Hashtag Blessed

"It'll be fine, you know. The power will be back in no time."

I smiled tensely as I watched him. My husband was incredibly good-looking, but I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't even appreciate it as he stripped down to his boxers. Once he had, he started towards the stairs but was interrupted as the boys darted out of the living room.

"Dad!" Aiden shouted. "You're naked!"

"I have underwear on!" Drew replied, laughing.

"Mom was showing her underwear off earlier, too!"

Drew glanced over his shoulder, his eyebrows raised as my face went red.

"My dress blew up in the wind," I explained.

He started laughing, which made Aiden laugh. Grayson joked about Drew being in his underwear, and Jack stopped crying so he could repeat the joke with zero understanding of what he was saying. I pressed my lips together, nodded curtly, and let the boys follow Drew upstairs.

I wanted everyone to think I was Super Mom. I had three boys, all eight and under, and I wanted to prove I could do it all. I wanted everyone to see my family and think, "Damn, how does she do it?" When my boys grew up and graduated or got married or whatever they might do that would require pictures of them as children, I wanted people to look at the ones I'd taken and think, "Wow, they had an amazing childhood." I wanted dinner on the table at a regular time; I wanted chore charts full of stickers; I wanted boys in cute outfits that might get a little dirty, but not like, really dirty. Smudges of dirt, just enough to add a hint of rambunctious enjoyment to their photos.

Drew, though... he didn't care about that, and it's probably why he was Super Dad. I needed to listen to the same episode of Dora the Explorer to keep my youngest from crying; Drew just had to laugh at a repeated joke to earn a huge, open-mouthed smile from Jack. The boys idolized him, and I guess that wasn't a bad thing, but it did make me feel like the lesser parent.

While I had a moment of peace, I tried to figure out what to do for dinner. I pulled the casserole out of the oven to see if it was anywhere near done, knowing damn well it wasn't. Standing in front of the fridge, I tried to think of what was inside that I could make.

When they came back downstairs, Drew had managed to dry his hair, found flashlights for each of the kids, and was looking skeptically at Aiden.

"So if I ask your mom about that, she's going to tell me the same thing?" he said as they returned to the kitchen.

"She will!" Aiden said. "Mom, tell him you said we could watch extra TV tonight."

"I told Aiden he and Grayson could watch an hour tonight instead of half an hour," I said, still staring at the fridge.

"Hmm," Drew said. "And are we going to have a problem at bedtime, boys?"

Both of them swore up and down that we wouldn't.

"Well, we'll see," he finally said. "It'll depend on when the power comes back on."

The boys were quiet for a moment.

"Wait, what?" Aiden finally asked.

"You can't watch TV if there's no power," Drew said. "And if it's too close to bedtime, then—"

"Are you serious?!" Aiden interrupted. "Mom, for real?"

"Me?" I asked, turning away from the fridge. "What did I do?"

"You said we could watch TV and now if the power's out then we can't watch TV and that's not fair!"

"I didn't make the power go out," I said. "It's not under my control."

"You're so unfair! You promised and now you're breaking your promise and that's mean!"

"Hey!" Drew said harshly. "Don't talk to your mom like that."

Aiden closed his mouth, but the corners of his lips were turned down and his eyes filled with tears. I took a steadying breath.

"Grayson, why don't you take Aiden and Jack to the living room and play a board game together?" I said. "You can use the flashlights to see."

"Okay," Grayson said easily. "Dad, you wanna play a game with us?"

"Dad's going to help Mom with dinner," Drew said. "Maybe later, okay?"

They looked slightly disappointed but went to the living room without protest.

"I don't know what we're having for dinner," I said quietly. "It's half-cooked."

He came up behind me, his arms surrounding me as he leaned down to kiss my neck.

"What do you want to do?" he asked. "Wait to see if the power comes back or something else?"

"I don't know."

One arm stopped embracing me, but his lips didn't leave my neck as he worked his phone out from his pocket. I watched as he pulled up the power company's website to see if there was an estimated restoration time, but all it said was that they were currently investigating outages in our area.

"Let's just make sandwiches then," he said. "We have bread, right?"

"Yeah."

"Mayo?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Ham? Cheese? Pickles?"

"You know we do," I said, laughing. "That's your lunch pretty much every day."

"And it's a delicious lunch." His arms pulled me back against him, his body comforting against mine. "And it's easy to make, so we have a little extra time right now."

"Not that much extra," I murmured, and he laughed.

"I meant to hang out. Talk. You know. How was your day?"

"Good," I said without meaning it. "I took the boys for ice cream since it was so hot."

"Mm, I saw your Instagram. How many pictures to get that one?"

He must have felt me tense because he kissed my neck and smiled.

"Just teasing, Sierra."

"I should make dinner," I said flatly, wriggling out of his arms.

Drew sighed. "Babe, I was just—"

"I know. I'm just... I'm frustrated right now. Go play a game with the kids."

He didn't, instead helping me make five ham-and-cheese sandwiches with extra pickles on his as I grabbed baby carrots, celery, and ranch dressing. In hardly any time at all, we had dinner ready, though it wasn't going to gain any followers from the foodie community. Still, it was food, and the boys seemed to be in a better mood as we ate, and they regaled Drew with stories from their day.

Once we finished, Drew started collecting everyone's plates.

"Now will you come play a game with us, Dad?" Aiden asked.

"In a bit, bud," Drew replied. "The kitchen needs cleaning."

"But Mom can just do that," Aiden said.

Drew looked at him, frowning. "Excuse me?"

Aiden seemed to realize he said something wrong and bit his lip. Drew's face softened.

"Only supervillains don't pitch in to help clean up around the house," he said. "Good guys always help, and they don't say that Mom should just do all the cleaning."

"Yeah!" Grayson said. "I told Mr. Rivers today how he should be a good guy."

Drew glanced up at me, eyebrows raised. "Don Rivers?"

"Yeah," I said. "He, um... acted inappropriately at the ice cream shop."

"I told him what you said, Dad," Grayson continued. "That good guys don't grab girls without permission."

"That's right," Drew said, looking at me with concern. "Good guys are respectful. Good job, buddy."

"I'm gonna be a good guy," Aiden said decisively, and he grabbed Grayson's plate as well as his own.

"Uh, no, I am!" Grayson said.

I didn't know how Drew did it. One moment they wanted nothing more than to leave all the cleaning to me. The next, they were fighting over who got to clear the table.

It had to be witchcraft.

Drew and I didn't get a chance to be alone after that, even though I knew he wanted to ask about Don Rivers. The boys helped clean the kitchen, then Grayson insisted we all play Clue together.

"Jack doesn't know how to play yet," he said. "You need to be on his team."

"Mom's no fun, though," Aiden grumbled.

I pretended that didn't hurt. Drew, on the other hand, did not.

"Buddy, if you don't want to go to bed immediately and lose all your TV time for the next week, you are going to apologize and start being nicer to your mom right now."

He apologized in the way children do when they're forced to, and I accepted in the way that adults have to instead of crying like I wanted to. The boys took the flashlights, and I found some candles to set up in the living room. We played a slightly-modified version of Clue and I repeatedly stopped Jack from eating the candlestick token. When the game ended, it was nearly Jack's bedtime, so I excused myself to bring him upstairs.

He went down rather easily; apparently throwing multiple tantrums about Dora the Explorer drained a lot of energy. Of course, with the power out, the high-end baby monitor we had wasn't working, so I dug through the linen closet until I found the old battery-operated one we used for camping when Grayson was a baby. After setting it up, I closed Jack's door, then glanced out the hallway window.

The rain had stopped.

It had been a while since I'd heard thunder, but I hadn't realized the rain was gone, too. The power was still out and the sky was still overcast, but at least it wasn't raining. I glanced at the baby monitor in my hands, then back out the window.

I did so many things that I thought would be fun for my boys. I took them for ice cream. We went on adventures to waterparks and forests and beaches. I even tried to make responsibility fun with stickers and prizes and every damn idea I could find on Pinterest. I couldn't be like Drew; he got away with being the fun one because he didn't have to be home with them all the time, but I could be fun sometimes.

Smiling, I ran to our bedroom and changed out of my dress into cozy leggings and a shirt, then went back to the linen closet and grabbed as many blankets as I could before yanking the pillows off the bed in the guest room. Balancing everything precariously, I started down the stairs.

"Guys?" I said, turning into the living room. "I have an idea."

"What's that?" Grayson asked, gaping at the stack of blankets I was holding.

"We're gonna have a campout in the yard."

I had envisioned cheers and excitement; what I got was slightly less enthusiastic.

"A campout?" Aiden said uncertainly. "Like, in... the tent?"

"Mm-hmm," I said, dropping the blankets on the floor. "We'll set the tent up and get the sleeping bags out, and we'll tell some ghost stories and play some games, and if Dad can find the campstove we'll make hot chocolate."

"Hot chocolate?" Grayson said, his eyes brightening.

"Yep. With mini-marshmallows."

Drew was looking at me, amused. "You're not worried it'll rain again?"

I shrugged. "It's not like we're far from the house."

"Yeah, Dad!" Aiden said. "C'mon, it's gonna be fun!"

I sent the boys to collect some of the things we'd need while Drew lagged behind.

"Have you looked at the town Facebook group lately?" he asked.

"What?" I said, wide-eyed. "You never look at the Facebook group."

"I wanted to see if anyone had updates on the power outage. Liz Roth posted about ten minutes ago. The power's probably gonna be out until at least tomorrow morning."

"Really?" I said.

"That's what she posted."

"Well, it's not like we have power when we're camping anyway," I said. "Come on. I need you to set up the tent and find the campstove so we can take a family picture before it gets too dark."

Drew started to say something, but I was already envisioning the amazing photos I'd get and left the room to start collecting the things I'd need. The boys with their hot chocolate, photos with the flashlights held up under their chins, the four of us snuggled together in our sleeping bags... I just knew they'd be fabulous.

The four of us worked together to get the tent set up and I made sure to get pictures of all of it, even though Grayson kept turning away and Aiden would stick out his tongue every time he noticed my phone pointing at him. They spread the blankets I'd found along the bottom of the tent to create some padding, then set the sleeping bags up on top of them. Drew managed to find the campstove and even a bottle of propane for it. He set it up in the garage and brought it out with the camping kettle while I sent the boys inside to put their pyjamas on.

"The matching ones!" I called after them. "Grayson? Aiden? The ones with the red and black pants, please!"

"Yes, Mom," they replied in unison.

"This is great," I said, smiling as Drew put the kettle on the flame. "I'm so glad you found it."

"And I found something else," he said, grinning mischievously.

I raised my eyebrows. From behind his back, he pulled out a bottle of Bailey's.

"You're awful," I said, giggling. "And amazing."

"Spike one for ya?" he asked, grabbing two of the mugs I'd brought out.

I nodded and he poured Bailey's into them, then kissed me on the side of the head.

"Good idea, babe," he said. "The boys are having fun."

"And the pictures are great!" I exclaimed. "I can't wait to show them to everyone."

Drew's smile tightened. "Uh, yeah. For sure."

I frowned, but before I could ask what was wrong, Grayson barrelled into the garage.

"Is it done yet, Mom?"

Once the hot chocolate was made and we were all settled in the tent in our sleeping bags, I asked Aiden and Grayson to sit together with their mugs. They exchanged a look and sighed, then sat together and looked at me.

"What's that all about?" I asked from behind my phone.

"We just want to drink our hot chocolate," grumbled Aiden.

"And I just want one picture," I said. "My phone is almost dead anyway, okay? There. Done."

"For the whole night?" Grayson asked.

"Let's tell a ghost story," interrupted Drew. "Who wants to go first?"

Aiden did and told us a story about a woman who found a hairy toe in the forest and ate it. I tried not to cringe at first and then tried not to laugh.

Grayson went next and told the old story about the woman with a green ribbon around her neck. I wondered how he knew it; I remembered hearing that story around the campfire when I was in Girl Guides years earlier, and he knew almost the exact same version. I was sure he hadn't heard it from us since I'd always thought it was a bit too gruesome to tell while we were camping with really young kids.

Then it was Drew's turn.

He was a natural storyteller. There was something about the way he leaned in, the earnest look in his eyes and the low rumble of his voice. He subtly shifted the flashlight so it made the tent glow with shadowy yellow light, and the boys watched him, entranced as he spoke. I'd heard the story before, so I didn't necessarily pay the most attention to what he was saying, but I couldn't take my eyes off him.

I loved that man so much. I loved the way he was around our children, and I loved the way our family had taken a difficult situation and made it fun. The walls of the tent were domed around us, separating us from the night, a bubble of light and love and happiness. Biting back a smile, I moved slowly, pulling my phone out so I could capture the memory of him telling Grayson and Aiden a story. Keeping that moment would be worth my phone dying.

As soon as I took the picture, Aiden looked at me and sighed.

"Mom, seriously?"

"Sorry," I said. "I just thought you guys looked—"

"Why do you always have to take pictures of us?"

"Because I love you and I want to have pictures to help me remember these moments."

He folded his arms across his chest. "Do you have to remember every moment?"

I glanced at Drew helplessly. "Well, I... I want to."

"Your memory must not be very good if you need all these pictures."

"What did I say about being nice to your mom?" Drew asked.

Aiden fell silent, looking down at the sleeping bag in front of him.

"Aiden?" he pressed.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"It's okay, sweetie," I said quietly.

Drew went back to telling the story, but the magic was lost. When he finished, I wasn't overly surprised when no one asked to hear my ghost story, and even less surprised when Aiden asked Grayson if he could come to the bathroom with him.

"They're not coming back," I said sullenly after I heard the back door close.

"Yeah, they are," Drew said. He wasn't in his sleeping bag yet and moved across the tent easily so he could wrap his arms around me. "They're little shitheads sometimes, but they wouldn't do that."

I smiled sadly. "I'll go check on them in fifteen minutes."

"No, you won't," he said. "If they're not back, I'll go check on them."

I rested my head against his chest as he hugged me.

"What else happened today?" he asked softly. "There was clearly more than you let on."

I sighed. "I bumped into Don at The Hokey Pokey. He said he was just trying to keep me from falling, but he grabbed my ass while he was doing it."

"That fucker," Drew grumbled. "Did you, I dunno... tell someone?"

"Tell who?" I asked tiredly. "No one's going to do anything. Anyway, Frank DeBlanco saw and got him to leave after Grayson spoke up. It's... fine. It just is."

"I don't like that it just 'is,'" Drew said. "I'm gonna have a talk with him."

"You don't have to—"

"I know I don't, but I'm going to," he interrupted, holding me tightly. "That bastard doesn't get to walk around being a fucking creep with no repercussion. You know Alice McGrady told me he rents his house out for porn?"

I sat back, eyes wide. "What?"

"Mm-hmm. She said he's got cameras and stuff there on a regular basis and all sorts of people coming and going. I asked her how she knew it was porn and she said someone told her they'd seen the inside of Don's house in a movie."

"Likely story."

"Yeah, well, I'm choosing to believe it. Otherwise I have to picture Alice McGrady watching porn."

I started to laugh. "You don't have to picture it, you know."

"How can you not, though?"

"Ew. No."

We both giggled and he pulled me closer.

"What else happened today? I know there's more."

"Drew, it's really not—"

"Sierra," he said firmly. "Talk to me."

"Fine," I said. "I listened to Dora the Explorer seventeen and a half times. My skirt flew up while we were walking home and I flashed everyone. Aiden lost his mind about the Dora thing and I promised TV time to get him past it. Jack pissed on the floor in retaliation."

"Wait, he—"

"And I lost my hat," I continued. "It blew away in the wind. The new one, you know? The cute straw one I really liked? And Aiden's talking back, the dinner I made is going to waste, my phone is dead, and my boys just told me they were tired of me taking pictures of them."

"I think they just don't understand why," he said carefully. "Sometimes they feel like they have to stop having fun so you can capture them having fun."

He didn't mean for the words to hurt, but they did. I pulled back, looking up at him with my mouth half-open and ready to argue, but I couldn't. He was right. Hadn't it happened earlier today? Hadn't I told the boys they had to wait to eat their ice cream so I could take a picture, and again before they could drink their hot chocolate?

"Not always," I finally said, my voice high. "During the story, I didn't say anything!"

"I'm not saying always," he said softly, taking my hand in his. "Just sometimes, and they get frustrated. They're just kids, babe. They don't understand why you want so many photos and... well... it's one thing if it's just once in a while, but you watch them live through a screen. They were excited to have a campout, but it became a photo-op. They want you to be there and present, not there behind a camera."

That time, I couldn't hide how much his words hurt. I shook my hand out of his, staring down as I did.

"I should go check on them," I said, my voice choked.

"I said I'd go after a bit," he replied. "Stay here."

"We might as well just go in," I said, starting to get up.

"They're coming back," he said stubbornly. "Hang out here, I'll be back with the boys in no time."

I cried while he was gone, curling up in the sleeping bag and burying my face in the pillow. The way Grayson had apologized after doing the right thing earlier came back to me. He thought I'd be embarrassed that he drew attention to us. Not only that, but it wasn't even his first thought; his first thought had been that I'd be upset we didn't get the picture.