Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 064

Hi all!

First off, sorry this is a couple of days late (unless you're from the future, you won't know any different). While I try to adhere to my posting schedule, this last week was just a string of bad luck. I liken it to the suddenly pipes bursting in your house. You gotta get that shit fixed and it takes time, but rest assured that the Hawthorne family is well and good. Just very tired. Regardless, I appreciate the emails and such asking if I was doing okay. It means a lot to me that the community here can be so supportive.

If you're a new reader, welcome to my story about a man who gets a magic house and has tons of action/sex packed adventures. You're gonna be so goddamn lost if you're jumping in now, so why not go back and read the other 63 chapters? Don't worry, we will wait for you.

Returning reader? Welcome back! I have some great news for you! Starting next month, Dead and Horny will be wrapped up and I will be back to posting two chapters of HFHM a month. I will likely stick to that schedule for a good chunk of time.

As a quick recap, last chapter we had Mike arrive in Oregon to meet Velvet the Arachne. Beth did a soul swap with Naia and something went awry. Lily announced her plans to impregnate everyone in the house with Mike's sperm, but she was just joking...right?

Please remember to leave some stars and comments, I love the community here, you all are amazing!

Conflicted

The snow crunched beneath Mike's feet as he walked through the forests of Oregon. In front of him, Yuki walked on top of the snow carrying her shield, leaving no trace of her passage. Up above, Abella circled.

The Nirumbi, in their haste, had made no effort to hide their tracks. The ones who had survived the slaughter at the cabin had gathered into a larger group and headed north. Though his tracking skills were only slightly better than the average person, the thirty-foot wide path made of tiny footprints and discarded spears made his job easy.

"Anything up ahead?" he asked, then looked up. Abella held up both fists, which was the signal for NO. He adjusted the strap on the rifle Velvet had loaned him.

"Then we keep going," Yuki said. They had spent the night in the cabin, and were now trying to track the Nirumbi. The plan was to find where they were hiding in the woods, and then figure out what to do with them. The internet had been no help—in fact, his phone had been unable to acquire any kind of signal since their arrival.

With Bigfoot still sleeping off his poison, they would have to wait for him to wake up before they could leave. Quetzalli and Dana had stayed behind with Velvet in case of another attack. Not only could Quetzalli shock any attackers, but the away team would hear the resulting thunder and be able to send Abella back to assist.

"Here's another one," Yuki declared as she knelt down in the snow. Mike joined her and frowned.

The Nirumbi had been quick to carve up their own at the cabin before being forced to run. While fleeing, some had obviously fallen due to injuries and had received similar treatments. This one had been hastily hacked apart and was missing both legs and an arm.

"Why the fuck do they do this?" Mike asked.

"Don't know," Yuki replied. "Quetzalli had some ideas, but her information is rumors from hundreds of years ago. Her best guess was that it was a way to honor the dead or the act has some kind of religious implications."

"Thou shalt eat thy dead?" He looked away from the little man on the ground. "Would hate to see the other nine commandments."

"It's not really for us to judge," Yuki said as she summoned a blanket of snow to cover the body. "To them, the act of eating their own is no different than you brushing your teeth after meals."

"That serves an actual purpose, though," he objected.

"And you think this doesn't? At a bare minimum, their bodies become food for others. You only find it detestable because you were raised with the idea that you don't eat grandma when she dies."

"Maybe that started because grandma is too chewy," he said. "Not a lot of great meat on an elderly woman."

Yuki snorted. "Maybe humans don't eat grandma for the same reason that Nirumbi eat each other—as a sign of respect."

Mike nodded. Though cannibalism didn't make complete sense to him, his own lifestyle could be seen as immoral and confusing to others.

They continued onward for a few more minutes before the path narrowed, leading them down into a small ravine surrounded by majestic trees and thick bushes blanketed in snow. If not for the footprints, they would have missed the narrow path that ran beneath a trio of very large pine trees.

Yuki crouched down and went ahead of him. He knelt to follow, but paused when he heard Abella thump into the ground behind him.

"Nowhere to land inside," she told him. "It's completely surrounded by trees."

"Great," he muttered, then followed Yuki in. When he emerged from under the tree, he stared in awe at the large stone overhang above them. They were surrounded by trees on every side, and the overhang itself formed the entrance to a large cave.

"Wow," he muttered, then snapped a few pics with his phone. "Do you think this is one of the goblin caves?"

"Maybe." Yuki inspected the mouth of the cave. It was only a few feet tall, and Mike would need to crawl to properly fit inside. "From what I can tell, they all went in here."

"So, what's the plan?" he asked. "Find a way to follow them in, maybe flush them out?"

"Hold up." Abella moved to the mouth of the cave and inspected the rim. She traced the edges with her hands, then moved away from it with a frown. "This is a recent opening."

"How can you tell?" he asked.

"It would be hard for you to notice, but you can see where the edges look clean." She pointed at a few areas. "Moss grew along here, but there's a thin line where there used to be stone. This cave was blocked off at some point, but it's been recently opened."

"Hmm." Yuki swished her tail, and the snow around their feet turned into frosty cyclones as the snow shifted about. What would have taken hours to find with shovels became only a couple of minutes when a pile of rubble was revealed away from the mouth.

"Aha!" Abella picked up a small boulder and hefted it up to the opening. She rolled it back and forth, then pinned it against part of the wall. "This piece came from here," she noted.

"So the Nirumbi dug their way free?" he asked.

"When you dig, the dirt goes behind you," Abella told him, then dropped the boulder. She inspected the rim of the cave again. "There are scratch marks on the outside. Big ones."

"Bear?" he asked.

"You wish." Abella opened her hand and put it against the stone. "Some of these gouges are deep enough for even my fingers to fit inside."

"Something dug them out?" He moved to where Abella was standing. "Who and why?"

"All questions we may not like the answers to." Yuki looked down at the rubble. "If we can fit this back inside, I can help seal the entrance."

Mike stood back as Abella pushed and rolled boulders back into the opening. Yuki created a ramp made of ice, which caused the boulders to roll further down into the cave. He kept expecting the Nirumbi to arrive and fight back, but assumed that maybe they had had enough.

Yuki blasted the cave with ice magic, creating a thick wall of ice that sealed the rocks in. They backed out of the small clearing and Yuki stayed behind long enough to use one of her tarot cards to break apart the overhang. It collapsed, creating an even bigger pile of rubble outside the cave system.

"Even if they can dig their way out of that, it will take them weeks," she said. "And once the ice starts melting, this part of the cave will flood."

"I guess that means mission accomplished?" He tried to sound nonchalant about it, but his thoughts were on the large claw marks. Who had found the Nirumbi and let them out?

"The sooner we get home, the better," Abella declared. She took off, leaving Yuki and Mike alone in the forest.

The two of them exchanged a look. He wanted to ask the kitsune if she knew why Abella seemed so tense, but knew that Abella would hear them. His few attempts this morning to start a conversation with the gargoyle had gone nowhere.

"I guess we just need to get Bigfoot back on his feet," he said. "He can help us get home."

"That could still be a couple of days," Yuki replied. "Whatever they dosed him with would have killed a lesser creature."

"I guess the question is whether the attack was intentional. Were the Nirumbi sent by someone, or did Velvet happen to wander into their territory?"

"No idea. But their territory is inside that shitty cave, and they're welcome to it." They were following the tracks in reverse now, and she was walking beside him. "Did you know that Emily used to talk about this place? I always wanted to come check it out, but she kept telling me there was nothing to see. Naturally, now I know why."

"The Arachne?"

"Mm-hmm. Some say that gunpowder was invented by the Chinese just to scare them off. Their bodies are covered in fine hairs, gives them amazing sensory abilities. However, melt those hairs off and they're like a bunch of drunks in a bar."

"Have you ever run across one before now?"

"I hadn't. I'm still young for my kind, and the Arachne had largely migrated to Europe. Between the big cities clustered together and a population unfamiliar with them, they were better able to thrive." Yuki paused, then looked back. Her ears twitched. "You feel that?"

He stopped and looked where she was looking. The forest was silent, other than the occasional thud of falling snow. "I'm not picking up on anything dangerous, if that's what you're asking."

Yuki frowned. Her tarot cards appeared in her left hand, and she fanned them out. "I feel like we're being watched."

"Maybe some of the Nirumbi got locked out?" He readied the rifle, his finger resting on the trigger guard. While not a sharpshooter by any means, he had been able to earn the Marksmanship merit badge when he was a scout. If anything came out of the woods, he was confident he could at least hit it.

"Not Nirumbi," she said.

They stood this way for so long enough that Abella joined them. The gargoyle tilted her head from side to side, then shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't hear anything," she said. "If something's out there, it isn't even breathing."

"That's ominous as fuck," Mike said. "Let's head back and hope whatever it is will be just as scared of us as we are of it."

"I was never scared," Abella muttered, then took back to the sky. Mike watched her circle overhead and then let out a sigh. Hopefully whatever was bothering her would resolve itself.

Beth sat on the edge of Naia's fountain with Ratu's crystal ball in her lap. Naia was lying in the water, her features barely visible above the surface.

"And?" asked Ratu. It looked like she was in bed, her dark hair fanned out around her head.

"Nothing out of the ordinary here," replied Zel. When Beth had sent word to the centaurs that she needed a checkup, she had been surprised when Zel herself had arrived. "Vital signs are normal, and I'm not seeing anything in her bloodwork."

"That's all you have to say?" asked Beth.

"I love what you're doing with your hair," Zel added. "But that's to be expected, right?" She looked over at Naia.

"Indeed. Beauty without peer, and minimal effort, too." Naia smirked.

"Hmm." Ratu's voice barely came through the crystal ball. She picked up the cup of tea on her nightstand and sipped it. "That certainly rules out a few theories of my own."

"Such as?" Beth asked.

"Hybridization. I wondered if perhaps you had become part nymph, beyond the soul swap, that is. I also worried that perhaps a recent breeding had caused some overlap. Your dalliance with the dullahan could have unexpected consequences, much like Mike did with Cecilia."

Beth blushed.

"As far as I can tell, she's still human." Zel packed away the small apothecary she carried with her. "I'm afraid I can't be of much help."

"Your assistance was very valuable." Ratu bowed her head. "Now that we have ruled out the obvious, we must step into the realm of hypotheticals."

Beth frowned. She didn't like the idea that what was happening with her was hypothetical. In fact, nothing strange had happened after the tub incident, and she was already content to leave the issue alone. However, Naia had insisted on Ratu's input.

"Have you spoken with Mike yet?" Ratu asked.

Beth checked her phone. The picture Lily had sent Mike was still on delivered, which meant Mike hadn't seen it yet. This troubled her, but there wasn't much she could do about it. "I haven't," she told them.

"That man gets himself into the best kind of trouble." The naga chuckled, then refilled her cup. "I am ready to posit a theory."

"Lay it on me."

"According to Naia, your mind was actually inside of the soul swap with her. This is not a normal occurrence, and proof that something exceptional has happened. I believe that your soul may have a special susceptibility to change."

"How so?"

"Let's look at the evidence. Your soul has left your body on more than one occasion, allowing your body to give host to a tormented soul."

"She prefers that we call her Jenny," Naia added.

"Regardless, Beth's soul has been displaced on more than one occasion. In a separate instance, a powerful entity, the demon Oliver, was able to graft a piece of his essence onto your soul. This required that we run your soul through a magical filter, which almost didn't work, I might remind you. You were purified, in a manner of speaking."

"So how is this all related?" Beth asked.

"Souls aren't liquid in nature. Think of them like a slow-moving fluid. You dip your finger in a pond, it will look the same after you pull your finger out. Poke your finger in pudding, not only will some stick to your finger, but it will take some time for the hole to close."

"But I control the process," Naia said, sitting up in the fountain. "She shouldn't have been able to take more than I offered."

"And I don't think she did." Ratu paused and leaned away from the orb. When she came back, she was holding a small sandwich. "Think back on the finger analogy. If Beth was the finger, and your magic the pond, it wasn't just a quick dip—it was a soak. Her soul, while mixed with yours, had a giant open wound. You can't soak an open wound in water and expect nothing to happen."

"I'm infected with magic?" Beth asked, barely able to contain her excitement.

"I prefer the term blessed. But yes. Over the course of her years, Emily was able to nurture and grow her own talents in the realm of magic. It required hard work and dedication, but it did start with the nymph's blessing. For you, I suspect that your soul may have attuned itself to Naia's, thus fast-tracking the process. Think of it like a transfusion. You've been steeped in powerful magic, or maybe calibrated is a better word? Aligned? No matter." Ratu waved her hand dismissively.

"Beth can do magic now?" Zel had pulled out a notebook and was scribbling notes. "Water magic specifically, or...?"

"My guess is simply a natural talent for it. Water manipulation was a coincidence. Rather, she was about to cave her own head in and her magic protected her."

"So, does that make me a witch?" Beth asked. "Or a wizard?"

"When you can do magic, you can call yourself whatever the fuck you want." Ratu sighed. "But this also comes with a burden of its own. She needs to learn some basics, if for no other reason than to avoid injury. Based on what I've heard, she has more power than she can handle."

"But my magic protected me," Beth said. "How would it hurt me?"

Ratu cleared her throat. "When it comes to magic, your imagination is the limit. Your bones could have become rubber, or you could have shrunk to the size of an insect. There's no telling what you're capable of in your current state. You also need to remember that magic always comes with a price. Sometimes, the cost isn't worth paying." The naga leaned off orb again and came back with a quill and a piece of paper. "I am writing down some basic texts for you to read from the Library. I'll send this to Sofia, and she'll make sure you get them. You have to study, if for no reason than to avoid blowing off your own face."

Beth nodded, doing her best to contain the ball of excitement that had formed in her belly. The idea that she now had her very own kind of magic felt much like winning the lottery. What would her magic be like? Would it feel cold, racing through her veins like ice? Or perhaps it would be like fire, eager to erupt from her fingertips.

"After I look at these books, should I study under someone?" She moved close to the ball. "Would you be able to teach me?"

Ratu smiled, then shook her head. "I am in no condition to help you right now. Besides, my understanding of magic is focused on enchantments and objects. My own abilities are of a divine nature, so I'm not sure how much help I would be. In fact, I would recommend Yuki for the job, if she'll accept."

"I can help a little bit." Amymone appeared from her tree, hanging upside down by her legs. She folded the page she was on in her book and then closed it. "And Naia, too. Our magic is nature-based and very niche, but we can explain some of the basics. We taught Emily, when she first came here."

Naia smiled, but her grin faded. She turned to Beth, a somber look on her face. "We all know that the shadow drove her ambition, and a similar thing can still happen to you. You have to be careful."

"I will," Beth promised. She looked up at Amymone. "When can we start?"

"After you get those books from Sofia." The dryad swung back and forth, her skirt held in place by a few convenient vines. "I would focus on meditative practices. Being able to touch your magic is a great start."

Naia nodded. "Mike figured that one out pretty fast. But his magic is...well..."

Beth laughed. "Somehow more useful than you'd expect," she finished.

"His magic is something else completely," Ratu added. "Neither divine nor inherent. It doesn't have a label. When he advances enough, he may choose to pursue spellcraft. By then, you will likely be a suitable instructor for him."

"Divine...versus...inherent..." Zel was scribbling furiously. "So, it's different being born with magic versus acquiring it? What about the rules of heredity? Is magic passed along genetic lines?"

"Depends on the magic." Ratu opened her mouth extra-wide and shoved the whole sandwich in and swallowed it in one bite. "Sorry, I'm hungry and can't wait any longer. Typically, inheritance is usually only a factor if the creature itself is magical. Dragons are a great example, as well as my own kind."

"What about half-breeds?" Zel looked up. "For example, what if your mother was a naga and your father was a human?"

The naga laughed. "If they could actually conceive a child, it's possible. It's been a long time since any cross breeding has occurred, and you can thank the Greek and Roman gods for that. Caused nothing but problems, and it actually became a huge taboo to breed with humans because of it."

"Fascinating." Zel closed her book. "Let me know if you need anything from the herd. It was nice to see everyone."

The centaur bowed low, then headed off toward the door of the greenhouse.

"You'd think she'd want to take the shortcut home," Beth noted.

"She probably wants some time to herself," Naia said. "When you're the one in charge, you don't often get opportunities to be alone. Besides, she has a lot to think about."

"Like what?"

Naia shrugged and flashed a smile. "That isn't my burden to share," she said, then turned her attention to the garage. The door opened, and Eulalie stepped out. She was wearing a dark tank top with a matching black skirt with white stripes down the side.