Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 049

They eventually wandered out onto the hills, and it was only after cresting a few of them did she find herself staring down into a large depression surrounded by a bunch of boulders. In the middle, a group of men and women who stood about three feet high were having a party, with a feast stretched out on a large blanket. They were dancing with each other, and drinking from large jugs of wine.

Along the edges of the stones, several instruments hovered in the air, playing themselves. The dancing fae wore dark clothing with gold accents, and their skin was supernaturally pale. As they laughed and twirled, Beth noticed that a few of them didn't even touch the ground.

The music quieted down when they drew close, and the party goers all turned to look at them with curiosity.

"Excuse me, but we are trying to get to the court of the faerie queen." Beth hastily tucked a few strands of loose hair behind her ears, and smoothed out her blouse with her hands. "Do you suppose you could give us directions?"

One of the fae grinned, revealing a set of dagger-sharp teeth that reminded her eerily of Oliver. The others followed suit, and the music played a little bit longer.

"We would be happy to give you directions," a man wearing a cloak told them. "But let's wait until this song is over."

The other fae nodded enthusiastically, and the music's volume increased and their dancing resumed. Beth let out a sigh and tapped her foot to the beat of the music. What would it hurt to wait for just one song?

A stiff hand clamped down on her shoulder, and she realized that she was now standing in-between the boulders. Mike pulled her back, and she tried to yank herself free.

"What the fuck is your problem?" she asked, unable to pull herself from his grasp. "We're just waiting for the song to be over!"

Mike wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up. Beth let out a shriek of rage and tried to swing herself down. The music, for whatever reason, was playing even louder than before.

He only made it a few steps before Beth was able to slide free, her skirt hiking up around her thighs.

"You're being such an ass," she told him, determined to get back and watch the dancers some more. He got in front of her again, and she tried to push him away. The dancers were holding their hands out to her, their faces just begging her to join in. If she didn't reach them in time, the song would be over, and she would miss her chance to join in the festivities.

A large vial spun through the air, scattering metallic glitter across the blanket of food and clattering to the ground. The fae fell to their hands and knees to eagerly pick up the bits of glitter that Mike had thrown, and the musical instruments stopped playing.

"Finally!" Mike grabbed her wrist and pulled her away from the faerie people, who hadn't yet noticed that they were leaving.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"They've been playing that song forever, couldn't you tell? I was trying to get your attention, but you couldn't hear me." He was moving at a quick pace, pausing long enough to throw something that looked like a rock. "That won't keep them long, so we need to hurry."

"We were only there for a minute..."

"More like ten. I don't think their magic affects me like it does you, but here." He held something out, and she took it. It was a small set of earplugs. "If they start playing that music again, shove those into your ears. We were warned about faerie music, but I figured it was safe. That was stupid of me."

Beth's cheeks burned, and she put the plugs in her messenger bag. She should have known better as well, and they were almost to the trees when she heard shrill cries behind them.

"Quick!" Mike pulled her behind a clump of rocks and they hunched down together. They watched through a gap in the rocks as the fae rose into the air on black wings and circled over the depression. They formed into a search pattern, and one of them fell from the sky, screeching like a hawk.

"What did they find?" Beth whispered.

He smirked. "I threw a large, shiny arrowhead in a different direction. They were bound to see it."

Sure enough, the flock of faeries hovered overhead until they were rejoined by their missing member. They flew away along the hillside, their shrill laughs carrying across the green expanse.

"Oy. Ye stirred up the unseelie, that you did."

Beth spun around to see a little man about a foot tall with a long beard standing on a tree stump covered in mushrooms. He regarded them with deep set eyes buried beneath a mountain of facial hair that hung to his knees.

"Are you a gnome?" she asked.

"Aye. And ye must be the humans that's got everyone in a fit." The creature took a long pull on his pipe, then blew out a plume of yellow smoke. "Yer lucky ye didn't fall in with that lot. They be particularly cruel."

"We're trying to get to—" Beth began.

"The queen? Aye. But the queen is not real eager to see yer faces, I can tells ye that." He hopped off his stump and walked toward Mike. "So yer the man that stole our dear Cecilia's heart."

"Do you know where she is?"

"Aye." He puffed off his pipe. This time, green smoke came from it.

"Great! We came to rescue her. Can you tell us how to get to the queen's court?"

"Nay." The gnome stuck the pipe back in his mouth and sucked. He blew a ring of red smoke this time that lingered in the air.

"Why not?" Beth demanded.

"Order of the queen. This whole area was reorganized for yer arrival, it was. They chased away the locals and brought in some real nasties. I dinna really care for it. Not at all, not at all."

"So, you can't tell us because the queen told you not to?"

"Aye. Faerie law. The queen informed her subjects that none of us were to give aid or direction to any humans or creatures that accompany this man."

"That's bullshit." Mike scowled at the little gnome.

"Aye." The gnome blew a green ring this time. "A creature like me would be happy to help if he could offer it. I have no quarrels with humans, particularly those who smell strongly of the tribes."

"The tribes?"

"Spirits of the earth. Water, wind, fire, the like. When I speak with ye, I get the feeling I be speaking to a kindred spirit, with ye smelling damp like the back of a cave in the deepest mountains and all." The gnome sighed. "But, I'm afraid that my hands be tied. I can offer ye no help nor assistance other than to let ye know that ye be not welcome in our land."

"So you won't help us."

"Nay." He sucked on his pipe and fixed Beth with a knowing look, then blew a red puff of smoke.

"Well,if you can't help us, then we're leaving." Mike made to stand, but Beth grabbed his tie and held him down.

"Hold on." She contemplated the gnome before her. "You can't help us, so why are you here?"

"Out fer a smoke. Not against the law. Yet." He sucked on the pipe and shot yellow smoke out of his nostrils.

"I think I understand." She turned to Mike. "Do you think we should follow the hills?"

"Maybe." He turned to look at her, but she was looking at the gnome. Little green rings hovered in the air around the creature's head.

"Follow them for awhile, or for just a little bit?"

"Um... a while?" Mike ventured after Beth nudged him.

Yellow smoke this time.

"Well... until we see something different, like a path or a river," she amended.

Green smoke now. The gnome scratched his belly through his beard.

"And then maybe turn left?" Beth was watching the gnome intently now.

He blew a red smoke ring that hovered above his head, then scowled at her. "You gonna be on your way, or what?"

"Or maybe we'll go right," Mike suggested, his eyes on Beth.

She turned her face toward him a little bit, making sure to keep the gnome in her peripheral vision. He was clearly risking a lot of trouble for them, and she knew there were probably eyes everywhere.

The gnome blew a green ring through the center of the red one, and they mixed together and vanished in the breeze. "Aye, well, I'm afraid that I canna even give ye a morsel of a hint, and would kindly ask for ye to shove off."

"Right. Well, guess we're on our own, so let's go." Beth said, then looked over the rocks. The small cloud of fae was now distant. "If we stick to the treeline, they probably won't spot us."

"And if they do, we will have plenty of warning." Mike stood up and straightened out his jacket. A shiny button fell out of his hand and onto the ground, but he ignored it. "C'mon, let's get out of here before this talking lawn ornament tells his buddies where we are."

"Hmph." The gnome scowled at them as they moved away from the rocks.

When they had gone about twenty feet, Beth looked over her shoulder.

Both the gnome and the button were gone.

A half an hour after leaving the gnome behind, they took a quick break for both of them to eat an energy bar and pee. When it was her turn to use the bathroom behind a bush, she practically had to beg Mike to keep an eye on her, because he kept trying to look away and give her some privacy. She appreciated that he was trying to be a gentleman, but she also didn't want to get dragged into the woods on account of having a full bladder. He whistled loudly to himself when she let her stream loose, and his face stayed bright red for several minutes after.

The giant in the distance moved on occasion, and it was late afternoon when they spotted the cobblestone road that wound between the hills. Grateful to see a change in scenery that included a sign of civilization, they got on the path and headed right.

The path bisected the massive woods around them, and they walked with no idea how far it would be until they got anywhere. The path narrowed dramatically until they reached a small village, but it was literally a small village; no building was more than a foot tall, and there wasn't a single sign of life around.

"Think they're hiding?" Beth asked.

"Yup," Mike answered. "I'm fine with anything that chooses to stay out of our way."

Once out of the village, the path widened again and they kept moving. It was now late in the afternoon; they stopped again for a break and drank some water. Both of their stomachs were growling audibly now, and she now wished that she had actually brought some gum with her.

The temperature dropped a little bit, and the smell of water tickled her nose. The forest on their left side vanished dramatically around a rocky corner and revealed that they were now on a large cliff overlooking a huge expanse of water that was most likely the ocean. Down below, small waves broke on the shoreline, and they stopped to rest for a bit, their eyes on the distant horizon.

Beth pulled out her phone and tried to take a picture. Strangely, her phone glitched out, and all she got was pictures of static.

"That's weird," Mike told her, then tried to the same thing. His phone was unable to take pictures as well.

"Must be part of the magic," she guessed. "Keep people from visiting and bringing back evidence, maybe."

"That's as good an explanation as I can..." He looked out toward the horizon, his mouth hanging open. When she followed his gaze, she saw that a long-necked creature had emerged. Its enormous head surveyed the nearby waters, then it dramatically vanished beneath the waves again.

"Was... was that... what I think that was?"

"Loch Ness monster? Nope." She grinned. "That isn't Loch Ness. Therefore, can't be the Loch Ness monster."

He scowled, playfully. "Leave it to a lawyer to argue the semantics of a cryptid."

"It's the same reason Bigfoot can't be a Bigfoot in the Himalayas. He's called something different there."

"Actually, not true." He held up his finger for emphasis. "Bigfoot is a different creature than a Yeti."

"And you know this how?"

"I met him once." Mike started along the path again, which wound all along the cliffs.

"No you didn't! When?" she demanded, staying right behind him.

"Uh, well... it was actually a memory of Emily's that I saw. But he told her that he wasn't alone, and that there were others. Seemed really nice."

"What was he like?" she asked excitedly. "Was he as big in real life as he's always described?"

Mike made a weird face, then nodded. "Oh yeah. Big dude. Lots of hair. Can literally walk between trees and travel for miles in a single step."

"Wow," she said. If she kept living with Mike, she wondered what the odds were that she would get to meet Bigfoot someday. He had been one of her obsessions as an early teen, and her parents had taken her to a couple of Bigfoot museums during summer trips.

The path took them down toward the shore, and if not for the unwelcome reception the previous night, Beth felt like she was on vacation again. Mike led the way, and she couldn't help but watch how he moved.

He carried himself differently than usual. There was a confidence in his step now that he was away from the house. When the sea breeze caught his hair, it rippled ever so slightly on account of how thick it had become, and her gaze settled on his neck and shoulders. Though the collar of his shirt and jacket hid his neckline, his shoulders were slightly broader than she remembered.

It was often difficult seeing him around the house. He was undeniably attractive, and she had done her best to avoid crossing any lines largely due to the piece of Oliver that had been stuck to her soul. However, now that she was free of the demon's influence, it occurred to her that maybe she was overdue getting to know him better.

However, he treated her differently than the others. He was rarely shy or withdrawn around them, and she had accidentally stumbled onto him having sex more than once. The blue lightning that crawled along his skin intrigued her, and she could tell that his bedroom skills were amplified through the roof by Naia's magic. What would sex with such a man be like?

The thought made her a little wet.

Leaves rustled off to their right, and they stopped. A unicorn lifted its head to reveal a luminescent horn, and the creature regarded them for several seconds, obviously startled by their appearance. Its piercing blue eyes settled on Beth, and the creature let out a disgusted snort before bolting further into the woods and disappearing.

"Well, that was rude," Beth said.

"I guess we weren't pure enough for the poor creature." He turned to look at her, a slightly horrified look on his face. "Can you imagine how it would have reacted if we had had Lily with us?"

Beth laughed. "Or what about Tink?"

"Stupid horny horse fuck," Mike replied in a fairly good imitation of Tink. "Go shove head in tree!"

They both laughed, and continued down the path. When they were almost to the shoreline, the path veered to the right and climbed back up into more woods, leaving the ocean behind.

The shadows of the forest lengthened as dusk approached, and they were now walking along a river inlet that no doubt fed into the ocean. The cobbles of the path were broken up in this area, as if the land itself had shifted. Following the broken trail, they found themselves scaling the stone steps of multiple small waterfalls. At the last of the falls, they took the time to refill the copper tube with fresh water before continuing their journey.

"I'm nervous about how dark it's getting," she said, looking along the path. "Do you think those things will come after us again?"

"I really hope not. If we could find some shelter for the night, I wouldn't mind hunkering down for the evening." He yawned. "I'm exhausted."

"Same." Her legs were fine, but her feet were sore, and she undoubtedly had blisters. Her outfit fared no better, and the tear in the side had widened enough that her bra was visible through it. By the time they arrived at the faerie court, they would be a bedraggled couple indeed. "Should we start looking for a tree to climb, or a cave to sleep in?"

"Honestly, I'm of the opinion that anything that isn't built by faeries might eat us." He sighed and kicked a rock off the path. "When I discussed coming here with Sofia, she thought we would emerge somewhere by a faerie mound, or some kind of civilization. Worst case, we go back through the ring and come home. I didn't expect it to disappear while we were still in it, and if I thought we would be camping out in a hostile forest, I would have considered bringing Yuki along so she could build us an ice hut or something."

"She's gonna be pissed when she finds out how much trouble we got into."

Mike's face paled a little. "Maybe we can downplay the danger bit once we get back?"

"Let's see how the rest of the trip—" Beth stopped in her tracks when she spotted a man standing against a nearby tree. He was motionless, his dark brown eyes watching them, and Mike took a step closer to her when he spotted the stranger.

The man eyed both of them and let out a sigh. He was dressed in a simple tunic with cloth pants, and was barefoot. His skin was pale, but his hair and eyes were dark like mud, and there was a collection of damp leaves in his hair that looked like they had been hastily tucked away.

"You're lost, aren't you?"

"No," Mike told him. "We know where we're going. We just don't know if we'll get there before nightfall."

"Oh." The stranger shrugged. "In that case, you'll need shelter for the night. You don't want to be out here when the sun sets. There are unnatural beings who roam this area."

"Do you know where we could find some shelter?" Beth stepped between Mike and the stranger, batting her eyes.

"I do, actually." The stranger pointed the way they were going. "Up ahead a bit, you will see a large boulder on the left. There's a small path on the other side, it's hidden by some berry bushes. Don't eat those, by the way. They'll make you sick. Anyway, the path goes to an old fishing hut that nobody is using these days. You could stay there if you like."

"That's so convenient," Beth said, scrutinizing the man. Though he seemed harmless, she could tell something was off, especially since the warning they received from the gnome. "We'll be sure to check that out, thank you."

"Yeah, no trouble." The stranger leaned against a tree and feigned disinterest. Beth pulled Mike along, and waited until they were farther down the path to talk with him.

"So that's obviously a trap," she said, keeping her voice low.

"You had me convinced we were staying in a fishing hut," he replied.

She looked over her shoulder and saw that the stranger had disappeared.

"Yeah, well, once we're at the boulder, get ready to run."

"I hate running," Mike mumbled. "I should have worn better shoes."

"Put that on the list for our next adventure." She couldn't help but smile. "Any ideas what that guy was?"

"Nope." He moved to the side of the path and bent down to tie his shoe. She saw him slip something out of his pocket. "But I have a feeling that we're gonna find out. Can't say I'm excited."

"Hmm." Beth stuck her hand in her messenger bag and started feeling around. She found what she wanted, and pulled the small canister of pepper spray from her bag and stuck her thumb under the safety latch.

The boulder appeared, and they both slowed down. She watched the edge of the forest, but didn't see any signs of movement. When they got to the boulder, sure enough there was a small path that led around it.

"Let's walk ahead just a little bit," Mike said. "I'd hate to find out that we were almost there and quit too early. We can always come back."

She played along. "Are you sure? My feet are really tired."

"Ten more minutes, and then we come back. Deal?"

"Deal."

They walked past the boulder, and she was fairly certain that she heard the rustling of leaves deep in the woods. The further they walked, the more she heard it. Something just on the other side of the trees was stalking them, and it was getting closer. Her hand tightened on the pepper spray, and she wondered how long they would have to wait before something happened.