Heather and Sam Ch. 00: The Background

Authors Note: This is not much of a story. It is all the background information on how we start where we start. Before you go to tear the story apart in the comments section, there are a few things I don't care about. Grammar is not my strong suite. I am writing them as quick as possible as a sexual release from my frustrations. If you do not like my sexual fantasies, so be it. I just don't care if you judge me for it.

This is the start of the journey of Sam and Heather. A journey where Heather eventually fulfills Sam's fantasies and desires.

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Not totally sure where to begin but feel like this has been a long time coming. What was once just a fleeting idea of getting crazy sexually became a constant thought. Driven by events strung over years of smaller events, that seem larger now looking back. It has manifested to the point where the self-doubt has affected my sexual relationship with my wife.

So... who am I. I am Sam, a mid-40s year old male. I feel like I am "Mr. Average," or close to it. The average man in the US is 5 foot 9, well, I am just a shade taller. Average weight is close to 200, and I am good 20 pounds below that. I would imagine I am a bit more active than most, but not overly health conscious. But one area where I might hit the "average," but I just have always had issues with it is the size of my dick.

By no means am I claiming to be small in the penis department, but I am not wowing the ladies either. Coming in right at under 6 inches, somewhere on the ballpark of 5 inches and ½ to ¾ depending on how the tape measure lays that day. For girth, I have no clue. It's not a skinny dick, but really never thought to measure. I call it "proportional."

Back in the day with an old college girlfriend and her giddy reading of the latest Cosmo, I swear it was over 6 inches back then. But that was over 20 years ago. In the last year I have begun to see the affects of aging. There is some research out there that supports changes in the blood flow not only can create erectile issues, but also begin to shrink the penis. I fear that is me, and compounding that with some frank conversations with the wife, I just figure I am unable to give her the sexual pleasure she deserves.

Other events in my past are stuck in my head. The first, is a college fuck buddy I had. We had sex three to four times a week on average. Her appetite for sex was more than healthy but looking back it was all about starting sex. We spent probably 95% of the time in standard missionary. I of course came every time unless we drank too much. But she never came... From time to time I would ask her about it and would just be told "I do not cum easily," and "don't worry about it."

The second was a long-term college into young adult life girlfriend. What started the relationship living in the same area ended up with a lot of physical distance between us in different towns. The signs were there, but I failed to pick up on the hints that she was dating other people. If it were not for a by chance talk with a distant acquaintance of mine who had happen to be visiting where she lived, I would have never found out how much she was investing into sleeping with other people. This distant acquaintance ran into her at a bar and she told him we had broke it off. They ended up spending the weekend together and banging most of the weekend. She never had that sort of sexual energy with me. Deep down subconsciously, and now consciously, I internalized it as she loved good sex and that was not what I gave her.

The third event that really brought my mental picture together from the past, was a sleazy gal I went out with a few times. She was a self-admitted bisexual female, during a time where that was cool to watch on porn but not so much a desirable quality for a guy looking for misses right. One night I got the booty call, and I obliged. To this point, I had stayed away from a sexual relationship with her due to all the drama she possessed. After making out on the couch for some time, I remember her whispering in my ear she needed a cock in her pussy. Clothes were removed and her hand went down to my dick. I can still remember her giggling and looking at me saying "your little dick is cute." Due to her personality and alcohol intake, I didn't care at the time. She was an athletic fuck to say the least, but the relationship went nowhere.

Fast forwarding that last girl several months in the future, she called and seemed to want to get serious. We started to date a bit more, but it came to a crashing halt. I discovered some photos of her at her house of her in bed with another guy. No nudity, just two people taking a selfie in bed with the appearance they had just woke up after a wild night. It was the size of the guy. Definitely a tall muscular build. When I approached her about the photos, she explained that we were not dating so she was not understanding that I cared. In the end, I really didn't care that much. She wasn't the one for me and we parted ways. But deep down, I knew that if the relationship were to continue, she would be looking for dick on the side. Given her over sexed nature, her opinions of the size of my manhood, she would be looking for big dick on the side.

That is all in the past, but it is affecting me more now than when those events occurred. Today, I am married to a good wholesome wife. Heather, was raised very conservatively and exactly the wife material I was looking for. Our courtship was brief. Our first official date started with her telling me that we would not have sex that night. Later in the night after some alcohol, we had drunk sex. Was it good, yes, was it memorable, no.

Wedding bells rang shortly thereafter and off to the honeymoon. The signs were there during the honeymoon of the sexual frustration that would become the norm. Whispered promises of wild nights turn to fizzle. The night of the wedding, we had sex. I came. I was ready for round two, but it was time for bed for her. On the honeymoon, promises of never leaving the room became "I am pretty tired." I was ready to go though. On the first day of the honeymoon trip, I remember sitting naked on the hotel chair as she came out in lingerie. She came over to me and shortly had my dick in her hand. I don't know what it was about that day, but I was horny and ready to go. I remember her looking at me and saying "what did you do, your cock seems big." I looked down, and yes, I do think my dick was harder and bigger than normal. The only time where I have heard those words and believe they were honest.

Fast forward over the years of marriage, kids, changes in jobs, and the aging process brought many of times of sexual frustration due to lack of frequency and spice for a lack of better terms. When I would talk to Heather about it, promises would be made and promises eventually broken. She prefers the ultimate caring husband that give loads of 1950's style compliments and attention. That is her turn on. I would try that, but not see the corresponding increase in sexual drive. There are many of stints over our marriage that meat the textbook definition of a sexless marriage.

Due to her upbringing, porn is a not something she partakes in. In her mind it is bringing someone between us in the marriage. But I don't have the same opinion. I think she needs to watch it and understand the more primate version of sex that I am looking for. So, for now, my porn watching habits remain mine and are kept off the radar from her. But they are my only escape to the fantasies that drive me. I don't need her to learn to fake it like in porn, but I need her to adopt the attitude.

I have purchased sexual health books before. These she sees and doesn't understand they are cries for help. When discussed, like the 101 nights of passion book I bought, it ended in the same promises to try but eventually broken in the short term. The books on sexless marriage only generated a comment that "that is so sad." Heather drives the sex life in the marriage at this point. We only have sex when she initiates. I had worked my mind into such a bind that I stopped initiating. Too many heart to heart discussions and unfulfilled promises to try and try new things got us here.

Toys. I buy them. She has never dared. Even if it adds pleasure and fun, it is usually a one-time thing. I will surprise her with it, and she will admit it added to the night. Then the next time I bring it up, she doesn't want it.

As for Heather, she should not be described as my problem. Truly loving to me, a good wife, but just not that sexual in the ways I desire. Sex just is important for her in terms of keeping the marriage alive, not achieving the best sex life we could have. A short and petite framed woman, she has developed into quite the MILF. The pains of childbirth wreaked havoc on her body and her self-image for a time. After a long discussion, she decided for breast implants. The result was a slim sexy frame, with a 32D rack that looks amazing in a range of clothing, from scrubby workout clothes to prim and proper formal attire. In her worst, I look at her and an animalistic desire to fuck her grows... but reserved in delivery as it falls on deaf ears.

My job required me to be away for a significant amount of time here recently. When I would have down time, I became obsessed with sexual health topics. What I feared was a shrinking dick due to age, resulted in medical research on that topic. That lead to surveys on what is a big dick. Again, I measure in the average range, but what I discovered is that I measure up below the desired range. I found a legitimate research article that surveyed women on two questions. What is the penis size desired for a long term relationship, and what is the penis size desired for a one night stand. I come in about an inch short on the long term, and two inches short on the one night stand.

Finally home, the discussion finally occurred after not connecting sexually with Heather. We resumed our normal sex life. Basically, a bare bones style, augmented from time to time with some lingerie. Se does not require a lot of foreplay, and before you tell me that is all what she needs, it's not. A little foundling, then she gets on top. She rides me until she comes, then I get on top in missionary and fuck her. It is when on top that I realize she is just laying there. She is involved, but just not there for her pleasure. She is just doing her wifely duties allowing me to cum. After a couple of sessions of the same, I started to have issues cuming. I knew my dick was not providing her any pleasure but wondered what would.

I have always enjoyed watching us have sex in the mirror. When she is into it on top, it is quite a sight. Being male and knowing visual is a key component to sexual arousal, I let my thoughts run. Ultimately with my insecurities about my penis, I tried to imagine another man fucking my tiny, big breasted wife. Would he make her moan? Would she ask for that dick? Would she make the sounds I have never heard before? That seemed to work at first. Imagining my wife be throttled by a big dick stud. But eventually that got to me. After the second session with no amount of mental visions of my wife getting destroyed by a giant dick resulted in a cumless night for me, it was time for a deep talk.

I told Heather I have become convinced we were not sexually compatible. This obviously hit her hard. She admitted that she didn't think that she had an orgasm until she was in her mid-thirties. Given our history, that meant about a decade of lack luster sex between us. More confirmation that I was no lover to be desired. Every man wants to be that man. The man you can just look at and know that he can do the job. A man that satisfies his wife. She has no need to stray. She knows that she is getting the best sex out there... that is not what I have with Heather.

I have concluded that I love my wife. But I want my wife to have the best sex in the world. I am willing to do whatever that takes to see that happen.

To Be Continued...