All Comments on 'Have a Coke and a Smile'

Excellent 750-word offering!

No. it doesn't need part 2. The whole point is it's a 750 word story. It's supposed to be brief and be done. Do some of you really need every single little detail laid out for you?

Way to short

As annoying as it is when people are too dumb to add tags to their story, assholes who deliberately misuse them are a much lower class of pond scum. This especially sucks when it detracts from my enjoyment of an otherwise good story, such as this one.

It works for me, I love short stories. Why do so many people want everything spelt out for them? How about letting your own imagination do some work.

At last a good story today! I think is all said in it! 5*

Short and not so sweet, but deserving. May have a murder charge facing him because after five minutes of videoing the loving wife and boss, Avery is still out of the picture. Yeah, I know it's fiction but just wanted to point that out. Guess he could plead self defence for being kidnapped, lol.

Coke goes with everything or everyone

please finish it

Loved it but please follow it up. I love BTB's and this bitch deserves a good one.

Please continue this needs a part 2 asap

This would have made a good fleshed out story rather than a short one that didn’t really work.

Excellent short story: much said in few words.

Baam! Well done! 5 stars

Retire the trophy. Best short story ever.

Funniest comment category. For the win...26thNC

LAZY writing at its best. Where are the minus scores?

very good. I would like to hear more.

Wow! Fuck off, assholes, this is PERFECT, just as it is! 😆

The hallmark of a great story from a great author is that you keep thinking about what happened next to the characters.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

This deserved a longer story.

That is all.

Okay, so the author let us know up front that it was a 750-word LW story. How can readers then complain that it’s a 750-word story? That’s like complaining that there’s a cheating wife in the LW story. If you don’t like stories of this ilk, then don’t read it and then complain. Given what we’re paying Bebop3 for his efforts, I can’t see any reason to complain about anything he offers.

Great 750 word story. Five stars ⭐️ for this one.

Could not have been a better BTB short story anywhere on this site Thanks

COME ON BEBOP, everyone knows the greatest part of the story is the war between the spouses and how she humiliated herself beyond reality. Although I rated this at 5 BIG ASS STARS there still a rating of 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS! To be had for writing a part to with all the JUICY BITS!

Would have given this a higher rating if it was a longer post but it was good for what it was, thanks.

Pretty clever. Really enjoyed it.

have a coke on me brother.

Great Story! Loved it!

Ha ha ha that’s putting the ow in pillow ! Good un what a great little shorty !

meh. Just another BTB story

If she hadn't played the asshole, she probably could have gotten him onboard with it

Cute, but useless. Thanks for the effort.

Vengeance is a dish best served cold! I do believe the forecast has changed, freezing rain and ice is coming!

I would wait 15 to 20 minutes before opening those coke cans before drinking them. LOL

To those complaining about the comments wishing it was longer:

Take the comment from MightyHorny. "This deserved a longer story." Yes, you could view that as a criticism. However, you can also look at a compliment. I guess it's a matter of your attitude when reading them.

Further, the purpose of the 750 word challenge is not to write a half-assed story to fit the word count. The purpose is to challenge writers to put a complete story into those 750 words. So, no, making a story part of the 750 word project is NOT an excuse to submit an incomplete story and doing so justifies all of the FTDS posts those stories get.

Short and sweet ****

Pretty funny. Generally don't like 750 word stories, but this was funny. Of course it would be fun to see the grand guignol when others get to view the fun.

Let the games begin!!

Chuck is a fucking moron. His filming of Todd and Julia is a crime. His inviting other people to watch them having sex in THEIR hotel suite is almost certainly also a crime. Even if the local district attorney doesn't have a pair of testicles, Chuck is going to get absolutely destroyed in the divorce proceedings. This story pretends he's morally right but Chuck is more toxic than the smoke from the recent Ohio train derailment.

The families coming on up for their nightcap and walking in on the cheaters just as hotel security arrives in response to calls from guests in other rooms on the floor and decides that the unconscious Avery requires a 911 call for EMTs.

Fun short story. 5 stars because of the trolls. A sequel could be fun.

Excellent. For those who haven't read it, check out "Lockbox" by the same author. It's one of the best 750 word stories on here.

If your going too do revenge, mite as well involve the parents. LOL Well done

ohhhhh noooo this needs so much more, it was awesomeeeee

I know that this ts a 750 word exercise but it deserves to be extended it has great strength

Thanks.

That was a fun little story.

4 out of 5 from me.

No, no, no. You're one of the best. Where did this come from?

Down boy! ;-)

Ha! I had a friend in college who cheated on his girlfriend, so she goes out and has sex with some dude and one of her friend sends him a picture. He turned around and sent the photo to her dad. Classic.

Great! But way too short. Brought a good smile to my face. Thanks.

When you use force or threat of force without legal authority to prevent someone from leaving, that's illegal detention, which can either be a misdemeanor or a felony depending on where you are. When you use the force or threat of force to move them against their will, that's kidnapping, and it's a definite felony. Blankenship, Avery and Julia are all guilty of these crimes, and of an added charge of conspiracy. Even if a prosecutor decides that forcing Chuck to go to his own hotel room makes kidnapping a difficult charge, the lesser charges are clear. And Chuck acted in self defense when he used the soda cans to stop Avery from illegally detaining him in his room.

Videoing Blankenship and Julia having sex in Blankenship's room is probably illegal entry and an invasion of their privacy. But those would be trivial compared to the crimes of conspiracy and illegal detention or kidnapping, and committed to expose those greater crimes. Charges would probably not be brought. And it will not prevent a prosecutor from using the video as evidence of motive for the crimes of Blankenship, Avery and Julia.

Convictions against Julia for crimes against Chuck will make it easier for Chuck to divorce her, but may not significantly affect division of assets. If they live in a community property state, she'll still get her half, though the court might award Chuck part of Julia's share as damages for his emotional suffering inflicted upon him by Julia. If not, her share would probably be significantly reduced for the same reason. But contrary to many LW stories, she'll probably still get at a substantial share of their assets, to be held in trust until her release.

If this was a regular story I would say that it ended too abruptly, but for a 750 it was fine.

Bravo !!! 5 Stars ! Love the Coke can head smash. A kick in the ball of the smug boss would be icing on the BTB cake. I only wish it was longer, but excellent short stories do that.

Bebop, this is only the 2nd LW story I've tried to read, but to be honest, I think your talent could be better applied to writing more likeable characters and more interesting situations. With respect, I wont vote on this because I don't think it's a fair example of your best writing skills. Have a great day.

Well played.

Wow, would love a longer version of this one, but that would add time jumping, why they thought he would go for it kinda thing.loved it 5stars but would like moer

Well crafted, tight, very interesting. Thank you for your time and effort

A good flash but this is one time I'd have liked to see another750 words.

Too bad it ended as he was exposing the skank bitch

An appropriate response, although there needs to be a lot more retribution toward the scumbag predator. But I'm still missing something- what were they celebrating?

No retribution, no justice.

No justice, no peace.

Ended way too quickly, and it left me feeling that it didn’t belong to the 750 words genre.

I would like to know what happens next.

That last paragraph made me smile. Well done, as always!

Good start. Now how about an ending.

Good story, Bebop3, thanks. I think I might have hit Avery in the head maybe another half a dozen times with the pillowcase full of cokes, just on general principle. I have been known to be a vindictive SOB. Again, thanks for the story.

5🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Would love to see a more fleshed out version, along with the after effects of her cheating.

Brilliant!!

Unless the hotel is very old, and hasn’t been renovated for over 20 years, unplugging the room phone generates an alert, and the front desk would send maintenance up to find out what happened.

ZK

Who's that knocking on the door? Room service? Surprise!

So what! Meeeh!

As a general rule I hate these little vignette stories as there is typically a lot of bones and little meat. I must admit though, this one is pretty well done. 5*

What? No Dr. Pepper! Gasp! Ah, I get it: he drank the Dr Pepper and only had Coke left.

Great job! In 750 words you conveyed enough that my mind visual the whole scenario and fill in the gaps. Loved it. 5 stars.

Aaah, first time I saw the pop cans in a pillow case bit was in a Sean Penn prison movie 100 years ago and it looked like an awesome bit of violence at the time. He could have also triggered the smoke alarm to get the hotel to investigate, but that wouldn't have been nearly as satisfying as the coke can kabong.

This is the best short story I’ve read regarding this topic of betrayal, in loving wives that I have read so far. Congratulations, it was a great laugh.

Writing a satisfying 750 word story is tough, but I think you nailed it. Although I’d love to read more about these characters and their future adventures, I think the story ends perfectly as is. The MC has just said, “Mate in one.” Do we really have to see an epilog wherein their opponent tips their king over?

Well done!

Well, where there's a will there's a way, go gettum hubby..........

Yikes! I'm not really a 'Loving wives' fan, but this brief bit of nastiness was *ahem* a pause that refreshed. Nice job.

Excellent shirt-short story. It tells it all. Five stars, which is a very unusual rating for in such stories.

JPB

why does my dashboard show this story to be published 6 hrs ago when this story is almost a year old? hmm...

I'm amused by all of the calls for a Part 2, then when we get what we all know will follow, we'll complain about "the usual cliches!"

And that was all she wrote!!!

Superb and needing no further information.

BOP!!

😆😅🤣😂

A good start to a story. I have never been a fan of 750 word stories. They always seem like they are unfinished to me.

Why is L relisting this 02/2023 story (that needs a part2)?

A great addition to the collection of 750 word stories!

I so hate 750s, they just get you in and then it’s a race to the end and damn the damage to the storyline.

2/5

I would have been more violent on Avery and I would have also shared those cokes with Blankenship. He needed to also understand that there is nothing like Coke ... and a pillowcase. He got off way too easy and since there was false imprisonment, the MC could have gotten away with a great deal more.

And I would have definitely made my soon to be ex-wife a video star

Overall not bad. Not a lot of emotion from the MC. Not the angst one would expect. And also definitely not enough pain inflicted on both Avery and Blankenship. But good potential for a decent burn on the soon to be ex.

Gonna be hard to prove false imprisonment unless there were cameras in the hall of the hotel.

Great story, but I want more because I like confronting the cheater and her reaction to being caught.

Neat!

That's just plain lazy

Hahahaha! I would love to see this pacing for a longer version.

Good stuff!

LOL

If your going to burn a bridge. Make sure that it's epic.

Hehe. Major btb inbound.

The betrayal was unexpected and quick. The thoughtful reaction was quick and efficient.