All Comments on 'Her Personal Bodyguard'

One small niggle... A 6 night stay in a budget chain will cost more than $1500. What you are describing would cost significantly more. 6 nights full board plus game; you're talking 6 to 10 grand minimum.

It is a common mistake to detail numbers in a story because if they don't fit the reader's experience they jar.

Think 6 nights in a Disney hotel with full passes and then some for your luxury hunting experience.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Great story about regular people that are relatable to most readers. Nice to read about lovers that are not 44DD and 12 inches, A vet living his dream.

Another wonderful story and I thank you for your very talented mind.

Well done.

Another classic ronde story. Seems well researched and well written. Romance seemed a little rushed but that's the writer's perogative. 5 stars

Great job. 5*****

A sweet "Texas" romance. I know exactly where Bogata is, and it seems a tad further from Paris than the story describes. That someone would have that many acres west of Paris as you described...easy to see, as that's typical in that part of North Texas (tons of cattle and deer).

Victoria and Mark did get together too fast to seem reasonable, but I'm not going to ding the story for that. You certainly wrote 4 Lit pages and that's tons; I'd have been worried had it been just 2. You added plenty of suspense via investigating Max's death and using Mark to help made it feel more real. You also well illustrated all the things he tried to do to emulate the shot and that's precisely what an investigator would have done. He was spot on with the Marine training and spotting Gary as evasive.

Very good work. 5

excellent 5 stars all the way

Nice story, although I thought you rushed to the ending and made the arrest of the evil brother too easy. Perhaps he would have been better killed off making a desperate attempt to do his own dirty work? A hole in his heart from the gun of each of the two new lovers as he broke into house seemed like good karma. 5 stars

greta story- thanks

Another winner!

5

Great story and the way is was told was interesting and knowledgeable. The romance was a little rushed after the event and could have brought the story out a little longer. But overall well told. Keep writing and telling stories.

“I…I…I…will always love you…” Gotta watch out for those bodyguards!

Enjoyed the story but you need to slow down and give us a little more time between the “meet cute” and the romance. Feel like they fell into bed really quickly and then everything got wrapped up neatly with a bow. Story needs more emotion and mess.

Very nice, thanks! 5/5

About as typical a Ronde story as he gets, and it is 5 stars plus. Certainly enjoy your writing. Please keep going with many more.

nobody wants the 44DD somebody mentions below, unless they're into heifers. 34DD? entirely different story... but I digress. I lost interest at a supposedly qualified bodyguard that needs his client to give him a sidearm? Pfft.

Congratulations on your 100th posted story and it is another enjoyable read. Thank you.

Mark Rivers would look great with a sexy hairy chest -- that can caress and stimulate Victoria's breasts ! Sexy on a man!

@Tx77Tumbleweed

Excellent idea!

The two of them would make a great hunting team.

I enjoyed it very much!

A 4 page cliché. Stilted language, canned plot and unrealistic events and people. 3* was generous.

I always seem to enjoy a story with a well-described detailed setting, likable characters, and an interesting plot with a happy ending. You’ve ticked all my boxes here! Your careful editing shows your respect for the reader.

As always, thank you for writing, and thank you for sharing your work.

It flowed well until you got to the insta-proposal. Him: “We done fucked, so let’s get married.” Her: “I barely know you, but shoot, why not? Let’s get hitched.”

Good story, to bad ahe didn't get to shoot her bro in law.

I belong to the more critical here. The story is so transparent from the minute he sits down opposite her, up to the failed try of Gary to murder her as well. Is Gary really so dumb to believe Victoria would come out all alone, straight into his line of fire? What do you hire a bodyguard for? The story is much too short, too fast, with too much left out, with no tense, no development and nothing. 3* is on the generous side.

Anther great read thanks for all ur hard work it was enjoyed n appreciated

Good story, well written. But, your pricing on the 6 day adventure package is way off. Try $5,500 a week.

Yep, to short, to fast ! Unfortunately … !

After a string of 5 stars this was a bit of a let down. I love your style and the detail you embellish with but this one left me feeling it should have been at least a novella. Instead it became a transparent story where you knew where it was going and how it was going to get there. The threat to Gary was not worth writing since conviction would have accomplished what you needed for safety and wouldn't frighten a hardened murderer.

Keep writing these mostly wonderful stories. You are the best of Literotica.

Why did he get his license suspended when it was her that shot him? That seemed a pretty obvious error in the story.

OK story, just so many factual errors ro count. Laura's Vineyard was so much better.

☆☆☆☆☆

5 stars. Too short.

from a 25 yr. Marine...Ooh Rah

Good story

Great Story Ronde, well written and a quick enjoyable ride. Thank you

Very good read

nice one, yet again!!

Love that fact that you set this story in my neck of the woods. Know all of those towns intimately. Well done.

Great story

'Reins', not 'reigns'.

When they find Gary's truck, 'Victoria' suddenly becomes 'Veronica'.

This is what happens when you try to be the proofreader for your own prose. Get a fresh pair of eyes on it to spot this kind of silly error.

Anothe wholly believable yarn. I only gave it five because they don't allow 10's.

Chapter 10, Pahe 4. There's a "t" miissing off "the". I'm not nickpicking, As a fellow

writer and an old proofreader, litterals stand out like aroused cliterati!...lol

Peapod41. If you are going to elect yourself grammar Nazi for Ronde you should at least check that you haven't made the same errors yourself. An "r" missing off "anothe" - tut, tut naughty boy, take 50 lines of "I should do better when I'm criticising"

Peapod 41. Also a double "i" in "missing" - another 50 lines and see me after class.

@Peapod41 you are a writer? Funny you have not posted anything. The writers here provides with free stories. Do they have a few small errors? Sure but I have read many books by professional writers, published by reputable publishing companies that have more. And I paid for those stories. You again show you cannot go through a critique with out screwing it up. Pahe??? Really go away.

Another ronde original! You have skills to be able to describe so many different situations realistically. Thanks for this story and so many others I've enjoyed.

For those that complain about a misspelling or an incorrect phrase, I say give them their money back that they paid for the story. Oh, wait. It was free. And I'm guessing like so many other authors here you didn't have the ability to get your proofreader or editor to fix them. Oh, wait again, I'm guessing that because it was free, you didn't have a publishing house to hire an editor.

Again, thanks ronde for your efforts. Your imagination is impressive and I for one am glad you share it with us.