Heartbreak under the Neon Light

Molly paused, looking at the still dumbstruck look on Jenna's face.

"Where am I going with this? Well, you don't spend years with a person without getting to notice a thing or two about them, how they act, how they talk. Around women you have always been so carefree and open. Guys too, but you're never totally relaxed around them. Some of the guys at the bar," Molly motioned towards some of the regulars sitting at the stools," have kinda taken to calling you 'ace'. Ever wonder why?" Molly asked, her eyebrow raised in question.

"Um-" Jenna faltered, words not coming forth. She had never heard this before.

"We have seen you," Molly explained with a sigh," time and again shoot down man after man when they came a-callin'. At least when you started high school. Middle school for you was a nightmare for me. I had to chase away too many boys, and I was glad you came to your senses, but all I am saying is this has been your pattern for a while. At first, I'll admit we were worried about you. Weren't we, Ed!?" Molly said this last part loud enough to startle Ed at the bar, who seemed perturbed slightly to have his attention diverted from his reading of the latest Reader's Digest.

"Yes, ma'am," Ed replied slowly, taking a slow draw out of his ever-present calabash pipe and returning his gaze to the pages. Molly rolled her eyes, gesturing with a sausage thumb towards her husband. Jenna giggled despite her sore mood.

"We had looked forward to you going off with a nice man and getting yourself married with kids. We sincerely wished that for you. We never considered the alternatives, and that you were lesbian. Not until you came home from Prom crying over a girl leaving you alone, not a boy. Though the clues were there beforehand, we never had it so obviously put out in front of us until that night."

"That was over two years ago. Why didn't you say something then?" Jenna asked, curious.

"Like I said before, much for the same reason as you. I wasn't ready to speak about it, and I did not know how you would react to me bringing it up. I've never been a cowardly woman, Jenna. I call bullshit when I hear it, I call out stupidity when I see it, and I'm not scared of giving anybody a piece of my mind whether they want it or not. It's not the best way to endear yourself to somebody, I guess. I had you to raise after all, so being the shy woman was not exactly in your best interest. All of my young 'uns had left the house already and you were like a fresh start for me. Raising four boys is one thing. I had gotten used to that. Raising a girl, well let me say I wanted to get it right. You haven't turned out so bad either, if I say so myself."

Jenna laid her head against Molly's shoulder, sniffling.

"It was all thanks to you. You did a good job with me." Jenna said softly. She heard, rather than saw, Molly choke up with emotion upon hearing her words. She looked up to see a single tear dropping down the smiling woman's face. She realized that this was the first time she had ever seen Molly cry. She hugged the woman seated next to her, a gesture which was whole-heartedly returned. The older woman's heart sang as she heard the girl she had raised for so many years say those words. That moment was a tonic for the years of nervousness and fretting over how she would turn out in the end. Those words were more important to her than any thank you.

"Ed!" Molly shouted suddenly, causing even Jenna to jump involuntarily. "Get Charlie in the back to whip up something good for my little girl. Tell him I will be back there to help him out in a minute." She watched Ed like a hawk as he nodded and rose slowly from his stool behind the bar, and entered the kitchen. Satisfied her orders were carried out, Molly returned her attention to Jenna. "Now drink up, little girl. I think you need it. After we get your belly full, we will have a talk about what exactly it is that is bothering you."

Jenna nodded, watching Molly struggle to exit the booth, rocking herself onto her feet. Jenna smiled slightly as she watched the older woman make her rounds of the bar, talking to customers in her basso profundo voice. She kept her gaze on Molly's retreating form, the fondness in her heart for the woman who had raised her lifting her spirits slightly.

It was then that she really noticed the untouched beer that sat before her, and deciding that she was supposed to be drinking her sorrows away anyhow, she raised the bottle to her lips letting the pale amber liquid ease its way down her throat. Her mouth already starting to feel cotton-like, she continued drinking in small sips until it was suddenly gone. Spying the untouched bottle Molly had left behind, she decided what the hell, and began to down that bottle as well.

She was well into the second bottle when a third was laid down in front of her along with a plate of steak, piled high with corn and mashed potatoes accompanied by some of Molly's famous gravy. Not realizing how famished she was before this point, Jenna's stomach rumbled as she saw the food. Grabbing her silverware, she downed the food quickly. Glad Molly wasn't around to chide her for her unladylike manners while eating, Jenna determined herself to enjoy the meal. Enjoy it she did, too. She knew she would have to run longer tomorrow morning to work off the effects of one of Molly's meals. It would be worth the extra effort.

For now, however, she was enjoying the nearly coma-inducing effects that Molly's food seemed to produce. She had been subsisting, like most college students she knew, on a steady diet of Ramen, Macaroni and Cheese with hot dogs, and beer. After a while, it gets to the point that real food makes your belly feel more full than it really is. This was how Jenna felt as she leaned back against the soft leather back of the booth. She felt extremely relaxed and comfortable despite the chilling bite of the cold air blowing against the walls of the Silver Spur, threatening to penetrate the weather-beaten boards, causing them to groan with the strain.

She closed her eyes, beginning to succumb to the sleep she hadn't felt coming. Her solitude, and blissful sleepiness, was interrupted suddenly interrupted by a heavy plop on the cushioned booth seat across from her. She opened her eyes to see Molly, appraising her closely, expectant. Jenna knew Molly would not let the issue drop. After all, Jenna did come in here seeking Molly out. Jenna sat up and faced the older woman, her wringing her hands in anticipation.

"So?" Molly asked rhetorically, her right eyebrow raised slightly.

"Um, I'm not sure where to begin." Jenna replied, her eyes downcast towards the table, where she was fidgeting with her hands. The tension and pain began to return as she was once more faced to confront them.

"From the beginning, I think, would be the right place to begin?" Molly replied in thinly-veiled amusement.

"Not funny."

"I never said it was, hun, but I am not the one who came in here crying and looking as though she was possessed. If you're here to talk, then I am all ears, you know that. I can't help you, though, if you don't say anything at all."

"I know." Jenna replied solemnly.

"Well, you have to start somewhere, hun." Molly placed her hand on Jenna's.

"It started at the beginning of school last year. I had been openly lesbian for two years," Jenna said, a blush rising in her cheeks, "except to you, of course."

"Just tell your story, hun." Molly replied with an exasperated sigh.

"Okay, well, when I left for college-"

Molly sat with rapt attention as Jenna recounted her tale. The tale lost among the creak of wind-ravaged boards, and the raucous drunken laughter of the bar's other patrons. Outside of the two women, nobody else would be able to hear the conversation. What neither of them observed was a person sitting in the shadow of the booth behind them, tear-filled eyes fixed on a spot on the table, ears attuned to the soft moroseness of Jenna's voice.

*****

"I'm ready, let's get out of here." Misty said, coming over to the booth where Josh was seated. Lauren, however, was pacing back and forth, her face etched with worry. Lauren was already halfway to the front door before Josh could even climb out of the booth.

"What's eating her?" Misty asked, following Josh towards the front.

"Misty, you are going to have to talk with her on the way. The girl is talking crazy."

"How do you mean?"

"You're going to have to make sense of it. I can't figure it out except to say she's apparently got issues she is dealing with."

"Well, we are going to have to figure out a way to keep her together. We don't need anyone else's issues clouding this whole mess."

They walked out into the parking lot to see Lauren already in her car, gesturing wildly for them to hurry up and climb in.

"Good luck with that." Josh said under his breath as they walked toward the idling car.

Misty climbed into the front seat while Josh tried his best to get comfortable in the crowded back seat of the small Volvo. Before either of them could get buckled, Lauren was already backing out at a frantic pace, nearly colliding with a guy riding a bike in the process.

"Watch where you're riding asshole!" she screamed out the window as she sped away into the street.

"Christ, Lauren, you're going to get us arrested or killed. Slow the hell down!" Misty screamed in terror.

Lauren acted as though she had not heard. She guided the car deftly through traffic. A guy hit his horn after cutting him off.

"Your horn blows and so does your mom!" was Lauren's only reply.

"You need to calm down, seriously." Josh said, peering around the seat. "What is going on with you?"

"I need to get to her. I don't see why that is so horribly wrong." Lauren said, sighing in frustration as the road narrowed to one lane. A slow-moving car was in front of them and doing nothing to acknowledge Lauren's horn. Lauren floored the accelerator and sped around the car, narrowly avoiding an oncoming car in the process of getting back into their lane.

Misty was clutching at her chest, her heart nearly leaping out of her throat. She looked over at Lauren, her eyes wide with fright.

"Lauren, stop the car." Misty said, her voice fluttering with nervousness.

"No. We need to get to Jenna." Lauren said determinedly.

"There is no telling where she is right now, stop the car! We need to figure this out!" Misty shouted.

"No."

"Then stop the car, and I'll drive." Misty offered.

"No. This is my car." Lauren looked at her as though she asked the most unreasonable possible thing.

"This is my life!" Lauren shouted.

The wheels of the car screeched in protest as Lauren slammed on the brake pedal.

"Okay, Misty. What is the problem?" Lauren asked, her entire body posture aggressive.

"It's not just her." Josh piped up from the back seat," Do you realize just how crazy you are acting right now?"

"What do you mean?" Lauren asked defensively.

"Oh, let's see." Misty replied testily. "You nearly kill a dude on a bike. You get on the road without checking if anybody was coming. You damn near flip the car in the process- DON'T... speak. You cut off no less than three cars, you damn near get us killed passing that car back there. Not to mention I just hit my head on your dashboard after you stopped so hard. Now you tell me what we are missing here." Misty sat back in her seat with folded arms. Her blue eyes were piercing into hers, and Lauren looked at her forehead where she could see a little blood.

"Oh my God, you're bleeding." Lauren said, horrified.

"No shit, Lauren! I can feel it trickling down my forehead. Now, tell me exactly why I have blood trickling down my forehead."

"I love her." Lauren said, looking down at her hands.