Hidden Boss

"I do," I admitted, watching Caroline. Her eyes had gotten huge, tears threatening to bust out.

We heard Emily in the background, "Who is it, dear?"

"It's Chris, and guess what? He found Caroline!"

"CAROLINE!" she shrieked so loudly we heard her. "He found her!"

"He did!"

"Is she there?"

"Yes, she is," I admitted, "We're listening on the speakerphone."

"She's there," Larry confirmed.

Another, almost unintelligible shriek erupted over the phone, "Get away from that phone doofus. I need to talk to her."

Then Emily was on the phone, "Caroline, OMG is it really you? Do you know how much effort that idiot Chris put into trying to find you after he lost your number that night?"

Away they went chatting and crying with each other. The Kleenex was out! Instant Chick bonding! How women do that, I'll never know? Not a beer or sports event to help the process along! It staggers the male mind!

Yes, my eternal shame. We were out on Larry's stag night when I met Caroline at a club. The attraction was immediate and mutual. I never believed in love at first sight, but that night changed my mind. We danced, drank and talked for two hours before the boys wanted to move on. I didn't want to leave her but couldn't desert Larry. My phone inadvertently got left in my hotel room. Rather than do the smart thing and have one of our buddies text her info, I stupidly wrote it down on a piece of paper. And then somehow, it got lost in during the subsequent revelry.

She and I had made arrangements to go out for lunch the next day. We were going to decide where in the morning. Despite my wicked hangover, I was up and raring to go. Only to find out the paper was gone. She was gone. I hadn't asked her last name.

I was devastated.

We tracked down taxis, went back to clubs. I searched every Caroline I could find on Facebook in the Chicago area. When that didn't work, I looked on Twitter and every other social media platform I could think of. I ran ads in the local papers and Craigslist. You know, the 'I saw you at' kind of ad. No luck. I poured over every social media photo I could find of the club we were at that night, hoping to spot her in someone's picture. Larry and Emily had even haunted that club for a long time after I went home, hoping to run into her. Nothing!

Nada!

For the next few years, I even ran regular ads in the newspapers and on social media.

Caroline had no idea. All she ever knew was that I lied to her and stood her up. My future wife! It haunted me every day since. I'd had nightmares over the years about her meeting someone and marrying him instead.

I slipped quietly out of her office door. They already had plans for dinner tonight and something about the weekend. There was work to be done, and I sensed they'd be talking for a long time yet.

She stormed out of her office thirty minutes later and jumped me, wrapping herself around, raining kisses on my face. I tried my damnedest to kiss her back.

There were a few catcalls. "About time," and "Finally," from our co-workers, but with my love in my arms, we ignored them. Some customers were watching with amusement, and they clapped, then picked up their cups and came up to the front counter to watch the entertainment.

I finally put her down.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded petulantly, hands on her hips.

'HUH? Was she kidding me?' I distinctly remember a conversation that went something like, 'Shut the fuck up you mealy-mouthed, lying, son of a bitch! I don't want to hear another word from you' and ' blow your little project out of the water' if I said another word. And that picture with a dart in my face certainly had an impact.

I started to correct her.

Then the other piece of Franklin's marriage advice kicked in.

'When she makes irrational accusations look confused and contrite. Apologize like crazy, and thank her for setting you straight. Above all else, if it looks like she's buying it, DON'T SMIRK! NEVER SMIRK! The smirk will kill you every time.'

I caught myself in time. "I'm sorry, dear. I'm not sure what happened. I was so confused by the events and my feelings."

Should I bat my eyes like a Kewpie doll trying to show my innocence? This was new ground. I'd have to practise in front of a mirror.

"It's water under the bridge," she magnanimously announced to my relief.

That was my cue. Fortunately, she hadn't known about the credit card hidden in my suitcase just in case I ever lost my wallet. I took a small box out of my pocket that I'd gone and bought on my lunch break. I got down on one knee and held it out to her popping the lid open to show her the glittering ring nestled there. There was a collective gasp from those watching us.

"Caroline, will you do me the honour of marrying me?"

"YES!" she shrieked and jumped on me again, knocking me onto the floor where she thoroughly, with my willing co-operation, kissed me.

The customers and staff were clapping their hands and cheering enthusiastically.

Standing up, a little more circumspect, I fit the ring on her finger. She couldn't help flashing it around to everyone.

"So who won?" piped up one of the staff.

Huh?

"Won what?" I asked.

"The pool," he said excitedly. "You two have been eyefuc...errr, eyeballing each other since you arrived. It was obvious where it was headed. There's a pool on when you two would get together."

"There's a pool?" I asked stupidly. "When did you do that?"

"Just after you arrived. Hang on, I got it," announced one of the girls going over the form. "It looks like...?" She stopped for a moment.

"CAROLINE won it?" she said, the tone of her voice heavy with disbelief.

There was silence for a moment while I stared at the girl who'd been my new Fiance for about twenty seconds.

"Caroline?" I asked.

She had the grace to blush, then got indignant. "Honey, they were betting against my new husband and me. I knew YOU were the one the minute you gawked at my ass. Not the original YOU I met years ago, but someone who reminded me so much of him, I could finally move forward and bury that past. It was easy money. I had to take it! They say all is fair in love and war!"

I scratched my head, thoroughly confused. How? When? Right after I arrived? And how she treated me? WTF?

All this was gonna show up on the TV show?

It didn't take a lot to figure out that half the audience would be cheering, "You go get him, girl."

The male half would be scratching their heads just like me and asking, "WTF just happened?"

Maybe it was better if I just stayed confused.

We had dinner with Emily and Larry that night. It was a rip-roaring success; Caroline bonded with them instantly.

Back at her apartment, she taught me a whole new definition of enthusiasm. By the time I crawled out of bed the next morning, I was dehydrated and even sorer than when I crawled in.

I got half-way to the door when I heard, "Ccchhhrrrissss." I turned. Her little finger crooked twice, calling me back. Her tousled hair and hooded eyes gave me a clue why. More important was her holding the blanket up, inviting me back, her gorgeous breasts hanging down like ripe fruit, her nipples hard as erasers.

My own personal compass pointer led me to the promised land.

Water was vastly overrated anyway!

We were late to work, but nobody said anything. I'm pretty sure they figured it out.

We were headed into the lunch hour rush when her eyes focused on the parking lot outside.

"Shit!" she swore.

"What?" I looked out. There was a fat man in a rumpled suit heading in. It took me a minute before I recognized Jerry, the District Manager.

"Gonna be trouble!" she predicted.

"Why? Have we done something wrong?"

"Don't need to. Everything is wrong with this guy. Get ready for a shit storm; you're going to love this guy."

I didn't like that. A shit storm? If anything, Caroline ran one of the best operations I'd seen. The staff loved her. So why the problems with the District Manager? I knew he wasn't in the loop on the TV show here.

Uneasy at her attitude, I texted Becky. 'TV now. Might be a problem coming. Franklin, too, if possible.'

Head Office had a small room with a computer set up that could log in anytime into the ongoing filming in realtime and see what was going on.

Jerry came in with a piece of paper in his hand, strutting like a conquering emperor.

"Alright, line 'em up!" he barked at us.

Line us up? What was this kindergarten?

Everybody shuffled into line. It was apparent they'd done this before.

He walked down the line looking like a commanding officer inspecting his troops. I could see people waiting at the counter. There was no one to serve them.

"Sir, customers are waiting out there."

"So what? Let them wait. Who are you?"

"I'm Chris, sir. I'm new here. Sir, our company policy section 3, subsection 3a specifically calls for one or two members to be at the counter to serve customers during a staff meeting. That number is at the manager's discretion. There are customers waiting out there."

Caroline had to cover the look of amusement on her face.

"Welllll," he drawled, "aren't you the smarty pants."

"No, sir. I've worked for the company for years, going from high school thru university. I've filled in for managers many times and made myself familiar with the company policies."

"Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, in my district, we do it my way. Company policies don't matter. Comprehend? And why do you have your phone in your hand? That's against the same policies. You're fired."

Caroline interrupted, "You can't fire him, Jerry. He was just coming off a break where he used his phone. He's allowed to do that. You called the lineup before he had a chance to put it away."

He turned on her and snarled, "And you, you mouthy bitch." He waved that piece of paper in the air, "Who did you go over my head with at Head Office to get this authorized?" It was the invoice for the cooling and heating replacement.

"Nobody," she replied angrily, "I was surprised as anyone when they showed up to do the work."

"In your office bitch. I'll get you straightened out."

I'd had it. He wasn't watching me, busy trying to herd Caroline over to her office.

'Gonna fire him,' I texted to Becky.

My phone vibrated a couple of seconds later. Franklin was calling.

"Hi."

"I'll have his termination and severance sent out in today's mail, Chris."

I whispered back, hoping the TV cameras wouldn't pick this up, "That's not good enough, sir. Think about it. The public is going to see this being done on TV and then...nothing? Our employees are going to see it. Nobody does anything? They won't see the papers or him being fired. It needs to be public and with extreme prejudice. Right now on TV is the best time."

There were a few seconds of silence. "You're absolutely right, Chris. Do it. His lawyer can pound salt if he sues. We'll countersue on behalf of the employees for the humiliation and stress he's caused. In fact, I think we'll divide his severance up among those employees for a damage settlement. Let him sue."

"Get some popcorn," I told him.

I took over. "Okay, people, we have customers. Let's get busy." Surprisingly they all obeyed me without question.

Jerry was still haranguing away at Caroline, trying to back her into her office, when I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. I dragged him out to the front counter, enjoying the sound of him choking on his now tight collar. This was going to be VERY public.

"Who do you think you are," he screamed at me when I shoved him against the front counter. He was clutching his throat and coughing. "I'm calling the cops!"

'Go right ahead. Keys to your company car, phone, company credit card and any paperwork you've got on the counter now. You're fired. Nobody treats a hard-working crew like this one the way you just did."

"You can't fire me. I'm the District Manager. You're fired; I'll have you arrested."

It was time for the big reveal.

I tore my wig and moustache off and tossed them on the counter. I saw it later on TV. The action shot looked great. Hurt like a bitch though, they were really glued on.

"For the record, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Chris Hanes, VP of Employee Relations for the company. The TV show Hidden Boss has been filming here for an episode. And you, Jerry, are fired with extreme prejudice on national television for the worst employee abuse I've ever seen. Don't even think of asking for a recommendation. Hand over your stuff. You've got till the count of five, and then I'll take it from you."

"But Chris..." he whined, reluctantly putting stuff on the counter.

"Don't even talk to me, you piece of shit. Make it fast before I throw you out on your ass. NOBODY treats our employees the way you just did."

With our company goods recovered he started to walk out. I couldn't resist. When he walked past, I grabbed him by the back of his belt and lifted till he was on his tiptoes. Unable to catch his balance, his feet windmilled, and I pushed against the centre of his back. I made no effort to avoid the door with his head and tossed him out on the sidewalk like yesterday's garbage.

I had his company car, I hoped he had bus fare...NOT!

When I re-entered the store, there was loud applause from the customers and the staff. We'd made our point.

The Director, grinning like a fool, came bouncing in, his feet barely touching the ground. "Going to be the best episode ever, Chris," he predicted. "I just talked to your boss. He's got some great ideas."

As if cued, my phone buzzed again. Franklin!

"Sir?"

He was still chuckling. "Loved it, Chris! You and Caroline call me from her office whenever you can get things back to normal. I'd like to talk to both of you."

We called him half an hour later.

"Chris and Caroline, this whole Hidden Boss thing has vastly exceeded my expectations. I'm very pleased. The Director is over the moon. He tells me it's going to be the best episode they've ever done. However, he suggested that if you two are willing, we put together a wedding for you and film it as part of the show. He wants to turn the episode into a ninety-minute TV special for Christmas. Millions will see you get married. He knows a famous Hollywood Wedding Planner that will help put it together just for the TV exposure she gets. I talked briefly to my wife. She has made it abundantly clear that a wedding is a private ceremony for friends and family only, so it's up to you if you don't want to do it. Oh, the company will pay for the entire wedding if you do go along with it. But we'd have to get it all done soon. Christmas is coming fast."

"We're in," said Caroline.

I bristled; wait a minute, who was in charge here?

Reality check! Yep, roasted, toasted and sizzling like a spitted hog revolving over the barbecue. There was only one response needed—time to practise.

"Yes, dear," I said, giving her my newly patented, butter-will-not-melt-in-this-mouth look of innocence.

Franklin chuckled on the other end of the phone. "You're a fast learner, Chris!"

And so we got married two weeks before Christmas. The Director had imposed on a couple of A list and several B list actors attracted by the public spectacle. And it was a spectacle. Between the Hollywood wedding arranger and Caroline, it was an extravaganza.

When the strains of the Bridal March started, I turned to watch Caroline and her Bridesmaids traversing the aisle. She was grinning and waving to people and friends she knew. Getting close, our eyes locked, and time seemed to freeze. Suddenly, she tossed her bouquet to a Bridesmaid and took off running, her wedding train flying behind her. We met at the bottom of the steps just in time for me to catch her leap into my arms. Our lips found each other, and the outside world ceased to exist.

The Minister turned out to be a cool guy and got everyone clapping. Arriving back on Planet Earth, somewhat embarrassed, I climbed up the steps carrying my love. We said our vows unconventionally, my Bride comfortably cradled against me, arms holding tightly around my neck. Both of us refusing to let go! In the past, I thought I'd lost her forever; no way was I letting her go.

I saw the TV previews after showing an incredibly tender moment. Right after, the Director slow-motioned the whole scene. He was over the moon with us!

They ran the ninety-minute Christmas special edition just two days before Christmas. I understand millions watched us tie the knot. Not as many as the Royals got for their wedding, but more people than I could imagine. It set an episode viewer record for the Hidden Boss. Advertisers were throwing money at the show and networks to get in.

Franklin threw in a honeymoon at a private tropical resort he knew of, dedicated to celebrities' privacy. There would have been no way we could have gone to a regular resort; we were too famous and newsworthy.

I got several offers of employment from some of the important people there.

Caroline got propositioned twice by major movie stars. Bastards! I'd have flattened them, but there was too much security around; I didn't want us kicked out.

We enjoyed our time over the Christmas and New Year holidays, making love, eating, swimming and sunbathing. I can't imagine what it cost Franklin to send us there, but I'll always remember it as one of the best times of my life.

We spent Christmas eve sipping champagne with major stars and CEO's till we retired to bed and made love under the stars. Yes, the private cottage featured a glass roof in the master bedroom. You could lie there staring up into the starry vault of the sky. It was beautiful holding each other, trading little kisses and watching the stars and meteorites. Waking up to a full moon shining down on you. I swore one day we'd have a house featuring a glass roof.*

But one of the best things to come out of all this was the company board meeting. Before the show aired, Franklin called a board meeting ostensibly to go over the last quarter's results and show some wedding highlights to the board members. He invited Caroline and me, along with some of the employees, to participate. That was unusual, no, make that unprecedented.

After the directors' applause, Franklin asked me to speak on what I'd found out working and living as an employee. What improvements could we make and implement for Christmas?

I stood to address them. "I find myself at a loss here, Ladies and Gentlemen. I know the purpose of what Mr. Franklin asked us was to find something for the staff we could associate with the Hidden Boss show and Christmas. These were my experiences."

I told them about getting mugged. The astronomical medical bill I couldn't afford on my wages. That lack of food because my pay had run out due to sick days—the long hours on dirty buses commuting to work. Standing in bus stops for hours in inclement weather. We were building stores in up and coming communities, but the staff couldn't afford to live there. They could only afford places in slum areas.

"I'm aware of the dollars and cents of the industry. I understand we can't afford to pay more without pricing ourselves out of the market. I understand the greedy medical industry has made it impossible for businesses to provide medical plans for their employees. I'm embarrassed to admit I failed on that account. I can't imagine what we would do for the staff that has any real Christmas meaning."

I turned to Franklin. "I apologize, sir. I feel I failed that part of your request." I sat down to silence.

Looking at the Director's faces around the table, I got the impression none of them gave a shit about what I'd just sketched out.

"Hepburn?" Franklin asked.

He stood. "I have to agree with Chris. I looked at the financials too. There's no room for a general wage raise. We could perhaps pay a small bonus of fifty dollars per employee. Not very much for the season. And medical is right out the window with the greed going on in that industry. I've been looking at the figures for the management plan; we're maybe going to have to cut back there if things don't change soon."