All Comments on 'Hot-Wired Juana'

Good story!

5

I really enjoyed this story. I can’t believe how many quality stories you have been posting recently. Thank you for sharing them here

A very well written and unusual story. Well done.

Nice story, thanks for sharing.

5

I like that you portray the women in a more natural way, and you give a short but decently rounded out background yet still manage to leave a bit of elbow space for the characters, it's very nice.

These short stories are very good and interesting to read, but I would really like to see a slightly longer one, perhaps a 3-5 chapter story could be fun, and at the same time give us readers a stronger sense of connection with the story.

Good story very well told. I enjoyed it very much.

Sweet story even if it was moral blackmail by Papa Bill. 5*

Another very enjoyable read. You must do considerable research for your stories and it pays off resulting in great reading. Thank you.

Another very enjoyable read. You must do considerable research for your stories and it pays off resulting in great reading. Thank you.

Great Story!!

Great story but how is Juana 22 and has a child who is a Senior in HS? Even if Maria were an absolute genius and was 16, that would make Juana 8 when she gave birth.

This was a excellent story. What makes it work well is Juana. She is not a one dimensional “Woman in peril” character. She knows Bill likes her ( the supermarket scene), but more importantly needs her ( even if he doesn’t realize it). She also is no gold digger. She takes a small Diamond instead of an expensive one and it is noted she works hard maintaining the home. Most important, she unlike Bill’s previous girlfriend understands and accepts the nature of his job and all it entails. Even the title Hot Wired Juana” is a thought out double entendres. Not only because she wore a wire to help catch the Cartel ( and save Maria), but she was hot wired in the romance department to catch Bill as well. She succeeded at both. Again an excellent story.

One thing, the revolver did not lend itself well to having its sound signature moderated. This is because, in general, while a suppressor can help reduce (but not eliminate) the report of a gunshot by slowly dissipating the escaping gasses caught in the suppressor tube at the muzzle, the gap between a revolver’s cylinder and barrel’s forcing cone allows some gas to escape at the other end, thus defeating the purpose.

So, while you can thread the barrel of a revolver and attach a suppressor to it, the barrel-cylinder gap is still going to allow gas, and thus noise, to escape

As Usual, Ronde has two stories in one. The complex, well thought out story of the drug cartel's downfall was well constructed, but as usual Ronde had to spoil it with the tacked-on sex story at the end. I guess our author feels that if a story is being written for one of the genre of Literotica then you have to have sex. So this became a Romance although until the sex scenes there was absolutely nothing romantic about the story. I have read several other stories by Ronde and I knew it was coming and I was tempted to just pack it in after they caught Menendez and killed off leis crew. I also have to say that for a high powered cartel boss he wasn't very careful about security and there were very small quantities of drugs and cash around. Still worth a 4*

This is definitely a pretty well-crafted story on the balance of things in just about every area I can imagine. It's obvious that you did your research about Nashville, because I checked several places and for example Shepherd Hills is number 10 on the most dangerous neighborhoods in Nashville to be in. Also Nashville oddly enough has a 10.6% Hispanic population now and the two areas you listed around Nolensville and Murfreesboro are the definite Hispanic neighborhoods.

***

You packed in a lot of drama, a lot of suspense, and a lot of digging to try to bust the drug lord. You even included Percy Priest Reservoir in the mix, which is a great bass fishing and other types of fishing hotspot right there around Nashville! Unfortunately, in using Juana and Maria, they were the falling-down points in the story.

****

I enjoyed how you took your time constructing the case, and you didn't try to oversell or overdo any one part of the story. Certainly there was as much evidence as possible gathered before they started their operation to bust Menendez, but there was one significant error in your interrogation of Juana, which was you said that the cop knew she was lying because she was scratching her nose. If you look this up, this has never been a body language signal for lying, and it's listed as an old-wives tale by several notable body language experts. To detect lying you have to actually look for pupil dilation, and you have to look for changes in the skin tone, or maybe a little ticks like eye twitches, cheek twitches or lip twitches. So that was not the giveaway the detective stated it was. Also, while you put Juana in a very natural position for somebody that's Hispanic to be working in a mansion like that.. at least one that doesn't have a lot of skills.. and you even brought in the human trafficking angle, which sadly has become a huge problem in Texas and other states where they do sell them into the sex trade or make prostitutes out of them, dope them up and then make prostitutes out of them, so you're well informed on that. But returning to Juana and Maria, and being somebody that's an expert in the culture you use them largely credibly, but you also place them in high-stress situations, where they should have at least used Spanish to express their disdain or surprise over being caught. Additionally you should have at least used Spanish or translated Spanish from what was being used in the mansion, because it's implied that she understood it, and therefore should have been able to translate at least some of it to increase her credibility as character. Maria should have done the same, although could have gotten by with just a few token phrases here and there. So while on the whole I said the story is well-written, well-researched, and a very satisfying read... when you're going to use somebody that's clearly Hispanic, you must address the language element and include enough of their native language to make that story more real and authentic. You can get by with using a Hispanic character that knows no Spanish, but only if you carefully explain and set it up that they're clearly a second or third generation Hispanic where the parents demanded that the kid only learn English and not learn Spanish. However that could be oversold if it's not done properly too. So rather than go into the particulars of why or when it won't work, I leave you with that, and leave it to you to find out how to fix that in a way that you would feel comfortable. I would say that for the most part if you just had a generic woman that wore a wire into the mansion that the story would be a 5. However in employing two Mexicans, and not addressing the language issue that would a company them, I have to lower the rating to a 4 since that was not accounted for nor made a salient point in the story development.

Again, you demonstrate the mastery of your craft. A wholly believable scenario that pits a protagonist and his antagonist against each other - the classic good guy/bad guy story,

with an incipient romance thrown into the mix. I've never been to the locations you've

used as the setting for your story, but the easy familiarity you demonstrated while describing

it brought it alive to me. Thanks.

Up there to your usual, almost impeccable standard!

Thoroughly enjoyable, as anticipated. Thank you. 5*

Well done, Peapod41, you've achieved a pass mark on both of your comments. Keep up the good work.