Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 078

Hi all!

Here it is, the exciting conclusion to book five! (Just this book, not the whole series)

It's always a process to share a story that takes the better part of a year to complete. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me this far, and hello to those of you who are new. I appreciate every single one of you who have become invested in this silly tale of mine, and your enthusiasm has been such a huge part of my continued success.

At the end of this chapter, I have some thoughts to share, for those who like that sort of thing. Before you leave, make sure to leave me some stars, a comment, or even send me a nice letter. These are all things that help others find the story, and keep me motivated when I'm struggling to succeed.

As always, new chapter info will be in the bio. Hope you are all having a wonderful holiday season, wherever you are. This chapter is a bit longer than the others, I hope you enjoy it!

A Caretaker's Resolve

Mike sniffed involuntarily at the sulfur cloud that surrounded him with Lily's disappearance. Her malevolent glee was so palpable he could almost taste it.

It had taken almost two hours at a blistering pace in the Underworld before Mike and the others had reached the edge of the dome-shaped pocket dimension his home had been tucked away in. It had formed an impenetrable barrier to the demonic denizens of the blighted landscape who were circling it hungrily. At the sight of the hellhound, they dispersed with harsh cries.

Mike had hopped off of Cerberus to place his hands on the solidified light. It denied his efforts, but he could feel the geas just on the other side. It reached out for him, as if to welcome him home, but the barrier opposed his efforts.

The geas built in power, concentrating magic just beneath his hands until it tunneled through the barrier, connecting to Mike's magic. Like turning a key in a lock, the protective shield burst apart to allow him entry. The thick mist had resisted his passage by curling around him and solidifying, but he had pushed through with the others behind him. He had arrived just in time to see the angel Mehkhkahrel try and scour Lily from existence.

Cold fury filled him as he commanded Cerberus to take down Mehkhkahrel. If anyone was a match for the angel, it would be them. Cerberus had tackled the angel into the mist, but Hellfire tore through the fog and revealed Mehkhkahrel on the ground. Its feathers smoldered as it tried to move back into the air. Every now and then, the shadows shifted and it looked as though the winged entity had unfolded terrifying limbs consisting of blades and spikes.

"YES!" A bulky figure with red skin reached into the air and pulled out a large battleaxe. Mike assumed this was War, but didn't care what he was called. "Let's do this!" War cried as he charged toward Mike.

"Yuki." Mike knew the kitsune was right behind him. "Freeze this turd."

A gale of icy wind blew past him, slowing War's progress. The warrior howled, the veins in his neck bulging as he muscled forward, ice forming on his face and chest.

"Do you think I'm afraid of a little cold?" He barked a laugh as the distance between them narrowed.

"You'll be afraid of this." Yuki's voice was full of contempt as a giant icicle, nearly fifteen-feet long, ripped through the air. It shattered just before impact with War when a yellow beam of light intercepted it.

"You will not stop me," Murray yelled, his voice crackling. "I have spent too many centuries waiting for this moment!"

"I'm putting you back on ice." Yuki dashed past Mike, her tails swishing behind her as she held up both hands, each filled with tarot cards. She cast them into the air where they transformed into giant silver goblets that poured water onto the ground. She summoned large icicles from the now moist soil, then launched them at Murray with a wave of her clawed hands.

War, no longer impeded by Yuki, ran at Mike with his axe held high.

With a bellow, Asterion emerged from the fog and slammed into War headfirst from the side. His horns penetrated War's thick skin as he lifted the horseman into the air.

A horrible gnawing feeling took Mike to his knees, and he narrowed his eyes at the dark figure by the house who was pointing at him.

"You must be Famine," he muttered, then whistled and held up his hand. The mace, which had been circling them for the entire trip, appeared from above and landed in his hand. "Beat this fucker's teeth in," he told the mace, then threw it.

Even though the throw was clumsy, the mace took care of the dirty work and covered the distance between Famine and Mike in moments. It smashed into Famine's face, knocking the horseman onto the ground.

Mike's precognition triggered, and he leapt out of the way as a colony of insects formed into a humanoid and took a swipe at him.

"Mike Radley!" Death had turned his head around with his hands to watch the battle, War's massive sword pinning him to the ground. "You have come for me!"

Mike didn't respond, his attention on the figure before him. Every fiber of his being screamed "Danger!" as Pestilence tried to get a hold of him. He imagined a single touch would infect him with every disease known to man, plus a few extra.

Lily emerged from above and flapped her wings, scattering the cloud of insects. When she landed, her tail curled protectively around Mike's waist.

"You make quite an entrance," she told him. "What's with the arm?"

"Got into a fight with a demon." He noticed that one of her arms was similarly wrapped. "And you? Trying to match my outfit?"

"Fight with an angel." She looked over her shoulder and smirked. "We can compare scars later."

"Agreed." He grabbed Lily by the shoulders and pulled her back as a beam of golden light came from the gloom and passed less than a foot away. "How do we end this?"

She pointed to Death, who was still pinned in place. "The bitch is afraid of him."

"Then let's give her something to be afraid of." He sprinted toward Death and slid to a stop just inches away. Grabbing the hilt of the sword with both hands, he let out a yell and pulled it upward. Pain flooded his busted arm, causing his hand to slip free.

The sword hadn't moved an inch.

"Only War can lift his own talisman," Death informed him. "You must find another way to free me, Mike Radley."

"Fuck!" Mike kicked the flat of the blade in frustration, then turned his attention to the others in time to see Murray summoning a ball of green light in his hands, his shining eyes locked on Beth.

Beth scrambled to her feet and ran to Kisa's aid. The catgirl was still unconscious, her body limp as Beth dragged her back into the house while the fight continued to unfold outside.

Satisfied that Kisa was at least out of harm's reach, she pulled Tick Tock off Kisa's back and slung him over her own.

"It's time to do our part," she said, then ran back outside. Asterion and War were pounding the shit out of each other in a bare-knuckled brawl, their weapons forgotten. She was almost off the porch when a thick hand grabbed her by the shoulder.

"Noth tho fath!" It was Famine, his face bloodied and several teeth missing. Behind him, his damaged scales had been wrapped around a mace that clattered to get free.

A bony whip wrapped around Famine's wrist, drawing blood. He cried out in agony as Suly yanked on the other end, freeing Beth.

"Hands off the lady," the dullahan shouted from atop his horse. He took a bundle from beneath his arm and tossed it to Beth. "Special delivery."

Famine ripped the whip free from his arm, taking chunks of skin with it. Suly rode past Famine and scooped up Beth just as she picked up the bundle.

"I'm so glad to see you," she said, but Suly's response was lost as a blast of green light caved in his horse. The nightmare crumpled inward, making a screeching sound before it vanished with a loud pop. Suly wrapped his arms protectively around Beth as his horse vanished and they crashed, but his head was ripped free and rolled into the fog.

"SHITE!" screamed the dullahan before his head disappeared completely.

"You're going nowhere!" Murray's face was covered in blood, but there were no visible wounds. He raised the magic cock and pointed it at Beth.

Mike tackled Murray from the side, knocking him to the ground. Beth noticed that Yuki was now fighting Pestilence with freezing clouds. Lily was helping Asterion, the two of them struggling against a frenzied War.

"Use the sword," Mike called out. Beth looked at the bundle she had dropped, then pushed away Suly's arms as she crawled over to retrieve it. Unwrapping the blade, she marveled at the glistening edge.

Without wasting another moment, she charged toward Murray and swung the blade, cleaving neatly through his neck.

Bands of golden light emerged from the wound as Murray's head fell, connecting his head to his body. His head was yanked back into place, the wound vanishing before her eyes.

"This body is powered by the divine and controlled by chaos," he cackled, then punched Mike in the face, knocking him to the ground. Blood flowed freely from Murray's wound until it closed completely. "A mere sword cannot hurt me."

A cloud of acrid smoke emerged from Murray's hands, but he paused when a loud roar was followed by Mehkhkahrel flying backward out of the fog. Its spiraling wings generated winds that knocked everyone down as it fired golden light into the fog. Cerberus appeared, golden blood in their mouths as they dashed around the smiting attacks. A blast scorched a bloody trail along Cerberus' left leg, but the hellhound ignored it, leaping through the air and clamping teeth into the angel's body once again.

Everyone had been scattered. Beth was near Mike, who was groaning and holding his head.

There was a bellow of alarm behind her, and she turned to see that War had Asterion in a headlock. He had pinned the minotaur from behind and was grabbing his horns in an attempt to break his neck.

Panicked, Beth looked around for the sword, but it was lying almost twenty feet away. Knowing she wouldn't have enough time, she ran toward War and Asterion, pulling the backpack off of her arms and unzipping it.

War was much taller than she was. When she jumped, she lifted Tick Tock as high as possible and swung the bag over the top of War's head.

"Snack attack!" she cried. They had come up with several silly code phrases, but this had been one of her favorites.

War's whole body tensed up as Tick Tock tried to devour his head, causing an immense amount of blood to gush from its open flaps. The mimic shuddered as War let go of Asterion and frantically tried to pull Tick Tock off of his head before it was bitten off.

Famine came to his brother's aid, ripping Tick Tock free. Tick Tock sprouted a dozen blades that stabbed Famine repeatedly.

War groaned, his features covered in blood. He wiped his good eye clean as Beth ran for the sword. Pestilence manifested before her, but a violent gust of wind blew them away as Yuki ran up, holding a glowing seven of swords card in her outstretched hand.

"Should have brought a bug zapper," she declared, then hurled a ray of frost. Several hundred bugs were caught, falling to the ground in blocks of ice.

Beth yelled her thanks and made it to the sword just as extreme hunger filled her body. She groaned and fell to her knees, suddenly too weak to stand.

"Oh, you are gon pah," Famine growled as he stomped toward her. Tick Tock had been bunched up and pinned beneath the bulk of his arm. One mechanical arm with a tiny blade stabbed him repeatedly in the belly, but Famine paid it no mind.

Metal clanged nearby, and Beth saw that the mace was fighting to get free from the scales. Hoping it could help her, she crawled toward the mace and grabbed onto the scales with both hands and pulled.

Despite their relatively small size, the scales were impossibly heavy. Touching them filled her with dread, and she felt the strength in her limbs sapped away.

"Thtupid girl." Famine was almost on top of her. "Only a hortheman cah lif their own talithman."

The mace was practically spinning in place, but the scales had it pinned. Frantic, Beth tried to stand, holding the sword in front of her. She moved behind the scales and paused, her eyes on the gleaming edge of the blade. There was a weird little hook on the end, which seemed more cosmetic than useful.

Just how sharp was this thing? Famine had bent the top bar of the scale around the mace, which meant that the metal itself couldn't be invincible. She placed the hook over the bent metal rod and gave the sword a good yank.

Nothing happened at first. She pulled a couple more times as Famine loomed over her, his fingertips glowing with a dark energy that had her gasping for air.

She wasn't sure if the fall came before or after, but the sword yanked free as the hook severed the metal loop holding the mace. It rocketed forward, smashing into Famine and making him drop Tick Tock. The mimic sprouted legs that slashed into Famine's tendons, sending the horseman to the ground.

The mace and the mimic reduced Famine to a bloody mess, the horseman thrashing about. War came running over, but was tripped by Lily's tail as she appeared next to him.

"Did you know there is no "i" in war?" she asked, then gouged out his other eye with her tail. War cried out in pain and pushed himself to his feet, then ran out into the mist.

A dark energy crushed Beth from above, and Murray descended from the sky. His body was covered in golden light as he came between them, the dick of Osiris pointed at her chest. In the fog, Cerberus yelped in pain and a heavy pressure filled the air as Mehkhkahrel hovered ominously overhead.

"Enough!" Murray opened his mouth to say something else, but choked when Suly's thorny whip wrapped around his throat and yanked him backward. The golden light traveled down the bone whip and burned along Suly's skin.

"I ain't one of yers," Suly growled as his skin sizzled. "Yer magic means little to the fae!"

"You... all... are... dead!" Murray's eyes were triumphant as a chorus of voices cried out from above. Mehkhkahrel's wings were spinning as the air filled with golden light. "You just... don't..."

Mike screamed, his body tense with rage as he directed his wrath at the angel. When his voice left him, it transformed into shards of blue light that ripped through the air and tore chunks out of Mehkhkahrel's wings. The angel's spell was disrupted, and it turned its attention toward Mike. Golden light built up behind Mehkhkahrel and it unleashed its magic.

Mike's voice tunneled into the light, and a protective barrier made of floating motes of light whirled around him. Bits of Mehkhkahrel's magic struck the barrier and pushed Mike back, but the blue light surrounding him coalesced into six spectral legs that spread wide behind him to prevent him from succumbing to the blast.

A feminine figure clutched him from behind, both of her hands resting directly over his heart and her legs around his waist. Mike paused to take a breath, and then let out a cry that surpassed any frequency Beth could hear. The air rippled as the phantom woman held Mike in place, her legs bracing him against the onslaught of magic. He put his hands over hers, clutching tightly at something just under the fabric of his shirt.

Murray was stunned by the sight developing before him. Beth took advantage of the distraction and brought the sword up and into Murray's wand hand.

She had been hoping to cut the magic dick in half. Somehow, she had managed to slice through his fingers. The golden light appeared and caught his digits before they hit the ground, but not before the dick of Osiris was smacked into the air.

"No!" Murray backhanded Beth, knocking her down. He flew beneath the magic dick, his dark eyes following its trajectory.

"Tick Tock!" Beth stuck out her hand and the backpack leapt to her side, the empty nylon loop now in reach. She grabbed onto the mimic and said a little prayer. "Sausage party!"

When she threw Tick Tock at Murray, the mimic's flaps opened and launched several objects into the air. There were plates and knives, and even a few books. Those were just meant to be a visual distraction, because Tick Tock also spat out every single rubber dildo that Beth owned.

It had been a stupid idea, one that Lily had teased her about, but Beth had wondered more than once if they could swap something from her collection for Murray's pride and joy. At a glance, she recognized each and every one of them. They had been part of her most intimate moments, she had agonized over which ones to buy on the internet for hours. If she had to, she could identify them with her eyes closed.

And right now, the one she wanted was headed her way.

Murray looked confused as he was pelted by several dicks at once. He snatched one out of the air and flew up out of reach. As he spun around, he leveled the cock at her.

The words he spoke tore through the air, and the tip of the cock emitted a bright yellow light as it powered up. When he finished his incantation, he pointed the cock at Beth and then flinched when it exploded in a mass of sticky goo.

"What?" He held up the remains of the dark blue cock and squinted at it. "What is this?"

"It was the Delightful Dragon," Beth told him as she held up Osiris' cock. She had grabbed it out of the air. "You've got to start small and work your way up."

Murray let out a scream of rage and held his hands out. Malevolent energy crackled along his fingertips.

"Fireball, motherfucker!" Beth channeled the energy through Osiris' cock and was blasted backward as a ten-foot wide fireball erupted from its head. It crashed into Murray and knocked him out of the sky.

"Beth!" Lily pulled Beth to her feet. "Romeo isn't going to last!"

Mike was on his knees now, energy crackling around him as the angel won out. Yuki had joined the fray, summoning a stream of magic that absorbed some of the impact, but she was gasping for air as her arms trembled.

"What do you want me to do?" Beth asked.

"Point your dick at that windmill motherfucker!"

Beth held up the dick of Osiris like a wand, but nothing happened. She wondered if she should cast a spell out of it when Cerberus appeared from the mists. All three heads roared and sent hellfire into Mehkhkahrel, scorching his already blackened wings and diverting its attention. Over by the house, Murray was staggering to his feet, his clothing similarly scorched.

"Shit!" Beth stuck the "wand" in her pocket and looked around. The sword was nearby, but she wouldn't be able to reach the angel with it. What was she supposed to do?

"No!" Death's sudden cry shocked her, and she turned to see that he was staring directly at Mike, one bony hand outstretched toward the Caretaker. "Please, stop! He's my friend! HE'S MY FRIEND!"

Beth picked up the sword and ran to the Grim Reaper's aid. She knew that nobody could lift War's sword, but Famine's scales had fared poorly against the sharp edge of her blade. Was her blade sharp enough to break apart War's weapon?

She swung the sword hard, driving it deep into War's blade and showering the ground with sparks. The first swing didn't do the trick, but it sank in a few inches. She hacked away at War's weapon, less than a foot over Death's torso. The tip of her sword snapped off, but she kept hitting, sweat pouring down her face and into her eyes.

Asterion appeared, hefting his battleaxe. Seeing what she was up to, he struck the blade from the other side. His axe cracked, so he grabbed onto the hilt of the blade and pulled sideways in an attempt to widen the gap.

"C'MON!" Beth screamed as she used what was left of her magic sword to sever the base of War's blade. Lily and Suly helped Asterion, pulling the sword sideways to make a notch for Beth to focus her efforts on. An eerie light formed over the surface of War's weapon that seemed to weaken in intensity every time she struck a blow.