Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 066

"Thanks, Mom," Lily mumbled through the towel as she flipped Beth off.

Beth followed Kisa down to the living room. Death stood in the door, his cowl pulled back. The flames in his eye sockets had grown tiny, and he was fidgeting with his fingers.

"You need me?" she asked.

"Yes, I believe I do." Death stared down at his feet. He did a little shuffle, like he was trying to kick a piece of dust off the floor. "It seems that I am in need of your legal services, Judge Bethany."

"Okay, three things. Only my grandmother calls me that, and—"

"She's dead, yes." Death smiled sheepishly.

"I'm not a judge, I'm a lawyer," Beth added.

"I apologize. You wanted your own title, and I thought you would enjoy that one as it is related to the law."

"Oh." She remembered shouting after him the other day for a title. "I appreciate the thought, but I don't want to be called judge anything."

"Princess? Queen? Barrister?" Death paused to gaze at the ceiling in contemplation. "Supreme court justice?"

"Three. Why do you need a lawyer?" she asked.

"Ah. Well, I thought I would impress upon my siblings and the honorable angel Mehkhkahrel the things I've learned since arriving at this. My presence here was quite by accident and never intended to set off the Apocalypse itself. I thought that by showing them how I have indulged in your culture that they would realize that I came to Earth without any malice toward Mankind."

"Okay." Beth waited for him to go on.

"It would seem that we have a dilemma. You see, the angel is under the belief that the Apocalypse is at hand, and has stated that my continued presence is proof of such a thing. My siblings, who are very eager to walk the Earth and destroy it, have sided with him."

"But you were summoned here for a different reason, though."

"Yes, but they didn't seem to care. The point of the matter is that the angel has ordered that either I leave this plane right away or allow them to formally open the Seven Seals so they can rain judgment on Earth."

"Oh. Oh!" Beth's jaw dropped open. "You can't leave, can you?"

"I cannot." Death shook his head sadly. "Until I have collected the soul of the one known as Amir, I am bound to this world."

"Shit. So where do I come in?"

"Well, the angel was about to pass judgment when I reminded him that it was the law of the land that I get access to an attorney. I also told him that I had the right to remain silent."

"And he listened?" She looked out the window. The quartet of chaos was standing there, staring at the house.

"This is an angel of judgment. Of course, he didn't." Death wandered over to the window. "But he had promised to consider all angles. I informed them that my attorney would have a unique perspective relevant to my case and then held him to that promise."

Her stomach cramped and she felt light-headed. What would Mike do in a situation like this? She observed each of the horsemen, watching them as they remained motionless. "Your brothers wouldn't happen to be susceptible to flirting, would they?"

"No. They have no interest in sex. And neither does Pestilence."

"Pestilence is a girl?" She looked at the rider in the spacesuit and realized it was a high-tech hazmat suit.

"No. They're complicated, and still figuring things out." Death led her to the door. "Their identity has been in flux for millennia. In fact, Pestilence is their new name. I think they like it, but it's hard to tell now that I can't see their face. When I'm standing really close, I can hear what sounds like thousands of bees buzzing inside. Can you imagine that?"

"Guess I won't have to." She put her hand on the knob and pulled. If Death's siblings couldn't be seduced, then half of Mike's typical strategy was already out the window. "Let's see if we can get lucky."

The cabin smelled like hot butter and cinnamon. When Mike stepped out of his bedroom, the smell intensified, and he saw Yuki standing in the kitchen. She was ladling oatmeal into a bowl and winked when she saw him.

"Morning." She smiled knowingly before taking a bite. "There's plenty left. You should have some to replenish that energy of yours."

Mike blushed. "I'm guessing everyone heard?"

"Not only that, but you fucked up Bigfoot's VHS collection. His tapes are all messed up. They have these wavy lines all over them."

"Oh, shit, really?"

"Yes!" Bigfoot shoved open the bathroom door and limped to the couch. "I had to switch to DVD and I hate it!"

"Why do you hate DVD?" If Bigfoot was not moving like a geriatric patient with arthritis, he would have felt threatened by the angry Sasquatch.

"My fingers are too fucking big for the remote." Bigfoot sat down with a grunt and held up a black piece of plastic that was dwarfed in his palm. It was clear to Mike that each button would be very difficult for the cryptid to press.

"Where's Quetzalli?" he asked.

"Using up what's left of the hot water." Yuki tapped her spoon on the table. "Your bedroom smells like a fuck-pit, and you're no better."

"Oh." He couldn't even argue. His stomach was still covered in dry spunk. "I guess I could always take a cold shower."

"You'll freeze your balls off." Bigfoot glanced over his shoulder. The television was displaying the DVD player's loading screen. "Our water comes from a well. Darren put in a heater, but it's old. About twenty years ago, you could get a couple of showers out of it. But now?" He shivered. "If you're in a hurry, you could drop by the hot springs. It isn't a far walk."

"Hot springs?" Mike's mind immediately went to Naia. He wondered how she was doing.

"Yeah, there's a few. Big enough to swim in. Just don't try diving to the bottom, they're deeper than they look. The water gets much hotter and you might pass out." Bigfoot uncapped a beer that had been down by his feet. "This one time, I was at Yellowstone and saw a guy go swimming in one that was near boiling. Cooked him like a brat, he split open along the sides toward the end."

"Gross." Yuki frowned at her oatmeal. "I saw something like that once in Japan. Very unpleasant."

The front door opened and Dana walked in. Her nose wrinkled and she looked at Mike.

"Oh, wow, that's strong." She covered her nose and gave him a wide berth as she moved to sit next to Bigfoot.

A door shut in the cabin, and Quetzalli appeared with a towel around her body and another towel wrapped around her head. She gave Mike a wink and disappeared into their bedroom.

"Maybe I'll hit those springs." He stood and moved to the front door. "Where are they?"

"I'll take you." Dana stood and moved toward the door. "I don't want you getting lost."

Mike grabbed his coat, and they walked outside together. He shivered in the cool air, wondering if the hot spring would be warm enough to counter the chill. Up above, he saw Abella circle for a landing.

"Are we going home today?" She looked unusually grumpy.

"Not yet. Once Bigfoot is up and about, we'll plan for going home." He pulled out his phone and frowned. "I'm also thinking that I should head for the boundary. See if I can't get a signal on this thing."

Abella rolled her eyes and held out a hand.

"Give it here. It will take you all day to walk there and back. I can do it in a quarter of the time."

"Thank you." He handed over his phone. "Let them know that we're safe. I think our Nirumbi issue is solved." If that was our main issue, he thought to himself. Whatever had been watching him didn't seem to be around now. Hopefully it had gone with the Nirumbi.

"I'll be back." Abella launched herself skyward in a motion that scattered a flurry of snowflakes in every direction, blasting Mike with icy shards. He brushed himself off and watched as the gargoyle disappeared over the trees.

"She's in a foul mood," Dana muttered under her breath.

Mike sighed, but kept his thoughts to himself.

They walked into the forest, exchanging chit-chat. Dana was working her way through a ton of science fiction novels on her phone and was also learning conversational Russian. She also told him about her progress on the telescope, and how she thought it may be operable in the months ahead. The observatory was a room he hadn't spent much time in. It unnerved him how it looked out on an unfamiliar sky. Sometimes if he stared for long enough, it felt like the sky was looking back.

As they climbed higher, trees thinned and were replaced by rocks. The smooth snowy contours of the forest floor were disrupted by stone outcroppings that looked as if they were fighting their way free of the ice, hoping for just a glimmer of the sun's warmth. The air was thicker somehow, and he picked up the vague smell of sulfur and other minerals.

This made him think of Lily. He was surprised he hadn't heard from her yet, or at least heard about her. She had promised to make trouble, and he was sure someone would have called to complain about her by now.

They stepped through a thin gap in the stones and he found himself standing on a ledge overlooking a pool of steaming water. He was about to say something when the steam parted and revealed Velvet. She was floating on her back with her eyes closed, her legs spread out around her like a star.

"Ah, shit," Dana muttered as Velvet's eyes popped open. "I'm sorry, Vee. I didn't know you were up here."

Velvet's eyes went to Mike, then back to Dana. He expected panic that he had seen her naked, but was modesty even an Arachne trait?

"It's fine," she replied. "I was just taking a dip myself. Had a long night."

"Yeah, you got in pretty late." Dana pointed along the sides of the rocks. "There's a path you can take down to the edge. If you don't mind, I think I'll leave you here."

"Don't want to be our chaperone?" he asked, only half-joking.

"I'm hungry is all." She grinned. "Hungry enough to eat a dragon."

"I like this side of you. Leave a sock on the door until you're done."

Dana rolled her eyes. "Any sense of privacy died when you fried Bigfoot's VHS collection. I wasn't going to say this in front of him, but he teared up when he saw his Northern Exposure collection was toast. All recordings of the original broadcasts, something about music rights."

Mike made a face. He really hoped that Bigfoot didn't hold a grudge. "Guess I'll see you in a bit."

"Give me a twenty-minute head start." She winked at him and left.

Mike followed the ledge to the base of the spring. From down here, he saw that the ledge they had been on would be a perfect location for jumping into the spring. Velvet was floating in the water, just the top of her head and her spider body visible through the steam.

"May I join you?" he asked.

A hungry look crossed Velvet's face, but he didn't get any sense of danger. The seconds ticked by as she seemed to consider his request.

"Apparently, I stink," he continued. "And Quetzalli used all the hot water."

"Oh, I can tell," she replied. "That you stink, I mean. I also sort of saw what you were doing."

"You were watching us?" He wasn't even going to pretend to be offended. People walking in on him at home was a weekly occurrence.

"No. I was sulking in the barn and saw the light show." She smiled. "Care to explain that to me?"

"It's my magic," he explained. "And I would be happy to share more, but I'm getting cold out here."

"Don't let me stop you." She didn't turn around, or otherwise indicate that she was going to give him any privacy.

Challenge accepted. Mike didn't turn either. He tossed his jacket to the side and then unbuttoned his shirt. When he pulled down his pants, he could hear the Arachne gasp as his cock sprung free. He got in the spring, taking his time to navigate the rocky sides. The water was a great temperature, and he sighed in relief.

"We've been coming here since we were old enough to walk," Velvet told him. "Much easier than trying to fit in a shower. We did that too, but only when we were little."

"Not bad. Hot all year round?"

She nodded. "Sometimes it's too hot. It's not like there's a thermostat."

"Of course not." He moved a bit closer to her, his feet feeling along the bottom. It didn't take long before he found a drop-off, and he stood on the edge of it. The water was up to his chest, so he crouched until it came to his chin. "So yes, my magic. It's got some quirks."

"Can you move stuff with your mind?" she asked, her eyes lighting up in excitement. "Or cast spells? Make a fireball?"

"Nothing like that...I don't think." He laughed. "I'm still figuring it out, but it's the reason I can do that screaming thing."

"Awesome," she whispered.

"So why were you sulking?" he asked.

"Ugh." Velvet sunk down until only her eyes were visible. After a few seconds, she bobbed back up. "It was nothing, just going through some things. I've been thinking about what you said, about the house."

"Don't feel like it's a one-way trip," he said. "Once we can get contact re-established, I bet we can get a rat portal set up. You could stay here and still be part of the household, it isn't a big deal."

"Hmm." She floated closer to him. "I don't know everyone would be as accepting of that decision."

He waved his hand. "If you're thinking about Abella, I wouldn't worry too much. I don't know the full story about what's going on with her, but she's a wonderful person. Just very protective of me and the house."

"I see." She narrowed her eyes and sunk her mouth below the water, but not before he saw the grin that had appeared.

What was she up to?

"To be honest, if there really is a problem between you and Abella, you two should talk about it. Clear the air, or whatever you wanna call it."

Velvet shrugged, sending ripples through the spring.

"You don't have to be friends," he added. "But there should be some level of respect. The house is a haven from the dangers of the real world. Despite their differences, everyone knows how to come together and have each other's back."

"Now I find that interesting," she said as she popped above the water so fast that the tops of her breasts appeared. When his eyes twitched to look at them, Velvet grinned and left them on display.

"I'm sorry, find what interesting?" he asked.

"That you all work together. When Dana and Lily showed up last fall, it was surprising to see a succubus helping anybody."

"Lily has her edges," he admitted. "But she's come a long way."

"You can't help yourself, can you?" Velvet was close enough now that he could touch her if he wanted. "Do you always see the best in people?"

"I didn't use to," he admitted. "But then I met a bunch of them that seemed like me. Different, maybe even a little damaged. I think we see it in each other, it's kind of a mutual respect thing and—"

Velvet had bobbed even closer. He sank down into the water until they were eye level with each other, all while struggling to keep his eyes off her breasts.

"And what?" she asked, her voice quiet.

"I think we recognize each other as survivors." It wasn't what he had been about to say, but in his efforts to avoid staring at her boobs, he had totally forgotten what he was going to say.

"Hmm." She looked pensive for a moment, but he realized that she was staring at his chest. When he looked down, he saw that part of the scar tissue on his side was visible.

"Car crash," he explained. "It caught on fire before they pulled me out."

She shuddered, then lifted a hand from the water. "I'm terrified of fire," she admitted to him. "Our skin is covered in very fine hairs that we use to perceive the world. Getting them wet isn't too bad, but fire melts them quickly.

When she put her hand on his flesh, he felt his own senses heighten. It wasn't as bad as before, but it was still overwhelming.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a whisper. "When you touch me, I can feel all these extra things, it's like my nerves are being re-wired."

"I feel things, too," she responded. "But I very much doubt they are the same things you feel."

With that said, she moved her hand down his scars until her arm was underwater. As her fingers slid across his hip, his cock stirred to life, bobbing beneath the water like a lure. They both gasped when her hand settled on his cock.

"We might be feeling the same things after all," he muttered. Velvet's lips were inches from his own and her eyes had a predatory glint to them that made his throat go dry.

"I..." she looked down as if suddenly realizing where her hand was. "I've never done this before."

The air was thick with steam, and he inhaled it through his nostrils. It mixed nicely with the energy that was already coursing through him. He slid his hand along her cheek, then pushed a few stray hairs behind her ears.

"There's a first time for everything," he replied.

"Yeah, but..." she paused to lick her lips. He could see that she was drooling. "My mother said that this was dangerous. That I may lose control."

She was stroking him now, her thumb teasing the opening of his cock. If this really was her first time, it seemed like she had some natural instinct.

He thought back to what he knew about the Arachne. Was he nothing more than prey, caught up in a web of deception? He knew that Abella would say that he was.

However, with Velvet so close to him, he felt no danger at all. If she was planning to seduce and hurt him, wouldn't he feel something? Right now, she was just another beautiful woman who was coming onto him very strongly.

His cock twitched, officially registering its vote.

"We can take it slow," he said. "If you think you're about to become dangerous or lose control or whatever, just tell me."

Her eyes had taken on that vacant stare again, and she was stroking him even harder. He responded by lowering his hand to her breasts and playing with her nipples. His other hand reached out to stroke her waist, but she grabbed him by the wrist.

"That...I..." Her cheeks turned bright red. "If you go much farther, you'll feel the parts of me that aren't...humanoid."

"Is that bad?" he asked. "If you don't want me to touch you there, that's fine."

"It isn't that." She scrunched up her face, then let out a sigh. "I'm just worried it might ruin the moment. You know, if you remember what the rest of me looks like."

"Oh." He ran his hand down her thigh and paused. Somewhere around mid-thigh, her smooth skin gave way to thick fur.

"See what I mean?" There was a squeak to her voice, a crack in her bold facade. "It would be better if you didn't."

"Didn't what?" His magic was swirling through him now, and he hooked his fingers in the thick hair of her legs and dragged them through like a comb. Even beneath the water, the hair felt light and moved easily through his fingers. He wondered if it was repelling the water. "I don't mind a little hair."

"Mike..." Her voice was pleading now, and she had stopped stroking him. "I don't think I could handle it if you...found me disgusting."

He pulled on her waist, bringing her lips within a breath's distance. When he moved his hand back up her leg, he circled it around her waist and onto one of her other legs. When he squeezed it, she let out a gasp.

"I don't care that you didn't shave your legs for me."

Velvet's eyes lit up and she laughed. She pushed him back with a playful splash, but he hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss, his lips gentle on hers. Surprised at first, Velvet immediately melted into him with a groan.

He tried squeezing her spider leg again, but she grabbed his wrist and moved his hand back onto her front leg.

"That part of me doesn't feel pleasure," she explained after breaking the kiss. "All of my nerves for that are kind of forward of the biggest ass you've ever seen."

"Well then let's test them out." He had been holding his magic back, but when they kissed, he released it. She moaned into his mouth and her front legs circled his waist, pulling him in. His cock rubbed against her belly as she continued to jack him off beneath the water.