by jeninflorida
Trying to get turned on but the grammar mistakes were a little bumpy :) At other times the story was too direct, and at others confusing.
But I love the scenario ;)
this really deserves to be continued. Hot, detailed, sexy.Well written.
and i'm fucking hard now too....superb story...hope there is to be more
Rod xox
but as others have pointed out, you could really benefit from the help of an editor.
Very nice. I'll be waiting for the next chapter. I hope that one puts you in the middle.
Well, I certainly would love to partake in that scenario... Very well written and got my blood boiling!
very arousing story Jenn, certainly brightened a mundane work lunch break!!
x
Mirren
A Very Nice job of arousing storytelling. Your talent is obvious. Thank you for a very nice read.
Kind of dumb. Plus I'm turned off by perfect people. I perfer stories where I can picture myself in the middle and I am not perfect
... but I think it would help if you used an editor. It certainly made me a better writer. It's a greaqt premise, you just need to tighten up your writing a little. Keep writing!