All Comments on 'Harp Un-strung'

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Great story. Doomed love story. He's already lied about not leaving, and with her lack of true friends/parental presence she'll get so lonely the old boyfriend or a college horndog will break her walls down quickly. Her cousin won't be present to help that late night collapse of indiscretion. Maybe there's a harsh Romance, N&N, NC/R, LW or second chance at love story begging for emergence here. Writers?

I LOVED this story! Can't wait to read more of your work!

fantastic story, well written...I didn't want it to end

This was an amazing story, Sam. Thank you for writing it and sharing.

madtowncunilinguist wonders about how the title of Harp Unstrung relates to the story. To me, I see both characters being initially under high internal stress, similar to the stress on the frame of a harp with multiple strings under high tension. English has idioms for this - "Wound-up", "High-Strung". When they finally get together, the tension is relieved - the Harp has become un-strung.

I know it's been 7 years since you wrote this story, and you may never read this comment...but, thank you for creating 2 authentic characters that I cared very much for. Their intimacy, even before they've had sex was tangible.

I honestly am worried that Mike will still go to the academy and leave Claire behind. I hope that didn't happen.

Thanks for writing a truly erotic and honest story. Well done.

It's a pleasure to read this. I loved it to my heart's content ❤️

I very much enjoyed the story, thanks for taking such time and care to write it! I particularly liked the character development and the gradual opening of the two deeply fractured hearts. The parts I thought weren't so hot were that we never ever got a taste of Claire's home life except that she's rich and her parents are apparently psychotic (maybe?) It also seemed not very realistic that they were getting so close but never discussed the 'rents.... And like Ilovetophoto68, I didn't see any point in the running away to join the elite forces or whatever. that wasn't really necessary imho. But all those criticisms aside, I re-iterate that it's a great story. One puzzlement I tried in vain to resolve is the connection between the title and the story. I still don't "get it"

Keep up the good work! It would be great to see a new piece from you!

Him getting ready to leave her, ruined it. Other than that, I loved the story

Great love story front to back. Loved the path you took to draw their insecurities out. Would love to see a sequel to see where to end up, especially with her going to further her studies and him going to the military. Please continue this story......

Give credit where credit is due. I think Lady Ver and Naoko Smith made every bit of difference as the two perspective narration was spot on. I was annoyed at first but the build up was worth it. Good job!

It was a pleasure to read this beautiful story. It’s The characters and storyline were terrific! Thank you for the time and effort you put into writing it. I would have loved for the story to continue,

So beautiful. Reminds me of a verse from a Leonard Cohen song.

Let the bells ring that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There's a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in

Epic! What a masterpiece

Really good, I know there have been stories about two broken people healing each other, but this one has a little something different and I’m not really sure I know what it is, just that it makes this story feel and read differently to others I’ve read, that it stands out in a category like that is testament to its quality, I just wish he hadn’t lied to her by saying he wouldn’t leave her in that last scene, when he knows he’s joining up and off to boot camp, that leaves a bad taste and sullies an otherwise good character imho. Many thanks for writing and posting, cheers, Ppfzz.

Well written. A moving story of two young people overcoming their own private pain and finding joy in each other.

5. Very well written. Love the first half, the Part with the new start felt a bit dragging to me (after dry humping twice, should things not have accelerated? And why is he still so mad about her reaction to what someone else said? She apologised after all ...). As some have pointed out, the other characters and backgrounds story could have been a bit more detailed but then again it gets longer... As for those who complain about the open end: You do not need to lay out their whole lives, they get together - story is finished. Only the part of the academy hangs like threat over their future. Also it is not clear to me how this helps the story.

Excellent. Would not have minded a little more about reactions of the lunch table friends and or his Aunt, their project teacher, her friend Joyce, his sister. Well, so many people really.

If I could give 10 I would have. This is so good

I've only recently started reading Literotica stories but this is by far the best one I've read. It has a moving storyline, excellently drawn and very sympathetic main characters, and depth of meaning that resonate on several levels. It is also very well written; I only saw one minor grammatical problem--an out-of-place word I'm sure you meant to delete. (Sorry I don't remember which page it is on). Keep up the great work.

I guess this story was highly scored for good reason!

5

Great story. I love the stories of friends breaking that barrier to lovers.

Does he actually go to the Academy? Please say he doesn't.

And what help does Claudine Marie refer to, on page 3? I do not recall it coming up.

Now that is superb writing. Such talented writing should get paid. I can only give you stars and make you a favorite.

Great story. I wish real life could have been more like this. I'd like to see how the story continues since many uncertainties existed as the story closed.

Great story.

Build up was spectacular but it seems to me that there’s more to this than meets the eye. How does this relationship blooming effect both of their future? Does he still join the academy? Do they marry? Does she open up about her past and why she doesn’t want to ever really go home?

Beautiful

⭐⭐⭐⭐1/2

great writing just not 100% sure of the story. 4*+

I'm torn. I rarely comment but the concave feeling of a missing ending here drives me to ask: why?

Magnificent story development. Magnificent character development. I loved the alternation between two first-person narratives in only slightly overlapping sequences; that took a ton of care. I have a point with Literotica where I no longer find 9-15 "pages" daunting; it's nothing to apologize for imho. Interesting fictional universe you've created. I'd welcome more stories of the denizens.

Thank you, Sammael Bard, for taking me on a highly satisfying ride.

Great work … Thank You …

Hats off dude.... (I'm not a writer just a reader so I can't say much). I've been reading literotica for more than a year but never found something more satisfying than this one..... I just love it. It's the slow environment you created that ended with perfection. I'm definitely going to read further of your stories after this... I hope you kept writing such love stories.

Great story. Need more please. Thank-you

@KachinaDoll, I think it's deliberately ambiguous in which country this is based, and more likely is a fictional country, with mixed characteristics of all those you mentioned. And it apparently also has high school recruitment for the elite commandos of the Army. Story choices, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Strongly disagree with the post:

"Mike. He is preternaturally insightful for an eighteen year old. So is Claire. They sound like thirty somethings to me."

From my experience of over sixty years, if a person is exposed to emotional and or physical turmoil at an early age, many things can happen. One of them being an accelerated maturity curve, especially if they have a strong support system in place which Mike seemed to have. There was not enough background on Claire to make that determination.

The support system is not required, but is helpful.

Making all encompassing determinations about individuals based on group observations from one narrow perspective, e.g.

"Claire has money and brains. She is a high school senior. Such girls obsess over college choices and acceptances." is a recipe for errors. Just my opinion on having made and observed similar errors in the past.

I have no intention of critiquing an authors choice on writing style or character development. I either like the story or I don't. I liked this one.

The only obvious error I will comment on is the previously mentioned BJ but no first kiss.

When I achieve perfection I will start expecting it from others. Until then...

Good story.

You gave us a solid 4 star story. I only give 5 stars to stories that I'd be willing to pay for.

First off, I enjoyed the characters and storyline. However, even after nine parts I wasn't sure which country we were in. I assumed the US but others seem to think the UK or even Australia. UK? Definitely not, we don't have jocks, school corridors lined with lockers or school kids driving cars. And what the hell are Special Armed Force, the elite Black Guard and the Special Land Forces Unit???? No army has special forces units that you can join from school.

There are also a number of inconsistencies in the storyline such as - "He hooks his hands under my pits and drags me upward until I’m lying on top of him." But a minute later he's kissing his way down her body to go down on her. How?

But my biggest issue is that the story is written in the first-person. This always causes a problem in that the story can only be told from one character's viewpoint. Most authors get around this by writing in the third-person. However, Sammael has chosen to write from two first-person viewpoints. Stories with multiple points of view can be successful but only with great care, usually by givng each character recognisable characteristics or 'voice'. In what is essentially a two character story, such a complication is unnecessary. It's just as easy to write, 'Claire sat on the bench and wondered.......' as 'I sat on the bench and wondered....'. In this story, I was often totally confused as to whether I was listening to Claire or Mike.

Liked the story but the end was kind of odd... felt like he really still planned to “leave her” and was being dishonest to her by saying he would never leave her. Just kind of soured the happily ever after feel of it especially if there isn’t a part two.

Probably the best story I have read on this site, without a doubt. The fact that it's not about the sex, sure, the sex is good, but even if it could have been left out, the story would not have suffered, in fact it's about Claire and Mike, is what I love the most.

Although, some jarring sentences threaten to ruin the experience, ie the sentences that don't fit, that come from an earlier revision of the story,where something else, other than what happened in the final draft was going to happen, break the immersion, and the few typos here and there as well. But no problem, love the story nonetheless.

And what others commented, would also have been appreciated. The story doesn't need it, but a sort of epilogue, how those two are doing, with Mike in the army, and Claire in some prestigious college, what happens to them, also a story about what they do in the few months they have, as Mike says, would be perfect.

Yes DirtyDude1, it happened to me. We met, fell in love instantly, courted for many years through school, married, and lived and loved until she died. Yes, that story is more true than you could possibly guess or imagine.

It's really good, and the writing and language are advanced but understandable. By itself, the story doesn't need a sequel, but you could write one if you want (like an epilogue). I wish this would happen in my life. Mike's a lucky bastard.

This thoughtfully stitched story background makes u wonder about life and the beauty of it.. Amazing essence of love and passion

Are there people who really go through this in real life?

I believe this is really one of the best on here

This is just one of the most wonderful, sexy, loving stories I've read on this site. Thank you

A great tale,well written and still heartwarming again and again. A little bit more about the future of the couple and the group(missy) would have been nice but I'm being greedy

I do find the pleading for votes at the end to be a bit off-putting, but in merit, the story clearly merits a five.

The build up of the characters is nicely done. But would the traumatic death of parents cause a teenage boy to live like a saint? And to run away from a hot girl who snuck into his bed? Hmmm...

A true talent. Thank you! What a wonderful tale & so very well written!!

Loved it. I couldn't stop reading. Wonderful story. Well done!

This story fell below 4.90? Judging by the new first place, I'd say some ultra-in-love fans had a go at your score. To be surpassed holds meaning, to be suppressed means nothing.

I was entranced. You are a truly gifted writer.

I loved the story and it was such a beautiful and well constructed piece.

Couldn’t stop reading, truely amazing

I have never loved before I am now aware. Although I have had sex before I have never made love like that nor have I been in love like that. Thank you For helping me learn about love. Perhaps someday I may learn to love in such a wonderful and healthy way.

Again thank you so much for your most beautiful share.

Edgar

I recall reading this wonderful story quite a while ago and I have to say that it only gets better with the second time! Thanks for sharing your gift for story telling. 👍👍

Honestly i never wanted it to end, sure will of intent. It was truly engaging, realistic and heart warming.. A real masterpiece

This was my introduction to the First Time category and I was blown away with your story. I will read your other submission with great anticipation. Thanks

My bf suggested that I read this, and I'm really glad he did. Your writing style is very expressive, and the chemistry between the main characters is intense. And this really connected with me.

This was a great read, and I had so much fun *winkwink* reading this. Thanks for the story!

R. K. Iris.

This piece is what everyone's first time should be like. BRAVO!!! Adore your writing style. It was a true pleasure to read. You understand the inner workings of love and romance. I'm left smitten and thankful. Terrific way to end my day and start my morning.

A great read... also waiting for Daniel's own love story

Dolly

I came in to this story not expecting much but over time, my expectations were blew out of the water by this phenomenal piece; Keep up the good work!

Truly the best thing ive ever read on here. Thank you for being such a great writer and sharing it.

This is easily the sweetest story I've read on this site. Even the sex is sweet, which is what makes it a winner.

I was just a wee bit distracted by two, really trivial, points. The first, if Mike lives next door to his aunt, and has lived there for some time, it being the family home, why was he going to a different school than his cousin? The second, was the mention of recess. Perhaps the author is not from the US but high schools don't have recess. Study hall? That I could buy. As I said, trivial and it was silly of me to let them pull me out of the story.

With apologies to Mr. Bard, I've decided not to look at his drawing of Claire. I'll stick to the one in my own head.

I don't know how this could have been written any better..so well done, Thanks

This is the type of story I've been looking for. If I could, I would give this story a 10. Amazing

Great story, the only things that bug me are excessive words, and that tiny detail, that she had never kissed anyone before. While not impossible it just doesn't make sense, she had a relationship with that guy, I keep forgetting his name, and she gave him the occasional blowjob, it's hard to imagine what their relationship consisted of if they have never kissed

OMFG...i loved this so much....every single bit of it...just perfect!

But you left me hungry for more!!!

It you made this into a 10 part series, I'd die from exhaustion from reading it non-stop for sure...

Very well done, and very very much appreciated.

Keep up the great work!!!

This is a great story. I enjoyed every moment of it. I hope to see a sequel. Keep up the good work.

Where is the sequel?l

found the writing bland, as are the sex scenes. You also put words together like you feel the need to over emphasize what is being said. 'Sheer disdain'... 'visible exterior' (not shit, its the exterior) and "bright mellow sun' well which is it, bright or mellow? You can find stuff like that on each page. This story is readable for the price, but I wouldn't pay a cent more for it.

There are so many more people that believe in something than there are atheists. Pretty selfish to want the author to write something that is relatable to you. Everyone has different opinions and beliefs and it makes much more sense to respect them than to whine. Frankly I think irlt makes the characters more real because as I said sooooo many more people believe in something than don't.

Look I liked the story. But it gets on my neves when some authors feel the need to mention the religiousness of their characters over and over. It makes them less realtable for me as an atheist, and it´s simply unecessary. Why not just avoid the topic so that anyone can relate to them?

I was lost a few times, and it took forever to figure out why he was alone in the house. Or why she didn't want to go home if her parents were there. Still don't understand about being in one school and transferring mid term to the same school his next door neighbour and cousin attends. But I loved watching the two kids figure out they liked and then loved each other.

Please publish this

If I want a sex story this long , I'll buy a book.

Your story really touched my heart. I really got caught up in the emotions. The sex was so hot. I was very excited. Great job thanks for sharing

To the person who commented that if Mike was going into the military in the UK that it would be the Royal Academy, please let me enlighten you by pointing out that whilst there is a Royal Academy, it is for artists. Sandhurst is the Royal Military College (for officers) and there are naval and air force equivalents. If you are a native English speaker, you should be aware that logic rarely plays much part in anything that comes out of the UK.

Aw! This was so good. You nailed the awkwardness, the sort of push/pull dance between a new couple perfectly. You managed to keep it sweet but still very sexy. Bravo!

It started off perfect. Assuming you're a native English speaker, you obviously didn't proof read your work. Errors start showing up in the first half, for example, using 'on' instead of 'in'. Otherwise I loved the story. The final scene could have been slower and more dramatic... after all, it was the first time for both of them. If there's going to be a sequel, I'm looking forward to it.

When can we expect the sequel, it was easy to read the story.

While I found this one to be utterly perfect it needs a part two...what happens next does he go to boot camp does he stay with her....what happened to her brother and when does he meet the cousin...and she meets the aunt too....this one had just the right amount of sex and could use to be a bit shorter but is excellently done

I loved the character build up, and also the high moral grounds that were developed in the story, leading her to forego glam for honest relationships.

However, I don't get how Mike can have such high grounds and then volunteer for army service with a hope to be used in a foreign country. This sounds very much like an invasion. I think that Mike could join the army to defend his own country, but his morality should not allow him to invade other countries. Given his background, I would find it more believable if he did some philosophical or investigative career.

I would also like to say that I found the sex scene at the end a bit too smooth for first time, it almost felt too quick with respect to the story development that happened earlier. It would also be interesting to get a bit more background why Claire is often afraid of Mike, like when he unzips her dress or when he holds her while they play on the roof and he's trying to talk with his aunt. A bit more depth to it would not hurt.

I especially love the colloquial. There's a steady flow, easy to follow and allows for one to imagine the scene while still reading. Environmental descriptions are a strong point of yours.

Hats off.

Although... You mean to say the awkward moments with Nina and Sam were all over a bet? I'm not complaining but that was just... weird I guess.

Thanks for the read. Though. Diamonds like these aren't easy to find on this site

It needs to be turned into a novel. It needs an aftermath and epilogue. If you do a sequel, I hope you don't add a meaningless breakup and start giving the characters affairs. That is what ruined "Susie" by Susie_O, she went against her characters traits and characteristics, by giving an uncharacteristic and ultimately meaningless break-up only to bring them back together almost as if nothing happened.

well done sammael bard, well done indeed! that was one of the most beautiful erotic stories ive read on here. more than the erotic, it was the characters at the heart of the story which got me. much love!

A very nice story. It was a storey most readers could relate to.

Most importantly it was realistic, no 12 year old boy with a10 inch penis or a 13 year old girl with 36C breasts. And yet it was also erotic and lead many of us back down memory lane.

Thank you

I almost remember being young, I wasn't as good/lucky as Mike with Claire. I did manage to have some fun.

I have to say you telegraphed it, all Claire needed was a good hard fuck to sleep alnight.

Your storie was about more than sex butt I liked thinking that was me....

Thanks for a thoughtful storie.

Your last name reminded me of the movie Scent of a woman. A Baird man, what it means to be a baird man. Think I'll watch it again.

I'm confused about the blowjobs... So she gives blowjobs and is great at it but she got her first kiss from him? That seems a bit odd, otherwise Loved it!

I wasn't sure if I'd like the double narrator approach, but you handled it as a master!

I agree that Witton's criticism was over-the top!

The sex scene was good, however the segway from runaway passion to controlled lovemaking was a little bit unrealistic (in retrospect, that is - didn't stop me suspending disbelief and enjoying it!). Daniel's book was a nice touch - maybe at some point Claire can find out about it and give Daniel a surprise hug in thanks!

Three items of interest for future storyline -

1) "I can't get pregnant" - not an author error but your comment indicates this was due to time of month, which is a common fallacy. My mother claims to know from experience that a woman can get pregnant at any time of the menstrual cycle, and as I have four brothers I'm inclined to believe her! As I expect you'll have Claire go on the pill I doubt this will impact the storyline much, if at all.

2) Mike promises to never leave Claire, but wants a career that will require him to do so for significant periods of time. Even at this stage Mike knows how important it is to Claire that he never leave.

3) I hope to see you develop more of Claire's history, both with her parents and whatever caused her to keep having panic attacks during intimate scenes.

MOST IMPORTANTLY - I hope to see a lot more of your writing!

A unique style. The change in perspective made for a really interesting story. Absolutely excellent. I hope there is at least one follow up.

Hopefully you can give us an update to these two characters. I'd really like to see how they develop in relationship to their friends and her parents. Guess I'm hooked on their development. Thank you for a sweet story. Even without the sex it would have been a great read! :-)

I really enjoyed it. The best stories are the ones that you get lost in for a time !

Five stars.

it's bloody sweet. ;-)

This story really surprised me. I've just recently found this site and have become accustumed to the normal fare. This author has talent and I will look forward to other submissions from him. Good job!

So well written! Thank you!

As a fellow first time genre author, let me say that I hope you surpass my rankings. And I'm up there ;) 5* from me!

for a great story, I hope you continue to write more. The main characters were very convincing. I actually hoped it would have lasted longer, maybe flesh out some details, with the family/friends, and previous events or stuff that still could happen. I Thought the perspective change was handled well too.

I enjoyed the story immensely. You need not worry about the length; the pacing is impeccable. One could quibble about the occasional misspelling or grammar/syntax error, but imho you nailed all the big-picture elements. I am especially struck by how artfully you juggled the first-person narratives of both protagonists; that took a great deal of effort and care.

I've also read the numerous comments and can appreciate your frustration. How can people find fault because the author did not write the story they would have written in the way they would have written it?! Equally distressing, imho, are criticisms based on realism. If the author is taking her/his authorial responsibilities seriously, they are creating a fictional universe that operates by its own set of rules. Internal inconsistencies can be pointed out, but it should be out of bounds to complain that details in a story don't match the complainer's experience of the "real" world.

I encourage you to continue to build the fictional universe Claire & Mike inhabit. You have insights that are worth sharing and the skill to make the sharing entertaining.

...I should get a girlfriend