Her Untold Secrets

Jay was up when Ana got out of bed at 7:12 to go to the bathroom. He had left sometime earlier. He tended to be up around 5:30 almost every day. She'd hear him leave the room, quietly closing the door so he could go to the living room and watch the news and The Weather Channel. Jay hadn't slept well because his tossing and turning had woken her a few times through the night.

When Ana left the bedroom and headed to the kitchen she was surprised to find Jay sitting at the table staring into his coffee mug. "Good morning honey."

"Good morning Ana."

'Uh-oh' Ana thought. 'It's never good when he starts with Ana rather than 'sweetness' or 'sweetie.' He's been thinking in quadruple time and it isn't going to be a good day at all.' "So Jay what are our plans for the day, any ideas?"

"No Ana, I wasn't thinking about the day ahead at all."

"I suppose you weren't. You were looking back thinking about every thing you can question in our life together weren't you?"

Jay looked up surprised for a moment then put his face back in neutral or more appropriately almost a scowl. People could never read Jason well. He never looked happy unless he was ecstatic about something. Most of the time he looked 'mildly annoyed' with life but he wasn't. His face had that BRF that was popular as a description around 2010 or thereabouts.

"I didn't sleep well Ana. My mind kept going on about everything..."

"I didn't sleep well either Jay. I hurt you badly and I'm sorry but I had to cope somehow and it was better than drinking or trying drugs to deal with the stress."

"So you're saying you're an addict for sex?"

"No, I'm saying I used sex to...to de-stress when I needed relief but things have been good and I haven't needed to de-stress for quite a while. Can we leave it at that and try to get on with our lives together, please?" Jay was staring into Ana's eyes and finally he asked, "So you haven't been de-stressing for a while?"

"No Jay I haven't and when I do feel any stress I've come to you for relief. You make me feel so appreciated and...complete. I don't know what I'd do..."

"Ana, wait, please."

"What Jay? I don't know what I'd do if I lost you...if you walked away from me. I don't know if I could go on without you in my life." Jay opened his arms and Ana snuggled into his chest.

"Okay Ana. I'm not going to ask any more questions. I will take you at your word but...you need to know that if you need relief it will be me and only me providing that for you. IF I ever suspect anything...we will finish this whole conversation and I will push to the end of the story."

"Thank you Jay. I love you so much and I'm sorry this has hurt you so much as well."

"We will get through together sweetness."

Ana relaxed immensely with that one statement. But she knew that this wasn't THE END...because Jay would keep wondering and eventually she would have to tell him about the other men...the nine others that she'd had fuck her over the last eight years, since they had moved near their daughter, right up until the month after she had retired! She hadn't admitted, and she wasn't sure how Jay had not realized that she knew exactly how man men it had been. She had a list hidden away in the bottom of her jewelry case. She had found that the bottom was removable and she'd listed every name with the date there. There were 27 names on that list and most elicited really good memories of the fucking she'd gotten. A few names had two dates with a hyphen which meant an extended 'interaction' since Oxana didn't view them as true relationships. If Jay found that list he might view the 'interactions' differently of course. But now she didn't really have the desire for a strange cock inside her anymore. Jason fulfilled the need when it arose, but the memories were very comforting. Ana wondered if she should shred that list to avoid the remote chance of Jay discovering it but she just couldn't bring herself to destroy her memories.