Horsehead Day 01: Pt. 02

Guys, I've really fucked up again. I've started another thing I can't fucking finish. I finished this a couple weeks ago but I can't write shit. Some more life changing stuff happened to me right after I finished part two so I didn't have the time nor the mood to get on the third part and now I'm in a funk. Anyway, I'm really sorry I can't seem to count past two. The story is just called Horsehead, by the way. I want to use days rather than chapters. Doesn't matter now lol.

Please, enjoy, and forgive me if you can. I'll be back eventually.

***************

"I do not resemble her, but she is very alluring. I am pleased to take her name." Horsehead sat cross legged on my cot, naked save the towel wrapped around her head. She tossed me a sensual look. "Do you find me alluring, Roman? Is that why her name fits me best in your eyes?"

I looked from her to the TV screen and back again. "Well, ah," I laughed airily, "I do, actually. Look at us now." I was sitting in my chair in my boxers beside the cot and we were watching Twin Peaks together. She didn't seem that interested in what was going on overall, but she enjoyed the characters. "But she's singularly beautiful, like you, and she's strange, like you. Audrey's just a pretty name, as well."

"Strange!" She nodded and made a sound of understanding. "I called you the same. We are both correct." She watched for a little while, a look of cunning slowly twisting over her face. "May I rename you, then?"

She must have felt it. Something. I couldn't contain the feeling of shock and paranoia from affecting my face. "You... may, if I like the name."

Her look said it all, and she only smirked knowingly. She turned back to the TV and unleashed her hair from its twisty towel prison. Her raven shock of hair fell behind her dipping head as she shook it right. She set it all behind her back. I could see a few droplets of water bead down her spine from the damp ends. She felt the drops cross the small of her back and she shuffled a little, noticing my gaze as she did. She smiled slyly and said, referencing the screen, "Which of them would you like to be?" She patted the space next to her and I slipped from my chair to sit beside her. Her hand caressed my chin before directing it toward the TV. Agent Cooper was talking to Audrey, the tension between them as electric as always. "Is it him?" Her next words were almost a whisper, as her lips neared my ear. "Does he have Audrey?"

I was on the second season, but the answer was still, "I don't know yet."

"Ah, and you already have me, so you can't be him." She kissed my cheek and pulled away to continue watching.

"I do? I have you?" I was the one whispering now.

Her look was a cross between amusement and annoyance. "Well, what kind of woman do you take me for? I am not that kind of alien, Roman. I am not going to disappear once I get my fill. There is no this."

"Just us, I know. I meant in whatever the confines of that are. I'm just glad this isn't the only time we'll do this."

She looked touched, despite what she insisted. Her hand squeezed mine and she said, "So am I, Roman. We will see a lot of each other, and we shall grow accustomed to each other." She stood and started to dress. "But first, we must find you a name. I was called Horsehead because that is where I am from, but you are not from Rome, Roman. I feel the white lie in it every time I say it."

I lay down and laughed. "How do you know about Rome?"

"I was not born yesterday, Roman." She buttoned her shorts and fished this tiny maroon top out of her backpack. She seemed to prefer freeing clothes. "I know much and more about this world." She went off and came back with her boots, taking my chair to pull them on.

"More?" I echoed. "Like what?"

She bounced her eyebrows at me and stomped her foot into place within her boot. "Like that you need a proper bed," she said, falling onto me, putting the cot into squealing agony.

Her bright purple eyes stared into mine. Then they closed, and we were kissing. It was a sweet kiss, without any tongue or dramatics but it made me feel as comfortable as I ever had in that cot. "I'd love to," I said, when we separated. "But I fear that the bugs will gain more respite from it than I would."

She frowned and propped herself up. "Bugs?"

"Yeah. Earwigs and spiders and these little dust mite things. It's been a hassle keeping them out already where I can see them. I'd lose it to wake up and find them in bed with me."

"Why does the owner not take care of this for you? You should be allowed comfort in your own domicile."

"Because, apparently they don't exist. I've not seen any for a while, but I can't forget the first month living here. Every morning I'd find invaders too close for comfort. I'd rather not invest in a real bed for a place like this." I caressed her cheek, finding all that I didn't have there. Something soft, something good. "As for comfort, it's been a while and several places since I've had that.

Her hand covered mine and she looked at me questioningly. "Please explain."

"It's a long story. Really." What I really feared was her ability to detect lies. What if what I believed or remembered happening were just lies that I had accepted?

She nodded and got up. "Mmmm. I can feel the truth in that. In time." She freed her backpack from under my shoulder and started looking through it.

"Where are you going?" I asked her, sitting up.

"For a smoke," she said, showing me her pack.

"Oh," I said, pushing myself up to my feet. "I'll get dressed and be right out." I went into my closet and pulled on some pants and a shirt. When I came back, Audrey was gone. Glancing through the patio doors revealed she was already out smoking. She had left her sunglasses on the cot. I snatched them up and went out to her. "You forgot these," I said, handing them to her. "If the landlady comes over to talk shit, she'll notice your eyes."

"Oh, you are right." She put them on. She let out a stream of smoke. "Does she have a problem with smoking?"

I shrugged. "Inside, yeah, but she's just nosy and troublesome." I looked around for her. "She'd probably have something to say about you being here, too," I mumbled.

Audrey smirked and took another pull of the cigarette. "Is she the jealous type?"

I scoffed. "Greedy, maybe. I've never had anyone over before, so she'll probably tell me shit after you leave about that and how I didn't tell her you were coming."

She exhaled the smoke she was holding in out her nose. "Humans live in such absurd circumstances. Or they insist that others do." She gestured to the place at large. "I have never seen a place like this before, or conditions like yours. I have seen people much worse off, but there is something comparable to how you live, despite dwelling within shelter." She sucked on her cig. "You could not live on the higher story?"

I shook my head. "Someone was up there when I moved in."

"And now she does?"

"It's another long story." The landlady's phone calls were constant and perpetually conducted in one of her louder voices, and could be heard even by us out on the porch.

She murmured understanding and finished her cigarette, crushing it out underfoot. "Perhaps you can tell it to me over food, Roman. I have not eaten today."

I knew my face lit up involuntarily. She smiled at me and knew what my answer was to be before I even got it out. "Oh, sure. I haven't either. Let's go out?"

She nodded, her smile set neatly on her face.

I went back inside and got my keys and wallet and made sure to lock up behind me. I trusted the landlady not at all. I led Audrey to the car and after we'd gotten settled, Bernardine herself made an appearance, up on the balcony of the second floor in her nightgown. Her eyes were cast in the very mold of suspicion. I could feel them on us all the way to the gate. Audrey looked back at her, more curious than challenged. "Can you sense if she's an alien?" I joked as we took to the dirt road.

Her head whirled back to me, her features concerned. Her neck craned behind her seat to get a last look at the landlady before she was out of sight. A moment's scrutiny later, she reported, "No, she is not an alien."

"Damn," I said, "There goes the only logical theory I had."

***************

"What are you feeling like?" I asked her. We had just gotten into town proper and I never knew what I wanted.

"I do not know," was her answer, as it usually was in situations like that. I shouldn't have expected a powerful recommendation from an alien. "Whatever you prefer, I will be excited to try."

"How about... pizza? Everybody likes pizza." I glanced at her. "Even aliens, right?"

She smiled a little shyly, for some reason, and said, "It is true. I have had pizza many times since my coming to Earth."

It was decided. We went to a local place and she waited in the car while I went in and ordered it. I was just going to get a cheese, but thought that was overkill in caution, so I got a pepperoni. I wondered what her dietary limitations were, being an alien. Was she merely wearing a human's body as skin, or was she some sort of changeling? The pizza was ready before I had any answers. It was just a small one we could finish together. She was staring out her window when I came out but she turned to watch me, a happy smile on her face. The look shot lightning through my heart, but I had to set my heart aside lest I rouse her distrust of love.

"How about we eat here?" I said, bending over to her eye level at the open window.

"To avoid your landlord?" she teased, getting out of the car.

"That's only fifty percent of the reason. It's a nice day; I haven't eaten anywhere in forever," I said, facing the clear blue sky.

She giggled. "It is true."

We sat at one of their outdoor tables and got into our pizza. Watching her dig in made me wish I got a bigger one. "You like it?" I asked, halfway through my first.

"Oh, yes, Roman. It is perfect. I imagine if there were a choice, an Earthling would always have pizza."

I chuckled and agreed. "Pretty much. It transcends borders, the world itself, from how much you enjoy it." I had a thought, but I wasn't certain she'd give me an answer.

"You may ask," she said, halfway through her third slice.

"Oh, thank you. Uh, can I ask about... others... like you? Your race or people or planet." She didn't look as pleased chewing her pizza so I added, "You can just tell me if they like pizza or not, if that's easier."

She smiled. She swallowed. "Tell me about your neighbors, and I will tell you about my kind... and pizza." She took her sunglasses off and put them on the table. She saw me eye them then her striking purple eyes and she gave me a look that said, "Don't worry so much."

I nodded and got to my telling, skipping the origin of my coming to live there. "There was a guy above me living there before I moved in. He was a stand-up guy, kind. I didn't see him that often, but I definitely heard him above me at night. Apparently, he had a drinking problem, from how the landlady told it. She loved to talk shit, despite how highly she professed to think of him.

"A month later, he has some friends over and they're noisy all night but I still get to sleep alright. Then, at one in the morning, gunshots go off right above me. I got up, and the shots keep going off. I had no idea what the fuck was going on, so I called the cops." I finished my slice.

"What happened next?" Audrey asked, her own half of the pizza long gone.

"They came, and went up there." I shook my head. "It was nothing. They were drunk, just shooting at a watermelon on a hill in the dark. Nothing horrible, like I imagined. The landlady evicted him." I shook my head again. "He was gone in three days. I regret it, but I just didn't know what was going on."

She squeezed my hand. "It is understandable. Being awoken by the sounds of combat would disorient anyone."

"'Combat'" I laughed. "Yeah, that's what I tell myself."

She let go of my hand. "So the landlord took his quarters after he left?"

"No, there was another."

"Another?" she asked.

I laughed, still tickled by the absurdity of it all. "A woman moved in the day after he left, and four days later, she was evicted too. It was a messy thing. The landlady moved in after she left."

The look Audrey wore told me she found the whole thing incredulous. "What did the second tenant do, though, in only four days?"

"She took apart this 'chandelier,'" I did the air quoting, and then made the round bowl shape of it, "made out of rusty wire. It was atrociously ugly. The lady saw that it was gone and almost threw herself over the balcony, apparently. Said it was some one-of-a-kind artwork." I finished my half of the pizza.

"I do not think you should stay there, Roman. This woman sounds worse than any alien could be."

"I wish I could leave. I have to stay until my lease is up. If I break it, who knows what she'll do."

Audrey was lost in this far away gaze. Her eyebrows were taut and her eyes were focused on something in the air only she could see. "It is odd... I find many similarities in these stories with my own life. I would say I do not understand why your neighbors did what they did, or your landlord, or even why you stay, but that would be a lie."

She looked really conflicted. Something was going on in that beautiful head of hers. I wanted to know, but I didn't want to compromise whatever alien business she had to keep secret. "Is it something to do with your people?" I asked quietly.

She looked at me, a little more sober, but still visibly torn. She nodded.

"You're not here on official business, are you?"

"No, I am not."

***************

Audrey wanted to talk some place more private, where she wouldn't need her sunglasses. I drove us around until I saw a parking lot I recognized as usually abandoned. We got out of the car and leaned against the trunk. Audrey smoked and I watched the sun show its earliest signs of retiring for the day. I hadn't done so much in a day for the longest time. It made me feel alive, to go places, talk to people, listen to a pretty girl's story. It made me forget how I saw myself, and replaced my image with how I imagine another person saw me. Usually, they see another version of me I figure would perform well with them. I realized, with Horsehead, Audrey, I couldn't identify another persona in play.

"I will fulfill my end of the bargain, but there is still much I must conceal. You must understand," she began, her tone serious.

"I do. I feel the same way," I said, lightly. It made her soften, but still, whatever she knew had a grave hold on her.

"Deviating from the topic, do you believe omission, or refrain counts as lying?"

I had to think about that one. It was interesting, to be asked your thoughts on lying by someone who would know if you were lying. "Well. I think I've done a lot of that. I'd count it as a white lie, a lie you tell to make things work or smooth something over. People say white lies are used to protect someone's feelings. I wouldn't say that, but they're probably right."

She puffed and threw her stub of a cigarette away. "I agree, but a white lie is still a lie, is it not?"

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"We do not lie where I come from. Our ability to sense each other's feelings make it a physical impossibility. Children are the only ones who lie, because they do not even know what it is, and their abilities are still unknown to them." She turned to me. "This is why I insist on the truth from you, because humans are so different from my kind, I must be on the same level as you to open myself to you."

I nodded, understanding. "I know this isn't anything, but the truth is probably the best for any relationship. I like it, I think."

She bit her lip, but kept her thoughts on that to herself. She turned back to the thing only she could see in her mind's eye as she continued. "On my world, The Garden, it would be called in your tongue, I made my way up in the Federal Service until I attained the station I had always dreamt of: Stellar Director. In the Horsehead Nebula, a multitude of stars grow in their cosmic nurseries. Our interest has always been to harness the power of a fetal or infant star as enormous sources of power, but we just lacked the capability to do so. So, in the meanwhile, as technology is developed, the Stellar Commission catalogues and evaluates the stars, picking out which would make promising energy sources. The Stellar Director gets to choose where the Commission looks." She smiled then. It was a wan smile, but at the same time, one almost naive in how it persisted despite its weight on her. "I got to point the telescope, Roman."

The only real jobs I'd ever had were in serving, so I couldn't really imagine how incredible it must have been to be at the helm of your world's space program. But, obviously, she hadn't been able to hold onto the job. I laid my hand on her shoulder, hoping it wouldn't breach whatever complicated code of affection she upheld. She allowed it, and even looked a touch comforted by it. "Did you find any good stars?" I asked.

She burst out laughing. It was a cousin to her liberating, soaring laughter, but tinged with burdensome darkness. It was how you'd laugh at something you could never dream of laughing at when you were going through it. I was familiar. "I did! I did, Roman. That is no lie, on the face nor through omission. I found stars that were not even stars yet. I found stars the perfect size to be encapsulated, if we had the means. But omission is lying, and I committed the impossible sin in doing so."

"What did you omit?" And why wasn't she now? If this wasn't even the stuff she had to censor in her tale, what could she possibly be keeping to herself?

She looked vulnerable for ostensibly the first time in her life. Tears didn't look that far away, and her voice gave credence to my suspicion. "I saw through the cloud of the nebula. I saw your sun. I saw the planets around it; I saw Earth. I saw that The Garden wasn't alone in the universe." She looked up at the sky and I knew she was looking at her home planet, wherever it was in the daytime sky. She looked wistful and angry, now, wronged.

"What happened?"

She turned away. "I have said too much. Forgive me." She started walking.

I followed after her, lost and a little scared. Something obviously happened between her and her government over Earth. What? Did I even want to know? "Where are you going, Horsehead?"

She shrugged. "I do not know, Roman. Please, just call me Audrey. My name makes me think of The Garden."

"Oh, sorry, Audrey. I know how you feel. With the name, and not knowing, and... having to leave. You don't have to tell me why, but I know something happened, and you had to leave." She stopped. She was listening. "It's happened to me a few times. I was in the military when I was younger, but shit happened, and I had to go home. Home wasn't home anymore, though, and I had to keep going." I embraced her, wrapping my arms around her neck and holding her close to me. "Then, I met someone, and we had a home for a little while. It didn't last, though and I was forced to search for another home. I still haven't found it, but I've got something," I whispered.

Her hands came up to hold mine to her. "Is that your long story?" she whispered back.

I laughed into her hair and said, "Yeah, the abridged version."

She sighed and eased into me. "Why do we tell each other these things?"

"Because... it's a kind of omission, isn't it? Refrain, was the other word. I don't know. I think lying is holding back, and the truth is releasing. It comes out as an outpour while lying is a dam."

She giggled and said, "You are an odd one, Roman, but you are right. It feels good to tell the truth, does it not?" She turned within my embrace. "What if it is not all of the truth?"