Hog Butter!

"Don't ask questions that you really aren't ready to hear the answers to," Kendall replied simply.

"Ah," Joey said, leaning back in his chair awkwardly and dropping the matter. "Noted."

Kendall barely made it through a page before Joey started talking to her again. "So aren't you gonna ask me how my week was?" he asked cheerfully.

"So all of a sudden you're mister chatty now that I'm trying to read, huh?" Kendall asked, sighing as her concentration once again was broken.

Joey shrugged. "Seems only fair that I reciprocate with some details from my own life," he said.

Kendall wedged her thumb in between the pages of her book and closed it. "Go ahead then," she said with exasperation. "Tell me about your week."

Joey looked at the ceiling and tapped his chin, appearing as if he was deep in thought. "Eh, it was pretty uneventful," he said after some time. "Not much to tell."

Kendall rolled her eyes. "You're such a jerk," she said.

"Oh come on!" Joey said. "I work from home all week doing customer service for a vacuum company. Literally the most exciting thing that happens to me is when I get to inwardly snicker every time someone uses the phrase 'doesn't suck hard enough'. You're not the only one that...ah, never mind." He picked his phone back up and began looking at it again.

"I'm not the only one that what, Joey?" Kendall asked with mild concern.

Joey took a moment to find his words, putting his phone down again. "I just...I see posts my friends from college make online sometimes. Big promotions, social engagements, beautiful tanned girlfriends...sometimes I just kinda feel like shit about how my life is going at the moment."

Hearing her brother sound so dejected, maybe for the first time in their lives, made Kendall feel very sad. She looked up at him with soft pitying eyes. "Jeez, buck up loser!" she said harshly.

They stared angrily at one another for several moments before they both finally cracked and began laughing hysterically. It took several minutes of tears of laughter before either one of them could get it together long enough to string together a sentence again.

"Alright," Kendall said finally, standing up and wiping her eyes. "If we're gonna sit here and wallow in self pity all night, I need to get more comfortable. You got any clothes I can borrow?"

"Um...no?" Joey replied. "I'm a dude, remember?"

Kendall rolled her eyes. "Do you have any athletic shorts and t-shirts I can just slip on?" she asked. "They don't have to be pink and frilly. I just wanna get out of these stupid slacks."

"Oh," Joey said. "Uh...sure, I guess. Just go in my room and find whatever you're looking for."

"Thanks," Kendall said as she turned to leave the room. "Oh," she said abruptly, turning back to him and pointing at her empty glass. "That margarita ain't gonna fill itself back up, bro," she said playfully.

Joey smiled and winked at her. "Coming right up," he said.

Kendall went into Joey's bedroom (which was the only bedroom in the small house) and started rifling through his dresser. She opened the top drawer only to find a pile of underwear scattered about randomly. For no real reason at all, she picked up a pair of his boxer briefs and held them out in front of her. They were so worn and frayed that she feared the ceiling fan running above her would scatter them into particles, leaving her holding nothing but the waistband.

"Jeez, Joey," she said with disgust as she dropped the underwear back in the drawer and shut it. "Go to a freakin' Walmart or something!"

She looked through the rest of his dresser and found a pair of shorts she thought would fit her well enough. Unable to locate his t-shirts, she turned towards his closet. It was shut with a long mirror hanging on the front of it. Kendall took a few moments and studied herself in the mirror. Her glasses were slightly askew on her face, as they often were. She adjusted them and pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

She always felt that she was a very pretty woman. Her hair was light brown with natural blonde highlights. She had dark eyes and cute freckles on her nose. She was thin and slightly curvy. She had no problem admitting that she was an attractive lady.

She felt herself getting a little emotional, however, as she looked at herself, wondering how it was that she was 30 years old and not anywhere near being in a long term relationship. Hell, she didn't want to think about the last time she even had a date. She felt that she deserved better than what life had dealt her in that respect, and in that moment the unfairness of it all was threatening to overtake her.

"Alright, save it for the margaritas," she muttered to herself, forcing the emotions back inside and opening the closet door. She looked around and finally found what she was looking for.

"Who hangs up their t-shirts in the closet?" she asked aloud as she looked through Joey's shirts one at a time, pushing them aside as she did. She finally found one that she was okay with putting on and reached up to take it off the clothes hanger. As she did, it slipped out of her hand and fell to the bottom of the closet. It was dark, so she had to kneel down and feel around for it.

"What the...?" she said as her hand brushed up against a hard, leathery point of some sort. She reached back a little further and pulled out a brown, elaborately decorated cowboy boot. She reached into the back of the closet and felt around some more. Not only did she locate the second boot, but she also found a cowboy hat, a leather vest, and a bolo tie.

"The fuck!?" she exclaimed loudly, a huge smile spreading across her face.

"What?" she heard her brother call out from somewhere else in the house.

"Ha!" she cried out loudly.

"What is it?" she heard him call out, sounding annoyed. "And what the hell is taking you so long?"

"Ha!" she laughed again, this time even louder. She heard the sound of the refrigerator door closing followed by swift approaching footsteps. Moments later, Joey appeared at the entrance to his room.

"What the hell are you-" he began, stopping abruptly and turning pale as he saw his cowboy garb spread out on the floor beside a very pleased looking Kendall.

"Well howdy there, cowpoke!" she said with a laugh.

"Why are you going through my things?" Joey asked defensively, sounding very much like a pre-pubescent version of himself.

"'Cause you said I could!" Kendall replied, still unable to stop smiling.

"I didn't say you could just go rummaging around anywhere you wanted, though."

She shrugged. "Sorry," she said. "It really was an accident. I promise."

Joey glared at her and moved across the room, silently scooping up his clothes and throwing them back into his closet.

"Wait, you're not thinking of not telling me why the hell you have all that stuff, right?" she asked seriously.

"Um, yeah, that's exactly what I'm thinking," Joey replied.

"Oh come on, I gotta know!"

"No."

"You trying out for a rodeo?"

"No."

"Thinking about becoming a cattle driver?"

"No!"

"Joey!" she whined as she followed him back into the living room. "Tell me!"

They took their respective seats again. "Believe me, Kendall, you really don't wanna know," he said, averting his eyes from her purposefully.

Kendall stared at him. "Well now I GOTTA know!" she said excitedly.

Joey shook his head. "Well too bad for you," he said.

"You know I'm not leaving until I find out, right?" she asked. He cut his eyes at her briefly, then looked away again. "I'll stay here all night, all weekend, and just keep asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and..."

"Okay fine!" he exclaimed. "I'll tell you. Just remember, though, you asked for it."

"Yay!" Kendall said happily as she crossed her legs underneath her and turned to face her brother.

Joey stalled for a moment before finally speaking. "Do you remember Elaine?" he asked.

"Elaine?" Kendall replied. She thought for a moment. "No, doesn't ring any bells."

"I dated her several months ago," Joey said. "You met her multiple times."

Kendall just stared at her brother, blank faced.

"You usually referred to her as 'Meatball Breath'," Joey said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh yeah!" Kendall exclaimed. "Why didn't you say so in the first place!? Good ol' Meatball Breath."

"Dumbest nickname ever, by the way" Joey said bluntly.

"Her breath smelled like meatballs!" Kendall replied vehemently. "Like, all the time! I mean...what was up with that?"

"Anyway," Joey continued, "she's the one that bought all that cowboy stuff for me."

"Oh," Kendall replied. "So what's the big deal about that? It's not like you're the first guy whose girlfriend ever tried to dress him."

Joey paused for a moment and stared off in the opposite direction. Kendall watched him closely, clueless as to what he was going to say next. She did notice, however, that for some reason, his face seemed to be turning red.

"She didn't buy it for me to wear out in public or anything," he said.

Kendall was still confused. "Okay..." she said slowly.

"She bought it for me to wear here...at home...in front of her."

Kendall shrugged. "Still not seeing what the big deal here is, Joey," she said.

Joey exhaled loudly. "It was bought with the intent that I wear it in a sort of...role playing sense," he said quietly.

"Role playing?" Kendall repeated softly.

"Yes," Joey said.

"Like...sexual role playing?"

"Yes."

Kendall took several moments to let that sink in. Then, very slowly, her mouth curved into a smile. "You mean to tell me that you dressed up as a cowboy in someone's sexual fantasy?" she asked.

"Yes," Joey replied.

Kendall couldn't take it anymore. She burst out into the biggest, most violent fit of laughter that she could ever remember having, pointing and jeering at her brother as she did.

"Okay," Joey said loudly over the noise of her laughter, sounding defeated. "That's real mature, Kendall." She had fallen to the floor and started rolling around like a mad woman, unable to control her excessive mirth. She turned over on her stomach and literally started beating her fists on the floor.

"You know, you laugh like a cartoon character," Joey yelled over the noise of her guffaws. Finally, after several minutes, she was able to compose herself and sit back down on the couch.

"Oh my gosh," she panted, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes. "Oh my...there truly is a God after all," she said, settling back into the couch. "And He doth giveth tonight!"

"Is the idea of someone dressing up as a cowboy to fulfill a sexual fantasy really that entertaining to you?" Joey asked defiantly.

"No," Kendall said, slowly coming down from her high. "The idea of YOU dressing up as a cowboy to fulfill a sexual fantasy is immensely entertaining, though."

"That's rich, coming from the girl who was just reading a sex novel about a ranch worker named Buck."

"His name is Boone Buckhorn!"

"Whatever," he said. "I'll have you know I looked fucking amazing in that outfit."

"Did you wear pants?" Kendall asked.

"Of course I wore pants!" he replied. "Just some regular blue jeans."

"Shirt?"

"No shirt. Just the vest."

"And the bolo tie?"

Joey paused briefly. "Yeah, that too," he admitted sheepishly.

Kendall shook her head. "Sorry, I just...it's hard to imagine you doing something like that, Joe."

"Yeah, well...it didn't exactly play out all that smoothly."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's kinda the reason we broke up."

"Are you serious!?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah. It was so awkward. She kept saying that I wasn't 'doing it right', whatever the hell that meant. I got really defensive and embarrassed and then we had a huge fight. I called her that unforgivable word that you're never supposed to say to a girl. We never recovered from the experience."

"Wow," Kendall said quietly. "So you, like, got into the character of a cowboy then? Spoke like a cowboy? Walked like a cowboy?"

Joey shrugged. "I tried. I guess I just didn't quite pull it off to her satisfaction."

"Damn, dude," she said. They fell into a silence after that for a while. Kendall zoned out, feeling strangely exhausted all of a sudden.

"Oh shit," Joey said after a while. "I completely forgot about your margarita. Want me to go get that for you?"

"No, that's okay," Kendall said, raising up and stretching her arms above her head. "I think I've had enough excitement for one night. I'll probably just hit the ol' dusty trail."

Joey scoffed. "You're not gonna let this cowboy thing go for a while, are you?" he asked.

"Not until the cows come home, bro," she said with a smirk.

"Hey, Kendall?" Joey said.

"Hmm?"

"Get the hell outta my house."

At that, Kendall tipped her invisible hat at him and moseyed out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kendall's whole weekend ended up revolving around her Boone Buckhorn book. On Saturday, she read a little, then made herself stop and do some chores. After lunch, she read a little more, then watched some television. Her ultimate goal was to pace herself perfectly so that on Sunday night she would be at the climax of the book (quite literally). Having pretty much done this same routine every weekend for the past several years, she had no issues accomplishing just that.

On Sunday night, after a light dinner, she turned off all the lights in her house and lit several candles, setting them all up in her bathroom. She turned on the hot water and let the tub begin to fill. As it filled, she grabbed her bottle of bubble bath and poured in a conservative amount.

"Dr. Toochie's Vagina-Safe Bubble Bath," she read aloud on the side of the bottle. "Our natural ingredients help maintain the perfect pH for your womanhood." She gave the bottle a small hug and set it back down. Once the tub was full, she turned off the water, grabbed her book, and settled in.

"Let's see, where was I?" she asked herself aloud as she opened her book and removed the bookmark. "Ah yes, Boone was just about to say goodbye to a desperately horny Fannie Mae." She began to read to herself:

"Don't leave me Boone!" Fannie Mae pleaded as she tugged hard on his muscular forearm. "Just one more night, please! Gimme one more night of hot passion and I'll be yours forever."

Boone looked Fannie Mae up and down. His loins burned harder than if he had just ridden his nag 30 miles on a narrow trail in the blistering heat.

"I ain't got time, Puddin'," he said in his raspy voice. "You know that." He took one last pull of his Marlboro cigarette, flicked it on the ground, and turned to leave. "Them cattle ain't gonna drive themselves."

"Damn you, Boone Buckhorn!" Fannie Mae yelled at the top of her lungs. She reached down and grabbed a small, dusty rock, then proceeded to hurl it straight at the back of Boone's head.

"What in tarnation!?" Boone yelped, turning back to face her. "You triflin' woman!" Boone walked swiftly towards her. Just as he reached her, she landed a firm, well-timed slap right against his scruffy cheek.

"How dare you lay with me and leave me alone on Christmas, you selfish mule!" she scolded. She reached up to slap his face once more, but this time he caught her dainty wrist in his rough, meaty paw. As he held tightly to her arm, she lifted her other hand in another attempt to slap him. Once again, he effortlessly caught her wrist, leaving her helpless and completely at his mercy.

For a moment, she thought for sure he was going to strike her. If she was honest with herself, she would have welcome his touch in any form. But then his stormy gray eyes softened, and she knew she was about to get just what she wanted.

"Oh, Boone," she muttered breathlessly. "Ravish me. Ride me like a wild mustang. Ride me until you've broken me and I'm yours."

Kendall took a moment to place the book down on a small shelf beside her tub. Then she reached over and grabbed her fingertip vibrator/page turner for her book and placed it on her pointer.

"Alright," Kendall began aloud. "Exit Fannie Mae, enter Kendall." As she continued to read the love scene as it played out, she replaced the image of Fannie Mae in her head with that of herself, allowing Boone Buckhorn to "push her skirts up with his big, callused hands" and "caress her femininity with his tobacco stained lips".

While she read, she turned on the fingertip vibrator and slowly traced circles around her hard, protruding nipples. By the time she had finished reading the scene, she was extremely turned on.

"Mmm," she moaned to herself, placing the book down once more and pinching her nipple lightly between her fingers. She closed her eyes and took herself back to the beginning of the love scene, right when they began kissing each other. Eyes still closed, she began softly caressing the outside of her smooth pussy while she replayed the scene she had just read in her head. She felt the stubble of Boone's facial hair as he kissed her firmly, smelled the smoke that was laden deep into his skin. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck as she kissed him back, stopping only to jump into his big, strong arms. She pulled her head back briefly to view him and remind herself what he looked like.

"Oh shit!" she cried out, frantically pulling her hands away from her breasts and between her legs. Water splashed out of the tub and onto the floor as her eyes shot open in a panic. The catalyst of this reaction of hers was the face that she saw on what was supposed to be the body of Boone Buckhorn. Unfortunately for her, in that moment her brain decided to not show her Boone Buckhorn's face, but instead revealed her brother Joey's face.

"Oh my god," she said aloud, trying to catch her breath. She took a few moments and cleared her head. Then, not wanting that one moment to ruin her whole night, she closed her eyes and tried again.

Once more, she imagined herself in the arms of Boone, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. In real life, she placed her vibrating fingertip on the outside of her pussy and teased herself. Just like she had read in the book, she pictured Boone walking her over to a nearby grassy area and laying her down on her back. When she looked up into his face, she was once again taken aback.

"Jesus, Joey!" she exclaimed angrily, once again seeing his face. "What the hell are you doing in my head?" The Joey in her mind just shrugged and smiled, then slowly leaned down to kiss her.

"No!" Kendall exclaimed once more, finally opening her eyes and ceasing her self pleasure. In her frustration, she tugged the little vibrator off of her finger and threw it across the room. Her whole weekend had led up to this very moment, and the next day she had to start another dreaded work week. She was bound and determined to finish what she had started.

"Okay," she sighed as she reached beside her and grabbed her tin of coconut scented body butter. She scooped a small amount of it out and slowly began rubbing it into her chest and breasts. She lifted her leg out of the water and draped it over the tub, giving herself better access to her clit. One more time she shut her eyes, this time jumping straight into it with Boone slowly, but roughly making love to her.

"Mmm, yes Boone," she moaned aloud, seeing the top of his cowboy hat as he worked his cock in and out of her. Then, as if right on cue, he threw his hat to the side and looked up at her. There was her brother, fucking her hard and staring passionately into her eyes.

Her first instinct, of course, was to jolt herself out of this fantasy. Instead, however, she experienced a different jolt. For some reason, the moment she saw Joey's face, she felt a very intense tingling course through her entire body. Seeing her brother laying on top of her, shirtless and glistening as he fucked her madly, intensified everything to the point where there was no way she could stop.