long as there isn't any hair where you'd put your mouth?"

"That's correct."

When she arrived home, she clicked onto the internet, and looked up a tutorial on how a woman was to shave her pubic area. The next day she arrived ten minutes before the department store opened. She purchased what the tutorial suggested. For the first time in her life she shaved her private area down to a landing strip. She took out the vibrator that stimulated her clit. She imagined she was a prison guard and she made Shawn as the prisoner give her oral sex. Immediately after she made an appointment with her doctor. She was delighted she could get in the a few days later. She had a physical. She asked to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. A few days later she was overjoyed with the results. The day after the appointment she was on birth control.

She focused on sewing her bra. She started to sew it together. The embroidery machine stopped. She stepped over to the machine and removed the jacket. She inspected it and liked the results. She slipped the jacket on. She stepped in front of the mirror attached to the door. She modeled it. She felt provocative and sexy. She glanced at a small digital clock sitting on top of one of the cabinets. She removed the jacket and set it on the table. She grabbed her cellphone and went upstairs to eat lunch.

During lunch she called Shawn. He was fishing with a group of friends of his. One of the reasons loved him was because he never drank. This was reaffirmed when he mentioned he was annoyed with a friend of his who was drinking to much. Her heart fluttered when he told her he loved her. She became annoyed when one of the guys, who obviously had been drinking, made a comment about "loving her. "She was pleased to hear Shawn chastise the guy before he clicked off the phone. Shortly after, she received a text saying he was leaving a day early, but would be late because he was stopping at a famous sporting good store on his way home.

She cleaned the kitchen.

She continued to review their conversations about sex. She focused on what he said about his wife Brooke and their love life. What made Harmony believe Shawn was an excellent husband was the fact he never cheated on Brooke. Based upon what she heard from Shawn's friends wives; Brooke raved about their sex life. Based upon what Shawn expressed to her; Shawn felt his sex life with Brooke was unsatisfactory. Harmony admired the fact Shawn never once criticized his wife. Harmony believed there were times he wanted to.

Harmony was pleasantly surprised at how open Shawn was. It was obvious Shawn was surprised Harmony was willing to experiment asexually. He was outwardly excited when Harmony molded her lingerie outfits without putting them on (she placed them over herself while wearing clothes). She adored the fact he never became angry when he suggested a sex act and it wasn't something she was into. Harmony believed he was so excited about what Harmony was willing to do, he would never be upset over the things she was unwilling to do. Even though they never had sex she could feel their sexual chemistry. It seemed easy for her to express some of her deepest sexual desires. She felt this way because he never once criticized her for her past experiences or her own sexual desires. She enjoyed their in depth detailed conversations. This made her anticipate the day they made love.

When she was done cleaning she went back down to her sewing room. She again turned on her soulful music. She finished sewing her bra. She secured it to the embroidery machine. When she was finished she stood up. She was pleased with her work. She took the outfit she sewed and stepped into the changing room. She placed these clothes on a long bench and slipped off the clothes she was wearing.