History Lesson

And suddenly I felt... empty. My equilibrium was shattered. It was like something had just been taken from me, something very precious, and I was afraid to think about why I felt that way.

I just sat in the waiting room, my mind a blank. Suddenly, I recalled that Sheila didn't have Jenny's bag with her when she arrived. Of course, Jenny would need her things. My brain said, Go get them, immediately.

Okay brain, right you are. I made my way to my truck and went over to their apartment. Using the spare key she'd given me, I went in and grabbed her pre-packed suitcase.

My phone rang. It was Rogers returning my call. "Sorry Ieuan, I just got your message. How's everything?"

"She was just going into delivery about twenty minutes ago. I'm at her place getting her things, and about to head back to the hospital to drop them off."

"I assume Sheila is with her?"

'Yes."

"All right, well... let me know when you have more news?" I heard the sympathy in his tone.

"I will. Thanks, Rogers."

"Of course."

I ended the call.

As I was about to leave the apartment, I noticed something, and it was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on me. My fugue was gone, and it had been replaced by something very dark. A nearly empty wineglass and several beer bottles were on the coffee table. The wineglass had lipstick on it.

Jenny had been at my house for dinner. Sheila was supposed to be in a study group. A two-person study group at their apartment? With booze, and no evidence of study materials? Great, that's just great, Sheila. Jenny was giving birth, and you were... I was suddenly very, very angry.

I got back to the hospital, and gave the bag to the nurse at the desk in the Obstetrics ward, telling her who it was for. I asked if there had been any change, and was told that she was still in delivery. With a tightness in my chest, I went home, sat with Hank for a long time, and failed to sleep.

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Two nurses watched the tall, trim man walk dejectedly toward the exit. The younger said, "Wow, I was positive that was the husband! They looked so in love!"

The older woman observed the man's posture, and recalled how carefully he had tended to the young woman earlier. "They are. Or at least he is. I think she is too, but it's hard to tell. No woman is feeling very lovey-dovey during contractions," she chuckled softly.

The younger nurse looked at her mentor, then back at the retreating figure, and shook her head sadly.

Around the corner, Sheila, who had been returning from the restroom, heard every word.

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The next morning, I was surprised to hear a knock at the door. I was doubly surprised to see it was Sheila.

"Hi, come on in. I thought you'd call. Are congratulations in order?"

"Thanks, dude. Yeah, we have a daughter. So cool!"

"That's... great news, Sheila. I'm very happy for you. Umm, can she have visitors?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. I wanted to thank you in person for all your help, looking out for her and stuff. You know since we've met you, she's been happier. She must really miss her family, so I guess you're like, a surrogate father for her. So yeah, you should come see your grandkid!" She laughed.

I reeled like I'd been gut-punched. She thinks of me as her dad? I missed the malicious glint in her eye as she turned to leave, but there was something else I had to say.

"Sheila, hang on a moment, please. I need to ask you something." She paused and looked at me over her shoulder.

"When I took Jenny to the hospital, you weren't at your study group like you told her, were you?"

She immediately became defensive. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I laughed, but there was no warmth in it. "You're a big girl. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

She crossed her arms and lifted her chin, still defiant. But I saw the guilt in her eyes, as I took a slow step toward her, then another. Letting my anger show. She backed away as I continued, letting her hear the contempt in my voice. "You forgot to bring her things to the hospital, Sheila. I went back for them."

Her eyes widened.

"Merch dwyllodrus," I spat at her. "I saw the wine glass. The lipstick. The bedroom." Pinning her with my gaze, daring her to deny it.

She fled.

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After our confrontation, I decided that I wouldn't just sit around and mope, and I wasn't going to avoid Sheila. It wasn't fair to Jenny. After calling Rogers and giving him the update, I went to the hospital and I found out that since the baby was a little premature, they wanted to keep her for a little longer, just for observation. Jenny would stay one more night, then be able to go home.

I knocked softly on the door and stuck my head in, but blushed and averted my gaze when I saw that Jenny was feeding the baby.

"Oh my God, sorry!" I stammered. Sheila was there, and I saw her flick her eyes at me, then look away. I ignored her.

Jenny just laughed. "It's okay, you can come in."

I slowly peeked back around the corner. Everything was covered up and the new mother was holding a tiny bundle in her arms. She nodded at me with the most radiant, yet tender smile. "Come see," she murmured.

I tip-toed over, staring in wonder. "A girl?"

Jenny nodded again. "Her name is Coraline, after my grandmother.'

"And the Neil Gaiman story?" I knew the book had fascinated Jenny as a child.

"Maybe that too," she agreed with a grin. "I think she'll be called Coral, though."

"That's lovely! Hello, Coral," I whispered, touching one tiny fist with my finger. She instinctively grabbed for it and hung on tight.

Jenny's tears started when she saw mine.

"Uhh, I'm just gonna go grab a coffee," Sheila said abruptly, and left the room. I barely noticed.

"She's so beautiful!" I exclaimed. "I'm not just saying that. She's... extraordinary." Like her mother.

Coral's head was covered in dark fuzz, and when she opened her eyes briefly, she looked right at me. I know it takes several months for a baby's eye color to stabilize, but I couldn't imagine them fading from their current bright blue.

Jenny smiled tenderly at her daughter. I could tell she was still lost in joy and wonder at the life she held in her arms. Then she looked at me. "Want to hold her?"

I couldn't speak, so I just nodded. Jenny sat up and handed Coral to me, and I gazed at her, gently supporting her as I remembered when Linnet was a baby. Which of course brought back more memories. I struggled to control myself.

"Jenny, I know I don't have to say it, but please let me know if there's anything I can do to help, okay? I know Sheila is always busy, so if you need me to run any errands for you, or watch Coral so that you can run your own... just... anything, okay?" I searched her face, begging her to understand what I was asking, without having to say it. Just let me be part of your lives.

Her eyes searched mine in return, and somehow, I think she understood. Her smile was soft and caring, and she said, "You just try to keep us away."

Sheila chose that moment to flounce back into the room. I handed Coral back to Jenny and let her know I had called Rogers with the news. Then I asked her to call me when they were back at home. I leveled my gaze at Sheila, and she looked away. With a parting smile for Jenny, I made my exit.

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"Well, that was touching," Sheila snarked after Ieuan had left.

Jenny looked puzzled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, come on, Jenny. He was staring at the baby like she was his kid."

Jenny was shocked at the venom in Sheila's tone.

"Sheila, we've had this conversation before, and I'm getting tired of it! Other than you, he's my best friend!"

"Only coz he wants to fuck you," Sheila muttered.

"WHAT did you just say?" Jenny almost shouted, and Coral began to cry. "God damn it Sheila, what the hell is wrong with you?" she whispered fiercely as she tried to soothe her baby.

Then she made a disgusted face and spat, "Oh for God's sake, I can smell the whiskey in that coffee from here. Go home, before one of us says something we can't take back."

Sheila gaped at her, and Jenny just glared right back.

One of the administrative staff poked her head in. "Hi there, I just have some paperw... you know what, I can come back." And poof, she vanished.

Jenny just jerked her head at the door.

"Ahh, screw this," Sheila muttered, and she vanished too.

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Chapter 8

April

After Jenny and Coral were back at the apartment, I found myself going there, instead of out, for our lunches. It was just easier for Jenny. I didn't press her about how things were going with Sheila, and she avoided the topic as well. I didn't mention what I'd seen the night I picked up her things from the apartment. As much as I wanted to. Clearly, neither had Sheila.

I did ask if they'd discussed their plans for after Sheila's graduation in May. Jenny said that she knew Sheila had applied for several jobs, but didn't think anything had gotten past the interview stage at this point. When I asked, perhaps selfishly, if they were local companies, Jenny said that honestly, she wasn't sure and was afraid to push Sheila on it. She did let slip that they'd been fighting more, but it was obvious that she didn't want to discuss it, so I let it drop. But I despaired at the thought of them moving away.

Instead, our conversation focused on Coral. She was an adorable baby and rarely cried. She seemed to observe everything around her with bright-eyed interest.

One day in mid-April, we were chatting over the phone, and Jenny finally admitted, "Ieuan, I'm going stir-crazy here. Can we please go back to having lunch in town?"

"Ie, wrth gwrs! I mean, yes, of course! Sorry, I didn't realize. I'll come by and pick you up tomorrow around..." I looked at my calendar, "11:30?"

"THANK YOU," she gushed, then laughed. "Sorry. See you then."

On my way home that afternoon, I stopped by the mall and made a purchase. The next day, I knocked on Jenny's door, holding part of my gift.

"Hey, come on in..." she started to say, and then she saw what I brought. She put her hands on her hips. "Ieuan, what did you do?"

"Happy Easter?" I suggested weakly.

She just rolled her eyes. "Thank you. But you shouldn't have."

"The rest of it is down in the truck," I added.

"There's more?" Her eyebrows went up.

"Yes, this is the car seat, obviously, and it locks into the base unit in your car, or into a stroller. It's so cool!"

She laughed. "Pretty proud of yourself," she teased.

"Sorry, I should have asked if you already had one."

"Yeah, we had to have one, but it's nowhere near this nice."

"I'm sorry Jenny, I really should have thought. Umm... how about we trade? You keep this one and we can put yours in my truck, just in case?" She nodded, and shook her head at my happy grin. "Come on, I'll show you."

I helped her get Coral into the car seat, then I carried it down to the truck. I showed her the base unit, and locked Coral's seat into it and we got underway. I figured I'd switch with her later.

At the restaurant, Coral burbled happily in her new seat, next to Jenny in our booth.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so glad to be out of that apartment," Jenny groaned, leaning back in her seat.

"Well, I'm delighted. Anything I can do to make your life easier. Hey, how about I make you lunch at the house later this week or next, and we can introduce Hank to Coral," I offered.

"Sure! That should be interesting! Sounds like fun." She smiled, imagining the meeting.

We continued to chat amiably over our lunch. I was looking at nothing in particular, taking a sip of my tea, when through the front window, I saw Sheila walking down the street. She was with the dark-haired woman from Rogers' party. I bet I could guess what color lipstick she was wearing.

Jenny saw my expression change. "Ieuan, what's the matter?"

"Hmm?"

"Your face. It just went all dark and stormy."

"Oh, sorry. Umm, I just thought of something I forgot to do. I'll have to work late tonight," I sighed. I hated lying to her.

She looked at me, then just patted my hand. "Do we need to cut this short?"

"Na, it's fine. I don't want to have to send you back to your cell just yet." I grinned.

She smirked and stuck out her tongue.

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May

I did wind up making lunch for her the following week. She came in with Coral in her new car seat.

Hank ambled over for his customary greeting from Jenny, then he cocked his head at the baby.

"Hank, say hello to Coral," I told him.

He looked at me, as if to ask 'what the heck is a Coral,' then turned back to stare. She giggled and reached for him... He took a step back and chuffed at her. She giggled again at the sound, and he came forward to sniff her face.

Jenny and I were watching carefully, but we needn't have worried. Not that I was, really. Anyway, Coral grabbed hold of his jowls, and he never even flinched. He licked her face, and she gave one of those ultrasonic baby shrieks and giggled some more.

Jenny set the carrier on the floor, and Hank just laid down right beside it, his head up, eyes never leaving the baby.

"Traitor, twice over," I whispered affectionately.

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Graduation came, and I watched with Jenny, as Sheila received her master's degree. After congratulating her, I offered to watch Coral, so they could celebrate together. They accepted, and we made ourselves scarce. I borrowed Coral's stroller, then went home, grabbed Hank, and took them for a long walk along the river. There was a nice walking path that the city had built a few years back, and it attracted locals and tourists alike. Coral and Hank both got plenty of attention on our walk, which I guess I should have expected.

Several women asked where mom was, and I decided that 'celebrating with her girlfriend' would invite more questions than I was willing to entertain, so I just said that I was giving her a well-deserved afternoon off. That resulted in a lot of 'awwws' and tender smiles, and meaningful looks at their significant others. Sorry guys.

After our stroll, I gave Hank his dinner and made something for myself. Coral started to fuss so I fetched her bottle and retired to the back deck with Hank at my feet. Coral sucked at her bottle while I held her, just lazing and letting my mind wander.

When she finished, I gently burped her, then pulled my feet up so I could prop her against my legs and we gazed at each other. I smiled at her, and tickled her under her chin, which made her giggle and grab at my finger. I let her catch it, and she just held it as I took her back into my arms while she slowly fell asleep. I was strangely reluctant to put her back in her crib. I had set one up in the guest room shortly after she was born, but I preferred to hold her for now. For as long as I could.

I guess I must have dozed off, because the next thing I remember was Jenny gently shaking my shoulder. She had a very strange smile on her face as she looked at me holding her daughter. I blinked a few times as my synapses slowly re-engaged, and finally greeted her.

"Hey, there you are," I said, rather obviously. "Guess I nodded off for a second. Sorry!"

Jenny came around to sit beside me and patted Hank.

"How was your day? Good?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Fine, I guess. What did you do?"

I told her about our walk, and what a charmer Coral had been, and she smiled again. Now that I was awake, I looked more closely at her.

"Jen, are you ok?"

I was aghast to see a tear slip down her cheek.

"No, not really," she sighed. "I'm starting to seriously worry about Sheila. She drank an awful lot at dinner again, and I had to help her into bed before I came back over here to pick up Coral."

"Oh Jen, I'm sorry. You should have called; I'd have brought her to you."

She waved it away. "I've told you before that I've asked her to cut back, but she just laughed at me and said it wasn't a problem. Well, clearly, it is."

"What do you want to do?"

She leaned against me and put her head on my shoulder. "That's the other part of the problem. I don't know!"

"Well, when you decide, I'm here for you."

She snuggled a bit closer. "That, I do know."

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Chapter 9

June

It was a few weeks later, and I had just finished feeding Hank, when my cell phone rang. It was Jenny.

"Hi there!" I said, pleased as always to hear from her.

"She's gone, Ieuan, she's gone!" She was hysterical, sobbing in great whooping gasps, such that I could barely understand her.

I jumped up. "I'll be right there. Don't move, okay?

"O-o-okay... please hurry..."

When I arrived, Jenny threw the door open and flung herself into my arms. I held her, and whispered, "Shh, shh, dw i yma, I've got you." Still holding her, I got us back inside the apartment and settled her at the kitchen table. She reluctantly let go of me when I offered to make her some tea.

"I know we were having pr-problems," she stammered. "But I n-never expected her to j-just leave!"

I quickly went to her and wrapped her up again. She gradually calmed down and when she pulled back, noticed where she'd left her tears and makeup. "Sorry about your shirt."

"Not to worry," I whispered, "I have another one."

She smiled wanly.

Gently, I asked, "Want to tell me about it?"

She took a deep breath. "Well, last night we had another huge fight." She was trying hard to keep herself under control as she described the long, rambling argument that started with Sheila's drinking and inattention, and ended with Sheila bitching about me.

"Then she finally said, and I quote, 'God damn it, Jenny, it's like he's Coral's fucking dad!'"

"I was so mad! I told her that at least you were around. I'm sorry Ieuan; I told her about Olivia and the baby after you told me. And I asked her if she remembered what I told her; that of course I wanted you to be part of Coral's life and that you wanted it too. At least she had the decency to look embarrassed.

"But then she just yelled, 'Fine, let him be her father. Shit, Coral has the same amount of his DNA as mine.'

"I was so over it by then, I just started crying. I took Coral into the bedroom and locked the door. When she woke up hungry at about midnight, Sheila was on the couch asleep. I thought about trying to talk to her, but I was still so upset... I just left her there and took care of the baby. When I got up in the morning, she was gone. All her stuff was gone. She took the car, too. This is the note she left."

Jenny handed me a tear-stained piece of paper. "The tears are mine, not hers," she grimaced.

Jenny, I'm sorry. I know I've been a bitch the past few months. I thought this was what I wanted, but I was kidding myself. I hate this fucking town. I miss the city. I know you love it here, but I just can't take it anymore. I thought I was ready to be a parent, but I'm going crazy being tied down. You've got HIM to take care of you now, so I'm out. Later, babes.

I stared at the note. "Bugger me! I'm so sorry, Jenny. I didn't realize she hated me that much."

She contemplated for a moment, and said, "I don't know that she hated you. Certainly, she was jealous of our friendship. What surprises me the most is that now the initial shock has worn off, I'm not as upset as I thought I would be. I mean, I thought I loved her, but I guess in the back of my mind I saw this coming. So maybe I was already prepared when it happened? Looking back at it, I wouldn't be surprised if she started the fight as an excuse to leave."