by professionalpaul
Very well written and erotic storytelling. Not typical from a male author at all. Nicely done.
Good start for a first time. I personally feel that you have introduced two female characters too fast. We were anticipating something to happen with the designer but before she enters the picture, you are off romancing another woman at the bar. Then, you are suddenly bedding the designer. Would have liked more buildup so the guy doesn't seem to be just another male floozy.
Very fine start. Nice writing style, plausible characters, and very enticing and sensual sex. A little more action and/or character development with the redhead would have added a bit, but fine effort that leaves me waiting for more. Keep up the good work.
Hmmmm... Perhaps a new Travis McGee for the new century. I like the beginning.
The style is good, and you have a good descriptive methodology, but I agree with another comment; maybe slow it down a bit, unless you are settig things up for later. I'll be interested in your follow up.
Slow down and let some character development happen, let it build to a climax