Her Best Friend's Son Ch. 03

The next day, while at work, Angela was surprised to receive three increasingly desperate sounding texts from Susan, pleading for her to get in touch. She waited until she was home before finally responding.

"Oh, Angie, thank you so much for calling...I'm feeling terrible."

Angela was stabbed with remorse.

"Are you ok? Has something happened?"

"No, it's not that. I mean, nothing new. I just...hadn't heard from you, after we talked about, you know, Jeremy. And I...I just don't want to lose your friendship."

"Well, I was pretty shocked I suppose."

"I can understand, oh God, don't think I can't. I would be as well...it's just, well, I don't have anyone else to talk to. I haven't told anyone else. I haven't dared to. And you've been my best friend for so long, it would just kill me to lose you..."

Angela's heart clenched at her friend's anguish. But she checked her tongue from reassuring. "You sound different about this than last time we talked."

"I, guess, I'm just realizing how enormous it is, what I've done. I've been thinking a lot. When we talked, well, I think I was just so excited. The idea of being wanted, still being wanted as a woman was so new."

"But didn't you plan it?"

"I don't think I really planned it, Angela. That sounds terrible. Really, I think...I was just sad and it got out of hand. I didn't really expect it to go so far."

"Are you saying that you are having regrets? That you won't let it happen again?"

There was a long pause. And then Susan replied in a small voice. "No. It's too late for that. We did it again last night after dinner."

Angela felt a surge in her chest. Her tone came out sharply. "Wow. I really thought that you of all people would be able to control yourself!"

"I can't Angela! You can't possibly understand. I hardly do myself. It's just...so compelling."

"What's so compelling? See, you can't even say it any more!"

There was a pause, and then a meek voice on the phone. "Doing it with my son is so compelling."

Angela could imagine Susan hanging her head even as she spoke into the phone. She took a deep breath. The emotion pounding her chest was not only a brew of jealousy and arousal. It was also a kind of triumph. Forcing Susan into the open was making her put all her cards onto the table.

"So Susan, here's the thing. It's not really what you've done. Or are choosing to continue to do. It's more the secrecy of the thing. I mean, you didn't really tell me how this came about. I mean, how can I really expect to understand if you are hiding things from me."

"Hiding? Like what you mean?"

"Oh, you know, how this really came about. I can't follow what you said when we talked. It's like you want me to think this just happened and got out of control, and yet it also seems really planned. Like you tricked him intentionally."

"I didn't...trick him. It's just...we got talking."

"Well that's what you need to tell me about properly. You sat on his bed in your revealing nightie -"

"It wasn't that revealing!"

"That was the very word you used!"

"That was, you know, the second night."

"You see, you're trying to trick me again now. Intentionally saying one thing and meaning another." Angela knew that she was pushing her friend, letting the guilt and anxiety Susan must feel confuse her. Even as she did so, she was both surprised, even aghast, at her willingness to so torment her friend - and aware that a deep part of herself was enjoying it. Turning the tables.

"I don't mean to trick you. I'm sorry." Susan implored.

"So I think you need to tell me all. Like what were the fantasies that you and Jeremy shared."

"Those? Well, you know, pretty personal."

"Why are you hiding from me?"

"I'm not hiding Angela. I'm sorry. I...I talked about my Cinderella fantasies I suppose you might call them. All those chick flicks we've watched. Well, that's pretty much my fantasy. Going out to fancy places, being bought expensive clothes."

Angela rolled her eyes. Much though she loved her friend, she could be unimaginatively suburban in her tastes.

"And", said Angela, crossing her fingers, "how about Jeremy. What are his fantasies?"

"Oh, they're pretty kinky. I mean, I suppose not really kinky in this day and age. Sort of, you know, a woman's submissiveness I suppose. Not really Fifty Shades of Grey, I'm sure, but maybe a little like that. And, well, he said he's recently found that he can be really turned on by lingerie. Old fashioned silk stockings, you know, the sort with garters. Sexy knickers and stuff. I guess he's probably seen them a lot in those racy London shop displays."

Angela felt a flutter deep down in her groin. And a point won. Yes, she thought, maybe your son saw them in a shop window. Or maybe he found them one night shoved down inside his bed sheets, all sticky and marked with a woman's pleasure.

"Are you still there?" Susan was asking.

"Yes, yes, just, you know, processing all this."

"What can I say that would help keep you as my friend Angela?"

"Well I'm not going to suggest that you stop having sex with your son," Angela spat back tartly. "Because you're going to continue, aren't you?"

"Yes. If he'll keep wanting me." Susan's tone was not exactly defiant. More bluntly honest, like she had struggled with this same question herself.

Angela softened. "I'm sorry Susan. I've been too hard on you. I'm not really criticizing you. I do get it, I do. And I'm sure it many ways it's wonderful. For both of you actually."

"You really think so?" Susan sounded cautious.

"For sure. He's a lucky boy. Which growing young man wouldn't want this, really?"

"Are...are you making fun of me?"

"No. No, I'm sorry, did that sound glib? No, I really meant it. I've actually being doing a little reading myself, on the web. Doing some searches I guess. Trying to understand. And frankly - well, there's certainly a lot of writing about mother and son. Erotica for sure. But also some blog stuff. And, well, a lot of the most personal ones sound pretty positive. Like it was a beautiful phase in their lives for both of them, if they can get past the judgment and the guilt."

"Really? You don't think it's not all just, you know, porn - like that movie I showed Jeremy. Just acting."

"No, I'm not talking about porn. There's a lot of that too, but I agree that's mostly kind of fake stuff. Just packaged. No, I mean real stories."

"You don't think I'm...unique, then?"

Angela laughed. "God no! Sorry, if you thought you have finally become less ordinary, you're probably more in the suburban mainstream than you realize."

Susan laughed also at this with a sound of relief. "You don't think I'm going to mess Jeremy up for life?"

"What do you think?"

"Um, I worry about it. But, I don't know, he seems so positive about it. Straight forward, grounded even. Like he shows up so physically, not caught up in his mind like I tend to be. Guess that's what can be great about guys."

"Hmmm." Angela could only murmur in support at the image of the masculine and physical Jeremy.

"You okay? Am I, am I disgusting you?"

"No, um, no, I'm fine. Let me just, actually, let me just go into the living room and sit down." In reality, Angela was already sitting on the living room couch. She put the phone down, stood up and reached behind to unhook her bra. She hesitated, then unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, and eased them a few inches down her hips. Just to feel more comfortable, a little more sensual perhaps, she told herself. She settled back down, one hand holding the phone, the other hand softly open on her belly.

"Um, okay, I'm listening." She let her palm slide up to cup the base of her breasts as she allowed herself to once again visualize Susan, on that second evening, sitting like this with her son.

"You sure this is okay for you?" asked Susan.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes, yes I do, it's been driving me crazy, the same thoughts going round and round in my head, and I don't have anyone else I can share this with."

"Maybe you really need to get it off your chest. Say it out in the open."

"Yes, yes, I think that would really be good."

"What are you really afraid of?"

"I guess the only thing I don't want - I don't want him to get stuck in this. I want to enjoy it to the full while I have it, but I want him to be able to move on with a real girlfriend when he's ready."

"Well, perhaps he'll be more ready because of you."

"Oh, Angela, you are such an amazing friend! I love you", Susan gushed. Angela revelled at the words, but at the same time, it annoyed her that it didn't seem to even occur to Susan that Angela might be a rival for her son's attention. Why didn't it? She was five years younger than Susan, surely in better shape, but somehow Susan still seemed to think her as too old to be able to attract him. Or...maybe she trusted Angela's loyalty so automatically that she couldn't imagine such a betrayal? Angela knew she should feel even more guilty at this thought, but she pushed it away.

"Susan, that's sweet, but I need to be able to believe you. I mean, this second time happened and you didn't tell me - like you intended to hide it from me. You need to tell me...everything."

"I will, I promise."

"Well then, start by speaking about this directly. You keep talking in euphemisms."

"What, what should I say?" Susan was back sounding anguished, but this time Angela knew exactly how she wanted to push her.

"Say it in simple words. Admit to me what you are doing."

"You mean...doing it with Jeremy?"

"Doing it?"

"Sorry...that I'm...that I'm having sex with Jeremy."

Angela took a soft breath, trying to hide her own tension. Had Susan gone all the way? "Yes, your son. Say it."

"Um, I'm having sex with my son."

"And are you enjoying it?"

"I'm loving it!"

Sitting on the couch, Angela's body pulsed to hear her friend's unguarded confession. She could hear Susan's tone picking up also. "Say it. The whole thing."

"Oh Angela, I'm having sex with my son and I'm loving it!"

"Good. Good girl." Angela quietly squeezed her own breast.

"Oh God, you're so right. I've been feeling so guilty, and - well, I just didn't have anyone to talk with. Part of me wanted to pretend that it was just happening to me, but, that's not true. I wanted it and I'm making it happen!"

"Sex with your son."

"Yes, I'm choosing to have sex with my own son and I'm loving it!"

"Good. Good girl," Angela repeated. "This second time. Was it like the first? On the sofa I mean."

"Oh God no. After dinner, I took Jeremy by the hand and upstairs to my bedroom."

Angela almost choked. "He...he just...did he say anything?"

"Are you trying to shame me?"

"I'm sorry. It's just...you actually took him into your bed?"

"Yes, I know, it's so wrong. I'm a terrible person. I just...wanted the whole thing. I'd been thinking about it so much anyway."

"The...the whole thing?"

"Explore every sex position I could think of with my son."

Angela swallowed. She asked the question that had dominated her thoughts.

"Did you, did you even use protection?"

"I went to the clinic this morning."

There was a weighty pause before Angela stated the obvious. "Afterwards."

"Right. I know, I've been...reckless. I'm being reckless."

"So...are you pregnant?"

"No, I guess I was lucky. And from now on I'll be on the pill."

"But it was a possibility?"

"You mean was I fertile? Oh yes, I knew I was. I had cramps the day before, so I knew I was ovulating."

"But why did you do it?"

"With Jeremy?"

"No I mean..."

"...oh, unprotected sex. I can't really explain. I just wanted to have...no barriers. To show him that I could have no barriers with him. To be that open to him. And to feel what that was like myself I suppose."

Angela's felt her skin flush. Suddenly everything felt more tangible. The phone she was clutching in one hand. Her other palm slid under her blouse. And Susan's words. Yes, she had heard correctly in that first confession. Susan had let Jeremy fuck her on the couch. Unprotected sex. "And Jeremy? Did he at least think to pull out?"

"Well, that's what he did on the couch."

"I thought he came stroking himself off?" Angela knew that she must sound like an inquisition, but, after the last couple of days of self-questioning, she was possessed with a need to know the truth. All the truth.

"Oh, he did, but remember, he's young. He came again, after we'd, you know, gone there...but he pulled out. Like the good boy he is I suppose. But I was so disappointed. Watching him was like...watching a force of nature or something. I couldn't wondering what that would have been like inside me."

"Well, you must have experienced it with his dad, back in the day," Angela said tartly. Jealousy and arousal were fighting for dominance in her body.

"With Mark? Gosh, I don't know. I don't think so. We weren't exactly passionate back then. I was young and...well I supposed I was like the self-absorbed young things, the girls that don't interest Jeremy much now. As I remember, once Mark and I had decided I should come off the pill, it was all about checking my temperature and my menstrual cycle and trying to get pregnant. It seemed very...functional."

"Unlike now."

"Right. Now I just wanted to feel that force. And for Jeremy too, to really feel me. No barriers."

"So no condom?" Angela couldn't bite back the sharp words, but it didn't seem to make any difference to the flood of Susan's confessions.

"Oh God no. I didn't want anything to spoil it for him. I had actually found some in the back of my draw, probably past date, but anyway, I threw them away. Actually I walked them out to the garbage can outside. I didn't want to allow myself any way to change my mind. And, then, when I found out that it would be kind of his first time, I was so glad that was no longer a choice, I mean, that being sensible was no longer a choice."

Angela's heart clenched. Her grip on the narrative was unraveling. First time? Was she confused? "So Jeremy didn't pull out?" she prompted.

"I'm sure he would have if I'd let him, but once I'd taken him to my bedroom, and I had us undress each other, I coached him into getting on top of me, and then I wrapped my legs around him. And when I guessed he was about to ejaculate, when I could feel him hesitating, I kept kissing him and telling him how much mummy loved him, and how good he made mummy feel, that he was so much better and bigger than his dad had been..."

"Your kidding me!" The graphic line could have been pulled straight from one of the erotica stories Angela had secretly flipped through at work.

"Angela! This is not...this is not just sex you know. I love him. I want that connection. That was all I was focused on right then. I didn't let myself orgasm."

Angela snorted in disbelief. "Really? Why not?"

"Because of what he said."

"Said?"

Susan paused. "That this was kind of his first time."

"Kind of?"

"That he'd never actually come with a girl before. I mean, in a girl before."

"You mean without a condom?"

"At all."

"For real? Not with any of those adoring girls that showed up at the house?"

"Apparently not. I mean, I think they had...done stuff. But well, he told me that there was a time with an early girlfriend, I guess over at her house, they had messed around and it had just happened, he had penetrated her, and in a panic he had pulled out. And it had kind of crushed her, and it made him realize that he just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. So he'd decided that he didn't want to go there again, hurting girls, until he knew he was ready."

"He told you all this while he was on top of you?"

"No, no, actually, we talked just after we'd got to the bedroom and I could see how turned on he was, it was so lovely, and I told him what I wanted and he offered to go and buy some condoms. I told him I didn't want that, I wanted to experience him fully, and that's when it all came out. That in a way, my son was kind of a virgin."

"Fuck." Angela couldn't stop the word from escaping her lips. Sensations were coming over her in waves.

"So in that special moment, I did my best not to orgasm because I wanted to make it the best I could for Jeremy. His first time. Kind of first time."

"First time blowing his load into a woman, you mean."

"Um, right."

Angela had thought she might have gone too far with that crude phrase, but given Susan's acquiescent response, she said it again. Indeed, amplified it, pushing her friend's usual reserve and, for herself, grappling to get back some control of the narrative. "Actually, that would be first time blowing his load into mummy!"

"Exactly."

"You let Jeremy come inside you, didn't you." Angela knew she was stating the obvious.

"I know. Well, not just let him..."

"You set it up, it's what you wanted."

"Yes, even when I was taking him by the hand upstairs, unlike on the couch earlier when I had told myself that it wouldn't get out of hand, this time I knew I wanted to go all the way."

"Intercourse."

"I mean more than that. I knew I was fertile, that I was ovulating. I had that, you know, crampy, wanting feeling from it. Even then, I thought, this is my chance. To finally let go of all the barriers. And then when we were undressing each other, and it was so exciting already, and I found out that Jeremy had never fully gone there with a girl yet. The thought that I could not just be his first, but that there was a potential that he could even get me pregnant. I can't believe I'm saying it, but somehow it made it even more exciting for me. Like, celebrating that he really has become a man."

"With incestuous sex?"

"To be honest, yes, it did make it seem even more taboo. I don't think I wanted it to actually happen, but actually taking that risk, rolling the dice I suppose for real, yes, suddenly I felt I had tipped over from exploring with him to really having sex. My mind had been playing tricks on me. Trying to persuade me that I hadn't really crossed the line with him on the couch. That I had just been, you know, giving him a kind of visceral Sex Ed. I wanted to take that away. I mean, to rip that excuse down. If I chose that, to have unprotected sex with Jeremy, and to coax him into coming inside me, well, I knew I'd never be able to pull back behind that lame excuse again.."

"But you didn't tell him, did you. I mean, had he known you were weren't on the pill, he would have pulled out?"

"Maybe. Like I say, he kind of hesitated, and well, I actually asked him if he was really okay with this. I was suddenly afraid that he would regret it. And he said he was okay, but I wanted to be sure, and I asked him to promise that there would be others, that he would go onto find the right girl. And he was lovely. He kind of laughed at that, and said, don't worry mum, I will, it's just that, after everything we've been to each other these last years, I'd love you to be my first."

"He actually said that?"

"Jeremy, my son, is...what can I say? I started stroking his shoulders and his back and he started moving his hips again."

For just a moment, a visceral image jolted through Angela of Jeremy's hips, confident and sassy, moving her on the dance floor. She managed to push it away.

"And you really said that to him? About being better than his dad?"

"Are you totally shocked?" Susan asked anxiously.

"Yes!" There was a pause as both women took a breath. "And," Angela continued, "if you want to still be my friend, you need to tell me anyway. Everything. What exactly did you say?"

"That he's bigger," Susan replied obediently. "Bigger and better. I've always felt...oh, ever since the divorce, I know I went through a pretty low patch about men. Maybe that's still true about me, I don't know. But I've always felt bad about how that must have come across when my son was young. I've tried to curb my tongue, but he's always been so there for me, I've ended up saying things about his dad and maybe men in general I've kind of regretted. And suddenly it felt like here was a chance to put some of that right. Oh yes. Angela, I know it's shocking. So wrong. But I loved saying that out loud to him. Loved it! And I really meant it. I was kissing his collarbone and his neck. My lovely son. I could feel he was just so close...so strong and yet...vulnerable somehow? Being right at that moment I suppose. And it was just what I wanted to tell him, deep from my heart. Oh son, you're so much bigger and better in bed than your dad ever was! It was the most beautiful moment - I can't explain, somehow it was...sweet."