He Got Served

"Mr. Keiper, there's a Ms. Kitty Prescott to see you."

I didn't know anyone by that name, but my secretary never lets prospective applicants skip the application stage before letting them talk to me about job openings. "Send her in."

A tall, very pretty, red-haired young woman came into my office with a smile on her face. She was dressed in a sharp-casual outfit that flattered her above average shape. "Have a seat."

"No thanks, I won't be here that long. I need to make sure I'm talking to the right man. Are you Jonathon Keiper?"

"Yes, and are you a process server?"

"Uh, yes. Were you expecting me? I usually get a harsher reaction when the person knows I'm coming."

"I wasn't sure today would be the day, but I've been expecting a notification of divorce for a while. I assume you have an envelope for me."

"Sorry, you got me off my game. Jonathon Keiper, you've been served." She laughed. "I've never seen anyone smile at me while I'm serving them before."

"I bet you have all kinds of stories about serving people. If you're not in a rush, have a seat. You've piqued my interest."

"Well, I don't have any more people to serve today. Sure, I'll chat for a while."

"Would you like something to drink?"

"A Mimosa would be nice." Again, the engaging smile.

"Sorry, soft drinks, coffee and tea are the only choices."

"Diet Mountain Dew?"

"No problem. Ms. Adcock? Would you mind getting Ms. Prescott a Diet Mountain Dew? I would go get one but I don't want to be rude and leave my guest by herself."

"Thank goodness you're letting me do at least one of my duties. You do so many things yourself that I should be doing you make me wonder if you're trying to see if you could do without me."

I figured that Ms. Prescott could tell this was normal playful banter between my secretary and me.

"Ms. Adcock, you know I couldn't do without you."

She smiled. "Do you want anything while I'm getting her soda?"

"A green tea would be nice. Hot please."

"Tea bag or Keurig?"

"Keurig."

Ms. Adcock left to the kitchen area.

"Now, Ms. Prescott, how was I supposed to have acted at the news of my pending divorce?"

"Usually, I get one of three responses. Either the person is stunned, and they say nothing. Sometimes it's denial, "No, it can't be." Most often, it's anger, often directed at me, with cries like "I'll kill that bitch or bastard!" I worry that one day one of the angry ones will really attempt to 'kill the messenger.'"

"My goodness, that must be scary. Do you carry any protection?"

"I used to carry pepper spray, but now I have a taser." Then there came a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "And of course, I always carry some condoms, just in case."

Knowing I had a jokester in front of me, I continued. "That's naughty, but practical. I would like to ask you how often you have to use the latter, but that would be indelicate."

"Being delicate was never my strong suit."

"I take it this job wasn't your first choice at career day in school, or are you still in school?"

"You're right about the career choice. I do this job to help support me while I go to paralegal school."

"I mean this to be a compliment and not a disparagement of your current occupation. My impression of you is that you could aspire to do better than a paralegal too."

"I want to go to school to eventually become a lawyer. I have high enough SAT scores to go to college just about anywhere, but my parents can't afford it. My father refuses to let me take out a student loan. My older sister is still living at home because she can't afford to pay back her student loan and rent a decent apartment. I was hoping to find a law firm that might want to help me go to college online and then send me to law school if I do a good job."

"No husband, boyfriend or sugar daddy to help support you?"

"Sugar daddy?" She switched to a fake Southern Belle accent, "Why Jon, what do you think I am?" He could see the twinkle again in her eye.

"I think you are a very pretty and intriguing young lady. I hope my comment didn't insult you. I just thought that anyone as bright and beautiful as you might have had some offers."

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I have." She leaned forward towards me which opened up more of her blouse and, therefore, cleavage. "I've never seriously considered any of them at least until now. Are you offering? Are you sure you will have that much money after the divorce?"

"I had enough warning to protect a significant part of my assets. I will have the money, but I am only offering a chance to get to know each other better at this point. I'll be busy for a couple of days handling the 'gift' you brought today. How about you meet me at a restaurant of your choice on Saturday night?"

"You're not going to pick me up?"

"I want you to feel comfortable in leaving if you don't like me."

"This is becoming more interesting as it goes along. I've never been to Mama G's Italian Garden. Is that okay? I hear it's the best in town."

"It is. Fine, 6:00?"

"I'll be there."

"Great. Just leave your card with my secretary."

"Why not just give them to you?"

I whispered, "So my wife might find out and be jealous. She pumps my secretary for gossip all the time."

"Oh, you sneaky man. I like you more already." She stopped before leaving, "In all seriousness, I hope you know I don't usually act this way when I first meet an attractive man."

Just before work ended, Ms. Adcock came into my office. "I overheard that YOUNG girl who served you with a divorce petition. Are you going to tell me what's going on with you and Jessie or are you going to leave me writhing in curiosity?"

"Jessie has been out of sorts for months. At first, I thought she might be having an affair. Lately, I've had the feeling that's she's been looking for an excuse to dump me so that I can be held as the bad guy and she can be the victim. According to the petition, I have supposedly committed adultery."

"Well, have you?"

"You would know, Ms. Adcock?"

"And just how would I know?"

"Because if I was going to have an affair, it would be with you." I grabbed her in my arms like I was going to kiss her and then I let go and left for the day with Ms. Adcock alternating between being angry and laughing.

I had already planned which motel I would stay in before finding an apartment. I took the extra set of toiletries and clothes I kept in my office to the motel. I figured on getting more clothes from the house tomorrow when my wife would be at work, assuming she hadn't changed the locks.

I was at my favorite drinking place when I got the first text from my wife. "Where are you? You're late for dinner. We need to talk." I thought that was odd given having been served the divorce papers earlier. It was kind of late to be asking to talk to me. Surely, she figured I might be upset and didn't want to come home. I ignored her.

An hour later I received, "When are you coming home? I have something important to discuss."

I turned my phone off and prepared for bed. When I awoke in the morning, I deleted all my calls from her. They went from "Where are you?" to "What is going on?"

I had arranged at work to go on a month's vacation right after I had my attorney file a counter divorce petition going for the normal even split. My assistant could handle things in my absence. We had very few vacancies for me to be dealing with. I used the time to get to know Kitty better.

After a couple of weeks, the texts from Jessie changed. "Jon, I am so sorry. Ms. Adcock told me you were served divorce papers. I called her after I got you counter-proposal. You weren't supposed to have been served yet. I was advised to have them ready to send, just in case, but somehow, they got sent early. I had wanted to talk to you first. It's probably just as well, I guess. The picture pretty much tells it all. You can forget about that even split stuff. With your adultery, I'll get a better deal than that."

I looked for a picture in my envelope. There was none. I didn't have to wonder about the picture for long. It seems like all our friends and family got the picture except me. My sister, Leona, was the one who sent me the picture. It showed me lovingly kissing a woman. Leona and I shared a laugh. The woman was well known to us. She was, Mary Margaret, our mother's best friend, our god-mother, and the woman who helped take care of mother in her final days fighting cancer. She had kissed us both on the lips since we were babies. We never thought anything of it. M&M, as we called her, was still a gorgeous woman even at 19 years my senior. I enjoyed imagining the embarrassment this would bring to Jessie.

Jessie's next text was, "I understand the picture of you kissing that slut has been distributed to all our friends. I think I know who sent the pictures, and I am going to talk to him about it. It was not supposed to have been done, but again, it doesn't make that much difference. Don't say the picture's a fake because I had it checked out with a forensic professional. It was taken just after you and she were seen coming out of the hotel. See you in court."

Before the court hearing, Jessie answered the door to see the woman from the picture standing in the doorway. She was startled. Mary Margaret asked to be let in. Jessie was evidently too stunned to protest and let her in. Mary Margaret handed Jessie a notice of lawsuit for libel and slander. She had had a computer expert track the source of the email to Jessie's laptop. For the libel, she had the picture of her and me kissing which was sent from Jessie's email had with the caption, 'This is my supposed faithful husband and his slut kissing after their afternoon quickie at the hotel.' For slander, she had my recording of Jessie's comment about my adultery with M&M."

"But I never . . ."

"Save it for the courtroom, honey. I want to thank you for helping my blood pressure. It's been too low for a while. Now that I'm riled up, it's back to normal. Let me warn you: I am a momma bear protecting her cub. I helped my best friend raise her two children, Jon and his sister. I've been kissing him on the lips since I changed his first diaper. To tell people that my god-son and I were having an affair more than disgusts me. We were seen coming out of the hotel because he came by to take me to lunch. I was staying there while visiting. I hadn't been back much since his mother's death.

"Oh well, I don't care how much my lawyers cost me. I will go after you for all you're worth. Money-wise that is. I doubt you're worth much as a person if you would stoop so low as to . . . Oh, never mind." Mary Margaret left a still-stunned Jessie standing in her wake.

I got a text from Jessie soon after Mary Margaret informed me of her visit to see Jessie. "Jon, I think I've made a terrible mistake. I let someone else give me some bad advice and make some decisions he thought were best for me. I am dropping the divorce and begging you to come home. We have a lot to talk about. I have a ton of apologizing to do. I know we can find a way to be happy together again. Please give me another chance."

I finally responded. "Who told you they saw me and Mary Margaret coming out of the hotel? Who took the picture? Who gave you the advice and made the decisions for you? I bet it's the same person." Jessie didn't reply. I knew why.

After she was too afraid to reply, I filled in the gap. "I already know that Blake is the culprit. He has been after you for a long time although you kept denying it. I also assume he received the reward he was looking for. At least that's what he is telling everyone at the Sportsman Bar and Grill. I am not stopping my divorce petition. The 50/50 split is fair. I'm sure Blake will still be interested in you, but his wife might not be so receptive to an even split. She didn't sound happy when I played the tape of Blake's bragging on his conquest of you. See you in court."

The barrage of pleas from her to stop the divorce and forgive her continued for days in slowly decreasing volume. I replied to none. I hoped she had finally given up.

The hearing came. Her lawyer made it clear that Jessie felt she had been tricked and, therefore, was not responsible for the actions of her pursuer. She wanted counseling to restore her happy marriage. My lawyer was about to object when I interrupted. "Jessie, I might be interested if you can answer one question for me while taking a lie detector test: Did you and Blake have sex before or after the petition or both?" The look on her face made the statement for her.

She answered, "I've told him I never want to see him again. He is no longer a threat to our marriage."

"Never mind. No counseling will repair your betrayal."

"But he tricked me."

"You ALLOWED yourself to be tricked. A wife who loved me would have asked me about the picture first instead of automatically believing a man you have known for years was trying to get into your panties."

Jessie just sat and cried. Finally, she instructed her lawyer to agree to my terms. Just then, Kitty walked in. She apologized for being late and came to sit next to me. Jessie asked, "Who is this?"

I smiled and said, "This is my girlfriend, Kitty Prescott. We have you to thank for getting us together."

"Me? I've never met her before in my life."

"She's the woman who served me your petition for divorce. If it had been any other time, the petition would have been given to someone else. It was fate. We hit it off and found we enjoy each other's company."

"But's she's just a girl."

Never one to pass on an open invitation for sarcasm I said, "I'm pretty sure she is, but I haven't found out for sure."

Kitty spoke out, "If the paperwork has all been signed, he's about to find out."

"You're try to tell me you two haven't had sex yet."

Kitty again spoke up, "We're not telling you jack. It's none of your business anymore. You threw him away. I picked him up. He has this weird concept of morals that a married person shouldn't have sex with someone other than his or her spouse until they are divorced. I don't guess you ever heard of that."

Turning to me, Kitty asked, "So, where will it be: Hawaii or Costa Rica?"

"Why not both? One week in Hawaii and one week in Costa Rica."

Jessie blurted out, "Those are places we were supposed to go to. I wouldn't have cheated on him if he hadn't . . . " She realized her mistake before she could complete the sentence. She went back to crying.

We sold the house and split the profits. Jessie had enough funds to start over in a new apartment near her office. Blake was fired after I told their boss the story. Jessie was allowed to keep her job as I was able to convince him that Blake had seduced her and lied to her. That greatly reduced the alimony I would have to have paid. As long as I didn't sue, he was more than glad to oblige. Blake's wife took him back with a long post-nup and a short leash. I came very close to buying her a cock cage.

It was several months before we happened to see Jessie. She and we were shopping at the mall. She recognized us, smiled, and was about to wave when suddenly she ran away crying. Kitty asked, "I wonder what was wrong with her."

"I don't know. Let's hurry up and finish up the shopping for new maternity clothes. The ones you have now don't fit anymore. Our son is going to be huge."