He Can Do Her No Wrong

This time Hayden did interrupt. "That's all well and good doctor, but how does that help me? What do I do?"

"Patience, Hayden. I'm getting to my point. Do you think Shelly has ever hidden anything from you?"

"No."

"Do you really believe she means to hurt you on purpose?"

"No, I suppose not. But, she still manages to do it on a fairly regular basis!" Hayden threw his hands up in frustration.

"Have you ever hurt her?"

That one question stumped Hayden completely. He thought hard but couldn't respond for a couple of uncomfortable minutes. He just kept eyeing Dr. McCall until it became obvious that Hayden would have to answer the question. "I suppose so...I guess it would be impossible not to at some point? But, I never did it delib...Oh, I see." His confusion only increased.

"Look Hayden, you may not realize it, but you are ahead of the game. The vast majority of husbands who begin to suspect their wife is unfaithful no longer trust that their wives are always truthful with them. It is the loss of trust that destroys a marriage more so than the infidelity itself. It can slowly devour the humanity out of a man." He sighed because Dr. McCall had observed that far too often. It isn't pretty, what a man in that condition can become."

Hayden was transitioning from frustration to being angry with Dr. McCall. "Damn it Doc, but...what do...I...do...about it!"

"Hayden, there isn't a person on the planet that can give you that answer. The popular cliché is to ask you, are you better off with her in your life, or out of it? I think it more salient to ask yourself, what can I live with?" He paused thoughtfully. "Because I doubt that she's going to change, Hayden. Not after you have spent over thirty years together.

"I do need to point out to you a couple of things, though. Again, it's hard to be accurate without Shelly here. However, there are two critical times in an otherwise solid marriage, when women are most susceptible to being unfaithful.

"The first crucial period is during the first year or two of the marriage." Dr. McCall noted that Hayden seemed very surprised at that pronouncement. Most men are. "The reason is fairly simple. Immaturity. Marriage is a big change, so some women may react poorly to spousal arguments or perceived slights. And at that point, they still have single friends around them. Maybe even an old boyfriend or two. So, there are numerous opportunities to make poor choices readily available to her. And, both parties aren't yet fully vested in the marriage.

"The second period, and by far the most prevalent and damaging to a marriage, is when a woman enters what is referred to as the peri menopausal stage. At this point in her life, a woman is undergoing many physical and hormonal changes that she doesn't necessarily understand. It can lead to unrealistic emotional fears and anxieties.

"If you mix the emotional fears and physical changes into what has become a mature marriage, the risk skyrockets. Especially if the relationship is one where both parties have their own outside interests, hobbies, friends, etc. it can...well you understand the issue. Recent studies have shown that it is a very real issue in today's world. The divorce rate for couples over fifty has more than doubled in recent years."

Hayden threw his hands up out of frustration and slumped back into his chair. "But I can't trust her!"

"That's true in a sense, Hayden. You can't trust her not to hurt you, but you can trust her to be honest with you. Which is more important to you? It's obvious that you probably aren't going to get both from her."

That gave Hayden pause for thought. What is more important? He would wrestle with the ramifications of Dr. McCall's question for a long time.

"Hayden, I realize that this is awkward and unsettling. Perhaps if you and your wife were both my patients, my focus would be different, but you are my patient. And I can only give advice on what is best for you to consider. So, consider this. If you do decide to reconcile with Shelly, I can practically guarantee that she will hurt you again." Dr. McCall quickly glanced at his notes. "So, let's see, by your definition, Shelly has been unfaithful to you on three or four separate occasions over the past thirty years. My guess is that you could expect the same over the next thirty. All things being equal of course.

"Hayden, we become who we are through a combination of genetics, environment, circumstance, and sheer damn luck of the draw.

"If you like we can meet once a week for the next two years examining in excruciating detail every potential childhood trauma that you might have experienced. Or how the fact that your mother didn't breastfeed you has scarred you for life, or some other inane nonsense.

"If you're a gluten for punishment, bring Shelly in with you and we can discuss how much she has hurt you, but according to you she already knows that, and it causes her a great deal of pain. But, it still doesn't stop her does it, so why waste your money?

"You could always, if you want, go find yourself another therapist who will tell you what you want to hear. Some fool might actually tell you what you should do.

"The bottom line is, while I would love to take more money from you, there is no point. There is nothing wrong with you. Unfortunately, you are as normal as the next guy. There really is no need for us to meet any longer."

Hayden was stunned. He stared silently at Dr. McCall who did the same right back at him for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Dr. McCall spoke.

"I had a man around your age in here about a year ago that I hadn't seen in four months. I worked with him and his wife of twenty-five years, trying to help them with similar issues. You remind me somewhat of him. He loved his wife unconditionally, even though she too had serious emotional issues and weaknesses. I could see he was devastated. He told me that she had become suddenly ill and died within three months. He said that he would have gladly accepted all of her faults and shortcomings if he could have just a few more years with her." Dr. McCall stood and offered his hand to Hayden. "Good luck, Hayden."

Fifteen Years Later:

Hayden's time was drawing near. Everyone knew it and accepted it. Even Shelly recognized that the fight was over, and it was destroying her. She crawled into bed next to him and held him as tightly as she dared. "I'm so sorry for all the hurt in the past, that I've caused you, Hayden. But, I've been good lately, haven't I?"

Hayden smiled weakly. He lifted a finger to gently brush the tears from Shelly's cheeks, then he kissed her softly. "Yes, Shell, it's true. You hurt me worse than anyone else ever did in my entire life. But you also gave me more happiness, joy, and love, than anyone else, by far. You gave me our terrific son. My life was so much fuller because you were in it. I wish I could better express the depth of love and passion I have for you and our life together."

Hayden always thought that long-term partners didn't really need to verbalize their feelings for each other, but now that time had passed. He didn't want to leave anything unsaid. "I've always viewed life as a balancing act. Or even a balance sheet, honey. You go through life acquiring debits and credits. There is nothing sexy or dramatic about it. It just is. At the end of the day, you gave me many more credits than debits. Do you remember when I spoke with Dr. McCall all those years ago?" Shelly nodded her assent curiously. He made me realize that you gave me a gift that very few receive. You never lied to me, not once."

He had to pause, as he sucked in a sharp deep breath and held it, as a wave of pain washed through his cancer-ravaged body. Shelly tried to jump up to grab the hospice nurse to administer more pain meds. Hayden held her to him. "No, Shell, I don't want more juice yet. I want to stay clear-headed for a little while longer.

"Shelly, we have to talk about you, and what comes next." I'm worried about your health, sweetheart. You've told me too many times that you couldn't live without me. You have to promise me that you will be all right when I'm gone. You're still young and healthy." Shelly vehemently shook her head.

"Not now, Hayden. We don't have to talk about this now..."

"Yes, we do. I want you to be happy. Please? I need you to promise me. Right now, Shell. Promise me." It was a command. He was enormously worried about her health even as his own life was drawing to an end. He recognized that she was not a strong person, and he needed her to go on.

Shelly delicately cupped her lover's face. The look of adoration she gave him was poignant, limitless, and honest. "Ok...Hayden...I promise you. It will be hard, but I promise you. I will be okay."

It was the first time she had ever deliberately lied to Hayden.

Hayden smiled lovingly back at her. His face suddenly contorted. He sucked in another pain-wracked breath. The pain was unbearable again. "Ok, sweetheart. I think I need those meds now. I will always love you."

He was, as only those with terminal cancer can truly appreciate, mercifully gone, a few hours later.

A LESSON TO BE LEARNED

Kimberly stood with her mouth open wide, in amazement. "That's quite a story, Daddy. How could Granddad stay with her? I guess like Mom said, he loved her to a fault though. I still don't see how you can't say that Grandma was the stronger of the two?"

Weston had a special place in his heart for his daughter. If he was forced to at gunpoint, he would confess that she was his favorite child. But she was young and had much to learn about life.

The old are jealous of the young. They long ago forgot how to be young or hide in their ignorance behind a few cliches or a pop culture soundbite. Young people have the ability to shrug off loss. That's because responsibility and death are abstract concepts to them.

As a person ages, they are constantly hammered with disappointment after disappointment, loss after loss, tragedy after tragedy, without the buffer of youthful exuberance to dull the impact. But with their experience, the mature take comfort in the knowledge that a day is coming for young people when they recognize that they are not the center of the universe. The day will come when they understand they aren't perfect, that in fact, better people than themselves, exist. Once they accept that their failures are their own responsibility, they can no longer deny their own ignorance and mortality.

His love for her was unbreakable, but she needed this lesson and would be a better person for it. He patiently pointed at the gravestones. "Look at the headstones, Kimmie, what do you notice about them?"

She did as her dad asked. She looked back and forth and studied them carefully. "Oh, my God! She died the next day. I didn't know grandma was sick too?"

"She wasn't honey. She'd never been sick a day in her life."

"B-b-but..." Kimmie was almost speechless.

"Do you know what the cause of death is listed as, on your grandmother's death certificate?" Kimmie shook her head vigorously in the negative.

"It's listed as 'Unknown'. Not a single doctor could give me a reason as to why she died. She went to bed that evening after the funeral and never woke up. Everyone agreed that she just couldn't live without him." Weston looked at each of his family members individually before continuing. "So, you tell me, who was the stronger of the two? Who gave more into the relationship to make it work?"

Hailey glanced into her husband's eyes with new-found respect. Then she saw that damned smile again, and she finally comprehended. "I-I-I could never hurt you like that, Wes." She meant it to sound more authoritative than it did.

"Aah, but you already have, you know...Our human frailties always hurt the ones we love the deepest, Kiddo. I'm sure I've hurt you too, sweetheart. We wear those scars forever, but in the end, they can make the bonds of true love stronger. Don't you think?"

What? Oh my god, he couldn't possibly know! It was so long ago. Her knees suddenly felt weak, and she stumbled. She would have fallen if Wes hadn't held onto Her tightly in that very familiar way he always had. Wait, what did he mean, he's hurt me too?

When a man loves a woman

She can do no wrong