He Couldn't Believe it Was All Gone

EH was as good as his word and finally was able to get all the criminal charges dropped. It wasn't that easy, especially because Dallas had 'visible bruising' on her right cheek. But Adrian's twenty-five thousand was long gone, and he was deep in the hole to EH by the time that part of his nightmare was over.

Although Adrian was learning, EH had to continue Adrian's education as to how the real world worked. In this age of the "Me Too Movement," he didn't have a 'snow ball's chance in hell' of having the restraining orders vacated. EH explained that a 'snowball's chance in hell' was a legal term for highly unlikely.

"Adrian, Adrian, there isn't a court official in the country right now that would have the guts to set aside the restraining orders. Just because there was 'insufficient evidence' to support the criminal charges against you, no court official is going to take the chance on losing their job over your case. Even if there was only a one in a million chance you would harm your family. The orders will stand."

Adrian was going to say something smartass about EH working for him when he remembered he already owed him about ten grand more than he had to his name. And, the family court issues were just getting started! And, as EH had so eloquently explained, the family court didn't give a shit about anything other than making sure Adrian was in indentured servitude for most of the remainder of his life.

When they were arguing in court over alimony and child support, EH told him that the court would likely base the amount on his last salary. The judge wouldn't care if he was unemployed because he could always replace that job with a similar one. It didn't matter one iota that because of the notoriety of his case, he would be lucky to be able to find a job at half of what he was used to making. He would also have to continue to pay for the house, contribute to college funds, if they existed, give fifty percent of his 401K to Dallas, and on and on. It was the modern-day version of a lynching.

Adrian would also have the privilege of paying for the cost of the monthly supervised visits the court gave him with his children. It wasn't cheap either because a child services officer would need to be present.

And that is just what happened. In less than a year, Adrian Austin went from being on top of the world to being ground into dust.

At the end of the final hearing in his divorce case, Dallas came bouncing up to Adrian. She appeared to not have a care in the world. She smiled at him as he stood alone in the hallway outside the courtroom just as EH had forewarned. He felt raped, bloody, and defeated.

"Get away from me, Dallas, I've got nothing to say to you. Besides, I don't want to be in violation of your restraining order." He fairly spit at her.

"Oh honey, don't be like that." She pouted. "It didn't have to be this way, you know? All you had to do was go along with the program, and your life wouldn't have changed one bit..."

"Fuck you Dallas, I'm not a fool. You had it all planned out. You knew exactly, what my response would be, so just fuck you!"

"Such language Adrian. Listen, it could still be good for us. I can make all of this go away." She magnanimously waved her hand around the expansive court facility. "All you need to do is say you're sorry to me, and you can come back home. But I need an answer right now from you because if your answer is no, then Houston will be moving in with me." She smirked at him knowing full well what his response would be. "Was it all worth it Adrian, losing everything you held dear, over a little sex on the side for me?" She glowered.

Adrian began to sputter and felt like putting his hands around her throat and squeezing as

hard as he could. "Well, Dallas, at least I have my self-respect; what do you have?"

She laughed haughtily. "Everything else sweetie, everything else." Dallas gave a flip of her shoulder-length blonde hair, turned, and flounced away. She swayed her underwear, unencumbered hips sexily in her translucent pale yellow sundress as she headed out the door. She couldn't stop giggling the whole way because she was aware that Adrian would be staring at her and that he would eventually cave to her wishes. Besides, if he didn't come to his senses soon, she still had a few tricks up her sleeve. Men are such babies.

NINE YEARS LATER

It was a searing hot late August afternoon. It was the kind of sweltering heat where a person could actually see the waves of heat rising from the sizzling concrete sidewalks. The young man and a teenage girl with him were clearly uncomfortable with their surroundings.

Although they were sweating, it wasn't from the heat. The two kept glancing around nervously while looking between the notes they had on a sheet of paper and the cheap rusty metal address numbers on the eave of the house they stood in front of. It was difficult to distinguish the numbers over the faded and peeling paint. It didn't help that one of the numbers was missing, but the paint shadow left in its place seemed to match their paperwork.

"Jesus, Brain, this can't be where he lives?" Up until this moment, the biggest jolt in Vicki's young life had been discovering that her father still lived in the same city she did. The story she remembered was that he had run out on them to somewhere far across the country.

Brian "Brain" Austin just grunted in response. Today was his youngest sister Vicki's eighteenth birthday. That they were standing in this position, was the culmination of several months of work. While the neighborhood they were located in wasn't exactly seedy, it definitely reflected a degree of neglect that most would associate with poverty. All of the houses were small post-war, two or three-bedroom cottages.

Theirs was a predominantly white upper-middle-class area where generally the people living in it either ignored each other or gave the occasional polite wave. In most cases they couldn't even remember any of their neighbors' names. You know it was one of those communities where you couldn't afford to be found dead in a car more than two years old, less your neighbors think poorly of you. One year if it was a domestic model. In the environment they were now in, the well-to-do folks had a five-year-old car.

Brain and Vicki weren't used to the eclectic set of demographics they were amongst. The boisterous cacophony of neighborhood noises competing with each other for predominance was foreign to them also. Their sense of foreboding for their purpose at this doorstep had grown exponentially since they had driven into the neighborhood.

"How can this be, Brain?" Vicki's voice plainly expressed her worry. "Maybe this was a really bad idea. Let's just go home..."

"No, Vicki, we don't have a choice. This may be your only chance. Besides, I know what Mom told us happened, but seeing this," he waved his hand around them, "doesn't it further raise your suspicions? I know it does mine. We are going to see this to the end."

"But, what if he doesn't remember me? Or even worse, he does and wants nothing to do with me? You know what Mom said..."

"Give it a rest Vic, I've got the feeling we were never told the true story.

"Yeah, well none of us was very nice to him the last time we saw him you know..."

"Come on, Vic, it's now or never." He snapped, ignoring her last statement, which he knew to be true. That fact served to increase his anxiety substantially.

They advanced to the door. They inhaled and involuntarily held their collective breath. Brain knocked on the badly warped and ancient wood-framed screen door. The noise echoed loudly because the front door was wide open behind the screened portal. He thought that was out of place for the area.

Adrian Austin heard a rapping on his door. Oh, who the hell can that be? Every kid in this neighborhood is always selling something, but come on, Sunday afternoon? He chuckled to himself. He was well-liked in the neighborhood. When he first moved in, most neighbors felt he looked out of place. But as time went by, he fit right in and Adrian was readily accepted.

The neighborhood moms kept trying to match him up with various relatives and friends. But Adrian felt that was a small price he had to pay for the delicious ethnic foods they overindulged him with. Most divorced guys lose weight; he had actually gained a couple of pounds over the years. The local kids knew he was a soft sell. He didn't have any more money than any other family, but if he had a few extra dollars, he would always buy what they were selling so they could go on whatever field trip or buy desperately needed school supplies.

"The doors open!" He shouted out his usual greeting as he clicked the power button on his remote. The baseball game he was almost watching was boring as hell anyway. Damned analytics were ruining the game.

The area Adrian lived in may have been lower-income, but everybody knew each other and they looked out for one another. The norm after knocking was to walk right in. With the neighbors directly on either side of him they never even bothered with the knocking part.

After waiting a minute, he realized no one was coming in. Curious, he slowly unfolded himself from his shabby recliner. Adrian grunted as he did so. He had only recently realized that whether he was getting out of a chair or bed, he could no longer do so without some sort of audible groan. Just a middle-aged thing, he supposed.

As he neared the doorway and peered out through the screen door, he thought he recognized the two well-dressed young adults standing nervously on his front porch; they definitely weren't locals. Adrian pushed the lint and dust-filled screen door open to get a better look.

"Well, shit. I'll be damned." Adrian was shocked, to say the least. "Brain, Whitney, what are you doing here?"

"Um, it's Vicki, I um, Whitney's not here..."

"Really, why isn't she here with you guys?" Adrian scolded himself mentally for the sarcasm.

Brain broke in before Vicki could articulate a response. "She's not here, uh she left home shortly after her sixteenth birthday a few years ago, and no one has seen or heard from her since. I guess she just wanted out."

Vicki's courage evaporated, and she turned to leave.

"By the way, Vicki, Happy Birthday," Adrian said wistfully to his daughter's backside.

Vicki, very surprised, froze and turned back to face her father with moist eyes. "Ahhh, thanks. I didn't, I mean...I wasn't sure..."

Adrian held the door open wide. "Why don't you guys come in? I imagine you have a reason for being here. I doubt you were just in the neighborhood." Damn it, Adrian, stop with the bitterness, they were just kids after all. "Look, I'm sorry, please come in. It's just that, well seeing you guys is bringing back a very unpleasant time in my life. I thought I had all that buried away. Please?"

They tentatively entered his house. Both were shocked at how Spartan the furnishings were. Their father directed them to sit on a clean but time-worn couch that had to be older than the both of them. For his part, Adrian was too shell-shocked to act as a proper host. Brain and Vicki forgot their well-rehearsed speeches, so they just stared at each other for a couple of very uncomfortable minutes.

Adrian had already decided to let them start because he wasn't sure if he could control the angry emotions that were bubbling up inside him.

"Look, Dad..." Brain was first to go.

"Oh, so it's Dad now?" God Damn it, Adrian, let it go.

"I don't know what else to call you?" Brain sincerely questioned.

"Again, I'm sorry. It's just the last time we spoke, well it was when you told me you didn't want anything more to do with me. Do you know how badly that crushed my soul? I had to fight your mother's false charges tooth and nail to have a chance to be with you. Do you understand how embarrassing it was to try and have a relationship with my own children when there had to be someone from Child Protective Services watching? And, I had to pay for the privilege of just seeing my own children. So laying eyes on you, right here in front of me is a bit of a shock. It's been, what? More than five or six years? So, you'll have to forgive me if I'm a bit emotional.

"But, you know what, Dad is fine. Truthfully it sounds good. What can I help you guys with?"

"Two things, I guess. I mean... Mom told us what happened, but we are guessing there was more to it..."

"How is your mother by the way?" Adrian wasn't sure why he asked. Maybe he was hoping she was dead.

"Umm, she's fine..."

Oh well, too bad. Besides, only the good die young. "And, her boyfriend?"

"You mean Houston? Well, they're still together, but I'm not sure for how much longer. All they do is fight."

"Oh, that would be a shame. But forgive my pettiness; I'm sure you didn't drag yourselves over to this part of town to give me an update on your mom's love life." Adrian waited patiently for a response as he looked passively between the two.

"Well, Dad. We need your help with a couple of things. If it weren't important..."

Adrian's tough façade was beginning to crack. "You know I will help you if I can. I, I, I've missed you guys. A lot of time has gone by, and I always hoped that, well, I guess what I mean is..." He paused for a moment, too choked up to continue.

Vicki broke in. Part of her was embarrassed for this man who was her father, but she still had a lot of pent-up anger. "Why did you abandon us? What did we do that was so wrong?" She started to cry.

"Abandon you? I didn't abandon you; I was forcibly removed from your lives. And, I still remember the last time I saw all three of you kids. It was when you told me you didn't want to see me anymore.

I was very angry and vowed to only meet my legal support obligations then have nothing to do with the lot of you. As time went by, I realized that your desire to have me out of your life was being driven by your mother fulfilling her last promise to me. When she finally realized I wasn't coming back home, she pledged to turn you all against me."

All three were crying now. You could cut their memories and regrets with a knife.

"But, Dad, you never tried to reestablish...can you at least tell us what really happened?"

Hell, they're both adults, so why not? "Well in a nutshell, when your mom told me that I had to share her with her lover, Houston Plano, I told her no. So she proceeded to destroy my life by any and all means possible. She eviscerated my soul."

"No, Dad, that's not right. Houston met her after you divorced her. At least that's what we were told."

"You can choose to believe what you want, but I'm telling you the truth." Adrian spent the next hour telling Brain and Vickie exactly what happened. He included the fact that at his lowest point he debated between caving in and returning home, or just killing himself.

"I thought I had lost everything that I felt was important. I drove my brother's beat-up pickup truck up to El Paso Point. I used to go there as a teenager and sit on the ledge overlooking the valley below. When you're a teenager, you're too stupid to know what was dangerous, so I never gave the risks a second thought. I wondered if the teens from the town still came up there to party or to contemplate their place in life as I did back in the day. But I was headed up there with a different purpose in mind.

"Who would care? I couldn't think of a single person that would miss me. In fact, even though it was based on lies, maybe you kids would have a better chance at a reasonably normal life if I was gone. All I had to do was step off the ledge, and I would be at peace.

"The more difficult choice was to fight back. But what did I have to fight for? Everything I had was gone, except for the pain, and I was so tired of carrying it around. My heart still beat, but there was no life in it. There was no joy. Mine was just a physical existence that I thought would last until someday my heart would mercifully stop.

"Then I realized there was a third choice. All I had to do to end this nightmare that had become my existence was to go back home. I could go back home to Dallas and tell her she had won. Let her know that she had beaten me into submission and acquiesce to her demands. At least then I would have had you guys."

Vicki, horrified at what she was hearing, interjected. "But, Daddy, I mean Dad..."

"Daddy sounds even better than Dad, sweetie." And Adrian smiled broadly.

"I mean, would it have been so bad, really? I mean, at least you would have still had us?"

"Sweetheart, sometimes a person has to stand at the precipice and look down into the abyss before they can know what kind of person they truly are. When I stood there, literally and figuratively, inching ever closer to the edge, I found out who I really was. I backed away, and that was moment I vowed to fight for my life. All of a sudden being able to look myself in the mirror each morning had become the most important goal in my life.

I had realized that I was wrong. Someone would notice I was gone, and that was me, I would notice. That was the moment I began my long road back. And it has been quite a rewarding journey. I think of all I have felt, experienced, and overcome. Every experience we have, both good and bad, prepares us for our next experience.

"My final life lesson occurred when I realized an absolute truth. I hope someday you kids will understand it. Your mother may have set out to ruin my life. But, she could only do it if, I let her. It seemed so obvious; I don't know how I missed it. Remember, no matter what life throws your way, you have complete control over what you allow your life to become.

"I discovered that much of what I held dear were just things, things that didn't matter in the end." Vicki wanted to interrupt again, but Adrian held up his hand to stop her. "But Vicki, sweetheart, I didn't really lose you, did I? You just got misdirected for a while. At least that is what I'm hoping? His voice was choked with emotion.

"Oh, Daddy, I'm so sorry."

"I know, baby, but you don't need to be." Adrian turned his attention to his son if only to give Vicki a chance to collect herself. It's a hard thing for an eighteen-year-old to accept that their life wasn't what they thought it was. "So Brain, what was the second thing you said you needed?"

"Well, you see, Dad, Vicki needs to go to college. She's a smart girl, always has been, but well, she's never had the grades for...I mean she needs to go to college. She works and has saved a little, but she wants a degree in astrophysics. She wants to work for NASA...and, well"

Adrian glanced at Vicki. She couldn't make eye contact with him. The thought that this was all about money briefly flashed through his head, but he quickly dismissed it. There was just too much emotion in the room for it to only be about the money.

"...We thought that; please don't be angry, I mean, you are her dad and all?"

"Yeah, so what's the big deal? The college funds that were set up as part of the divorce should have plenty of money in them...Oh shit, you mean there isn't any? God damn it all!

"Dad, we don't know anything about any college funds?" Vicki was attentive but more confused than ever.

Adrian exhaled sadly. "I hate to say it guys but, as part of the divorce, I signed over my half of the equity in the house to set up a fund for each of you." Vicki was all out wailing now and just rocking back and forth holding herself tightly. The hits just keep on coming for her, poor kid. "I know they were set up. I got confirmation through my attorney."

"Well Dad, they aren't there now. I had an asset search done as part of...well part of trying to find you. The house is maxed out and Mom and Houston are constantly arguing about money. They are actually behind on the house payments."