Hermes Ch. 06

"Excellent, it worked. I'm accessing the consoles now. Unfortunately, the cameras didn't record anything while the network was isolated, but the consoles should provide us with a good overview of the research conducted here."

"Great," I replied, walking around the room and examining the equipment. "How long will it take you to analyze everything?"

"I'm already finished."

"Really? That was quick. Did they conduct the gene editing research here?" I inquired, examining a bottle filled with a yellow liquid of unknown origin.

"Yes, some data is corrupted, but most of the notes are still available. Also, please try to not touch anything. Some of these chemicals are toxic and could harm you."

"You are awfully concerned with my well-being," I said, putting the bottle back down.

"Well, you are currently the only person I can interact with. While I can help and treat you for most conditions, I try to protect you from unnecessary harm."

I took a seat, "That's understandable. Can you tell me more about this lab?"

"According to the notes, the research conducted here involved advanced, in vivo gene editing. However, while this method can be used to alter your DNA, It would take several years to see the effects, as the edited genes only become active in new cells, and the old ones must die off first." explained Nea.

I asked, disappointed, "Does that mean it's useless to us?"

Nea replied with a sad tone, "Unfortunately, yes."

"Damn it! Does that mean I'm stuck here?" I questioned. "Is there any way to speed up the process?"

"Let's not give up hope just yet. We might find something useful in the other labs," Nea encouraged me. "Regarding your question, I could try to refine it, but it's a complex process that requires advanced knowledge of biology. While my data includes biological knowledge, this is beyond my skill level."

"Is there anything else we need from this lab, or should I move on to the next one?" I inquired.

"Feel free to move on to the next lab. My robots can retrieve anything we could need from here," Nea responded.

As I ventured from lab 3 to labs 4 and 5, I repeated the process of reconnecting the network. Although they resembled its predecessor, the equipment was different, and the chemical bottles were arranged in a new fashion. Upon entering lab 6, I noticed a significant difference. Instead of desks, there were several large cabinets, giving the room more of a storage vibe than that of a lab.

Curiosity got the best of me, and I asked Nea, "What was this room used for?"

"These cabinets are different incubators and an industrial fridge. Based on the notes, various cell samples were stored here. Unfortunately, they were lost due to the lack of power during the station's hibernation," Nea replied, explaining the room's purpose.

"So... anything useful here or in the other labs?" I asked.

"It seemed that the three labs worked together. With the notes from all of them, I now have a better understanding of the research done here. But without a way to directly replace your cells, the process would take entirely too long to be of any use to us."

"Why! Why can't it be easy, for once!" I cried out loud, frustrated about my powerlessness. I leaned against the next desk and thought about how I could resolve all this.

I thought about turning myself in. That would resolve the whole situation, but at what cost? It would be the end for Nea and possibly also Pyra. They would put me on trial, and because EPT has a lot of influence, I would get multiple lifetimes in prison. No! I can't do that, not only because of prison but because I won't let Nea or Pyra down!

So what else? I could jump out of the next airlock... No! Same result, different approach. Stop! Don't think like that! It became clear to me that I was not in the correct headspace to make impactful decisions. I sighed, took a last look at the room, and left.

"Where are you going?" asked Nea while I was on the way to the elevator, her voice filled with worry.

"Somewhere else. I need something to do, some goal. Anything to keep my mind busy." I said as I walked towards the elevator, but the door didn't open.

"Nea, come one!" I lifted my head and searched for a camera but couldn't find one. Instead, I raised my arms in a pleading gesture. "I don't want to spiral into another depressive episode. Just... Just let me go to my room."

"Only if you promise to talk to me," Her usually melodic happy voice sounded shy and fearful, "We will find a solution. I'm certain, just don't give up hope."

"I'm not giving up! - Well, I thought about giving up, but that does not mean I'm doing it!".

"I'm always here for you, you know that, right?" Nea said before opening the elevator. I just nodded.

On my way back up, I glanced at the clock on the display. It showed '16:43' I groaned. It was too early to sleep, and the pool was also not ready yet.

Back in my room, I collapsed onto my bed. I let out a long sigh and looked at the plain white ceiling. This wasn't the first time I experienced depressive symptoms. I knew I needed to process my emotions, and I knew that I should talk with Nea about it. But for now, I just wanted it to end immediately. I sighed again, knowing it would take at least some days before I was back to normal.

"Chris?" Nea's voice was timid but warm. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I will when the time is right." I said, "For now, I just want something to do. Something that keeps the thoughts in check."

"I understand. How about a swim? Swimming might help calm your emotions. The pool will be ready in about 20 minutes. If you take a long shower before and take your time changing, it will be prepared when you arrive."

"That... Is actually a great idea." I said. I stood back up and looked around the room before embarrassingly continuing. "Just a slight problem... I don't have any swimwear."

Nea let out a shy and girly giggle, "Well, that's a bummer."

"But that won't stop me!" I exclaimed, striking a victorious pose. Without breaking a beat, I undressed, grabbed a towel from the shower, and wrapped it around my waist.

I left my room and walked to the elevator. As the doors opened, I remembered that Nea could probably see me. "You don't have a problem with me skinny dipping, right?" I asked, concerned.

Nea giggled again, "No, go right ahead."

Relieved, I took the elevator one deck up and navigated my way to the pool. I threw the towel on the next best chair and took a long nice warm shower. As Nea had promised, the pool was ready after I was done.

I took the stairs into the pool. Usually, I would have just jumped in, but the pool was not deep enough for that. With just 1.7 m depth on the deeper side, I could stand anywhere easily. Nevertheless, I started to swim and could feel my tensions melt away after the first couple of laps. At first, swimming totally naked felt strange, but I quickly got used to it and even started to enjoy it.

"I should have asked you earlier to fill the pool," I said while taking a break on the side of the pool.

"I'm glad you like it," Nea responded. I narrowed my eyebrows. Something was off about her voice, but I couldn't quite grasp it.

"You're alright? Your voice sounds a bit off," I said.

"Yes, yes. Maybe the speakers are not correctly calibrated. I will recalibrate them later." She said, her voice still a bit elevated.

I shrugged and continued my laps.

---

I thoroughly enjoyed swimming in the pool and spent nearly 2 hours swimming laps, diving, or just relaxing. It had been some time since I last swam, and I just now realized how much I had missed it.

After my fingers got all wrinkly and I felt I had enough, I left the pool and took my towel to dry myself. "Ahh, that was great. I should do this more often." I said to myself before going back to my room.

While I enjoyed swimming naked, I found it strange to walk around the station naked or with just a towel. I put some light clothes on and headed to the mess hall for a small dinner, after which I quickly got tired and went to bed.

---

"How do you feel?" asked Nea. It was the following day, and I just told her that I felt ready to talk.

I stifled a snicker as I imagined Nea as a therapist with a clipboard, nodding and asking, 'And how does this make you feel?' while scribbling something down.

"Well, I feel a lot better now," I began, "Mostly because of you, thanks, by the way. Still... thinking about my ship... it hurts..."

I was sitting in my chair, and Nea's avatar was displayed on my console. Her face was warm and friendly. She nodded while I continued to talk but did not interrupt me.

"That alone was already hard, but then, in the lab, I felt so hopeless and cornered when you told me the research couldn't help us. The combination was just too much. I thought I was over my depression. I never had a relapse in the last 6 years, but... All this combined brought it back. The fear of what I would do if I fell down that hole again didn't help."

I exhaled sharply. Nea used that break to respond, "I understand. Do you want to also talk about your past?"

"No, that was a long time ago. I have worked through it and do not wish to open that box ever again." Nea nodded, "Sacrificing my ship felt like cutting off a hand. Like I had lost some body part. I had spent so much time in it, had so many memories with it, and spent a great sum of money to upgrade it. And now it's gone, lost to SolSec and EPT, forever, and I even mutilated it myself."

I continued, "I know why it had to be done, but it hurts nevertheless. Damn, I always thought it would end in a giant explosion, but now I, myself, blew a hole through the cockpit window and sent it directly to SolSec. And that the research can't help us... well... now I don't feel as hopeless as before. Even if we don't find a solution on Hermes, Pyra will return soon, and with the new ship, I can at least escape if I need to. Not that I want to, but I'm stuck here, currently."

"Hermes does have escape pods," Nea said.

"Yes, I know. But what would they help me? With the tiny thrusters and out-of-date emergency rations, I won't even make it to the next planet. But that's not the point. If EPT finds me here, I'm done for anyways. I meant that without a way to change my DNA, I won't be able to do anything outside of Hermes again. I want to change something about this, but I can't. I don't have the slightest idea how gene editing works, nor do I know more than some basic biology. So my best bet is to wait for Pyra or find..." I stopped.

Nea looked at me, confused. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

"I might have an Idea." I just said.

~~~

Hello again,

This chapter took longer than I would have liked.

Writing about depression is hard and does make you feel a bit depressed yourself.

Thanks for your patience and all the feedback I have gotten.

Special thanks to TheNovalist and his discord. Without you all, I would have never made it this far.

Thanks for reading my story!

Stay safe, and I <3 you all!

Kat

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