All Comments on 'Highsider Ch. 02'

2*

Talk , talk, talk, talk about long past wrongs that have made narrator the technically proficient, but emotional cripple he is. Ring up James Spader circa early 90's. He would be fantastic in the movie treatment.

Than the first part. Give it up. This turkey don't fly.

WTF? Loving wife? Erotica? Sorry missed it. A stupid story...

To nowhere.

I can see this one being a long one. It can turn out to be pretty good. Why are they trashing it so soon. A kid grows up expected to take over the families crime business. So we see where it goes from here. Give this author a chance?

Where is the living wife in this ??

He seems remarkably under control after being responsible for killing all those people. He appears pretty dumb that he didn't know his Mother's plan. His Father's attitude is just a mystery. But Ann? No woman I know would have done anything but leave him. Way too big and dangerous a mess to stay in. I would think she would have wanted to move far away and change her name. Anything to be away from his family and him. This whole thing played out with little emotion, little drama and created not much of interest. Maybe better off posted in Non-erotic? It simply wasn't entertaining to read.

I liked it...A good read...3*

One question though, where does Angie fit into this? Mothers can be really difficult for their families to keep on an even keel.

You are going very slow and tedious, but at least I understood who these people are and what they are doing.

This blows. No character development, no introduction of characters or circumstances. Past history merely inferred without depth, requiring the reader to guess and muddle along through vague, trite dialog. You need a really top notch editor to clean your work up before going public. Not ready for Prime LE Publication.

Sometimes, this chapter included, I feel like this writer gets a good story line in his head, and then when he writes it out he leaves out enough of the details so as to confuse the reader. I kinda have an idea what's going on right now, but I'm not real sure how it got here, or where it's going.

Critical details, especially at transitions are missing. How are we supposed to know what we don't know?

A lesson I learned early is that when working in depth on a project, many times what is obvious to me is not obvious to an outsider. That is what I think is happening with this series. The reader does not know where the story is going, the background of the characters, or what has happened to each character unless the author puts it down in words. Unfortunately it seems that many of those words are missing and only exist within the mind of the author. It might be crystal clear to him, but not for the rest of us.

I will still keep with it though, hoping for the fog to clear.

Following The Long Road, this is another solid chunk of writing. Great characters, well developed. The critical ‘what makes him Daemon’ kept hidden until this chapter was a fantastic decision! A young man from a criminal background, who considered an unwelcome kiss as cheating... incredibly unusual, an intriguing character. Great work.

A couple misspelled words, a couple wrong words.

The expression is “flying by the SEAT of my pants. Definitely not seam of my pants. Just an example of what I mean.

Good progress with the story with more of the past filled in.