All Comments on 'Hidden Camera'

A brutal read. You need to use proper punctuation and frame the dialogue with quotation marks so that it reads like a story instead of somebody breathlessly babbling. I wanted to get hard but ended up getting annoyed instead.

Not trying to be cruel but you will find readers more accepting if at least effort is made to make the tale halfway coherant. This doesn't reflect any such effort.

It reads like english is your second language. Edit, edit and then edit again. Good hot basic ditty. Keep trying.

Definitely need some help with your grammar and punctuation. And not really all that believable. It's a pen camera, but then you're showing her the video on the camera? How does that work? And who would realistically notice a pen moving around the bathroom, unless the protagonist was so stupid as to have it hanging from the shower head or something?

don't stop now you have a good story started please keep going

thanks for posting