All Comments on 'He Knew'

Congratulations on your first.

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Some might say that you shouldn't post until you have something specific to say. I would disagree; while your post gave no names, no documented sex and no dialogue, it still packed a punch to the gut. It was definitely vague, but it was like looking at a cheated-on husband and seeing only a dark, amorphous cloud where a face and personality should be.

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However effective your vague story is, I still don't like it. It effectively portrays the husband as a weakling with his emotional growth stunted by his wife's unfaithfulness. Sure, he loved a flawed woman deeply, but he knew from the start that she would never give him a profitable return on his emotional investment.

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I had a prof in my freshman English class who used to say "Always change a losing game." Does God or some higher power give awards for squandering your love on a cheater who has no intention of loving you back?

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I'm usually a Reconciliation freak but this couple never actually reconciled after the first affair. Reconciliation means far more than just refusal e to divorce.

Congrats on your first story. Here are a few observations offered in the spirit of helpfulness. I found that the short, choppy prose distracted from the ideas you were trying to convey. Once in a while a quick jab to make a point, sure, but a steady diet broke the flow. Also, I never got a sense of the characters as people, only as disconnected, amorphous entities drifting through life. There was action only in the sense that nothing much happened, only a gradual decline. Anyway, keep writing. See you next time.

Without dialogue, it is difficult to embrace the characters in a story. You can use words like love or passion in your prose, but without getting to “know” the characters the reader feels less emotion and connection. The wife is clearly just another narcissist and the husband’s love turns him into a masochist, However, it is revealed to the reader with the passion of a police report. Good luck on your subsequent works.

An interesting first story. But when we write a story it needs to come alive, to be vibrant. Dialogue matters. We need to know more, too. Their daughter, the children of her lover, for example.

I felt this was more of a very detailed outline than a story. I feel you should write this again, but addressing the issues I have raised.

Rawest emotions. Deeply sad. thanks

I really enjoyed this . . . sad . . . but realistic.

I liked it. It’s spare and impersonal, like their marriage. You could crowd it with more detail, but that wouldn’t necessarily make it better. A fine first outing; now give us something meatier to compare and contrast.

Not that bad of a story and very realistic. We occasionally need a taste of pseudo-intellectualism.

rough

Very raw & sad.

A commendable first attempt.

Dialogue would give it more meat.

You could consider writing a more expanded version with dialogue & details

You can’t trust any woman. They can lie better than men, they will stay wit you for 40 years without intimacy or love. Just so their rotting holes don’t need to work. They cheat daily and laugh while judges reward them. Never marry fellas. Never marry

Hmm. When he asked himself if he would be better off with her than without her ... He chose poorly. Why would he accept a part-time wife? Be rid of her and find true love, or at least live independently.

This reads as if it was an outline for a longer and more detailed story.

gibberish unreadable try again

Could have used dialogue

What the absolute stream of consciousness crap was this? I would tell you but you knew already. Even before you wrote the story you knew. You knew this was dumb. You knew this was senseless. Just like he knew. Now, we know too. There isn't anything that we need to know now, because we now know what we knew when you knew we knew. Sorry, I seem to have displaced my appreciation for knowing not to read new stories about what I knew before you knew to write it. Now you know.

Boring drivel!

@Rw43 expressed my thoughts very well. Congratulations on your first. There is something there and you expressed it. I look forward to your next. Thank you.

I didn’t want to like this …. Who gets enjoyment reading about someone wasting 30 years of their life in a loveless marriage….. but then again… what a wonderful little insight into what is probably an accurate reflection of middle class America…..

Well done, a very good read. Keep writing

You could be describing my marriage...to an extent. I doubt she's taken a lover, but there exists a subtle underlying contempt from her. She's a roommate who doesn't contribute to household expenses, but keeps her small practice open at a breakeven level. I subsidize her trivial business and keep her in a fashion to which she's become accustomed. She can no longer see into my heart, and that is good. I hugged a pretty blond nurse today, with bright blue eyes filled with admiration...a pleasant hug filled with promise.

Very Rough Sounds like an extract from a police notebook (jaybee186)

This pathetically vague story is just plain sad. Why did he stay with a wife who had absolutely no love for him. She cheated on him, probably several times. After their daughter was born, she said it was his but was it really his??? She was never fully involved into the marriage, he gave her love, she didn't reciprocate. There are more discrepancies and unanswered questions. He's a sad little man who wasted his time, his self, and his love on an unemotional uncaring cheating slut. He needed to put a bullet into his brain because, I feel, that no one cares if he lived or died by the way the story is written... Quit while you're behind or learn from these upcoming comments which will help you to see where you can improve your technique and writing skills.

Surprised this isn't scoring higher. Yes he's weak, and she's shallow. But they are both selfish, although expressing it differently.

This story reminds of NTH's "I Know My Wife".

Good start, please keep writing.

I don't mean to be unkind, but simply straightforward: it was too tedious even to finish.

And a wife who has an affair 4 months after marriage? Not 4 years, 4 months?

No one in his right mind would stay with that. What follows will certainly be more pain.

What a waste of a marriage. How can he be sure that the daughter was really his? They were both cowards who should have moved on after the first time.

Wow, It was awful. Like really really bad.

The usual trope. The slut and the martyr.

And it is mostly his fault.

Did I say awful?

Please don't do this again.

Like never. Please!

Has this been written by AI?

Sorry just could not finish reading this crap, it seems to be written by a robot.

It's a good story in terms of reminding one not to put too much stock in a woman. No one ever benefited from completely dissolving in a partner. Don't forget yourself, cause you are the only one who you'll be with forever

Please learn to write in flowing english grammer before posting anything else

Thanks

Lots of internal angst quite well done but the only thing that springs to mind is, I bet he wishes he dumped her the first time. But instead he’s looking back on a wasted life. The only thing he has to show for a miserable marriage is a daughter who has now flown the nest.

Harping on about loneliness seems to occupy his time now, being alone is a physical condition, being lonely is a mental state that can be alleviated by getting your head out of your ass, suck it up and say good riddance to the cheating bitch and move on.

I would comment that neither of your characters were attractive or interesting. Having no redeeming features, as in life, people dont care and therefore your story wont catch interest. Others have made good comments so I'll leave it at that.

Liked your style of writing but your pathetic character killed any relationship the reader could build with him. He was just starting to become human when the story ended.

Another slut and cuck story and the author is right he most certainly has no pride.

loved/hated it, Why, because it is too close to home.

I enjoyed it. To me it read more like a poem than a story.

Sorry to have to say this, but you really need this feedback. This reads like a summary or a plot outline. You TELL us all these things but you never SHOW us the events. If you were writing about World War 2, it would be: “One time, a country invaded another country. Lots of people died. It was awful. Finally the war was over. The end.” There are no characters here, you couldn’t even be bothered to name them. There is no dialog at all. There are statements that they felt emotions but there are no emotions actually being experienced.

Now take this outline and go flesh it out into an actual story.

Nothing new in this "Cucking Wives" category, just the usual cuck line using a brainless sheep husband and a "smart" slut wife.

The basic premise of this story is fine. However your style of writing, meant that there was no real flow of the story. It was almost as if each paragraph was a series of bullet points. Things listed, one after the other. Then attempting to tell a story by further paragraphs of bullet points. The readers need to feel "involved" in the story.

Writing this way means there is no emotion: no real involvement. For that you need an actual Point of View. To have dialogue. To talk and discuss. To explain feelings and what the thinking is.

Sadly, all of that was missing. This simply became an "outline" of a story that then required to be "filled in". Many writers do this as an outline, to give direction to a story. Then go back and complete the detail. That is what this story needs. Cheers.

What on earth is the point of this story and why don't. you put some tags on what you write? Idiot sissy wimp who is stupid enough to stay with a cheating skank slut and you expect the reader to connect with this loser emotionally? He is a pathetic joke who should have kicked the cunt to the curb long ago. He doesn't love her, he's co- dependent because he has no character or backbone. He didn't stand up to a selfish whore bitch, so he got what he deserved.

Interesting delivery, I liked it, but it needs more emotion, so I didn't love it. Dialog perhaps. Maybe it's more that I really disliked both characters. He was fairly pathetic, she was a narcissistic be-aatch. But good first offering.

Why would anybody want to feel depressed by reading this crap?

A rating of 2.8 and 2 followers. That's all I needed to see to avoid wasting time on another unproven wannabe.

Very sad. Too personal as well.

Where do I begin? To be blunt, this lacks every single element necessary to create a good story.

1: No character development. The characters have no names, no personalities -- nothing.

2: No plot -- just a random sequence of sentences.

3: No conflict.

4: No climax -- and I don't mean in the sexual sense. There is no real tension brought on my the conflict.

5: No resolution, The two morons in this story just plod along.

You need to study the great writers on this site: StangStar06, JimBob44, saddletramp1956, dtiverson, qhml1. Look at how they develop their characters, create conflict in the plot, raise the tension in the plot and resolve it.

Very well written

First time attempt not bad, as a reader however it's hard to read this as written from a 3rd point of view, but using the person as 1st point rather than an outside view, this makes reading stories like this difficult which causes lack of interest.

Like others have commented already it lacked depth, always skimming across the surface of each word or action. I have only seen this written like this once before and it was by a famous author who alas is now deceased, she used this form to set the scene for what was to follow, an outline of what was to come, alas yours doesn’t have anything to follow it making it hollow and swallow in writing.

deep and depressing. I honestly am very glad I do not know anyone who would live like that. A separation is so much better for the soul. I know folks who did divorce and remained friendly. It hurts less when you do not see the person you love yet cannot have each and every day. Not knowing is better than seeing her come home from her lover.

"Ironically, he only has trust." - How can he trust her under these conditions?

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"His love for her was as pure as hers but he had obligations." - So does she, but she's not letting that stop her.

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Good outline for a story. It's like you put down bullet points for what you wanted to say, but never actually said them.

It was nicely written but the MC was too weak and spineless to be capable of eliciting a sympathetic reaction from me and his wife was a manipulative, conniving bitch in the guise of a new age hippy chick. It's a wonder that she didn't just move her boyfriend in and make hubby sleep in a kennel in the back yard.

JR

It’s like a fart without a noise, just smell.

Captcha

Totally agree with PostScriptor. Story needed to be fleshed out with dialogue.

Hooked

Format of this story sucks. No emotion in the writing. It’s like a 4th party is reciting the basics of what transpires and has no buy in to the relationship or in this case lack there of . BORING and lack buy in by the writer.

Interesting.

It was dry, unimaginative and uninspired, like their marriage. You delivered his side while leaving her as unfathomable as still waters. How could she be in love only 4 months after getting married? Why get married at all if she only felt….blasé about it?

A well written first effort.

Nicely written. This voluntary loneliness is probably way more common for married men than anyone knows. No one should stay in a situation (it’s only a relationship when both parties are involved) where they are the only one committed to it.

Why? Why after being married 4 months she cheats and he accepts it. How sad and weak must you make him? So many writers make husbands spineless and meek. He would have divorced her and moved on while he was young. Clearly your wife character is a selfish and awful partner. Why wait to dump the narcissist? Stop making men so pathetic and unable to go on without their terrible and vile wife. Nonsense

Was their daughter even his?

The staccato delivery of numerous three and four word sentences quickly grew tiresome. For example: "A daughter. She is perfect. In all respects. They raise her together. Partners. Life partners." It gave your story a robotic, rather than an emotional feel.

Sad and afraid to do the right thing for himself or her... ask her to leave or leave himself.

In the end, he left it too late for both of them.... Such is life.

Fascinating. Five stars

And, Postscriptor, it does not. It is exactly what it is.

You got your point across in a bare bones way. Decent story.

I thought this was an interesting synopsis of a marriage. Certainly not for most, because many readers seem to prefer to read passively, relying on emotional cues to get them to the resolution. Instead the writing was completely devoid of any emotion, leaving the reader to actively move through the narrative, while providing their own emotional content. I wouldn't want a steady diet of such stories, but I found it refreshing.

This one is spot on!

Very good. Most stories on this site are first person. It is refreshing to find a third person story. You touch some heartstrings within my own experience and I appreciate that. Keep up the good work.

Ed

No story just desertion too sad with no ending

Too bad he didn’t dump her cheating ass on their 6 month anniversary!!! Unfortunately the husband is portrayed as weak and unable to make the decisions he should. The wife is so spiritually weak she falls apart and seeks out other men whenever there is a crisis (deaths of brother and father). Yes, they have been together for a long time, but he still has years he could devote to someone who he could love and would love him back! Part 2, please!!!

This is quite good.

Different. But quite good.

This is the most poorly written story I have ever read.

Very interestingly presentation! 5 stars.

Soo fucking boooooooring

He is weak, so what else do you need to know? She's a cheating whore? So what? He enables and facilitates her whoring; he finances it and through silence condones it. He got what he married, he chooses to stay married, so he deserves what he gets. He loves her? An addict loves his drugs. His love is poison. This is how that end of the bell-shaped curve lives, and dies.

Phoenix! 5

Didn't care for the story. Two stars.

MC didn't love him self anywhere near enough. Or was just too afraid and allow her to use him as a lifetime safety net instead of putting on his big boy pants and walking away.

Unsure of the story. However, I appreciate the fact that you had the desire to post your story, and did. Some will comment harshly, but accept it with a blind eye. Just accept what you want, and continue your writing. I always end with "STAY SAFE" as I got COVID 2 years ago at Christmas time and infected members of my family. Again Stay safe.

The average reader wants the husband to be Rambo.

This situation is not fiction, because it is closer to reality for many men in this situation. No navy seals, secret government work, or connections with the mob. Just reality. Life is rarely fair, and the bad guy often wins.

4 stars. A good first work.

Much more of a weak wimp story that left so much hanging?

Not an enjoyable read.

Also, please work on both your grammar and punctuation! It would help your stories immensely and be more satisfying for your readers.

Didn’t like it. Two stars ⭐️.

Such poor writing style. And stupid plot - if you know, you leave.

Interesting. I'll keep an eye out for your next offering.

I really don’t think you can take a collection of declarative sentences and call it a story. This reads like a crime scene report.

It caught the isolation and abandonment of a lo

ve that slowly died. 5 stars

I guess the story illustrates a deeply dysfunctional marriage. The husband was portrayed as a very unlikable, pathetic, and insecure man, willing to accept disrespect and open neglect in exchange for some dubious company and the delusional hope that his wife at some point loves him back. She shines as a narcissistic, selfish, and cheating wife, representing today's feminist crop of the society. I guess this is a marriage in name only. Trustfully, I didn't enjoy reading the story or liked the plot. Thanks for the effort.

It takes a very good writer to make stream of consciousness work; see James Joyce. An average writer's attempt at stream of consciousness sounds like childish babble.

A tragic situation for him. For her, who gives a shit?

The fact that I too experienced those emotions of the husband as I read this tale is indicative of a special story. 5 stars from me.

Why should I care about a guy that doesn't care about himself? If it were depression, sure, I'd care and want him to get help. But this is a self-imposed decision on his part to stay. He isn't a victim of abuse, not a victim of psychological illness, just a weak man who couldn't find the strength to leave before it was much, much too late.

" She still wants to live with him."

Tough shit for her. If all he is to her is a meal ticket, then she deserves to be tossed out on the street with the rest of the low-rent whores.

The feeling jumps off the page if you are able to relate to the words.

Also, it gets at the sad and lonely emotional life of people who use sex as a distraction.

This goes for man or woman , why settle for someone who doesn’t love you and fucks others. Why not divorce as soon as she or he wants open marriage? Why then have kids to be attached to a person forever if you didn’t have kids already when you found out? Finally why not just move on and find a person to love you as much as you love them?