by RedHairedandFriendly
Too much narration; it's too dull for the eye to read. Break up your paragraphs and give more dialogue.
That way, it's easier for a browsing reader to get hooked.
DC:
Another great story and a nice turn of events at the end. Ronnie W.
Woohoo...what a story and an early morning treat, if I do say so myself! Very erotic, hot and sexy...
~Honey
Nice job of turning a brief fantasy into an exciting story, Red. I loved this one!
Loved your story RHF. I <3 Redheads, and your story got me so excited i had to have a long cold shower to releive the swelling it induced.
Great work!
Greets from Australia,
::Asmodeu$::
My favorite type of erotica..a sweet and romantic story that is still hot enough to get my juices flowing and make me ache to run to my lover..