All Comments on 'Heterochromia'

Thanks for a gorgeous story! When they finally got together half way through I was worried about waht might happen, but it just flowed. 5* definitely!

Loved it: but did you have to give the story away on the first page? Too many lit authors fall for the 'i have to explain everything before we start syndrome' which in most cases rooms the story from the start. All of that school background could have been drip fed through the next three or four pages and even heightened the tension.

Beautiful story. Well done. Worth every of the five stars.

This is how a romance story should be written. I loved the story and the characters. I liked the plot and the flow of the story. I wish I could give it more than 5 stars. Thanks for your time and imagination.

I just love this one :-) Thanks for sharing :-)

Great story!

5

Great background and character development. Thank you.

Felt a strong connection to the story being very familiar with Davis Elementary School. I thought you would somehow return to the genetic trait you reference in the title. The baby was a perfect opportunity. BTW, yours is the second story published in this section of Lit this week referencing heterochromia. I had never heard of it before. Keep writing.

I like a good romance, I really do. Heterochromia was an unusual hook to base the story around. But I had to stop about halfway through page 3. The constant "will they wont they" got tiring. I seriously began to wonder if this had been written by a script writer for the Lifetime movie Network or something. I'm pretty sure it all ends well but I did not feel like slogging through all the drama.

What a superb tale . I loved the story line and am now going to check your titles page in the hope I`ll find lots more to enjoy . Many Thanks . I voted a 5 of course .

I enjoyed this one a lot. I don’t agree with the commenter that found the “romantic tension” overdone. I appreciate the development of somewhat complex characters, even if that takes some time.

Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing your work.

You told a wonderful tale here. It had a good amount of details to really draw you in and that in my opinion just makes for a very fine story.

I just couldn't gather up any like for Paula. I like your writing. It is wonderful, but Paula...

the rest was, quite frankly, rather boring. No real tension or significant plot issues for the last several pages, just narrative.

This is a nice story that rambles along at its own pace. One commenter used the word "boring," which I think is totally wrong. It isn't the fast pace of a lot of what is up here on Lit, but the story moves along nicely. The writer stops to smell the roses of the details a lot, and that's fun.

THANKS

After my second reading, I thought I'd comment. I only read the romance genre on Lit and there's too many stories that are rushed and have everlasting love develop over a few days, sometimes after a single date. This one felt more realistic and I liked it. It really belongs in the Romance category. I especially like a smart woman character like Paula. Thanks for the story.

Wow, well done. 5⭐️

I forgot to add - LOVE the title, it's what caught my interest. It really stands out from all the blatant "Henry Gets Laid/Susan Finds A Sugar Daddy" kind of titles

Doubtless

I think the issue I have is with daft men. You have clients and make deals all day long, but you can't decipher a woman's OBVIOUS intent? Is this why rich men give all their money to the women in their lives once they split? It irritates me to no end. I had to move beyond the idiot being played with by this woman due to his lack of problem-solving skills.

Adore your relentless SURPRISES!!

Nice work!

Sweet story. I really enjoy your submissions, thanks for writing

Fun and interesting with an oddly disconnected ending.

The story kept my interest, entertaining for sure. I did have a scratch the head moment. A stripper that doesn't remove their clothes... hmmm doesn't sound like a stripper to me. I think you call that a dancer. It just caused me to internally question her story. A stripper that doesn't strip... what else is she lying about?

Third story in a row I've read from you and the third I've given 5 stars...

That said, you still kinda phone your endings in and once again I agree with other commenters that you pretty much suck at writing good endings.

Seriously though! All your stories have interesting characters, great story lines and are wonderfully exiting to read, only to be let down by the last page or so when it feels like either you've given up or stopped caring.

I can sort of get the need to wrap up a story and get it done, but try to resist that urge.

Let the story go for a couple of days, and think about what you need to do to honor the characters you've spent that much time with, and then write an ending that does justice to them.

Odd ending, very good until then.

Very nice, happy ending, family acceptance- what more would you want?

This was really good. Thank you.

Excellent, no issues. 5 from me

This one was amusing. I really liked the banter back and forth between the two. My favorite was Paula carried over the shoulder to the bedroom. It was fun to read and Paula kept the reader on its toes.

5 of course

Take care

I thought it might drag a bit when I saw 8 pages, but it all great. You built a wonderful world for the tale, unless it’s all true. 😎

😏5*

Tc

You are an incredible writer.