Hit'n Those Notes Ch. 12

The author retains all rights to this original work of fiction.

Thursday, March 29th, 8:43 p.m.

The 'after party' was more like an 'after dance' than a gathering of all the contestants being made available for the audience to schmooze with. With how I was feeling about the competition right now, that was kind of a relief. I didn't think I had it in me to smile while people told me I should have won or placed or sucked. What was I even doing here?!

Up front in the Grand Cayman banquet room was a DJ with a full complement of speakers blasting the Jonas Brothers 'Sucker' song at the moment. The far wall had finger foods and three 'No Host' bars. The banquet room was easily half filled with the audience from the show, and the music was so loud I could barely hear myself think! Nope, I am not hanging out here! I've fulfilled my obligations to this contest, and I'm done.

I pulled my phone out and texted Kaley.

Me: "Where are you?"

Kaley: "We're in line to get in. Taking forever!"

Me: "I'm not in the mood for this; meet me in the lobby."

Kaley: "I'm sorry... K, CU in the lobby."

I need to get out of... I saw a mother, with her daughter in tow, approaching me quickly. At first, I was a little worried, but the mom's smile and her quick wave put me at ease - a little bit.

"You're Breanna Calloway," the mom shouted above the music blaring as she approached.

"Hi... Yes, that's what my mom decided my name should be," I replied, trying not to shout but to be heard. I was wearing a name tag; that was going in the trash as soon as I got out of here.

"This is my daughter Elisa," she shouted. "We didn't make it to the show last night, and after your performance, we really wanted to meet you. You're such a beautiful inspiration and you sang so well."

I could tell I was blushing and said the only thing I could think to say, "Thank you." Of course, having to shout it seemed rude, but it was a necessity.

"Would you mind taking a picture with Elisa," she asked, leaning closer to me so I could hear her.

Elisa looked a bit embarrassed by the exchange, and I didn't want her to feel left out.

"I love your hair. As you can tell, mine is flat because of the dreads wig I wore during my performance." Even though I was talking near a shout, my words seemed to hit a chord with her. She was smiling now.

"Thank you," Elisa replied. "I know... We know you're busy and have others to talk to too, so..."

I interrupted her, saying, "I'm not busy, and I'm happy to talk with you for as long as you'd like."

I hoped the shouting of that over the music came out right, like I wasn't mad or anything. Of course, my mom and the others waiting for me in the lobby would probably wonder where I was, but hey, they'd understand.

"Elisa is seventeen and just started her transition; do you have any advice for her or is there something you did to make it easier for you," the mother asked.

Okay, not what I was expecting. I couldn't yell whatever words of wisdom I could pull out of five years of transitioning out of thin air, so I shouted, "Let's step outside for a second. The entrance for us is right over there," I motioned behind me, "It'll be quieter."

They agreed and followed me to the door for staff and performers. Once out in the hall, it was like we'd entered a tomb or something. My ears were ringing off the hook! I smiled at Elisa, who looked like she was trying to blink the ringing in her ears away. What do I say to this kid? What would I have wanted someone to tell me?

Well, the first thing is, you're not broken. Nothing about what you are doing is wrong or unnatural. I took a breath.

"If you think about it, this really is a chance for you to reinvent yourself in the image you have of yourself in your heart, and I'll bet you come out a better version of yourself on the other side. You can't be what others expect you to be in their minds, and they have no right to project their expectations on you. The person you were is gone, and while some of who that person was has molded you, change is natural. It's going to be hard. Anyone who says it's not is fooling themselves. Trust in you, your mom, and those who love you the most. That's pretty much how I make it out of bed everyday..." I had to stop because I felt like what I was saying was being preachy. Was I preaching? Augh!

It happened so quickly. I wasn't sure how to react, but Elisa came at me and was hugging me before I had a chance to react. I could feel her tiny heaves as she began crying.

"Oh, hey, hey now... You're going to be amazing." I got my hands to her arms and peeled her back slowly. "It's okay; don't be afraid to let go when your cup overflows. If you don't, you'll go crazy. Trust me, I know; I've gone crazy plenty of times." I laughed a little, trying to focus on her eyes.

"Here sweetie," Elisa's mom said, handing her a tissue.

If this went on much longer, I was going to need one of those. I smiled at Elisa, then at her mom.

"See, your biggest supporter is right there... She'll keep you going in the right direction, right mom?"

"Oh, absolutely," was Elisa's mom's reply.

Elisa did her best to not totally ruin the rest of her makeup with the tissue and even asked a few questions - thankfully easy ones. She asked how I could sing so beautifully in front of a crowd. I told her I had been doing it since I was very young, and it was a passion and an escape. It also made being 'out' easier to deal with my voice sort of matching what people saw when they looked at me.

There were a few questions her mom threw at me, but again, easy ones. I encouraged Elisa to be active in Trans events and support groups and ended by giving her my Instagram and Twitter accounts. I also mentioned she could look me up on Facebook, and I would happily follow her journey.

Elisa and I took that picture she wanted, though her mom was kind of annoying trying to get Elisa to smile 'just right'. I whispered to Elisa, "My mom is exactly the same way..." That seemed to put Elisa in a good space, and we had a non-tearful hug after the picture. Even her mom hugged me, thanking me for taking the time to encourage Elisa and for being so kind.

I walked them back to the banquet room door, and as I pulled it open, we were slammed by a club mix of a DJ Kaled song I couldn't put a title to: - Augh! Too freaking loud! I watched Elisa and her mom walk away. Arms around each other, no worse for the wear. I guess I paid some good forward. I could do that kind of exchange all day and all night. Oh, and no mention of tonight's contest outcome - bonus!

I let the door go, turned around quickly, and almost ran into someone full on - SHIT!

"Blake! Where did you come from," I exclaimed, shocked that he was standing right behind me and I'd run into him.

"Sorry, I was about to say, 'Hey Brea', but you turned around so quickly. I didn't mean to startle you," he said apologetically.

He had startled me! But not as creepy as in San Diego that second time he had tried to recruit me.

"What are you doing back here?" It sounded like I was complaining, but I was just trying to get my heart to slow down from the fright and wanting to explode.

"I just left the theater and needed to come check on the catering and the bar. You weren't sneaking them in, were you," Blake asked grinning.

"No," I complained. "It was too loud in there to have a conversation, so I brought them out here," I explained.

"You're not going back in?" he asked, looking towards the door.

I could smell his cologne, and it smelled really good. Focus! Was there a vibe or something going on between us? Something is going on here; I'm feeling something! He shifted his head slightly as if he were wondering where I'd gone for a micro-second.

"Honestly, I'm not feeling like being in a crowd." I wondered if he would consider what I had just said as an invitation. Would I want to be alone with him? I wasn't sure, but he isn't interested anyway, so moot point. Say something that makes me think you're interested. So much for being focused!

"Yeah, I think I get it," he said. "You should have placed second or third tonight; I'm sorry about that."

What?! You don't think I could have won against Wyatt? Augh... No, you didn't get it, because if you had, you'd have said something like, 'Let's get out of here.' Now I was sure he wasn't interested. Mom and Kaley were wrong; there was no 'vibe', no interest. What was I thinking. He's just the guy who recruited me and is too busy doing his job to pick up on... Augh! Stop! Be gracious and get out of here.

"Thanks; I poured my heart into this competition. I learned a few things about myself. Thank you for roping me into it; I won't ever forget your kindness..."

Okay, that's it. That's my farewell speech to you, Mr. Schultz. So, say something polite back, and I'll be on my way, and you can be on your way.

"You never did have that drink with me... You kind of owe me," he replied, smiling.

Huh? Did he really just say that?

"No... I... I guess time just got away from us," I said quietly.

Is he toying with me? Does he think I like him or something? How easy would it be to kiss him right now? Would he be repulsed? Was he pursuing me? Why can't I get a clear read on this guy? Fuck! Focus! Exit - make your exit!

"Well, this thing is going on until midnight, and I could slip out of closing the club. Would you like to get a drink later," he asked.

The 'ask' made goosies on my arms rise, and I felt a little chilled and short of breath. What do I do? Do I... Augh!

"Okay, I owe you that drink... You want to call me when you're free? Meet in the lobby or something? You have my number, right," I asked.

Why did I rattle all that off so quickly like a nervous schoolgirl? Augh!!!

He pulled out his phone, tapped a few icons, and turned the screen for me to see my name and number. That was a surprise. I considered asking him about it, but this wasn't the place - had I read him wrong? This is so confusing! Why did I feel tongue-tied? Speak, say something!

"Well, I'll be waiting for your call then," I said with a smile. OMG! What is my deal? Did I mean to sound coy or flirty?

"Excellent..."

The door to the banquet room opened, music was blasting, and he looked past me. I turned to see a staff person waving at him a little urgently to come do something or help with something.

"Hey, I gotta go; see you in a bit."

Before I could say anything, he was moving quickly towards the banquet room door. I hoped it wasn't some kind of protestor shit... OMG! I need to shower, change clothes... Vibe?

Thursday, March 29th, 9:06 p.m.

My phone vibrated as soon as I rounded the corner from the banquet room hallway to the lobby. I looked at it, Kaley: 'Where RU?'

I didn't need to answer because they saw me and headed my way. I got a big hug from mom and a kiss on the cheek.

"You were spectacular tonight, honey. I don't know what those judges were thinking, but they got it wrong."

I smiled, but inside I was a little angry about how it played out. I was sure I beat Lisa, and Michelle was amazing, but her stage presence was - no polite way to say this - boring. I actually felt bad for her; nerves probably got the better of her during that performance.

"Thanks, mom..." I finally got out.

Kaley, Bill, and Charles all got hugs and kisses. Kaley said I was 'robbed, and Charles actually cussed, then quickly apologized to mom, but pretty much said the same thing as Kaley. Bill was the last to chime in.

"Look, I agree - you got ripped off. Straight up singing Dana versus you - pretty equal. Your performance was as good as I've ever heard you sing. Your breathing, projection, tone, control - Brea, you have never sung better. I really mean that."

"So how did he beat me," I asked, trying to control the complaint in my voice that I knew was draped over the question.

"Truthfully, he didn't or he shouldn't have," Bill continued. "When he sat at the edge of the stage, his ability to hold those notes he should have was compromised due to the compression of his diaphragm while sitting. His tone and projection all suffered. How the hell the judges didn't pick that up really makes me question their abilities."

I hadn't noticed a change in Dana's voice when he sat at the edge of the stage to swoon the women that rushed the stage, but if Bill said it affected his performance, it did.

"I don't catch that, was it that bad," I asked.

"The only thing I can think of is that the judges tuned out how he was singing and were captivated by what he was doing on stage with those women. He was also the first to perform and the crowd was ready to go all in by the time the show started. That might have been a factor," Bill conceded.

"That's such crap," Kaley injected.

Charles echoed what she said but used the word 'shit' instead. He apologized again to mom; this time she told him she agreed with him, which got a few chuckles from everyone.

"I had stage presence," I complained.

"You doing that microphone thing with the audience was brilliant. Really smart and engaging. The audience singing along, the cell phones lighting up the theater," Bill stopped and shook his head. "I honestly don't get it - you were spot on and could have challenged for second place, to tell the truth."

Bill wasn't candy-coating my performance. I think if he could play it back, he'd find something I screwed up, but nothing was glaringly wrong, and him saying Dana's performance was flawed made me even more angry.

"Well, I gave it my best shot. I would do this again, but without all the PBS documentary stuff."

"You were perfect tonight," mom said, putting an arm around me and squeezing me in a half hug.

"Thanks mom... I really appreciate all the support and love from each of you," I said, hugging each of them again.

Leave it to Charles to make it goofy; he encouraged everyone into a big group hug. That turned into us hugging, hopping around, and just being silly. I'm sure people were wondering what drugs we were on.

When that was over, Kaley asked, "What took you so long to get out of there?"

Oh boy... How to explain that? I started with the easy explanation: Elisa and her mom's Q & A. Then I mentioned Blake.

"Really?" Mom and Kaley asked in unison.

"You still think there isn't interest," mom asked with a knowing grin.

"It's not like that," I complained. I needed to move this conversation in another direction. "I'm just paying him back for 'our' lunch the other day. Remember the owing him a drink thing?"

I watched Bill lean in towards Kaley and ask, "That's the stalker guy, right?"

"He's not a stalker," I complained. "He just... He just came at me wrong."

The conversation spiraled playfully out of control after that. Mom even suggested Kaley tag along.

Kaley said, "I can come with... If you need the support."

I gave her a look and a crooked smile as my answer.

Luckily, the comedy team of mom, Kaley, Bill, and Charles cut me some slack and gave me a pass after their minor razing. Bill and Charles said their good nights' to all of us and headed towards the casino. Mom did the same, but not before saying she expected a call when I got back to my room after my 'date'.

I complained that it wasn't a 'date', but I knew not to argue and agreed to call. Our hug lasted a few seconds longer than I expected. When we broke, she kissed my forehead and said, "I'm so proud of you. Love you..."

"I love you too, mom... Good night." She stood there a second until I added, "I know. I'll call you, promise."

She smiled, and Kaley and I watched her head towards the elevators. All of us were on the same flight home tomorrow, so I would be seeing them all in the morning and getting to relive my evening, no doubt. Augh... Joy, joy!

Friday, March 29th, 12:04 AM

Kaley and I had been working on making me presentable since we'd said goodnight to mom, Bill, and Charles. While I showered, Kaley was figuring out what I should wear from the minimal choices I had brought.

A simple silk top, a floral print A-line skirt, and my new sandals were the best combination - why hadn't I brought more clothes? Kaley ran to her room and returned with the perfect sweater to complete my outfit when I complained that I didn't have anything but a heavier jacket to wear in case I got cold. Whew!

While showering - not sure why I was in such a rush - I nicked my shin shaving, and it bled like I'd cut an artery. While my skirt was just below the knee, the little nick looked like I had been attacked by a machete. Kaley said it was barely even noticeable and took one of my foam makeup wedges and blended my gaping wound (exaggeration from the drama queen I was being) so that it was barely visible after it had stopped bleeding.

When I looked in the mirror of the closet slider, that's all I could see - not that my hair was looking better than it had since arriving in Vegas or that my makeup - assist by Kaley - was so on point! No, I could only see my nicked-up shin. The dysphoria gorilla had climbed recklessly up my back and was perched precariously on my shoulders. Augh!!!

Blake had called at 11:40 PM to say Karen Cole was going to handle the breakdown of the banquet facility, and he was going to talk with his lead bartender in each of the clubs about closing them down. I had been dressed and ready since nearly 11:00 p.m. and stressed about every choice I'd made right up until he called.

"Want to meet at midnight in the lobby?" he asked.

I agreed, but Kaley insisted I needed to be late, even though it was like grinding teeth for me or someone chewing gum with their mouth open. Being late was not in my DNA, and as I rode the elevator down, I was uncomfortable and nervous. I checked my shin for the hundredth time to see if it was oozing or bleeding. Nope. Let it go!

I exited the elevator to a mildly crowded lobby, which makes sense; the after party had just ended. I wasn't sad about missing out on those festivities. It was very unlikely anyone was going to recognize me since I wasn't in costume and wasn't wearing a name tag. I looked around and didn't see Blake, but I did see Wyatt, and I walked over to where he was talking up a couple women who were giggling at something he had just said.

"Brea!"

He looked like he wasn't feeling any pain and was talking louder than maybe he should be.

"Mr. Champion...," I said, hugging him and kissing his cheek. I got a couple looks from the two women standing there.

"Ladies, this is Brea; she was in the show tonight."

"Really? I don't recognize... Wait, you sang 'What's Up?' - Oh! I loved it," exclaimed the first woman. Her friend didn't look the least bit impressed.

"Thanks," I said, feeling like I was a fourth wheel on a tricycle. I looked around the lobby again, still no Blake.

"You're meeting someone," Wyatt asked, and he followed that up by saying that I looked very pretty.

The question shouldn't have startled me, but it did. The compliment was a nice addition, but the look from Ms. Unimpressed standing there with us spoke volumes. Why am I so nervous right now?

"Yeah, I'm paying someone back by having a drink with them."

"Are you going to the club? Come with us; that's where we're going... Or find us in there," Wyatt said, taking both my shoulders while asking me to come, or maybe he was just trying to steady himself.

"I'm not sure what my date has planned," and having said that out loud, I had just reiterated to myself what was the source of my nervousness. Did I really think this was a date? Why couldn't I just think it was two people getting a drink? Was this going to lead to something more? There was NOT going to be a repeat of Tyler tonight. I had a fleeting vision of Blake with only a towel on coming out of my bathroom...

This was futile! I told Kaley that, but she insisted I needed this. Like practicing for an interview, it will get better and easier. She said, 'Just keep him talking by asking him questions. Most guys like to talk...' Augh!