All Comments on 'Her Teddy Bear'

Joan:

"He is a fine lover with a magic tongue and makes love to me better than anyone else, including you. It's just...I don't know. Sometimes I like being with someone who I can still look up to when I'm wearing my heels. I like wearing a man's t-shirt that hangs below my butt. I like putting my hand on your biceps and feeling something large, not just lean. When you and I walk down a street, I never have to worry about someone coming up and picking a fight with you."

====> quite possible the lamest rationalization for having a long affair. She doesn't even like Andrew, who is becoming more demanding and plans to have his son fuck her also (which she only finds out after the beatdown incident). Again this is a mind numbingly moronic excuse for an affair. And her "sometimes" translated into a long 3 year affair, and more recently multiple times a month a concerted effort to deny sex to her husband or limit frequency or meaningful intimacy because the asshole Andrew wanted it that way? Again because Andrew is bigger and taller, and only marginally bigger equipment. Yeah height and biceps with a spare tire around the middle are huge dealbreakers to encourage an affair. And the perception that her husband is lacks an imposing physique, despite being a much better lover. So yeah makes no sense. She must have a mental illness.

Agree with prior comment: Joan's raising d'etre for the affair with Andrew makes zero sense. She loves her husband and family (according to her)- her husband is a better lover than Andrew (by a wide margin apparently; think how she would soft sell that statement to Andrew, and then how big the gap really is), BUT her husband is too short. Lol. Wtf? She had a mental disorder. What a mess. Once a month or so for three years, then picked it up to much more frequent? And of course then she gets caught. Lol. And Andrew being such a rich guy, is apparently a total fucking idiot. What a moron.

In one way, it's hard to understand how the story is rated 4.60 judging by the recent reviews I've seen, but judging on my own opinion, not difficult at all, a good yarn well written thank you.

In the real world, an unfaithful wife leading a life of regret, a would be stud with a modestly functioning ball and erection problems & a thick-as-pigshit son having his ass handed to him by a smaller man might be viewed as adequate burning. Seemed ok to me, but then if I had a Dollar, Pound or Euro for every time I've been told I'm a cuck wimp I'd be modestly wealthy.

THANK GOOD this didn't end up another stupid RAAC. One of the few writers here that respects themselves and their characters

This story needs an edit like a fish needs water. The perfect example is when the girls asked him about his martial arts training, we got a data dump that makes the Krakatoa eruption seem like a burbling, warm water spring. Ninety percent of that is extraneous and slows down the story. Also, what's up with these writers creating these male characters who get their widdow feweeings hurt and pout, hide, run away, and sleep in the guest room (how many people even HAVE a "guest room"?). I mean, instead of showing her the police report and challenging his wife to speak with one of the 11 eyewitnesses, he just 'wuns off and pouty-pouts wike a widdow baaa-by.' These "males" act like they're nine years old and wonder why their wife looks for a MAN to screw. Then, to make matters worse, this writer had to replay that whole "No way you could manhandle Ricky" THREE times. After the truth comes out... he RUNS AWAY... again. He's this tough guy with the sensibilities and emotional threshold of a five-year-old. Sheesh. I'm starting not to like the MC.

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Perhaps the worst sin this writer commits is related to his overwriting proclivity. That is not trusting the reader to understand what he has already written. Several times in some instances. Here's one typical example: >>"Oh, also, just so you know... When Ricky emailed me the link, in his message, he said that Andrew had agreed to find a way to let him fuck you, too. No wonder he came into our back yard as if he owned it. He had no respect for me, nor for us. Why should he, when his father didn't either? And who disrespected our marriage first? That would be you, Joan!"

*

She was devastated at the realization that she had disrespected Pete first. Also, she was appalled at the idea of Ricky thinking he could have sex with her. She didn't like Ricky. Now she knew why he had been hanging around so much. She couldn't believe she had fallen so far.<<

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That second paragraph didn't need to restate what OP just wrote. Instead, a more dramatic point should've been made with something in active voice, versus a 'was' statement in passive voice. Instead, OP restated what we just read and gave us a general, tepid reaction from Joan. Trust your reader!

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This story could've been shortened by half and been better paced and left the reader with a good feeling if it had been well-edited. In the end, the writer's treatment of the main character turns him into this shrill, self-righteous, better-than-perfect fellow who suffers from a short man's complex. No, I didn't like him, which left me realizing that I wasted a lot of time on this bloated tome. In fact, the whole "Rose Ending" was extraneous and felt like it should've been an add-on. Three stars, with 2 of them for sheer effort by OP.

Comment of the Decade (from Anon): [Your first mistake was even breathing the same air as Bebop3. That moron could make being launched into space boring.] Rates a 5 - 2 stars higher than this story!

Such a waste of a marriage and her future for the last third of her life. Now she'll be without her true love because of her unbelievable stupidity and lack of faith in him. Why is it so many wives that are supposedly smart, at least academically speaking, end up being the dumbest cheating sluts in the LW category? Are they all just purposefully written that way or is it just a coincidence?

A Lit writer with great writing skills. I especially like the fact that jmmj5 actually knows how to conjugate and use the correct form of "to lie" versus "to lay." (One little point where "laying" out Dad's best suit should have been "laid". Sorry, fellow readers, this is one of my OCD pet peeves.)

To those commenters confused by the high score, even in the context of other story weaknesses: good writing makes for easy and smooth reading which is rewarded in the number of stars awarded.

Thanks for a long and enjoyable read, jmmj5.

Keep 'em comin'!

Like it too much. Guess I like happy endings.

There was an anonymous poster here...written 4 months ago. Was VERY critical in remarks about how the author should have written a better story.

Goes off on how the story is too long. Explanations too involved. And how the MC isn't a "real man" since he walks away from the confrontation with his wife...couching the criticism in baby talk. "Widdow baaa-by".

How about this. Hey douche. What kind of asshole takes THAT much time to write as much as you have and criticize...as an anon? I'll tell you what kind. An asshole.

One that either has never written and posted anything before because he/she lacks the actual talent and creativity to do so. Or a chickenshit asshole who won't make the post under his/her pen name here. So...I'll write a criticism of you that's just as long.

Btw who uses baby talk to write a critical review of a story? A dumbass does that's who.

Let me explain to you. When a man walks away...locks himself into a guest room? Or leaves a day or two early on a business trip to avoid confrontations with his wife?

That's a man NOT going to jail for losing his temper and beating the shit out of his lying,. cheating cunt of a wife.

You know the wife who smiles at you and lies right to your face about cheating even when her husband knows the truth already? Like a fucking sociopath.

THAT'S why authors (usually male authors) will write a character who walks away, avoids the initial confrontation, or uses the flight reflex nstead of the fight reaction.

According to you...he should have stood right up to his cunt of a wife. (I use that word in this description because that's what the wife character was. A cunt.) He should have confronted her in his anger. Because we all know how that turns out for men when there's a domestic dispute. Right? A man that's angry should always confront his wife whose obviously lying and overtly disrespecting her husband. Great advice. What could go wrong?

So...in closing and summation to you anon from 4 months ago...from another observer posting also as anon...go fuck yourself with a bat full of rusty nails for your criticism.

Post a story yourself for all of us to read and be critical of. Or better yet? Just shut the fuck up.

Well written

Good story, not a fan of stories where the husband doesnt confront or even ask the question but this is the authors world and thats what we get to enjoy for nothing.

Wonder what happened to Andrew and Ricky!

I figured it was too long to waste time on with no real BTB. But after Ricky’s ass kicking I decided to stay with it and see what happened. Andrew’s whooping was the high point of a very good story. I just wish that Joan had received the burn her cheating deserved.

Liked the story on second read but felt the core characters got lost over the last 2 or 3 pages. And why a newly single man would rush to get married again beats me, maybe later but is it some kind of suicidal thing for people in the writers part of the world.