All Comments on 'High School Harem Pt. 02'

This is a good story and I like it but you either need to get an editor or work on your spelling. There were quite a few mistakes like nostalgic and you spelled it nostalgiac, and there were a couple of sentences with words missing, other than that overall a good story.

More please, more

Packing three women into 3 pages was a bit challenging, but you did pretty well with it. You illustrated the individuality of each woman very will so they didn't just become 3 department store dummies of different sizes, At some point you need to expand the discussion of the relationship of each woman with Alan to enhance those special characteristics as they could become plot hinges later on. I do understand these 4 women are a "package" and they need not to be made to feel jealousy by being treated as perceptually "different" even though they are different!! You did that well also.

Also Alan now needs to sit down with all four women very quickly and help them to understand his story about how he came to be in their school so they can understand how he is putting himself out there for them. It shouldn't shut down the progression of the story, but Alan needs to be careful not to do anything stupid and they need to understand how they can help protect him.

When I am reading one of these stories and an otherwise consistent character does something completely out of character that is very stupid to provide a cheap entry way into a plot twist just really grinds on me. The story should flow naturally based on the characteristics of the characters. I know this is a virtually impossible fantasy situation so my concern about this may be overblown, but a good fantasy still has to have an element, even though a long shot, of believability.

Will be interesting as to how the 4 find the time to be with Him. will Molly always be with Katie or will she want him to herself . Lot's of possibility's. Still has to figure out his Family's problem's with him. Maybe Mom & Sis want time alone.

While admittedly a very fanciful fantasy indeed, I thought the concept was well handled and well written. At this point, if the saga continues, I think it is imperative that Alan tell the girls how he came to be enrolled as the only male in their school.

They have all reached the point where they know he isn't a rapist, i.e., he isn't forcing himself on them or anyone.

I agree with the comment about using an editor to assure all the words are there and that they are spelled correctly.

Virtually every word processor these days has integrated spell check. Use it. Many even have integrated grammar checking which is also helpful though not always correct because it always presumes standard grammar structure.

My major complaint is the absolute lack of knowledge of female anatomy. If you're two inches into a woman's vagina, you're two inches past her hymen.

I will apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes, and won't make any excuses, it was just simple laziness on my behalf. And I do agree, I should probably find an editor at some point. All complaints have been noted and I will try to work on my shortcomings in the future. Again, thank you for the feedback.

I feel like you need to slow down a bit, you but an entire sex scene in the last page to a paragraph, shouldn't molly be really chomping at the bit after watching all that, go into detail. And what is katie doing during all this, maybe she is getting herself off watching her sister figure get fucked.

a nice subtle thing you can do is as Alan slings dick across the school have the rest of the student body go from scowling at him to wanting in on the action,

have him in positions where he has to fuck his way out of the problem,

maybe he walks in on two girls having fun in the showers when it is his turn, and they take turns working him over,

maybe he has to endure some teasing from some girl to she will do a project with him

maybe he is tricked into being to entertainment for a cfnm party, with games having to do with him and his dick.

if you want PM me and I can help you out, I really want to see more from you have have a tonne of promise

When can we expect pt.03? Just a general time frame.

Alan needs to tell the girls of his past. It HAS to come from him, or it will all come crashing down. If it were me, I'd get them to meet altogether, and he tells them what happened, including his dad and uncle. Also explain about his family wanting nothing to do with him. Then maybe the girls come up with a plan to find the first girl, and get a recorded 'confession' which they then take to the Headmistress. And they tell her about banging her son, all willingly. It's just a suggestion, however.

Thanks for your comment on the anatomy of the vagina. That always bugs me when the hymen is described as three miles up the vagina. There are women whose vaginas are, or at least appear to be recessed (likely within the folds of the labia minora), but the hymen, nevertheless, is at the introitus.

Also worth noting is that the hymen has no, or so few as to not matter, nerves; thus no pain receptors. Any pain is from either lack of arousal (dryness) or simply stretching the vaginal wall.

There can be some bleeding if the guy doesn't go slowly, or if the hymen is thick and lacks extensibility, so that it tears a bit.

@ our gracious story teller, I am enjoying your story. Even with your grammar and anatomical errors, I have given you fives. The grammar stuff has not been distracting, but if there are any more virgins with buried maidenheads, I won't be so lenient. ;-)

g

-You skipped over the sex scene with Amanda.

-"I began pounding away at her pussy, while Molly moaned and screamed in pleasure. We continued like this for several minutes until both us were overcome by earth shattering orgasms" ( The paragraph in the quotations above was rushed and not nearly explicit enough, lacking the "dirty talk" or explicit dialogue required to really glue the "Reader" to your erotic story). Writing in the first person is OK when sex isn't involved, but when 2 people start fucking you need to pull the reader into the sex as if I'm RIGHT THERE....witnessing the act itself. That is true erotica. IMO

A hymen is NOT a few inches inside of a woman. If you are that far inside, you are a few inches beyond the hymen. Maybe take a look on the internet and you'll actually see one and will be able to write about the subject more accurately?

Other than that, the story is decent.

In true anime style you've written four quite distinct and varied personalities. You've got the caring one, the bold one, the kinky one and the shy one.

Nice.

Having a virginity taken on the lap of another girl reassuring the act is one of the hottest scenarios I can imagine. Also one rather hard to build up realistically. You got a quite decent job, unfortunately almost wrecked by a stupid (although surprisingly popular, for inexplicable reasons) anatomical error.

nevertheless the hymen seems to be in wrong position

What I like most about it, is his caring for his girls, especially the sensitivity and patience with the virgin. Response from her showing her gratitude and affection in return is much needed.

Grammar, spelling and anatomical items were a non-issue for me.

5 stars

Paul in Oklahoma

Firstly though, it is strange how in the world of fiction girls so often have their hymen 2 inches into their vagina, instead of at the entrance like in the real world.

While Alan was caring and sensitive with virgin Katie, my own experience is that it's usually better to stimulate through the underwear (bra or panties) before removing the underwear. This apparently gives girls a taste of how good it can be, while feeling more secure because there is still a layer of clothing protecting their intimate parts. Once they find that they like being touched there they are more comfortable with having the clothing removed. Also, it usually works better to give the girl an orgasm from oral before moving on to penetration.

Keep Up The Good Work!!

Good fantasy story. I have problems with large/huge guys frequently being asked to take a young girl's virginity. Even with the guy being as careful as possible, especially if the guy isn't experienced, it can't turn out good.

there's just one thing... THE HYMEN DOESN'T BREAK! IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! And the idea of a first time "supposed to hurt" is completely false! It's just a horrible conception that makes no sense!

Sorry, I'm sure you didn't mean that, but i felt like I should correct it.

The previous Anonymous (titled: Sorry, but...) claims

THE HYMEN DOESN'T BREAK! IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!

Then how does it work? Does it TEAR?

If that's what you mean, then you're just bandying about words.

I still think it breaks = tears.

Precious Anonymous also says,

"first time 'supposed to hurt' is completely false!"

Again, I want to know, how is it false?

Do you mean it normally / usually / often hurts?

If so, you're just bandying about words.

I still think "supposed to hurt" is OK language.

You say, "It makes no sense."

No. The story makes sense.

Your comment makes no sense.

Because you have made assertions without explaining or backing them up.

You say, "i [sic] felt like I [this time you got it right] should correct it."

Nothing was corrected.

Just unsubstantiated assertions were made.

Sorry, but...the whole comment was useless.

The story? 5 stars.

Paul in Oklahoma

PS. To author Cheat105.

Please delete the previous nonsensical comment, so as not to waste readers' time.

Then, you can also delete mine, since it is based on that one.

Learn your anatomy if you haven't fucked a virgin yourself. What's a few inches deep? The average vagina is ten centimeters or four inches deep. The hymen is at the very beginning of the vagina. Just pull the labia apart and meet the hymen. It can stretch, of course, but only a little. Damage is quite easy and 30% of the time without pain or blood. Even by inserting tampons. The manufacturers explicitly write that they do not recommend them for virgins. Often spontaneous rupture of the hymen is observed in female athletes: gymnasts, acrobats, track and field athletes.

Also an orgasm at the first intercourse is very rare. 25% of women have never had a vaginal orgasm in their entire life. You have to work and work and work. You have to find the right position and angle. And what works with one partner may not work with another.

I don't know about other men, but with me, for example, especially at the age of 18-20, projection does not stop after orgasm and sperm eruption. There can be 2-3 ejaculations in one act. The act itself will last 20-30 minutes. My wife experiences 3-5 orgasms during that time. There may be 2-3 such acts per day. In the morning and in the evening. Every day except the days of your period. For 20 years now. And my cousin has sex on a schedule, one time twice a week. And his wife is very satisfied.

Another good chapter. Love it. AAAA++++

I am quite enjoying this fantasy. However the lack of proofreading and editing is a distraction for me. The story is riddled with misspellings, incorrect punctuation, and generally grammatical disasters. Please avail yourself of one of the Volunteer Editor that Literotica offers or at least use a proofreading app like Grammarly to remove the potholes in the journey through your otherwise excellent story.

Good job; thanks for sharing your work!

Great diversity in experiences. Very creative.

That was lovely. But there are plot holes. Alan seems surprise that Molly and Katie might be lovers. I’m surprised that Katie had her hymen intact. Many/most athletic girls tear their hymen through intense sporting or playing. If Katie was worried about how painful intercourse might be the first time, she would likely have done the deed herself with a dildo or condom wrapped English Cucumber. The ONLY reason she would have her hymen is if her Family had fetishized her “Gift of her Secret Garden to her ONE PRINCE CHARMING” all her life. If that’s the case, Katie will be Molly and Alan’s ultra-submissive bitch-for-life. She will do ANYTHING to please her Mistress and Master. Anything or anyone, including Alan’s parents or sister! (Just a suggestion.) Do not introduce Alan’s sexy sister, and how much he pines for her company; if you do not plan to follow through on that promise down the road; at least through surrogates.

I would have definitely checked and double checked that all were on birth control and especially Katie because I would have trouble doing that with someone who I wasn’t sure she actually wanted it. She does appear very childlike and that would worry me.

Fun story so far, but I'd like to see a little more meat on the bones, so to speak. You're doing an ok job of describing the sex scenes (although even those could use more descriptive and sensual language to draw the reader into the moment more) but everything else is very sparse. It's clearly all just filler to bridge the sex scenes. It would be nice to see you use that space to build more of a connection with the characters (between the audience and the characters as well as between the characters themselves.)

I also am loving the story...

I AM going to 'parrot' PhilDub2 from 2 years ago...this story is lacking a lot of proofreading...lack of capitalizations where required, as an example. The story has been out long enough to allow for a return to edit out many of the errors...enough about that.

Love the 4 girls...and looking forward to seeing Alan's sister(s) getting some of him too (along with Mom!!)

Only four stars for this...🥴