Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 062

The figure jumped off a nearby roof and landed in the street, its body momentarily illuminated by a lantern that hung over the road.

Abella nearly fell out of the sky, and Pierre swore under his breath. The creature below had the legs and abdomen of an arachnid.

"Pierre?" she asked, her eyes wide. When she looked over at her brother, his face had become a mask of anger.

"We need to follow it," he said, his tone serious. "If it's passing through, then we'll let it go. But if it's part of a nest..."

He didn't have to finish. An Arachne nest could wipe out a city in a matter of months, which would bring the men in white. Monster hunting would begin anew, and her kind would see their heads mounted on buildings once more.

Down below, a man sneezed. The sound brought Abella back to the present, and she lowered her gaze to follow his movements. He was an older man in a white trench coat, and his footsteps were nearly silent. Though he was just some late night churchgoer, she couldn't help but be reminded of the men who had hunted her kind through the centuries.

"Baiseurs," she muttered. If the Order found out that the house was harboring an Arachne, they would waste no time laying siege to the place. The Society had been bad enough, but a worldwide organization devoted to maintaining order and hunting monsters was an entirely different problem.

She turned to look at the gargoyle next to her. It loomed over the ground below, it's expression haughty. In truth, it was much closer to a generic demon in appearance than one of her own kind, but it was merely a poor derivation of real events that had occurred centuries ago. A Clan had gone rogue and started hunting humans for sport. As a result, the Order had arrived and slain them all.

And now? The true name and purpose of the gargoyles had been lost to history. Now they were nothing more than a silly fairy tale that carried no weight, a creature to be placed on buildings for birds to shit on. They had become the garden gnomes of buildings.

With a glance, Abella confirmed that nobody was down below. Snarling, she gave the statue a shove, which ripped it free of the building. With little effort, she cast it over the edge and then moved along the side of the building so she wouldn't be spotted. The sound of the statue shattering brought a smile to her face. She had broken the last one nearly fifteen years ago. Maybe the church would spend its hard-earned money on feeding the poor instead of stupid decorations this time.

If not, she'd be back eventually. From her new vantage point, she watched the police arrive. A small crowd formed, including the man in the white coat that she had seen earlier. His face was pock-marked in scars, and he stood with his hands casually in his pockets. Maybe he was a wealthy patron of the church, now worried that his donation would go to renovations instead of actually helping people.

But that was rarely the way of things. Most humans would rather buy their way into heaven than earn it. For the first time in her life, Abella wished that Lily was nearby. The two of them would have a good chuckle over this.

She fought the pull of the house for a couple more hours. It was now late at night, and the crowd had dispersed. Other than a couple of people who crossed the police tape to grab souvenirs, she hadn't seen anyone in almost an hour.

Once back in the sky, the house attracted her like a beacon. What could have been a leisurely glide became a frantic push. Her gut filled with terror, and her mind was flooded with anxiety. What if something had happened while she was gone? What if the Society had returned? Maybe Eulalie had attacked Mike! Her wings pumped hard and fast, and the feelings vanished immediately upon crossing the boundary of the geas.

From up above, the house was quiet. A couple of lights were on, and she landed on the roof in a crouch, her gaze once more on the street. A couple of centaurs milled about in the darkness. She realized that they were carrying spears, but they seemed to be relaxed. Basic guard duty.

Inside the house, Mike was talking to someone. She leaned over the edge to hear him better, then let out a groan.

"Oh Mike," she muttered in dismay. What was she going to do with him?

Mike stood over his desk with a map of Oregon laid out. A red outline had been drawn on it, and Reggie stood near the edge with his paws splayed out.

"I believe we can get you to here," he told Mike while tapping on the map with a claw. "My intel says that there are some abandoned cabins we can chew our way to, but we need to verify before we make you a big enough portal to go through."

"Hmm." He leaned over the map and let out a sigh. "I guess get us as close to the boundary as you can. Nobody should be waiting for us, but if they're watching, they will come."

Lily, who sat across from him, shook her head. "I don't see why you have to go," she told him with no small amount of anger in her voice. "Literally anyone else can go. Amir is still out there, and it bothers me that we haven't heard from him. If he's put any sort of force together, he is watching for you to leave the house."

"I know. But even if he is, he won't be able to force his way through. Based on Eulalie's explanation, only people who become seriously lost ever slipped through. Never anyone with a purpose. What do you think?" He addressed his question to a crystal ball on the desk. Inside the ball, he could see Ratu reclining on an ornamental chair.

"I agree with this assessment," she declared. "The geas here lets people onto the land, but they can't see the truth of things. I attempted to scry the location earlier, and it is practically unreadable. In fact, that map of the boundaries you have is insufficient. Much like the greenhouse, the land itself is bigger on the inside. Even if Amir could track you to Oregon, he couldn't track you directly."

The succubus scowled. "But what about here? Once he knows you're gone, what's to stop him from dropping by and storming the place?"

Mike looked at Ratu, then back at Lily. "We actually have options, but that's going to depend largely on you. Ratu, do you want to explain?"

"No." The naga lifted a cup of tea to her lips. "She needs to hear it from you, not me."

He frowned, then looked at Lily. "This is actually something that Ratu and I have been working on for a while. Ever since the whole Underworld incident, we've been working on different ways to keep the Society guessing, and we think we have a solution."

With a natural pause, he hoped that Ratu would take over. She did not.

"So," he continued. "Ratu got the idea from a magic bag of marbles. I'm...not even qualified to try and explain the theory behind them. Apparently, she has found a way to make it look like I'm in two places at once."

"And that involves me." Kisa spoke up from the corner of the room, which caused Lily to jump.

"Fucking sneaky-ass kitty cat," the succubus swore, placing a hand over her heart. "I forgot you were there."

Kisa stuck out her tongue in response.

"Kisa is my familiar," Mike explained. "We aren't entirely certain what that entails—"

"Other than constant fucking," Lily added.

"Once you go cat, all others fall flat," muttered Kisa, her tail twitching.

"But what it means," Mike interrupted with a raised voice. "Is that Kisa now has a soul signature similar to my own. That's actually a by-product of the, um..."

"Constant fucking." This came from Reggie, who nodded sagely. "A beneficial side-effect of maintaining your harem."

"They're not my harem. Please, everyone stop interrupting." Mike noticed that Ratu was laughing into her sleeve. "And you're not helping."

"I'm not buying it. A similar signature doesn't mean shit." The succubus crossed her arms. "You aren't selling me on this idea."

"Similar won't do the trick, but this will." He opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a silver band. "Ratu has enchanted this bracelet to amplify the signature. We tested it a few times and it seems to work."

"It almost works," Ratu added. "Amir cannot scry within the geas. At best, he will be able to see that Mike is in two places at once as long as he is on his own property."

"Which means he will need visual confirmation," Lily said, realization dawning on her face. "So, if he comes around..."

"Then we need someone who can look like me," Mike finished. "What do you say? Wanna play dress up for a bit? You can even boss everyone around and put on a good show."

"There's still a hole in this," Lily told him. "If they're watching the house, then they'll notice that the sundial isn't being turned."

"Tink is already on it. She is making a replica of the dial top that rotates. You will have to go out every day at a certain time and spin it."

"And a simple, non-violent scanning spell will reveal that I'm not you."

"Unless I'm with you." Kisa now stood in front of Lily. "Which they might not notice. Going unnoticed is my thing."

Lily looked down at Kisa, then up at Mike. "You really thought this through, didn't you?"

He laughed. "It's not like I've just been sitting around doing nothing. Especially with Sarah roaming about. Protecting this place is my number one job."

The soul of Sarah the witch had been trapped inside of a necklace after she had died trying to kill him in the greenhouse. During last year's siege, it had been recovered by Sarah's mother, Elizabeth. Nobody had any clue what happened afterward. It was possible that Sarah had learned her lesson and would be content being a proper cunt somewhere else entirely, but even he doubted that.

"So then why go?" Lily asked. "If protecting this place is your number one job, why not send someone else?"

Mike looked at the others, then wandered over to the window. Out in the yard, he could see the fairy lights sparkling in the garden. Centaurs moved around the perimeter, making sure to give the Jabberwock a wide berth.

"Two reasons. The first is that I've noticed that the geas here isn't working properly here either." He thought about all the people who had wandered into his yard recently, but that wasn't what bothered him. "Yesterday, someone tagged this place on Instagram. The Radley Estate, they called it. Cecilia was in the picture. She looked like a regular person, but that's just it. People used to come here and not see any of you at all. You were invisible. But now? It isn't the case. The neighbors could hear us last night, and that was hardly the noisiest we've ever been. I need to know why it isn't working properly, and the fact that a similar effect is happening in Oregon may be a clue. As the Caretaker, this is my problem to fix."

Lily let out a grunt. "I guess that's valid. But maybe the problem is here, and leaving is the wrong thing to do."

"That brings me to the second point." He turned to face the room. "It's a feeling. I actually feel something drawing me to Oregon. I haven't thought about it really until Eulalie brought it up. That time I went to the fae realm, we went through Ireland, remember? I could feel the property I own out there calling to me, but forgot about it. What if there's something I'm supposed to do? We've all just assumed that I take over caring for this place, but what if there's something else? Kind of like the sundial. Maybe the geas itself needs to be reset? I don't know."

"What did Naia say?"

"She didn't have an answer. In fact, she went blank when I asked, and we know what that means."

Lily nodded. "The geas is protecting the answer."

"You got it. So, this is what needs to be done. Tomorrow, I'm planning on going to Oregon, but this all hinges on your willingness to stay here and pretend to be me."

"You aren't going to just tell me to do it?" She flipped her hair defiantly. "I may just tell you no."

He smiled at her, then walked around the desk until they were only a couple inches apart. The smirk on her face melted when he touched her cheek.

"And that would be okay," he said. "We would figure something else out."

Her lips parted as she stared into his eyes. It looked like she was going to say something, so he waited.

Lily grinned, and she reached out and pinched his nipple through his shirt.

"Ow, fuck!" He swatted her hand away and covered his chest.

"I'll do it," she told him. "But I plan to be a huge fucking diva about it. And you'll owe me. Big."

"I expect nothing less," he said with a laugh. "King Reggie? Have your people make the necessary plans. With any luck, Bigfoot can help us set up a portal of our own to come back, so we won't have to risk the safety of your crew."

"It shall be done." The rat king gave Mike a salute, which caused his crown to fall off his head. He picked it up in his teeth and leapt down from the table. As he left the room, Beth walked in with a concerned look on her face.

"Mike? I need you to come with me."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Eulalie." Beth's brow was furrowed, and her voice contained a hint of panic. "There's something wrong with her."

Concerned, he followed Beth out to the garage. Dana had invited Eulalie to stay in her room beneath the garage, which had been an old oil pit that had been turned into a room. Dana stood in the middle of the room, her focus on Eulalie who sat in the corner. A small web had been built as a supportive hammock and Eulalie had gone limp inside of it.

"Eulalie?" He moved close to the web, but stayed back. Her eyes fluttered open at her name and she let out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm sorry, Mike, but I won't be able to lead you to the cabin." She sat forward, her arms resting on the webs.

"Are you sick?" he asked.

"Worse," she replied. "I'm getting ready to molt."

He shuddered in revulsion. There was no hiding his reaction this time.

"Can we wait a day or two?" Beth asked. "Until you're done?"

"It's going to take way longer than that," Eulalie replied. "Nearly a month."

"A month?" Mike was incredulous.

Eulalie nodded. "A month of discomfort and feeling bloated, followed by my exoskeleton cracking and falling apart as the tissue beneath expands. It isn't a pleasant process to watch, and I will be extremely vulnerable to injury that whole time and become a liability. I thought I had more time, but packing myself up in a box and being sedentary may have triggered it."

"It's okay." Dana moved toward Eulalie and took her hand. "We'll figure something out."

Eulalie looked at Mike, her eyes imploring. "None of this worked out like I thought it would, and now I'm a huge imposition. This fucking sucks...sorry."

"The jar is full already," he reminded her.

"I just...will you please go help my sister? I'll do anything."

"Eulalie." He kept his eyes up as he approached, trying to avoid looking below her waist. When he held out his hand, she took it. At once, he realized that her skin was covered in extremely fine hairs that he hadn't noticed before. Marveling at how soft her fingertips were, he gave her a confident smile. "Don't worry. We'll take care of everything. And you are welcome here as long as you like."

"Thank you," she said, then leaned forward and hugged him. Her arms were surprisingly strong.

Velvet was crouched up in the tree, her legs splayed out amongst the branches. She was careful not to jostle the branches, afraid that she would knock free some of the ice that had accumulated there.

A young buck had wandered into the glade and was almost beneath her tree. It had been a little while since her last proper meal, and her stomach felt tight with hunger. She had been extra hungry recently, and had no idea why.

Probably a perk of getting old, she thought to herself. Nobody knew how Arachne morphology worked anymore, and she wondered how many molts she had left until she became old over a matter of weeks, just like her mother had.

At least it would happen to Eulalie first. Then the two of them could figure out if they got aches and pains like people did. True, one of her leg joints squished when it was cold out, but that's because she had injured it a couple years back and it hadn't healed straight. It would be right as rain eventually, but it was still annoying.

When the buck was beneath her, she dropped down out of the tree and tackled it to the ground. It let out a cry of alarm, but she snapped its neck with her powerful arms before it could fight back. She bit its neck in a few places, her digestive enzymes and venom now being pumped through its circulatory system. The venom would help the creature relax in its final moments, and the enzymes would soften it up for consumption later.

She slung the buck over her shoulders and waited for Emery to fly over from his secret perch. The imp landed on the animal's head and perched on its stubby antlers.

It was a few miles through dense forest, but she traversed it with ease. The woods were eerily silent, which wasn't abnormal whenever she was out for a hunt. They could sense the predator moving among them, but it was more than just animals hiding.

The forest itself felt afraid. It was a stupid idea to have, but even when she hunted, she could still hear the river, or feel the wind currents as they blew through the trees. Everything had gone absolutely still, the whole world silent except for the soft padding of her feet on snow.

"I don't like this," Emery muttered from his perch. "I feel like something is wrong."

She nodded her agreement. "I'm moving as fast as I can. Seems like game is getting harder to come by, at least this one wasn't all the way by the barrier."

"There was something off about that bear," Emery added. "I wish you hadn't eaten him."

"Well, it didn't kill me, so your wish is wasted. Besides, I—"

Near microscopic air currents moved across the sensitive hairs of her body, and she froze in place. The currents moved across her body, the result of something circling around her behind the trees, and she scanned the perimeter. Her eyesight was extremely good, particularly when it came to movement, but whatever was out there remained hidden.

She kept walking as if nothing was wrong, then frowned when she detected more movement from up ahead. There were two of them now, and they were moving parallel with her.

She was being hunted. It had been over a decade since something had bothered to tangle with her, and even longer since she herself had become prey. Whatever it was, it was either stupid or crazy.

And now there were three of them.

"Emery, move onto my shoulder, please."

"I am quite comfortable—"

"Not a request, Emery." She threw the imp a warning look. His features softened into understanding, and he hopped onto her shoulders, his feet grabbing tight to her jacket. The material was thick and warm, but she wore it mostly because it had been her father's.

She debated abandoning her kill and watching from the trees up above, but her hunger kept her from doing so. The winter had been a long one, and she had spent far too much time mourning her father's death and not enough hunting. Poor Eulalie couldn't even help, because it was hard to spin webs when the world was frosted over.

A branch snapped, and something dark leapt out of the shadows, moving so fast that it was a blur. It let out a screech of rage, but Velvet used the buck as a makeshift club and smashed it into the creature before leaping into the trees above. She didn't get a good look at her attacker, because she dropped out of the tree to avoid a rock the size of a suitcase being launched at her head.

Emery screamed as she tumbled, but she landed on her feet and bolted. The pine needles rustled around her as her attackers gave chase, and she cursed the meal that she was being forced to leave behind.

Chirps and hoots could be heard now as the hunters chased her down, but she was no ordinary prey. She danced among the tree tops and scrambled over boulder fields so fast that she nearly lost them on multiple occasions, but the damned things were fast.