All Comments on 'Hold On Until It's Over'

Are you planning more for these two?

So well written and two really interesting characters. I hope there will be more chapters because I think these two have a lot more to give and say. Really like them both and hope you take them further towards an even happier ending.

I loved the internal monologues of each character.

Great read. I do hope you continue

A beautiful, well written story. Characters that are well defined and interesting, a plot that moves along at the perfect rate, good writing. The only thing missing is more story. Although the story could end here, I see room for so much more. I urge you to continue. Thank you for a wonderful read.

I hope to hear more about these two soon...

There is soo much more you can do with this story, but that choice is yours. 5 stars for you. look forward to future stories from you..

Deamon Child...

my seal, the eclipse... (can you figure this out??)

Quite a delectable story ... Hope you plan to continue this story.

5 stars ^_~

This was such a nice story. I hope its the beginning of more.

keep writing.

:-)

Just delectable; I don't even like vampire stories but I'll convert for more of the same.

I really really enjoyed this story, and would love to see more of these two. I found it particularly interesting that Ford could only come once pain was involved; it made me wonder how he'd come with earlier lovers. I was also left with questions, the main ones being 1) Ford speaks as if Makoto can't turn him into a vampire so he won't grow old. Does Makoto not have that ability? 2) Why did Makoto wear a condom? It's not like he'll catch or transmit diseases (or if he can, please explain) 3) I don't have a clear picture of what Makoto looks like. Is he Japanese? Half-Japanese?

I hope you continue with the characters. An openly gay crime lord with a vampire soul mate: FUN.

You have really created a great story line here and I just HOPE that you can and will continue!

This is a really good story, but there are just a few new writer errors that an editor could help you sort out.

Some of your phrases are overly worked. For example:

consciousness starting to melt away from the amount of blood he'd lost.

as blood loss melted away his consciousness.

You used the same phrases over and over. For example:

used "managed to get out" repeatedly

You have Adverb-itis! Check out the thread on the forums about this! http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=805358

Makoto said softly --> Makoto whispered

Makoto gently rubbed --> Makoto caressed

he was nearly hanging on tenterhooks --> he was on tenterhooks

he murmured softly --> he murmured

Makoto said quickly -->Makoto rushed

Really good, could be excellent with an editor.

It is always a twist to cast the 'good guy' as a bad guy, in this case, a gang leader. I like that aspect, even if the vamp lore was pretty standard fare. I do agree with the one anonymous comment that some of your phrasing is a bit clunky and awkward. I was pleased to see you got tenterhooks right though! :D

Wonderful story!!!

In just noticed this is your first submission!! Cudos!!!!!

Please tell me this story is to be continued!!! SO bloody hot! Love the subtle introduction of the vampire and the hints of pain play during sex....damn....more please!!!!!!!!!

I hope you will continue this story. Your way with words has drawn me in, and makes me want more of theses two.

great first chapter. Hope these 2 continue.

was also wondering about the condom thing? vampires can't catch diseases, so why would he use them?

I liked this story alot. One thing that is a disappointment to me but which I can't help but see as brave is the decision not to make love with a supernatural perfect. I love the happily ever after and most of the time look for that as a way to escape every day life. But, I like the occasional story that has a bittersweet ending like this where they found love but would only have one lifetime.

That said the only thing that didn't follow was that Makoto said that his only bite was when he was turned, so we know they can be created and are not just 'born' vampires. So, they never discuss Ford being changed and end it on this sad note that he'll grow old and Makoto will be wrecked when he dies. I think you had to leave it open to discussion and it wasn't really as bleak as they chose to see it in the end.

@geemeedee

-I actually have a second part of this done that deals with turning Ford. Originally THIS was written second, which is why there's no discussion of turning.

-To be honest, I... never stopped to think about the condom thing! XD I am so used to writing in safe sex because it often is overlooked, that my brain forgot Makoto's a vamp!

-Makoto's full Japanese, he and Ford are both about six feet. Makoto was a samurai under a ruling shogun when he was alive, so he's pretty built.

@EditHelpAnon

-Thank you so much! Feedback is like warm nibblies to a writer's soul, so I love comments like this! I used to abuse the word 'almost' horribly, everyone was almost always doing something! XD

-I will definitely be looking at that thread, because one of my biggest issues with writing is that sometimes I will forget what I wrote before I even finish the damn sentence, which causes me to repeat myself. Which is why I usually reread something a dozen times to try and catch those duplications, but clearly I didn't do so well with this one! :)

@cannd

-Like I mentioned above to geemeedee, there is a second half of this that's a little more... happy-ending. So I will put it up as soon as I edit it (hopefully fixing some of my issues that EHAnon has helped me with). :)

@Everyone Else

Thank you so so much for the feed back! I love writing merely for being able to create, but it's definitely a warm fuzzy situation to see other people enjoying what I've created! <3

Wow, all those other details you leaked in the response to geemeedee have me excited for part 2. (or is it part 1 ...i know you said this was originally part 2:) anyhow, I love his background and want to hear more. That is what makes a story really go from good to great when you can create a more complex character and add descriptions to the story and I think you will be doing that if your tease is leading into it. I'd love to see you go into their adventures. Does ford stay leading the mob? Does he realize that was a life he ended up in and he was lucky where he ended up but maybe more is out there. And I think Mokoto is due for a bite :) Look forward to more. whether it is part 1 or 2 lol

just beautiful. REALLY want to read more about these two.

sexy and sweet loving and fierce ! I hope you write many chapters about these two!

so much. wish you would write more chapters. it would be interesting to see whether he gets turned or not. would be great if he was.

beautiful and hot...wanna know more about their backgrounds and how they lived up till now esp makoto.