Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 078

Screaming in rage, she swung one more time. A blast of light knocked her onto her butt and the others away as War's blade toppled to the ground and sent a cloud of dust into the air.

Death rose from the ground, the blade snapping open on his scythe as fury manifested in his eyes. He swung his blade, emitting a black wave of force that severed several of Mehkhkahrel's wings. The angel fell from the sky, landing hard on the ground while its eyes all looked around in panic.

Cerberus pounced on the angel, all three heads ripping flesh free and filling the air with scorched angel feathers.

"Can that thing even die?" Beth asked.

"All things die," Death replied, then turned his attention to Murray. "Especially you."

Murray's eyes went wide in shock, but he turned his attention toward Mike. Mike was on the ground, his free hand clutching his chest as if in agony. Murray grinned and closed his eyes.

"Stop him!" Beth cried. "He's trying to possess Mike!"

Murray let out a cry of agony and clutched at his face.

"Didn't expect to meet that many people inside my head, did you, asshole?" Mike stood, tears in his eyes. The ferocity there was terrifying to behold as he walked over, his magic gathering behind him. "That beating they gave you was just the beginning. Where I am weak, they are strong. Where you are alone, we are many."

Mike's magic unfolded behind him like a pair of wings, and Murray stared in wonderment. The shimmering wings burst into tiny motes of light, revealing the looming specter of Death himself with fire in his eyes and grim determination on his jaw.

Death dashed past Mike and stabbed his bony fingers into Murray's eyes, causing him to scream. Light emerged from Murray's open mouth as Death stretched a diaphanous substance out of Murray, then ripped it free. Murray collapsed on the ground without a mark on his body as the filmy substance took form.

It was a woman with golden skin and a crown on her head. She stumbled around, staring at her translucent hands in disbelief.

"No," she whispered, then looked at the others. Her face distorted, revealing Murray's twisted features beneath the surface as his soul fought to break free. Sickly clouds of light swirled around her as she regained her composure and pointed a gnarled finger at Mike. "NO!"

When she raised her hands, dark clouds formed at their feet. Beth watched in awe as the spell fizzled, due to the thorned, bony whip that had encircled Nesferisfet and now pinned her arms in place.

"Hurts, doesn' it?" Suly yanked Nesferisfet off her feet, causing her to fall to the ground. "Sorry I lost my head fer a bit. I'm ready to contribute now."

Beth smiled. "You contributed plenty," she told him, then planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Are the others inside?" Mike asked with a raspy voice, his features pale. It looked like he had run a marathon, his cheeks sunken in. "Nobody died?"

"Yeah, we're all here. Except..." Beth turned her attention out into the fog. It took her a few minutes of looking, but she found Opal's core where Lily had thrown it. The vial vibrated lightly in her hands as if saying hello, and she sighed in relief. "Now we're all here."

Mike nodded, then sank to the ground. "That's great news," he told her, then looked up at the house. "Hey, the roof is intact. Not bad for your second time house sitting."

"Kids got rowdy," she replied, then sat down next to him. "Threw an unexpected party. You okay?"

"Nope." He pulled a pair of dogtags out of his shirt and gazed at them in awe. "But I will be."

"I hate to interrupt your circle jerk," Lily interjected, her face stuck in a frown. "But how the hell are we getting the house home?"

Mike flopped onto his back and groaned. "I just need a nap," he replied. "I can barely think straight and everything hurts. But I do have a plan." He turned his attention over to Cerberus. Beth watched as the hellhound happily ripped off one of the angel's wings, causing two of the heads to fight over it.

"Speaking of plans, what about this one?" Suly gave Nesferisfet a kick. She hissed at him and tried to roll away, so he yanked on his whip, causing the bone thorns to bite into her soul.

"Is Murray still in there?" he asked.

"No." Death stroked his chin. "The being known as Murray was consumed by this foul creature when they mixed together. She is a parasite."

"Fuck you," Nesferisfet cried.

"Can we feed her to Cerberus?" Beth asked, scowling at Nesferisfet.

"Probably shouldn't," Lily replied. "Despite what it looks like, the dog doesn't technically eat. I would hate to learn that this bitch will reappear someday and cause even more problems. And I can't do anything with her, either."

"So what do we do?" asked Beth.

Mike stared at the ground as if lost in thought, then nodded solemnly. "No more loose ends," he declared, then turned his gaze on Nesferisfet. His eyes flashed dangerously as he rose from the ground. "I know exactly what to do with you."

His raspy voice became a growl, which sent shivers down Beth's spine. He gestured for Lily and Death to join him, then whistled for Cerberus. The hellhound padded over and laid down where Mike could put his hand on the center head's nose. Yuki stood back, her eyes on the mist around the house. It was already starting to thin, revealing dark shapes that shifted without.

"Here's what's going to happen. Cerberus?"

The hellhound responded with a whine.

"You're my good girls, aren't you?" He wrapped his arm around the center head's muzzle and squeezed while the side heads licked his arms and face. "I need you to track down a gate to Hell."

Nesferisfet panicked and tried to fight her way free, but was properly secured by Suly's whip. She ended up falling down on her face, instead.

"Lily and Death, please go with her in case the horsemen are planning something. The barrier is down, so they're out in the Underworld now." Mike sighed and rubbed his temples. "Not much help for that, I guess."

"Do this, do that." Lily grumbled as she walked over to Cerberus and started to climb up. "When do I get told I'm a good girl? Never. No head pats, no thank yous..."

"Once you find a gate, come back. We'll form a proper escort and shove this bitch in there." Mike jerked his thumb at Nesferisfet. "She won't go easy, but I know you can handle it."

Nesferisfet howled at him, but Suly grabbed her from behind and clamped his hand over her mouth.

"The master is speakin'," he whispered. "Shut yer damn mouth."

She struggled, but Suly held her tight. Mike held his hand out to Beth, and she moved to join him.

"What do you need from me?" she asked, her body suddenly sore. She had been knocked around so much during the fight that the adrenaline was already wearing off. Her back and sides hurt the most, and she wondered if she had bruised some ribs.

He moved close to her side until his lips were almost on her ear. "I need you to help me inside," he whispered. "Before I collapse."

She looped her arm around his waist and guided him toward the house. Nesferisfet was pulled toward the porch and strapped to one of the pillars while Suly and Yuki kept watch. The mace joined them, lying itself next to the front door as Asterion appeared from out of the mists. Beth hadn't even realized that he had left.

"The blind one got away," Asterion grumbled, then sat down on the steps with a grunt. "His footsteps disappear not far from here. I am sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she replied as she pushed open the door. Mike stumbled a couple of feet as she helped him fall face down onto the nearest couch. Behind them, Tick Tock shut the door and withdrew his bladed limbs, once more a nondescript backpack.

"Are the others still alive?' he asked, slurring his words. "Did I make it in time?"

She looked around the room. Reggie sat on top of the nearest table clutching Jenny like a talisman against evil. Kisa was where Beth had left her, but was still breathing.

"I think so," she answered. "Banged up but all here."

Mike mumbled something in reply, but she didn't understand it. As he slumbered, she sat next to him on the loveseat and pulled her legs up to her chest and let out a deep breath.

Within seconds, she was asleep too.

It was a beautiful spring morning. The birds in the garden chirped greetings to each other, their songs transforming into terrified squawks as the fairies chased them from their perches with child-like laughter. Mike was lying on the front porch bench, his eyes closed and his head in Cecilia's lap. Her thighs were soft to begin with, but she had figured out some trick with her spectral body that made her legs cooler and more comfortable then any pillow he had ever used.

She was playing with his hair, her cool fingers sending prickles across his scalp. He was lying down so that his right arm lay across his belly. His broken arm was wrapped in a fresh layer of spider silk.

It had been nearly a month since his return from the Underworld. After a four hour nap in his house, he had gone back to Naia and used her connection with the house to properly return it. Even though he was exhausted, Naia had been able to coax a strong orgasm out of him that had yanked the home back through the Underworld and placed it where it belonged. He couldn't be sure, but he had a suspicion that the house had been put back slightly crooked and several feet to the left.

While he had been putting back the house, Suly, Lily, and Death had escorted Nesferisfet to the nearest Hell gate. Mike had wondered if he should ask her how to undo the sleeping curse, but strongly suspected that any help she provided would have ulterior motives. She had almost ended the world in a mad bid for power, and he fully expected to be double-crossed. Lily told him later that, at the end, she had begged for mercy as they pushed her between the one-way blades meant to ensnare souls.

Death had responded by using the butt of his scythe to shove her the rest of the way in. The demons on the other side, smelling a powerful soul, had dragged her away screaming.

Fortunately, once he returned the house to its proper location, Ratu had been able to undo the curse. His unique bond with Tink and Cecilia had allowed him to pull them out through the Dreamscape with Lily's help. Without such a connection, several of the slumbering rats died of dehydration in the process. Reggie had taken the loss hard, but understood that Ratu had tried her hardest to save them.

Of Eulalie and Sofia, he had seen very little. The Arachne was already gone upon his return to the house. A decent population of rats had decided that Eulalie was their new leader during his absence, and she had convinced them to chew a portal to her home in Oregon. He had been surprised to discover that Sofia had gone with her. He hadn't wanted to pry into Eulalie's affairs out of respect for her sister, but had to admit he was curious.

He had wondered if she would stay there now that Velvet was gone, but she had come back to the house for a couple of days before announcing that she and Sofia had an important project to work on. For the last couple of weeks, she and Sofia had been holed up in the Library, and he had no idea why. The couple of times Eulalie had stopped by to visit him, she had stayed long enough to rewrap his arm while saying very little. His primary worry was that she blamed him or the others for Velvet's death, but Sofia reassured him that Eulalie had hyper-focused on some new task that would be revealed in time.

To say Zel had been upset about his injury was an understatement. She had yelled at him until she was red in the face, all while having Ratu reset some of his bones. The spell he had cast on the forest had created a spiral fracture in his radius and ulna, and his attempt to lift War's sword free had only made it worse. A series of long metal pins now held everything in place until his bones could fuse. Sometimes, when he was lying in bed, he thought he could actually feel his break mending.

The front door swung open, breaking his reverie. Mike heard soft footsteps approaching and smiled.

"Morning, Kisa." He could sense her by proximity now, their connection stronger than ever. He bent his legs, making room on the bench. "Plenty of room for my favorite familiar."

Kisa snorted, then sat on the bench. After shifting around, she pushed his legs apart so that she could lie her head down on his stomach.

"I see how it is," the catgirl grumbled. "Turn my back for one second and find you in the arms of another woman."

"You certainly didn't mind sharing me last night," he replied with a smile. When he had crawled into bed, Lily and Kisa had been waiting for him. The two of them had grinned in amusement at each other the whole time they were blowing him, as if partners to a secret. He didn't bother asking, he had been too distracted by the semi-rough texture of Kisa's tongue on the head of his cock while Lily had forked her own tongue to squeeze the base of his shaft. When he came in Kisa's mouth, Lily had pinned him down while the two of them kept sucking until he blew his load in her mouth again.

"Your head still feeling okay?" he asked Kisa as he ran his fingers along the base of her ears.

"Mm-hmm," she replied with a purr. She had suffered a pretty bad concussion during the fight with the horsemen. It had affected her balance, and Tink had been mothering her all month. "Wasn't last night proof enough?"

He smiled, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks.

The three of them cuddled this way for nearly an hour when the front door opened again. It was Death, and he was holding a small tray with a pot of tea and biscuits.

"It is nearly time, Mike Radley." Death stared down at them for several moments as if waiting for a reply. "For our appointment."

Mike groaned. He was comfortable, and fairly certain that Kisa had fallen asleep with her legs wrapped around one of his. It took him a minute to untangle himself, then he walked out into the garden with Death at his back.

The hedge maze was even larger than before. Luckily, it was no more than belly height, but Kisa and Tink could officially get lost in it. Fae creatures could be spotted moving through the underbrush, and there was a particularly grumpy gnome at one end who decorated his home with bottle caps that the fairies brought him from neighboring yards. The Jabberwock, happy to have its bigger yard back, guarded the opening closest to the front entrance. Anyone not paying attention would think it was some sort of concrete/topiary hybrid.

Mike allowed Death to lead him into the maze. They navigated the outer rim until they found a shortcut towards the center. A table and chairs had been set in a quiet location not too far from the sundial specifically for tea time. The metal table was held in place by thick roots that had sprouted from beneath. Mike took a seat just as Beth appeared several hedges over. Her hair was mussed, and there were a couple of sticks caught in it.

"Shit, is it that time already?" She adjusted her outfit and cleared her throat as Suly stood up next to her. The dullahan grinned, and waved at Mike.

"We'll be out of yer hair soon," he said, then leaned down to pull Asterion to his feet. The minotaur appeared to be in a daze, but he locked eyes with Mike and nodded.

"We are all friends now," Asterion said, then guided Beth and Suly through the maze and toward the house.

"How the hell did I not see them?" Mike wondered aloud.

"Because you did not have their consent to watch them," Death replied. "Sorceress Bethany cast a concealment spell. It is one of the spells that she has been working on all week with Ratu. She is becoming quite good."

"I see." He had been so busy this last week that he hadn't had a chance to talk with her. Most of their interactions had concerned the slime girl currently living in his bathtub. Ever since getting blasted by the angel, Opal was having trouble holding a human form. "I'm probably overdue for my own tutelage."

"It would serve you well." Death arranged the crockery on the table. "You should learn a spell to reheat my tea for me. It would be most convenient."

In front of the house, a car door slammed. Cyrus appeared between the lions, his eyes darting back and forth as he carried a briefcase past the Jabberwock and into the hedge maze. It took him a couple minutes to wind his way toward them, but he came to a stop on the other side of a thick bush.

"I swear I had the route figured out this time," he mumbled while scratching his chin. A rough beard was coming in, but the scars on his face meant it would never be uniform.

"It changes," Mike replied. He touched a nearby leaf and made his will known to the hedges. The foliage parted, allowing a wide-eyed Cyrus to come through and sit with them.

"Was that you?" he asked.

"Not quite," Mike replied. The roses around his house stubbornly refused his commands, so he was always siccing Suly on them. Some of the plants were manifesting personalities, and he could only wonder what he would have learned from the Mandragora if he could have spoken to it before it left so long ago. It wasn't so much that he made the bushes part--he had asked nicely and let them decide. "Have a seat."

"I have made us chamomile," Death declared, causing Cyrus to flinch. "It is a friendly tea."

"Thank you." Cyrus took his seat and accepted a cup from Death. "I'm sorry I keep reacting that way, it's something about your voice."

"You and I have met on many occasions. It has never been friendly." Death winked at Mike, an action which caused one of his flames to temporarily go out. "Until now."

"So what do you have for me today?" Mike leaned forward, ignoring the cup of tea that Death put in front of him.

Cyrus pulled some papers out of his briefcase and slid them across. It was a coroner's report for Murray. They had brought his body back and slumped him over the toilet in his bedroom. The police found him a couple days later after Eulalie sent an anonymous email complaining about the smell.

"Positional asphyxia?" Mike looked up at Cyrus from the document.

"They think he passed out on the toilet and suffocated while slumped over." Cyrus sipped his tea. "This is really good, by the way."

"You are too kind." Death sat down and drank from his own cup. Cyrus watched with interest as the liquid disappeared in Death's mouth.

"Don't bother asking where it goes," Mike told him as he set the papers down. "Did you find out that other thing I wanted to know?"

"Angelic retribution?" Cyrus frowned. "For obvious reasons, there aren't any records on killing an angel and if God Himself will come after you."

"Damn." Mike picked up his cup and held it without drinking. After Cerberus had killed the Mehkhkahrel, it had slowly expanded in size. The damn thing was nearly the size of a mountain now in the Underworld, and scavengers were slowly picking it apart.

"Based on my experience, you can't keep thinking of the Great Almighty as some old guy who knows all and sees all." Cyrus set down his cup and crossed his legs. "We know that other gods existed. Some still might."

"I just don't want one descending on my house." Mike looked at the edge of his property. The geas had been weakened by the angel's search for Death, and it seemed to be stuck that way. A couple of joggers had stopped to watch centaurs in the yard just yesterday. Lily followed one home and discovered that the geas made them see a child's birthday party where they chased each other on ponies.

Mike was having a privacy gate put up once the materials arrived.

The conversation steered away from the apocalypse and toward more mundane things. Cyrus asked plenty of questions about the Underworld itself, and provided Mike with anecdotal tales from his time in the Order. It was hard not to like the man, but Mike could tell that theirs wasn't just a casual relationship.