Hart to Hart Catfight

There were a few short catfights at the end of various episodes of the TV show Hart to Hart (e.g. in the episodes "Max's Waltz", "Ex-Wives Can Be Murder", "A Lighter Hart", "A Couple of Harts" and "Hartland Express"), usually when Jonathan Hart fought with a villain, and the villainess went to retrieve his dropped gun, only to be pounced on and disarmed by Jennifer Hart. And there were a few episodes (like "Rich and Hartless") where the villainess was about to get to the gun, but where Jennifer stopped her in other ways. One such episode is "Death in the Slow Lane", where the arrogant, over-confident villainess gets the gun, but where Jennifer sprays her in the face with liquid from a power jet, causing her to drop the gun.

Here's an alternative ending that I wrote for someone who liked the Hart to Hart catfights, describing what might have happened if there'd been a catfight in skirts and heels:

As Jonathan Hart powered into the man holding him and Jennifer at gunpoint, the blonde spy gasps in panic. If she and her husband can take possession of the car and permanently dispose of these two interfering witnesses, they'll get clean away, and complete their espionage mission, leading to promotions and other rewards from their paymasters. But if they're caught, it's going to be life in prison, given that they shot the car dealer who sold the Harts the vehicle.

The blonde spy eyes her husband's gun on the stone floor of the garage, dropped after Mr Hart slammed into him - the two men now trading punches and struggling some distance away, up against the wall on the other side of the garage. The icy blonde glances briefly at Mrs Hart, then steps quickly towards the fallen gun and scoops it up. But Jennifer Hart reacts quickly, knowing her life is at stake, as this murdering blonde clearly plans to kill her, then kill Jonathan.

Even as the villainess raises the weapon to fire, the feisty and determined Jennifer powers into her, simultaneously grabbing her wrist and forcing the blonde's arm up as she fires, the shot going harmlessly into the ceiling. The blonde screams in shock and rage as Jennifer tackles her down, knocking her backwards, both women crashing into two industrial-sized drums of engine oil as they fall, the sticky black contents spilling onto the floor.

Screaming in shock and rage as Jennifer tackles her down and gets her on her back in the ever-growing pool of black engine oil, the murderous blonde tries to aim her gun at Jennifer, but Mrs Hart still has her wrist pinned hard and tight in her hand, now lying on top of the downed spy, slamming her hand on the hard stone floor and twisting her wrist savagely, so the villainess loses her grip on the weapon.

Screaming in fury, eyes blazing with hate, the blonde rolls over, throwing Jennifer off, and briefly getting on top of her, but Jennifer does the same, and the two women roll over and over in the slippery pool of black engine oil that's spilled out of the overturned drums. Jennifer and the blonde spy struggle furiously and desperately, in a sweaty, oily tangle, hitting, slapping, scratching, spitting, biting, choking and pulling hair, raking each other with their well-manicured nails, fingers tugging at each other's dresses, shoulder straps snapping, leaving them both semi-naked as their dresses are ripped and torn away over the course of the next few minutes.

Gasping with exertion and screaming insults at each other, the two women struggle on the floor, both losing their high heeled shoes as they roll over and over, their oily, sweaty bare legs tangling and kicking as they roll - slipping and sliding in the oil. Bras are torn away, and oily bare breasts occasionally brush or grind together as first one woman then the other is on top as they roll over and over on the floor, slipping and sliding off each other, the sweat and the oil making it nearly impossible for either woman to get a firm grip on the other. Occasionally one woman makes a lunge for the gun, only to be dragged back by the other, or have it wrestled from her grasp.

With a scream of fury, the panicking and increasingly fearful blonde spy catches Jennifer with a savage blow that knocks her backwards. The exhausted blonde crawls across the floor and pounces on the gun, on her knees, fumbling with it in frustration as she tries to grip it in her oily hands. Sobbing with rage and with murder in her eyes, she slowly gets to her feet, facing Mrs Hart, glaring at her opponent, bringing the gun up to fire.

Jennifer is standing a few feet away from the rising blonde crook, with one of the toppled drums of engine oil right in front of her, now nearly empty, but still quite heavy. Placing a shapely bare foot firmly on it, Jennifer shoves with all her might, rolling the oil drum into the blonde, who screams in shock and panic, falls forward over it, landing heavily, ending up face down in the oil, losing her grip on the gun. Jennifer scoops up the weapon and sharply clubs the sobbing blonde on the side of the head with it, as the dazed and sobbing spy tries to get to her feet. The blonde slumps back into the oil and Jennifer, breathing hard, rolls her onto her back and sits astride her, straddling her, pinning the blonde spy down.

Jennifer immediately sees that the blonde is out of it: exhausted from the desperate life-or-death struggle, the wind knocked out of her after her heavy fall, and dazed by being clubbed with the gun, the blonde spy is flat on her back in the oil, only semi-conscious. Her body is limp under Jennifer's, her eyes glazed and struggling to focus. Her nerve has gone, and she's utterly defeated, a look of utter despair coming over her face as she realizes her situation. Realizing this, and having taken possession of the gun, Jennifer gets up to check on Jonathan, only to see that he's stumbling in from an adjacent room, having obviously got the better of the male spy. Despite his concern for Jennifer, he soon sees that he has nothing to worry about.

Astonished and proud, Jonathan sees his wife standing over the defeated blonde, holding her in check with the gun, both women oily, sweaty, scratched, bruised and barefoot, clad only in panties and a few strips of their ruined dresses. The dazed blonde is on her knees, crawls a few feet cross the floor, then slowly gets to her feet, eyes wide in a mix of shock, rage, humiliation and fear, her body shaking with sobs, knowing she's facing a life sentence as a result of being disarmed, overpowered and defeated by the glamorous Mrs Hart, who she'd contemptuously written off as a spoiled rich bitch who wouldn't give her any trouble.