All Comments on 'Hot Shower'

Having just written my first story for the site, have a bit of support from me! A nice start and very sexy, with a bit of touching up in the style needed - perhaps more description - for it to be on the money. Keep up the good work!

Very nicely written - great combination of soapy hot water and her own juices. Hope her lover appreciated the anal exploration

I've been as guilty of this as anyone so I speak from the heart.

You are over using "She" to start your sentances too often. You could edit them almost compleatly out and it would still read well.

Or you can move the She into the sentance

"She grabed the towel from the towel bar and dried her hair."

"Grabbing the towel from the towel bar she dried her hair."

second thing. It's a narative story. If your not using dialog it makes it harder to sell your characters.

She could have been talking to her own reflection in the mirror if no one else

good try now do a hundred more and get better with each

M.S.Tarot

I understand that its your first story on here and i hate to give negative comments but the over use of the word she detracts from the story. In the first paragraph alone only one sentence starts with a different word. Good attempt though.