Hawke and his Princess Chapter 13

Authors note:

Thank you everyone that's still with me, I really hope you keep enjoying this story.

I'd also like to thank Helgamite, for his help in the last chapter.

Curtsies, thank you kind sir.

Elayne Hawke

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Chapter 13: Loss

After a while Elayne got up and went to her sparing practice and Bethany asked why Hawke didn't spar with her. "Because sis, my fighting style is completely different from hers, and it wouldn't be a fair fight. You've seen me practice, would you like me to go after you like that? And she's not ready for that. I've already asked her if I can show her a few things and she refuses. Until she accepts certain criticisms or help then I'll let her do her fighting her way. I just hope she'll accept help before it's too late"

"Very astute of you Arik." Eleanor said. "I know her father is frustrated with her about this, but you're right. As long as she's being so stubborn and refusing to let anyone help there's no point until she's ready."

She studied him for a few minutes. "Arik, can I ask you something?" He nodded. "If you had to choose between your magic or your swords which would you choose?"

Hawke looked at her curiously before answering. "I understand what you're asking, but I don't have to choose. As I told Elayne, I'm considered a battlemage; I am someone who is both trained in magic and combat, both a scholar and a warrior, I can use both magic and weapons simultaneously. My magic is different, I still don't know how or why, but I'm able to do more than most mages at once according to my father, maybe because I can separate things in my mind at once. Considering I've never been around other mages except my family, I have to go by what my father and my teacher says. Caleb calls me a battlemage, but I'm able to heal. It's not technically a normal thing to be able to do both considering I favor destructive magic. Usually a mage focuses on one class, but I can access more than one, and I've mastered all. And unlike mage's, I don't use a staff or wear robes, I can channel my power through my swords."

"The only thing I will never touch is blood magic. That, as far as I'm concerned is evil. That will never be part of me. I value life over death. The only time I have really ever used my magic besides in training, was when I killed the archers and the blood mage that day when Elayne got hurt. When I saw her fall with an arrow I took out the four archers with lightning and when Fergus went down, and I saw the blood mage attacking them, trying to take their life and drain it for his own use, I obliterated him. There is no trace of him, the Circle has a vial of his blood, but that's all that's left of him."

He said no more, that day was still haunting him. Not because of the lives he took but because of the life he almost lost. He looked over to her, watching her. She seemed to sense him, and he realized unconsciously that his mind had reached for her, she faltered and got hit pretty hard. If that had been a real blade she could have been severely hurt before he even got to her. He cursed himself, he should have shut his mind closed from her from the beginning.

Bethany and his mother came and sat by him, Leandra taking his hand in hers. He wiped at his face feeling it wet but not understanding the reason. Then suddenly he realized why and he sat there stunned. Last time he cried was when his father passed, but it was quick, as he had to be strong for his family. He couldn't allow himself to show weakness when they needed him to be strong.

"I'm sorry, this isn't me. Give me a minute." He got up to move away from them, to collect himself, but they wouldn't let go of him. He looked at them in annoyance, and tried to shake them off, "I said I was fine, now would you let me be?"

His mom took his face in her hands and looked him in the eye. "It's ok to let your guard down once in a while son. You don't need to be strong all the time. Don't close this part of yourself down. It'll eat away at you, and eventually you'll snap." She wiped at his eyes, "this is not a weakness son. I love you." She finally let him go and each one of the women gave him a hug. This was too much, he needed to compose himself. He cleared his mind, washed his face and went to spar with the guys. He glanced up at his mom and he saw her shake her head with a sad look. He focused his mind on what he knew.

Elayne saw him coming as she finished up. She could see there was something bothering him by the look of steel in his eyes, but she didn't know what. She tried to reach him through their bond, but he had that shut down. She had felt him earlier, and she faltered in her practice. Since then his mind has been closed to her, he must have seen her falter and realized he was the cause of it. She went over to her mother and the other women and sat down with them. They were all watching Arik with sadness in their eyes. She watched him, and noticed he was being a lot more aggressive than normal.

She looked at her mom, "mother, what happened. I know something has happened by his movements."

They all turned to her, but it was Leandra who spoke. "Has anything different happened recently with him?" Elayne thought about the question, only thing she could say was the dream he had last night, and she mentioned it but besides that everything seemed ok. "What was the nightmare about?" Leandra asked.

Elayne got a little uncomfortable but she told her. "All I know is he kept calling my name and he sounded panicked. Like he was trying to reach for me but couldn't. I didn't get much more from it, I shut it down before it went any further. Would someone please tell me what's going on? Why is he over there looking like he's taking something out on the soldiers?"

Again Leandra answered. "We were all talking, just talking, then he started talking about his magic and the different skills he has. Then when he mentioned blood magic, I'm afraid his mind went to that day in the woods with you. All of a sudden he just shut down, but we noticed he was hurting, and we tried to comfort him. Elayne, the last time I saw tears, or any emotion to that extent, in my sons eyes and that was briefly, was when his father passed away. He didn't even cry at the funeral. He stood there, his eyes devoid of any emotion. My son thinks he needs to be strong, to show no weakness for us. Today was the first day I saw a crack in him and when he realized that crack was there, he became what you're seeing now. Elayne, no matter what, make sure my son doesn't forget that tears are ok. It isn't a sign of weakness like most men think. Crying is healthy, it's a way of cleansing the soul and mind. I hate asking this of you, but it's for his own good. You need to bring that out in him. I don't know how, but it has to be done, even if," she took a deep breath and gave her a pained look, "even if it means bringing that day up again. I hope you can come up with another way but if not, please do what you must. I know what I'm asking, but we all see it, there's a part of himself that he's not allowing out, and that could be disastrous for him."

Elayne looked at them all, saw the concern, the worry. She also saw fear in them. For Arik. But she knew what his mom was saying, anytime he mentioned his fathers' death he was devoid of emotion. And she knew what his mom meant when she mentioned that day. She nodded hesitantly. Then she remembered the couple of times when she had started crying with him, yes he had comforted her, shown his love, let her cry but that part was void in his eyes. "I'll do it," she said with conviction. She turned back watching him. He was dumping water over himself and shook his head. He went over to the soldiers thanking them and seeing how aggressive he had been probably apologizing. He looked up at her, noticing her watching him, and she felt him again. He was sending waves of love, comfort to her as he smiled, but something was missing in his eyes. He was composed, back to his normal self. He walked back to them, and she watched him as he walked up seating himself by her.

He looked at her mother, "I apologize ma'am, I think I may have been a little to aggressive with a few of them. They might be sore in the morning, if any are too bad I'll heal them without them knowing of it. I got a great muscle cream I can give them if they need it."

She waved him away with an amused look, "it's good for them to experience discomfort outside a real battle, lets them know their still alive and makes them more motivated to try to avoid those discomforts in the future." He smiled at her, nodding.

He looked at Elayne, "so what all are you ladies going to do tomorrow?"

"You know, female stuff, like get our hair done, that kind of stuff. Hey Arik, you mind if I add a few things in the house, just a little something to add color, maybe give the house a female touch." She cooed in a silky sultry tone, Bethany giggled. "You and you're obsession with dark colors. You need to add more lively colors to your place, brighten it up with lighter colors, add some flowers, maybe some lace around certain places, some pretty tablecloths." The whole time she was saying this he had this pole-axed, dumbfounded look on his face. She tried keeping a straight face watching him.

He stared at her, flabbergasted, "I, I," she batted her eyelashes at him, giving him a pout. "Oh bloody hell, I don't bloody care." He stomped away mumbling, "bloody woman is going to be the death of me." Elayne looked at the others, and they broke out in laughter. She glanced at his retreating back, saw him stiffen up heading away from them.

"Oh, you are good, especially using different tactics," her mom said, Leandra nodded her agreement. "At least you asked, preparing him. I didn't ask your father. I just went and started replacing things. Added flowery decorations. Changed the bedding to flowers. You should have seen your fathers when he came home. His face turned purple, and his exact words were 'I will not be sleeping with flowers on my bed,' and he stalked off. Needless to say I won. I just reminded him that he was married and compromise works both ways. If I had to live in a castle full of sweaty men with weapons and creatures skulls on the walls then he could live with a few flowers."

All Leandra said was they moved around too much in the beginning to have roots. "But I like you're style. The look on his face was priceless. I bet he's wishing the guys would come back, so we'd take the focus off him. We've actually tried to talk him into adding color, and he always put his foot down, saying something about no woman coming in and putting girly stuff in his house. He built that house himself, a year after we moved here he had that built. How he did it we don't know, with all his training and help with getting the farm together. Plus the building of the main house didn't leave a lot of time for him to do much else." She paused, looking at her. "So just curious, what are you planning any ways?

She honestly had been joking, just to throw him off, but... "Maybe some different curtains, change the bedding. Something like a light blue. I'll keep it nice, no flowers, at least on the bed, but definitely some color change. We'll have to see what the stores have."

She watched as the others nodded then a thought came to her. "Um mom, when they come up, where's Arik going to stay, I know he likes his seclusion. There's that little house that sits a distance off the main road to the Castle. It's got a horse pasture for Midnight, it does need a little cleaning and some light repairs. Might give him something to do while he's there, especially when he visits for long periods of time," she paused at that. She knew he didn't like being away from his home to long, he'd worry too much. She looked at Bethany and Leandra and an idea popped in her head. But she needed to talk to him first about it. "Anyway, how about it, let's give him that house, and he can do what he wants with it." She looked at her mother, hopefully.

"I agree daughter. But are you sure about that place, I was thinking maybe closer to the Castle, less distance you two have to travel since I know you'll be staying with him."

She blushed, but she said, "let him decide. We also have to remember that Midnight doesn't get pinned up, he needs the room to roam, without feeling like he's trapped." She looked over at Bethany and Leandra. "You guys ever notice that Arik and Midnight are a lot alike? Strong, independent, proud, stubborn, bullheaded, confident and loveable?"

They both nodded, Leandra grinning. "Hawke raised Midnight by himself. They've spent so much time together that it doesn't surprise me. Arik adores that horse. I'm glad Midnight accepted you, maybe Arik is right, Midnight sensed your guy's connection, that's why it was so easy for you and Midnight to connect." Leandra said. "Where is he anyway, it's been a while since he's blessed us with his presence."

Elayne wondered if she should tell them. She had no clue what he was doing, but it seemed like he was walking a path. "He's not far from here, he knows we're ok. What's in that direction?" She pointed a little to the west of them.

"Hawke's been thinking about adding more fields for crops, that's all flat land over there." Bethany said, curiously.

"Well that's where he was, but he's on his way back now. She looked up at the sky, "I didn't realize how late it was. He has been gone for a while." She sent waves of love to him, letting him know how much she loved him and missed him.

Her mom looked at her curiously, "is everything ok, Elayne? Elayne?"

"What, oh yea everything's ok. I was um," Hawke came up behind her, pulled her into his arms as he sat behind her and kissed her.

"I love you and I missed you also. Elayne, anything you want to do to the house you can, it's yours too, but may I ask a favor please? No flower patterns on the bed or the curtains. Anything else is ok. You are after all my wife and part of being married is compromise. Deal?" She nodded at him, dumbfounded.

He looked at her, then glanced over to the other women, "is there something going on? Why are you all looking at me like that? I have a brain, I may be new to relationships, but I do understand what compromise is."

All four women looked at each other and started laughing. Elayne put her arms around him and kissed him. "You are an amazing man, Arik and here I thought you were going to be difficult."

He looked at her confused, "why would I be difficult? Yes at first I was shocked, a man who's been living alone as long as I have, sometimes it's hard to get use to change, especially when it comes to his own domain. But after thinking about it, I realized I wasn't alone anymore. I have a wife now, what's mine is yours and in a marriage, compromise is needed. It can't be just my way, or you won't be happy." He grabbed her hand, looked her deep in the eyes, "I love you Elayne, I want you happy and if that includes frills and lace being added to our home then I have no problem with it. Just no flower patterns. I love flowers but not on my bed and the curtains." He took her face in his hands, kissing her, "I love you."

She looked at him quizzically with a smirk, "you know living with you might be a little difficult if you won't at least allow us to argue. I love you too, Arik"

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, "what is wrong with you women. You get what you want, but you're still not happy."

She grabbed his hand, looked him in the eye, "Hawke, I'm happy, I swear. But don't try to figure us out though," she kissed him again, "you'll end up losing."

"Yea, I'm starting to see that." He looked around, noticing that the other women were watching him and Elayne with a smirk on their faces. He looked back at Elayne, "we should be heading home, I'll have to get up early, so I can take care of the animals before we leave. Or if you want, you can stay here until you're ready, you know the way."

She shook her head, "no I'll come with you if I'm going to help you with the milking."

Hawke looked at her and at Bethany, "you girls stay in bed tomorrow, I can handle everything by myself, it is ladies day after all and I'll be up earlier than usual," he said smiling to them. He got up and went around giving everyone a hug before bidding them a goodnight. He walked over to the guest house and made sure he had all their stuff before leaving and calling over Midnight. Elayne came with him and they headed home. Before he retired for the night he washed his clothes for the last two days, leaving them out, so he could wear them again. Once he was done he went into the house, and saw that Elayne had organized the inside while he was taking care of business outside. She had a couple of glasses with wine sitting on the table waiting for them and the fire going. She patted the cushion beside her inviting him to sit with her. He walked over and grabbed their glasses, handed hers to her and sat down beside her. She snuggled up against him, while he wrapped an arm around her.

"I talked to my mother today about letting you have a house, it's a nice little place, about this size but a tad smaller. It's got a washroom, a nice sized bedroom, living room and kitchen. It needs some work, but it's out in the woods like this one, secluded. Furthermore, it's got a fenced in corral that's got lots of space for Midnight. I know Midnights not use to being corralled, but it might be best for him there. Highever is along the Waking Sea, last thing you're going to want is for Midnight to take a wrong step and falling to his death down a step cliff. Mother thinks you might want something closer to town, so we both agreed to let you decide. Wherever you decide I'll be with you. Mother is already aware that I'll be staying with you."

"You're not afraid of what others will say, being a Teyrn's daughter staying with a man they don't know? In your peoples eyes we're not married." He turned her around to face him, lifting her chin up, looking her straight in the eyes. "Make sure before you do this that this is what you want to do. You're of the marriage age, your people may not accept this without you being wed in their eyes. We'll work something out if you change your mind. I love you Elayne, and you are my wife."

She understood what he was saying, and she loved him even more for thinking of saving grace with her people. "Hawke, I don't care what they say or think. You are my husband in every way possible and I love you. They will accept this, or I will walk away, leaving everything behind to be here with you. My family has accepted you, they've accepted our union, our marriage. That's all that matters to me but to be honest I don't need their blessing. I have what I need right here, being in your arms." And she showed him with her kiss. Sometime later she was leaning against him with his arms wrapped around her watching the fire. She was happy, in love, her husbands arms around her. She lay there relaxed, and she found herself dozing off. She felt him shift against her, as he picked her up and carried her to their bed.

He helped her get undressed, and she rolled over watching him as he undressed. He laid down beside her, wrapping her in his arms. He kissed her deeply, as they expressed their love for each other in their love making.

The next morning before the sun was up found Hawke taking care of the animals. He fed and watered them, then got the eggs and milked the cows. By the time he had the stalls all cleaned out people were starting to wake up. He headed back to his house and went to the lake to clean up. Once done he went back to his house, where he found Elayne was already up, dressed, and had breakfast on the table. She came over to him and kissed him, before bringing him to the table, so he could eat.