High School Again? Ugh! Ch. 03

"Past," I sighed, getting out of bed and stretching.

"Go take a shower," Ms. Valente said. "I'll call you a cab."

"Thanks," I smiled and gave her a brief kiss.

I took a quick shower because there was no point to it other than to wash the stink of sex from me. My clothes were still ripe from jogging. It was no picnic putting them back on.

"The cab should be here soon," she said, holding out some folded money when I emerged from the bathroom. I looked at her and hesitated, but it's not like I had a lot of choices.

"I'll pay you back on Monday," I promised.

"You don't have to," Ms. Valente said. She was wearing only a robe now. It was the type that did more to catch a man's interested then keep a woman covered.

"Sure I do," I grinned. "The thought of being paid for what just happened just doesn't feel right."

"Please!" she laughed, blushing slightly. "I would have to pay you a lot more than that!"

'Well, I guess that's one way of making some money,' I thought as I laughed. 'It might be fun. AIDS is still a ways away. On the other hand, herpes and other fun STDs are here and have been forever.'

"Juan," Ms. Valente said. "Do you promise never tell anyone about this?"

"I won't," I answered, but then smiled and added, "You've more than bought my silence. Besides, I don't want you to lose your job over one mistake."

"That would be the least of my worries," she sighed.

"Hey, it's not like I'm underage," I offered.

"You're only eighteen," she said, shaking her head.

"True," I smiled. "But I'll tell you something I'm sure you've heard before, only I'm starting to believe it myself now. Age is all in your head. Do I act like an eighteen year old?"

"No," she said. "But..."

I cut her off by kissing her. Ms. Valente fell into my arms easily enough.

"Do I kiss like an eighteen year old?" I asked.

"Definitely not," she said, but then grinned and added, "Not that I've kissed a lot of eighteen year olds."

I opened my mouth to reply, but a horn sounded.

"That's your cab," my teacher said.

"Thanks," I said, meaning it. "I needed this to get past what happened with Rodger."

"I needed it too," she smiled. I couldn't help myself. I kissed her again. I'm pretty sure more would have happened if the cabby hadn't beeped his horn again.

"Rosa, I'll see you at school on Monday," I said as we pulled apart.

"Ms. Valente," she corrected.

"I'll see you both there," I laughed. She smiled, but looked nervous. "Ms. Valente, don't worry so much. No one will ever know."

I looked at my watch as I left her apartment and noticed that I had just enough time to get home for dinner. For once, I wouldn't be late.

"Address?" the cabby asked. I started to answer, but hesitated.

What happened with Rodger and Ms. Valente to a lesser extent helped me realize something important. I needed to talk to someone or the things building up in me would burst free at the worst moment. The only problem was figuring out who could I trust. If this were twenty years in the future or even ten, the choice would be easy, but Cindy was only thirteen now.

My parents were the obvious choice and I did trust them, but I also knew them well enough to know that they wouldn't handle what I wanted to say well at all. Other names passed through my mind including Mrs. C, Ms. Valente and even the soccer player Jake, but in the end the only real choice I had left was Tara. The problem was that I didn't want to pull her into my craziness.

"Address?" the cabby repeated. She was an older woman and not partially pleasant or happy. I sighed and gave my home address. I needed to think about this over night. One more day wouldn't be the end of the world. The rough sex with Ms. Valente had helped.

'Weird shit,' I thought, shaking my head. I'd never done anything like that before. Hell, I would never have guessed that passion and anger could go together so well, at least not for me. I'd probably feel bad about it right now if Ms. Valente hadn't obviously enjoyed it so much.

My reaction with her surprised me. It seemed that one moment I was sad and depressed after attending Rodger's funeral and the next I was angry at the world, at everything and nothing. It was a slow, deep rage that had obviously been building since Rodger's wish became a reality and on some level it scared me.

I remember being mad at everyone, especially the people who didn't deserve it. I was angry with my parents. They were the reason why I was stuck making believe I was eighteen again. If not for them I'd be free to do whatever I wanted. Of course, the truth was far more complex. I was even angry with my little sister Cindy for no reason other than she wasn't the Cindy I remembered and needed.

I was calmer now, but I knew that deep down I was still furious with Rodger for making the stupid wish that sent us back to high school and then leaving me here alone. I felt guilty about that anger because I knew poor Rodger must have been in excruciating pain for him to do what he did, but that didn't make my anger any less real.

I also blamed Tyche for granting his wish, but that anger seemed pointless. I knew enough about the Greek gods to know that humans who became involved with them typically got hurt in the end.

'Although it's not like I knew who she was at the time,' I sighed. On the other hand, she had told me. I just hadn't believed.

My mind started wandering over what had happened since I irritated the goddess of fortune. Other than having to cope with being thrust back here when I didn't want to be, most of my luck hadn't been good or bad really. My problems had little to do with luck at all. They were about having to face things that were in my past that I'd rather not have to think about.

'On the other hand, some things that happened were definitely lucky,' I admitted to myself, thinking back to Ms. Valente. 'I mean, I end up with the hottest gym teacher ever at a time in my life when I'm pissed at the world and she just happens to like rough sex? That has to be luck! And what about the others?'

The first day had been tough, but somehow Mrs. C had been there to help me get past the shock of it all. Even Tiffany had helped in her way. The night I spent with her and the football game were exactly what I wanted them to be. They were my way of trying to hold on to the reality I grew up with, right or wrong. It hadn't worked, but it was what I needed to realize that although I might be living my life over again, it couldn't be the same. I wasn't the same.

I'd slept with three women since Rodger's wish, and each was for a different reason. Mrs. C was to get over the shock, Tiffany was my attempt at denying the truths around me and Ms. Valente was all about my anger.

'Wait,' I frowned to myself. 'Shock, denial and anger. Why do they sound familiar?'

My mind raced. Where had I heard about them together before?

'Holy shit!' I thought as the truth hit me. It was when my father died. Someone, I can't even remember who, had warned that when you mourned you went through stages. I frowned and asked myself, 'But who the hell am I mourning?'

The obvious choice was Rodger, but all this started before he died. It started when his wish thrust me into my own past. It obviously wasn't for my parents because in this reality they were alive and well.

'Maybe Cindy?' I asked myself. 'Not the thirteen year old Cindy, but the one I used to know?'

I knew that was part of the answer, but there was still more to it. I missed a lot of people from my old life, but they weren't dead. Oh, my being here might change things for them, but that wasn't why I was feeling the way I did.

'Who or what am I mourning?' I asked myself in frustration. The truth dawned on me slowly. 'Me, I mourning for me.'

I obviously wasn't dead, but the life I led that made me who I am was being changed. In a way it was dying. I still felt like me, but was I? This was definitely one of the paradoxes of time travel, but there was no point in dwelling on it. I wouldn't know if I was changing anyway.

'This has to end,' I thought, shaking my head. I needed to get back to the life I remember. There had to be a way.

The first thing I needed to do was figure out a way to contact Tyche. She was the one who put me here, so therefore she was the one who could put me back. The second thing I needed to do was figure out what kind of a deal I could make with her to send me back.

"Bargaining," the cabby said suddenly. I frowned and looked at her through the rearview mirror.

"Pardon?" I asked.

"That's the next stage in mourning," she grinned, watching me through the rearview mirror. Her eyes were blue and cold. "Although I wouldn't waste my time dwelling on it. You have nothing the gods want."

"Tyche?" I asked, almost numbly.

"Please!" the woman snorted. "She is so much trouble right now that I doubt she'll be allowed back on Earth before your grandchildren are dust."

"Then who are you?" I asked.

"Nemesis," she replied.

"Who?" I asked in confusion.

"No respect," she sighed. "I'm Nemesis, goddess of retribution. I punish those who are granted undeserved happiness or good fortune. For instance, say a drunken goddess grants a man a wish to return to high school when he's so obviously undeserving. It's my job to punish him and balanced the scales."

"That's not fair!" I cried nervously. "I didn't even want to come back here!"

"Humans," she sighed loudly. "You think everything is about you."

"You're not here to punish me?" I asked, confused once again.

"It looks to me that you're doing that well enough on your own," she replied. "I was sent for your friend."

"Rodger?" I frowned. "Why?"

"You did read his suicide note, didn't you?" she asked. "He went to college and left his little sister with a man he knew was a monster. She kills herself a few years later. Your friend blocks out his guilt and decides to plan and execute the cold blooded murder of his own father, as if that could make it all alright when it fact it only made things worse."

"I'm not sure that's fair..." I began, but she cut me off.

"And I care about your opinion why?" she interjected, her sarcasm obvious. "You know, I'm looking forward to when I'm done here. I'll probably be able to take a vacation with Tyche gone for a bit. I spend half my time cleaning up after her and I can only take so much time dealing with you humans."

"If you're not here to punish me," I said, changing the subject. "Then why are you here?"

"Good question," she sighed. "I'm not really sure of the answer myself other than to say that the Moirai told me to come."

"Moirai?" I asked. I sighed to myself and thought, 'I'd better start studying Greek mythology more if goddesses were going to continue popping in and out of my life.'

"The Norn," she said, not clarifying at all. She saw my expression and added in an irritated tone, "The Fates! You know, Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos?"

"The sisters who decide a man's fate?" I asked, remembering something I read once.

"Yes," Nemesis said, clearly impatient to get whatever this was over with. "Clotho spins a human's life thread out, Lachesis determines the length and Atropos cut it when his life ends."

"You can't be serious?" I asked.

"Hey, don't look at me," the old woman shrugged. "It was your ancestors who came up with the silly myth on what the Moirai did."

"So that's not what they do?" I asked.

"I didn't say that. I expect that they do that and then some," Nemeis replied. "They're the Fates. They're outside of the normal hierarchy. Even Zeus has to listen to them. They control reality and see all of our destinies in a blink of an eye. Tyche made them pretty angry when she threw you and your friend back in time. It screws with their plan."

"What do they want with me?" I asked.

"Who knows?" she answered. "This isn't the first time Tyche has tried something like this and usually it all works itself out quickly enough or I get sent out to clean up afterward. For some reason, this time the Moirai told me to leave you alone. I am to deliver their warning and go."

"What warning?" I asked, swallowing hard. I'm not sure if it was because I was afraid or just plain stunned. Why the hell would three women who scare even the gods want to send me a warning?

"Be careful what you change," Nemesis replied.

"And?" I asked.

"That's it," she shrugged.

"Be careful what I change or what?" I asked.

"Best case they might send me back," the old woman replied.

"Great," I said, shaking my head. "And worst case?"

"You cause Armageddon," Nemesis replied.

"Is that even possible?" I frowned.

"You'd have to ask them," the woman replied, pulling over. "I'm not doing it. The Moirai give me the creeps!"

"I may just do that," I said. "I want to go back to my old life. If talking to them is the only way, then so be it."

"Two things," Nemesis said. "First, good luck meeting the Moirai. To my knowledge, they've never set foot on Earth despite what some of the stories say."

"I'll find a way," I said stubbornly.

"It won't matter if you do," she added. "There's no way for you to go back to the future."

"You want to bet?" I asked. She looked at me and started laughing.

"Humans!" Nemesis laughed briefly and then looked at me and frowned. "I wonder why Tyche chose you and your friend?"

"She won't tell you?" I asked.

"She doesn't know," the old woman sighed. "The gods are just as limited by time as you humans are. Tyche had the power to send you and Rodger back in time, but not herself. Whatever the reason she sent you back is lost in a future that no longer exists."

"If that's true, then how did you know she did it?" I frowned.

"I can see it in your mind," Nemesis replied. "But I would never have come here if not for the Moirai. They recognized you and your friend for what you are the moment you appeared. Your very existence changes their work."

"So, even if Tyche was here and wanted to send me back to my own time, she couldn't?" The thought made my heart stop. Was I really stuck here forever?

"How could she send you into the future?" Nemesis asked. "She has no reference."

"She could read my mind and use my knowledge of what will be to send me back," I said.

"Interesting point," the woman said thoughtfully, but then shrugged. "It wouldn't work anyway because the simply truth is that the future you remember doesn't exist anymore. It changed the moment you were sent back."

I wasn't sure whether I believed her or not. She was making it sounds like there was only one future and I didn't necessarily buy it. Somewhere the life I had still existed and I wanted it back.

"Suit yourself," Nemesis shrugged, obviously reading my thoughts. "I've taken care of the loose end I was sent down here for and giving you the warning that Moirai specified. I'm done. Believe what you want, but if I were you I wouldn't waste my breath trying to bargain with the sisters. Take it from me, you have nothing they want."

"Yet they told you to leave me alone," I said. "They must have a reason."

"For the time being," Nemesis replied. "Just remember, the fates are fickle. I could return tomorrow if you do the wrong thing. Now get out of my cab. The meter is still running."

I looked out the window and saw my house. I hadn't realize we arrived. I opened the door and climbed out of the cab. I reached in my pocket for the money Ms. Valente gave me, but Nemesis drove off before I could hand it to her.

'Can this get any crazier?' I asked as walked up the path to my house.

"Just in time," my mother said in relief as I entered the house. "Go wash up. We have company."

"Company?" I frowned. I was in no mood to have to deal with guests.

"Hello Johnny," Tara said as she entered the living room. "I stopped by on my way home from Mike's to see how you were doing and your mother invited me to dinner. I hope you don't mind?"

"No," I said slowly. "I don't mind."

I could feel myself stepping back from the edge of the insanity I felt threatening after dealing with Nemesis. Tara had that effect on me. Of course, it was just one of many. It was obvious that I was falling for her hard. I was old enough to know that, but how could I drag her into this?

"Something smells ripe," my father said as he came in from the garage. I knew exactly what he meant. I might have taken a shower at Ms. Valente's, but my clothes reeked.

"Thanks pop," I frowned.

"Go take a shower," he said. "But make it quick. I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry," mom sighed.

"It's your great cooking!" he laughed, pulling her into a kiss. I noticed Tara watching with a sad smile.

I knew her mother split sometime in the past. I guess seeing my parents together made her feel a little envious. I remember that as I kid I assumed everyone had parents who loved each other the way mine did, but the older I got the more I realized just how odd it was.

"Tara!" Cindy cried from the kitchen. "Are you coming?"

"I promised your little sister I go in the yard and play with her," Tara smiled.

"Have fun," I offered. She laughed and left the room.

I turned back to my parents just in time to notice mom slapping pop's hand away. I'm not sure what he was reaching for, but I could guess. I grinned for a moment before I noticed that my father stomach was hanging slightly over his belt.

"Pop, why don't you come with me on my jog tomorrow?" I asked, remembering the heart attack that killed him eventually.

"And why would I want to do that?" he asked in reply.

"You could use the exorcize," I answered.

"What?" my father cried indignantly. "Are you trying to tell me I'm getting fat?"

"That's not what I said," I said, knowing how pop could be.

"But it's what he meant," my mother surprised me by saying. "And he's not wrong. You really should take care of yourself better. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

I did. I knew exactly what she'd do. Mom would crawl up in her bed after the funeral and not leave it for weeks. She would cry suddenly and without warning for years later at the oddest thing. In short, mom would never be the same and it had nothing to do with the Alzheimer's that eventually put her in a nursing home.

"I'm as healthy as a horse!" my father cried.

"Then a little jog won't bother you," I said. "And when was the last time you had a physical?"

"What's with the sudden concern about my health?" he asked.

"It's not sudden," I replied. "I just want to make sure you're still around to walk Cindy down the aisle and play with your grandchildren." He hadn't been around for either.

"Just for that!" pop snapped. "Be prepared to be left in the dust tomorrow. Now go take that shower so we can eat."

I went upstairs, took a shower and got changed. My mind drifted back to the conversation I had with Nemesis as I cleaned up. I replayed it over and over again, but no more answers came. I could feel the disconnect between myself and this reality grow the more I thought about what had happened.

I glanced out the window in my room and saw Tara and Cindy playing in the yard. They were both laughing at something and I felt my heart swell. Tara swept Cindy up into a hug as I watched. I could be happy with her. I shook my head and backed away from the window.

"It's almost as if I'm being led to her," I said thoughtfully as I started for the door. I froze the moment the words left my lips. "Am I? Are the Fates screwing with my life? Were they the ones who led me first to Mrs. C, then to Tiffany and Ms. Velente, and now finally to Tara?" Suddenly my anger was back, only this time it was focused on three women who were supposedly more powerful than the gods.

For some reason coach Riley's favorite saying popped into my head. He used to say, 'It's like pissing in the wind!' What he meant was that some things were pointless and a waste of effort. Even shitty coaches can make a good point every now and again.