Hold Me Now

---

I spotted Harrison and his band talking outside. I wanted to say hi, but I was kind of seeing him in a new light. Like. I was kinda starstruck. That guy on stage with wild hair and amazing guitar skills seemed miles away from the scruffy kid I knew from Romeos. His band seemed so... effortlessly cool. In a very masc and slightly threatening way. I could imagine me walking up and squeaking out an awkward hello, and I could imagine the way they'd look at me. Na. Harrison should enjoy himself. He didn't want me inserting myself into whatever deeply cool conversation they were having. I lit a cigarette and scanned the crowd for anyone I knew- Pip was here and had gone with Louis to buy another round and they must be heading out soon... but I couldn't see them. I wrapped my arms around myself. The high of the gig was wearing off. I felt awkward again and was keenly aware of how... out of place I looked. I really wish I'd paid attention when Louis had told me to dress down.

"B!" I glanced up to see Harrison had spotted me and was handing his beer to the drummer. "I'm so glad you came!" He ran towards me and before I had a chance to process he'd leapt on me, and wrapped his legs around my waist. Oh Jesus. This wasn't my forte. He was like 1000 kg, I swear to God, and I'm not exactly a gym bro. I grunted as he leapt off me again.

"Fuck Harrison!" I laughed. "Gimme some time to warm up before we perform dirty dancing!" He laughed.

"You caught me though."

"Barely!"

"Did you love it?!" He grinned, lighting a cigarette.

"Incredible, amazing, hated most of it, you're the most talented guy I've ever met." I grinned at him and he did a little mock bow.

"All for you." He joked. "I'm so glad you came. I absolutely thought you'd bail, Bailey."

"Wouldn't miss it." I blushed, hoping he couldn't see how much of a lie that was. He grabbed my hand and started ushering me over to the band. I dragged my feet a bit, but there was no getting out of it. I glanced at him. Maybe they were way nicer than they looked. I mean, Harrison was kind of an idiot. In a good way. Maybe that threatening aura they were emanating was just like, stage energy-

"The mysterious B!" The drummer grinned and went to fist bump me. "Nice to finally meet you."

"Uh, hi." Hmm. Lame. Try again. "Sick gig." I nodded at them.

"Fuck yeah!" The frontman pulled that hand signal thing at me and grinned. "Glad you came! We rehearsed like crazy for the encore, Harrison promised you'd cream yourself." I laughed.

"I didn't say that." Harrison shoved him and was brushed off. "But did you?" He asked me seriously.

"Sure." I swallowed. "Totally busted a nut. Lucky you can't see because I'm also covered in beer..."

"Aw I knew he'd love it." Harrison grinned at his guys. "Uh so... this is Fox, Nat, Lando, and Skinner." He pointed them out and I nodded at them in turn. "You wanna drink?" Harrison leaned against a wall, drawing us into a more private conversation. He glanced at my empty hands and I looked over my shoulder- but still, no one.

"I have one on the way." I wrinkled my nose. "Somewhere..."

"Oh, are you here with someone?" Harrison blinked.

"Just Lou and Brent."

"Ooo, they're like a real thing now?" I laughed.

"Yeah. Real cosy." I sighed.

"So you're alone." He said. "Can't have that. What do you want to do?" I laughed at him and glanced down at myself.

"Well... You promised me an after party at Ivy and I'm dressed for it."

"That I did B." He tucked his arm in mine and squeezed it. "Couple of durries and we'll head, ok?"

"Ok." I grinned as he settled in closer to me. "That was really brilliant." I told him. "I think you've broken me. I think I have to start wearing all those patches and stuff and grow my hair out." He laughed.

"Not sure about that look for you." He said. "But come over sometime, I'll share my wardrobe if you want to try a new thing. I'll lend you some records."

"Just link me a Spotify playlist." I rolled my eyes. "No one listens to RECORDS."

"'I do!"

"Thought you weren't a hipster?" I teased him. He nudged my shoulder.

"You know what?" He said. "I defy labels, B."

"Sounds like something a hipster would say."

"Fuck off!" He laughed. "Wait here for me, I just gotta say hello and goodbye to some people." I let him go, prancing off to some goth looking chicks who I reckon were delighted to see him heading their way. I silently wished him good luck and turned to find Lou and Pip finally bearing down on me out of nowhere.

"Hey!" I greeted them cheerily. "Ugh, that was soooo good. Asshole. He's so damn perfect." Louis raised his eyebrows, propping himself up on the wall I was sitting on.

"Are we drunk enough?" He slurred slightly. Pip shook his head.

"No, we've been explicitly told not to say anything." He sighed. "We're all heading to Ivy though, fingers crossed." Louis shook his head.

"'We need more than our fingers crossed." He said. "We need an honest to god miracle."

"What are you on about?" I smiled at the two of them amicably and they exchanged glances.

"Nothing." They said unconvincingly at the same time. Whatever. They were majorly chopped, and I was too. I really can't imagine it was anything interesting.

--

I don't think I'd paid for a single drink all night, which was a major blessing for a hard up student- but I really did try to protest when I felt Harrison's arm around me at Ivy. He squeezed my shoulder and glanced at the bar, his card already dangling from his hand.

"No natural wine." He whined. "Oh no B, what can I woo you with this time?" I laughed.

"Stop buying me drinks!" I chastised him.

"But I still owe you a wine for..."

"I owe you." I said firmly. "G and T?"

"Fine." He smiled. "But I'll have a beer."

"Sweet." I paid, and he was knee deep in conversation with the bartender in seconds so I told him to bring my drink out to me and parked up outside with the others. I'd want to dance, but not yet. I was still in the chain smoking and talking shit part of the evening despite how late it was getting. I watched Harrison at the bar as he talked- well, probably flirted to- the girl behind it. He swept his hair off his face, pulling it into a bun. I frowned at him. There was just... something in the way he did that. It was probably because of his stage get up- all leather and eyeliner... he just... something about him was... I couldn't put a finger on it.

Lou and Brent were absolutely no good. They'd hit the 'in each other's arms giggling at each other's reddit feed' point of the night. They'd be ubering home in seconds. Pip was moaning about being at Ivy because there was no one to hit on and I rolled my eyes.

"You and Harrison go hit up literally anywhere else then." I suggested. I glanced inside and felt my feet start to tap. Phew. Like one more drink and I could ditch this lousy crew and dance and even, if I was feeling particularly brave, go home with someone. Pip snorted.

"You want me and HARRISON to hit up somewhere straight?" He laughed. "Yeah, sure, he'll love that."

"Why not?" I sighed. "Or if you're so desperate to hit on someone try batting for the other team for a bit." Pip opened his mouth and looked at me, and he started to laugh.

"Harrison DOES bat for the other team!" He choked out. "God I know you have bad gaydar but come on." I choked on my cigarette.

"Harrison's bi?" I looked at him at the bar and he waved to me, spilling beer over himself as he lifted his arm.

"Harrison's fucking gay!" Pip hit Louis the shoulder. "You hearing this?!" He said. Louis barely glanced up from his phone.

"Told you so." He said flatly.

"Wait, really?" Brent sat up straight. "Oh my god Bailey, if he's gay then I take it all back. He is like, seriously into you."

"No he's not!" I widened my eyes at them all. "And he's got my drink and he's two seconds away so zip it!" The three of them looked at each other. I could see them all itching to say something. But to my relief Harrison plonked down beside me and handed me my drink.

"Sorry." He said. "Old friend." Yeah, who wasn't?

"Thanks." I took the drink awkwardly. I felt tongue tied all of a sudden. Gay? Harrison? No way. No fucking way! He was so.... Not. You know? But yeah if he WAS then maybe even a moron like me could admit the way he... nope. Not going down that rabbit hole. Drinking and dancing. That's all I wanted to do. So I gulped down my gin and said goodbye to Lou and Brent as they drifted off to their Uber, and I left Pip and Harrison to it, to go dance.

It was probably the way too much alcohol I'd imbibed, or the fact that no one was grinding on me, or the fact that I still had all this work to do and I couldn't relax but...

I felt like Harrison was watching me.

But I've done that before. A million times. So I decided not to let myself feel anything, because the last thing in my life I needed was... feelings... for another probably not that into me guy.

-----

I was in Romeos a couple of days later and grinned when I saw him.

"Hey." He waved me over to the counter. "So. I've been thinking about it. You were telling me about the lights and the hero worship Frank Zepetta stuff..." I glanced at him. Was I? God I go on. I guess I'd been pretty excited by Miro Te Witi's advice and had started on this round of exhibiting for Uni with that in mind. But I don't realise I'd bored the tits off everyone by talking about it already. "So, because I have been told off by one Briony Williams that I'm ruining your degree I've decided we're putting this competition on hold until the end of this trimester."

"Don't listen to Briony." I groaned. "She's like a fucking mother hen honestly. If it were up to her I'd be locked inside all day studying."

"Yeah, I got that vibe." Harrison leant over the counter and put his fingers to his lips. "So we agree not to tell her but I reckon you're gonna, like, adore Sleep and it's so in line with the stuff you're working on so your challenge is to listen to Holy Mountain and work it into your art without your fiat mate finding out." I yawned and grinned at him.

"I do adore sleep." I joked. "But I'll check the band out. You promised you'd make me some playlists anyway." Harrison smiled at me.

"That I did, B. I'm on it." He stretched out as he pulled down a glass and set in front of me. "What'll you have? Got a Pet Nat that tastes like candy and green apples." He grinned. "You'll Iove it."

"Sure thing." I watched him thoughtfully as his back was turned. Yeah. Straight right? Right? Just a total goofball. Pip was way off base. I mean- I don't know how to describe it. You just never see gay guys who... slouch like that... or wear jeans that are ripped in a 'I ripped my jeans and I couldn't be fucked replacing them' kinda way... or slap a cap on because they have long metalhead hair that they don't wash enough. He pushed the glass toward me.

"There ya go B." He leant on the counter. "So what's up your sleeve?" I sighed.

"Finishing my homework." I said. "Briony might be a dickhead but she sometimes has a point. I'll get right on to beating you in like a week."

"Sounds like something a loser would say." He grinned.

"Whatever. We'll see who the real loser is when I have a degree..." Harrison's face fell a fraction and I felt my chest grow tight. "Oh... not like that..." I laughed awkwardly. "Oh dude, my shit talk needs so much work. Please ignore me I'm sorry." I could feel my face burning as Harrison shook his head.

"It just hurt cos it's true!" He laughed. "You're mean." He caught the eye of a customer who wandered in and pouted at me before he went to take the order. "You go ahead and think about making that up to me." I felt my forehead wrinkle as he moved away. I found myself staring at him...

And I was interrupted by Louis thumping next to me.

"Fancy seeing you here." He said. I shrugged.

"Likewise." Louis grinned at me as he followed where I'd been gazing absentmindedly.

"Just hanging out with the boy you're not flirting with?" I rolled my eyes.

"You don't think he's actually gay do you? Look at his shoes." Louis winced as he took them in.

"Hmmm." He said. "Some gay men are slobs right? Like, statistically. There have to be some."

"Either way. Wrong tree. How are you getting on with your assignments? I actually think I fucked myself over big time."

"Yeah me too, I have so much to do for the next three weeks."

"Have some of this." I passed him the wine and he sipped it.

"That's like drinking passion pop."

"Only it's like 5 times the price."

"Yeah let's get a bottle."

-----

I was on the way home a couple of days later when I heard a voice calling down the street.

"B!" I turned around and Harrison was waving at me and jogging to catch up. "Hey." He grinned. I smiled at him. Bailey is two syllables. Bales is only one. Harrison is the only person in the entire world who seems to think that's still too many letters.

"Hey... Aitch." I tried. We laughed. "Huh, not as cute as B, I'll give you that. Harry?" Harrison shook his head firmly. "Sonny?" I laughed. "What do your parents call you?" Harrison folded his arms.

"What do your parents call YOU?" He fired back. "Bales, right?"

"Sausage." I said. Harrison started to laugh.

"What?!" He said. "Sausage?!"

"It's a term of endearment." I said, rolling my eyes. "You know parents. So go on, you?"

"Well." He raised an eyebrow. "This is highly confidential B, I'm only telling you because I owe you after 'sausage'." He lowered his voice and sighed as he leant in. "Ernie." I frowned.

"Ernie? As in; Bert and...?"

"Shhh!" He motioned for me to keep it down. "Which is exactly why I go by my surname. Tell anyone and I'll gut you."

"Your parents named you Ernie? Is that short for something?"

"Ernesto." He groaned. "After Che Guevara, before they actually apparently read up on Che Guevara." I stared at him. That was even worse.

"Ernesto?!" He punched my shoulder.

"Swear to god B, you are taking that to your grave." I smiled at him.

"Harrison suits you." I said. "I think it's cool you got to choose your own name." He grunted. "But Ernie's cute." I said. "It suits you too."

"Ugh." He sighed. "Couldn't have kept my damn mouth shut. Anyway, what are you up to?" I pointed vaguely down the street.

"I dunno. I was going to pick up some wine, then maybe drift into Thrift but I can't afford anything there anyway so what's the point..."

"I'll come with." Harrison started marching towards the natural wine store and I stumbled as I caught up. "Just on a two hour break." He explained. "Takes an hour to bike home so kind of stuck in town."

"An hour to bike home? Where do you live?"

"Strathmore." He said. "You?"

"Literally like up the road. Webb St."

"I used to work at the Hell Pizza on Webb St." He said as we reached the store and he strode in. "Shit show."He nodded at Ash at the counter. "Sup Ash."

"Hey Harrison. Bailey." She greeted me as well. "Oooh, Bailey- we have a new pinot rose..." Harrison glanced over at her.

"The Memento Mori stuff? He loves it, but he's a student." She laughed. Harrison nodded at me. "The plonk we were drinking the other day." He said. He pointed to it on a shelf and I immediately wanted it. The label was sick as hell. I sighed as I read the price though... $55. It's so unreasonable that I have expensive taste in wine. Harrison looked at my face and glanced at Ash.

"Do I get a discount here?" He asked, She snorted.

"Why, because you're so pretty?"

"Because you know Seb listens to me about wine and I can get a lot of this on the list." He gestured around the store. Ash laughed.

"You're an ass Harrison. What do you want?"

"Here." He reached past me and grabbed a bottle of the Memento Mori Pinot Rosé and slammed it on the counter.

"Give it to you trade." She said. "But you better list it."

"Done." He purchased the wine as I fished my refillable bottle out of my bag and got one the significantly cheaper tap wines and we said hi to Raf, the dog, before heading across the street. Harrison handed me his bottle of wine as we entered. He stopped me and unzipped my backpack and grabbed the bottle off me again, shoving it in my bag as I protested..

"Uh, can I not be the pack horse here?" I fussed. He frowned as he zipped up my bag again.

"It's for you." He said.

"What? No!"

"Too late." He shrugged and pulled a denim pair of overalls down. "These are cool."

"Sure, if you need a new outfit for line dancing. Wait- you didn't need to get me wine... I'll get you back..." He rolled his eyes at me.

"They're cool." He insisted, holding up the overalls and ignoring me. "Hold my jacket, I'm gonna try them on." I sighed, feeling really overburdened with his big parka, and an extra bottle of wine in my bag, and I hovered outside the changing rooms looking for anything under $100.

"Hey." One of the staff, Lola, drifted past me. I smiled at her. I only knew her vaguely through Louis, but you know. Wellington. "You look good." I admired her dress.

"I always look good." She laughed. "What are you doing here?" She said. "You can't afford us." I rolled my eyes and gestured to the changing rooms. Harrison burst out on cue and posed in the overalls.

"These look so good B!" He grinned. "Check my ass out." He laughed, and stuck his ass in my face. I rolled my eyes. I guess they did look cool. Kind of hipstery, you know. Which he totally was.

"They suit you." Lola said. "God where have you been, Harrison? I have like 15 t shirts you need to look at."

"Sure." Harrison grinned. "I'll appraise the stock if you give me $50 off these." God, I need his negotiation skills.

"Done."

"Sweet." He went back to the changing rooms and grabbed the jeans he'd discarded. "These are done for." He said. "You got a recycling bin?"

"You can't recycle torn up filthy beer stained jeans." Lola sighed. "I'll burn them."

She marched away and returned a second later with a pile of band t-shirts that Harrison immediately started digging through. Most of them ended up on the floor but he had a small stack in his arms which he laid out across the front counter. He pointed to them carefully.

"$50's fair." He said, gently touching three or four of them. "People will pay up to $150 because they're dummies." He said. "Which is what these are worth so prce them higher..." He was pointing to two more. "And this'll sell for like $400 on ebay so I wouldn't even try and sell it in store, literally no one in Wellington knows what it's worth." Lola nodded and quickly stickered them before charging Harrison for his new dungarees. He grinned at me. "Did you want anything?" He asked. "Sorry, I get carried away." I shook my head. To be honest this whole store was way more him than me anyway. Harrison nodded. "Check out the record store then?"

"Sure." I guess I had time.

We walked back across the road and I followed Harrison in, and at that stage I would have been more surprised if he didn't know the guy behind the counter I guess, and they started talking about an upcoming gig, so I left them to catch up and browsed half heartedly through the racks.

"Hey." I glanced up. I blinked. A chorus of angels started as my eyes alighted on Ed. Cute, tall, blonde Ed who was smiling at me, his hands thrust in his pockets and his hair looking messier than usual.

"Hey." I tried not to sound too excited. I smiled at him and he glanced down at my hands, which were flipping through the piles of records.

"Metal? Huh,you're really getting into that." I rolled my eyes. I guess I'd just wandered into the heavier section by accident. I raised my eyebrows at Ed.

"Inspiration." I said. I leant over and pulled out an album, handing it to him with wide eyes, trying to hide my smile. Ed spluttered.

"Is that....?"

"It's an ass." I took the album off him and looked at it thoughtfully. "Type-O Neg were really ahead of their time, this is was pre- Grindr and all." Ed laughed.