Heart in Darkness

I had to grin a little because my brother seemed to take his time and actually picked out panties and bras he liked. It seemed like that, but he might have just been taking his time groping all my underwear.

That's what that little, pervy part of my brain hoped anyway.

"In my closet there are some sweaters. There's a dark blue one, and a tan one. Find those and bring them here."

I heard the click of metal hangers as they bumped each other, and wondered how my brother felt rummaging in my closet, and wondered if a little part of him felt like he was violating me.

I held my hand's out, palms up, when he returned, and he put a pile of sweaters in them.

The ones I wanted had almost the same texture, ribbed and not very thick, but the blue one the ribbing came in pairs with slightly more distance between the sets of ribs. He got this right, so I put them on the pile with my jeans and underwear.

"Rae, you only have one pair of jeans."

"I know, but Thursday we're going straight to the airport to fly home. I want you to have something that isn't a flight attendant to look at on the airplane, so those jeans are not gonna be some Mom picked out.

"In the back of my closet are two big suitcases. Bring those and put them on the bed. They're full, so don't expect them to be light. There's a leather carry-on bag and a small pull-behind suitcase that actually are empty, so bring those too."

I felt my secret stash of cute clothes move the bed when they landed, followed in a minute by what I assumed were the two empty bags we were going to fill up shortly for our trips.

"My jeans and stuff can go in the carry-on. When you're done with that, one of the suitcases has tops, skirts, and pants in it. The other one has dresses and underwear. Pick out a pair of jeans to put in the carry-on and what you want me to wear Sunday, Monday, and Friday."

"Yes, ma'am," Dan chuckled.

"When I find out what you pick for me to wear, I'll tell you what underwear I want to go with it."

"It can't be a surprise, Rae?"

Dan sounded disappointed, and not sarcastically disappointed, but for real.

"Okay, Dan," I had to giggle. "If you feel like carrying all those suitcases and my carry-on with us today, then it can all be a surprise for me, at home, our new home."

"Those suitcases are going eventually anyway, Rae."

My brother sounded triumphant, and I loved that tone in his voice, so I didn't even quibble about the fact that I hadn't agreed to move in with him. He probably knew as much as I did that was just a formality that probably would never happen.

####

"Do we have everything?"

We had just gotten situated in my car, parked in the driveway of our childhood home.

Raven half turned in the passenger seat and pretended to look in the backseat.

"Hmm, I don't see anything you've forgotten," she giggled.

I heard Boston's tail slap against the back seat in anticipation of getting a bit of attention. He wasn't disappointed.

"Of course you don't. If we forgot it, it wouldn't be back there, so you couldn't see it."

"Yeah, true, but I couldn't see it even if it were back there. We have both my suitcases and my carry-on, right?"

"Yep."

"Did you pack, and is it in the car?"

"Probably."

"That's helpful. I'm ready if you are, and if you're not, that's not my problem."

I glanced at the center console as I shifted into reverse. My insulated travel mug of coffee was nestled into the cup holder next to Raven's. She had Earl Grey in hers.

I felt giddy as I pulled away from the house and started our trip to Cincinnati. I didn't know if it was because my sister was with me and I was seeing her now in a whole new light, or if I was excited because she was coming with me to Cincinnati, or because moving and being an adult was actually happening.

Even wrapped in a knee-length, black wool coat, I knew she had changed from her white sweater, black mini-skirt, and tights while I was packing and loading our luggage into my car.

She still had on her Mary Janes, but the tights she had on were white now, and ribbed, and I recognized the brown, mid-calf skirt I could see covering her knees and half of her shins. I didn't have the heart to tell her that her black shoes didn't really go with her brown skirt, but since they didn't really look bad, she probably just liked them enough to not care.

Her coat and the white, fuzzy, stocking cap looked new, and I didn't remember seeing them before. I wondered if Karen had picked those out for her too, because the slim body beneath it was readily apparent, and she looked tiny in it, and very sexy.

We had only traveled a few blocks when Raven turned the radio on and found a station playing soft rock music. That's what she liked to listen to, but I liked stuff with more of a metal edge.

"I get to pick the music," she announced, then unbuttoned her coat and wiggled her arms out of the sleeves, but left it between her back and the seat.

I took the opportunity at the next stop light to get a better look at my sister.

I recognized not just the skirt she wore, but also the button up shirt. The way she had misused the buttons on both radically changed how they looked on her.

I quickly counted four unbuttoned buttons on her shirt instead of the normal none, or occasionally one. I could even see part of her caramel brown bra, including the band between the cups.

The skirt that I had seen her wear many times had buttons up the front from bottom to top, and came to about the middle of her calves. It was very modest, normally. Today though, most of the buttons had been ignored, and the skirt was split and most of it, now that she had her coat off, rested on the seat. What I thought were white tights were actually above-the-knee, white socks, and my view of most of her slender, pale thighs was completely unobstructed.

I think probably if just two more buttons had been left undone, I would have seen her panties.

She slowly crossed her legs and half-heartedly pushed one side of her skirt across a knee, but it didn't stay.

The quick beep behind us informed me the light had changed, so I accelerated away from the intersection.

"I would never dream of denying anything your heart desires, Dan, but if this is a problem, I can put my coat back on."

"What do you mean, Rae?"

"You need to concentrate on the road for the next two hours. What can I do to help you?"

"We could listen to something that isn't going to put me to sleep."

"I meant do I need to put my coat back on so you can watch the road?"

"No, Rae. I can behave."

"It's not going to be nearly as much fun living together if it's in the cemetery."

It kind of took the dark edge off what she said when she giggled afterwards, but I understood.

It was going to be tough to not look though.

I glanced back in the mirror. Boston was standing up, moving in a circle in the back seat. He had done that several times already, and I felt bad for the poor guy. He never really fussed in the car, but I could tell he didn't like it.

"Apartment or house?" Raven asked without slowing the movement of her fingers back and forth on her reader.

"Condo. Three beds, two baths. Typical."

"Condo? Does that mean we're going to own it eventually once the bank gets paid?"

"Um, well, Rae..."

"You're not trying to say you don't want me involved with that, are you, Dan?"

"No, but I hadn't really thought about it."

"I haven't given you a chance to think about it, have I?"

"I didn't even know you were going to agree to live with me until this morning."

"I still haven't."

I think my heart stopped, but then she laughed pretty hard.

"You never thought I would even entertain the idea of living anywhere but with you, did you, little brother?"

"I didn't know, Rae. You did make me promise to take you to Europe as payment for moving in together."

"Collateral damage, Dan."

"That's fair. As far as the bank goes, well, the condo belongs to one of the partners at my new job. He's been renting it out for years, but was thinking of selling it, so he offered it to me with owner financing. Three thousand down and three thousand a month, rent to own. At the end of two years I need to get financing and buy it. All the rent I pay over those two years goes toward the purchase as a down payment."

I could see out of the corner of my eye that Raven stopped reading and started typing.

She didn't type very long, then she put her machine on the seat next to her and turned her body toward me.

"That's perfect. When we buy it, it won't be a hassle to add me to the deed or loan."

It took all the concentration I could muster to keep my eyes on the road instead of my sister's bare legs, just across the console from me.

My phone alerted for a new text message, so I glanced down at it on the console between me and Raven.

The new text on my lockscreen said "Zelle: Raven Tipton sent you $3,000.00."

"Raven, what's that?"

"Three thousand a month is more than I would have thought, but since it's really like putting it in the bank I'm not going to complain too much about it. That was my half of the deposit and one month's rent."

"You know, to buy a house, the buyers need good credit scores. Right?"

I didn't know much about credit and getting loans, but had done a little research on home buying, so I knew that.

"Yeah. What's yours?"

"Seven hundred three."

I probably sounded a little proud of that.

"You're going to work on it in the next two years though, right, Dan?"

I know I scowled at that comment, but since she couldn't see me, I didn't think it was a big deal.

"I am. I have a plan."

I really thought that score was decent for a twenty-four year old guy about to start his first professional job.

"I can help," my sister offered, to my surprise.

"What's yours, dear sister."

I'm pretty sure my scowl was showing then, even without her seeing it.

"Last I checked, eight-ten to eight-twenty, depending on what credit bureau you look at."

"When was the last time you checked?" I asked incredulously.

"This morning. I check almost every day, to make sure nothing fishy is going on."

I hadn't checked mine since before I signed the lease on the condo, and I only checked then to see what my chances of finding a good rental were, and they weren't all that great with that credit score. In fact, that credit score would normally only get me a livable rental, not a nice one.

I didn't even know there was more than one credit bureau.

"Well, it's supposed to raise my score when I start paying rent and utility bills every month on time," I tried to defend my pathetic score compared to Raven's and prove I have a plan.

"You should probably get your own phone account instead of using Mom and Dad's. Or I could add a line for you on mine, but I have a really important question now," she sighed and rested the back of her head against the headrest.

The one about my credit score was stressful enough for me. I almost dreaded what a really important question would do for me, and the fact my sister has her own phone account kind of surprised me.

"Are we there yet?" she sighed, then giggled.

"You're in luck! I've been circling the block for an hour waiting for you to notice."

"Liar," she giggled at me.

"I, um, I think Boston needs a potty break."

Boston raised his head and thumped his tail on the seat at the mention of his name.

I didn't think Boston really needed a potty break; Raven probably needed one.

"Rest area coming up in..."

"Two miles," Raven interrupted me.

"Three," I corrected her.

"Slow poke," she insulted me with a laugh.

The fact that Boston's leash was on him and Raven had her coat and hat on at least a mile before the exit confirmed that it was, in fact, Raven wanting out of the car. Not that Boston didn't want out, because he always wanted out of a moving car.

I got out of the car and stretched. It wasn't warm outside, but for early December in Ohio, it wasn't bad at all. When I turned around, Raven and Boston were already making a beeline for the pet walking area, but as I watched Raven's cute little butt, I saw Boston slow then stop completely.

Two children, a boy and a girl about eight or nine, were approaching them, taking up the whole sidewalk. It looked like they were talking while they looked right at Raven.

I hurried.

"Is that your server dog, miss?" the boy asked just as I got within earshot.

"Service dog, dumb dumb," the girl scolded him.

I knew they were brother and sister by the sister's comment, but they looked really close in age.

"Service dog, whatever," the boy told his sister before looking back at Raven.

I was behind her, so I couldn't tell what her expression was, but she leaned down closer to them.

"Yes, he is. How did you know?"

"Can we pet him?" the boy asked.

Boston looked nervous. He seemed to know people weren't supposed to bother him when he was working. He put up with it if he had to, but I could tell he didn't like it.

"He's working right now, but if you let me take his leash off, it will be okay to pet him then," Raven explained.

Both kids nodded, which made me chuckle just a little bit.

"Boston, sit."

Raven found his collar and unhooked his leash.

"Boston, stay."

Immediately he was relaxed and his tail started wagging to beat the band.

The boy patted his head, then scratched his ears while the girl looked up at Raven and Boston covered the boy's face with licks.

"I'm Sarah, and this is Jimmy. We're twins."

"I'm Raven, and this is Dan. We're twins, too."

"Wow. Are you blind?" Sarah asked.

"I am, Sarah."

"Dan's not though. He was driving," Sarah announced.

"How did Jimmy know Boston is my service dog?"

"I knew too. I just didn't get to ask before he butted in."

"Okay," Raven laughed, "How did you two know about service dogs?"

Sarah was taking her turn petting and getting dog kisses from Boston, so Jimmy answered for his sister.

"Miss Richardson, she's the music teacher at our school and she's blind. Her service dog looks like yours, except hers is yellowish like colored, and Miss Richardson teaches everybody in her classes how to act around server, I mean serving dogs."

"Service," Sarah corrected him again, still petting Boston.

"I hope you two like Miss Richardson and are nice to her," Raven told her.

"I do. We are. She sings really pretty," Sarah responded. She was done with Boston now, and he sat quietly, except for his tail, at Raven's side.

"But Jimmy loves her."

"Do not!"

"Jimmy and Miss Richardson sittin' in a tree, k-i-s..."

"DO NOT!" Jimmy screamed, and Boston jumped a little.

Jimmy reached out and pinched his sister on the arm hard. She shrieked and ran off yelling for their mother with Jimmy in hot pursuit.

Raven got a good laugh out of that before she clipped Boston's leash to his collar.

"Can you get my cane out of the car, Dan? I really need to pee, and so does Boston. We'll meet you inside, then I can manage with my cane while you take Boston for a walk."

####

"Are you okay, Rae?"

We had ridden in silence for several minutes after we got back on the road, and she had simply leaned her head back against her headrest with her eyes closed.

"Mmhmm. How long's it been since you talked to Karen?"

I knew, in the back of my mind, that Karen and I weren't close like we were as kids. I knew Raven was though. She occasionally went out with her, mostly in the afternoons.

It wasn't as one would expect after the breakup of a year-long romantic relationship either. We drifted apart sometime in the middle of our college careers. I kind of assumed that a large part of that was because of the time taken with my basketball schedule, and maybe Karen's disdain for cheerleaders.

"I don't really know. I invited her to my graduation, but I didn't see her there, or get a response to the invite."

"Yeah, she was a little preoccupied at the time. She had her baby in June."

Maybe it's a guy thing when he hears that a woman he had sex with, even once, has a baby. His mind does the math, no matter how absurd it might be. Six years would either guarantee the baby isn't his, or it was the longest human gestation in history.

"She had a baby?"

"Yep. A beautiful little girl, they say. They say she looks just like her mom, too."

"I didn't know. Is she, um..."

"Yeah, you probably didn't know she got married the winter after we graduated from college. I was her maid of honor, but you said you were busy that weekend when I asked if you wanted to go to a wedding with me."

"She's married? Two years now? I had no idea. Maybe it's been longer than I thought."

"She lives in Cincinnati now, too."

"Really? With..."

"Yeah, of course, with her husband. Christian."

"Good for her."

"I'm thinking we should have them over for dinner, Dan."

"This week?"

"No," Raven laughed. "This week is a staycation for us, except for the going to California thing in the middle of it.

"You do realize we're going to be living in Cincinnati by next weekend, right?"

Part of me did realize that was probably true, but it felt so surreal to the rest of me.

"Before Mom and Dad are back from Phoenix?"

"I'll text them once we're moved in so they won't expect us to be there when, and if, they get back," Raven laughed.

I had to laugh with her.

"Are you really going to suddenly escalate this with them, Rae?"

"What are they gonna do? Kick me out?"

"Yeah, I don't see that ever happening, but especially not if you don't even live there."

Raven sat quietly for a few minutes, but she seemed to be thinking instead of just relaxing like she had been.

"I'm scared, Dan."

"You're scared? Of what?"

Of course, my mind made up a list of things she might be scared of.

"Finding out I'm really as boring and invisible as I think I am."

That wasn't on my list of possibilities.

"You're not boring, and definitely not invisible, Rae. Why would you even think that?"

"'Cause I am. You're my brother so you don't think that, but I know the truth."

"The truth, huh? What about those kids at the rest area? You weren't invisible to them, and they felt safe enough with you and that you might be interesting enough to talk to you even though you're a stranger. This new, secret identity you've let out today definitely makes you highly visible, and I really like it."

"I hope you're right, Dan."

She apparently didn't want to talk about it anymore. She leaned over, turned the radio up, then leaned back and closed her eyes again.

####

"So far, so good. It smells nice here. Are we there?"

We were in the lobby of our new building, waiting for the elevator to take us up to our condo.

"Not quite yet. We live on the fourth floor, so we're waiting on the elevator.

"Poor Boston. You're going to make him ride on an elevator?"

"Does he hate elevators?"

The bell dinged, and the doors opened. Boston didn't even hesitate; he moved toward the inside, but Raven looked reluctant.

"There's buttons on each side of the door," I told her as I reached for and pushed the 4 .

She reached out and grabbed a handful of my coat sleeve when the car started to move.

I could see her knuckles, clutching my coat, turn white.

"Okay, it's not Boston that hates them, Dan. I just haven't needed to ride in elevators very often and I'm not used to it. I'll get used to it though, I swear," she told me through clenched teeth.

Her grip didn't loosen until we came to a stop at our floor and the doors opened.

"Are the buttons Braille?"

"Of course. That was the first thing I looked for when I came to look at it. That was a deal breaker, or they would have had to install new panels if I really wanted to live here."