All Comments on 'How I Became a Slave'

Too abrupt on all levels. That she did this, what was done, his acceptance. It requires an impossible level of suspension of disbelief. Next time, slow down and give it in increments that draw the reader in.

Also, pink leather straps does not make this bdsm. This was a noncon story.

Gotta echo the other responder. There's no way to believe this because it is so out of the blue and far too quick.

You have gone too far too quickly. You can write, that's for sure, but this was not even remotely credible, even for a facetious (I think you meant to write fictitious) story.

Slow down, develop your story, put it in the correct category and resubmit it.

Thank you for trying - three stars.

I agree with the other comments. Right now, the only way he's going to get out of it would be to knock the sister-in-law unconscious, and call the police.

I was so excited when I read the title, tag and your acct name. I thought 'hey this might be something.' OMG...noncon...bigtime. If he wanted this as I see from your profile, then it should have been mentioned, as in, we watch a varity of porn and we both found interest in Femdom and wanted to explore giving myself over to my wife. Now I understand that it was a "soft" bondage porn tape that they watched...that does not give way to this sadistic torture and to have a your husband fill up on another man's cum...then the sister...no sorry unless there was some 'feeling' towards these ideas...this was some sick prison/secert agent/revenge torture, make them talk move. Sorry. You have a great story idea in this and you most certainly can write. But in your vigor to produce and post you neglected to develop characters, plot and story line. I feel sad for the male character but I am not invested in the redemption of the female character or in he next move. You started well..quick overview bland happy couple...what was he missing as hints that she wanted this. That one video put her over the edge? Something else is missing. And if this was BDSM, she would have talked about it (aftercare) and unless this scene is continuing, she would not have kicked him in his junk to prove a point. This was not love or respect or even fetish (well one sided) this was pure torture. Unless a ch2 is coming explaining everything you should real re-write this (as stated by earlier comment). Please do not take us to heart that you become frustrated, we only want you to better your skills. Pace this story out, build the action, develop the characters...always remember for every action there is an equal reaction. And never forget who, what, where, when, why, and how. There are a lot of editors and helpful 'beta' readers on this site. Ask for help...hell she started it send a comment through contact on FA_JF's acct and send her you work...she'll look it over...no charge. Yeah, that's right, I volunteered you Jaw....Floor.

Oh and welcome to lit!!!

I'm just more blunt. It was a fucked up story. Not into reading about torture. It's certainly not a BDSM story. Remotely at best noncon. And LIT did away with extreme. TAKE HEED to the advice on development. It was very good. I may not have liked this on any level, but at least you tried. Good luck next time.

I was walking down the street it was, it was just a regular old Sunday afternoon. The birds were chirping and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I saw a yellow butterfly slowly flutter by me.

The I felt something hit me in the back. It was the butterfly holding a AK47 and shooting me. I tried to pull out my tank from my left pocket but I must have left it in my submarine. I died. But then I woke up in my bed on the submarine stationed on Mars and looked at my tank on my dresser. "Better not forget that today" I noted.

The end.

Put it in nonconsent where it belongs...

The idea is ok but the way this is written it isn't bdsm,there is no dynamic,the wife simply tricks him then beats the crap out of him and treats him like shit.With even exyreme bdsm you work towards this and there is,a dynamic of respect.In this the wife is an abusive bitch whose next stop could be jail,since he never consented.

This prob should be in non consent and needs to be fleshed out.

I'm not put out by the story being in the wrong category. I'm not put out by the content (to each his own as they say). My comment is about his wife and maybe a little bit about the preamble... There is no way that this could come from left field the way it did. There had to be some indication, some inflection in her mannerisms, to indicate a change in their relationship. I agree that men are sometimes blind but noone can be that blind. You can't do something like that to someone you love. The only saving grace to validate this would be to think that in some way the wife felt this was a (temporary) game. The author was pretty smart to end the story there because otherwise there had to be an (legitamate) explanation how either his wife and sister -in- law kept up his enslavement or else how he escaped or else how they let him go. My suggestion would be for the wife to somehow give him an opening while both women were out to let him escape.

Just twisted. She wants to shock him? He should shock the living shit out of her with something instead. That fucker Mark too.

Love this story. As a sissy boy I crave a woman just like his wife. The sight of a big cock withdrawing from a pussy and seeing her lips cling to the cock as if trying to hold onto it is so beautiful; Then seeing his sperm coating his cock and flowing out of her as he withdraws is what a sissy lives for, Knowing I will soon get that sweet cum in my mouth. 4yourpleasureiam

Well no. The first thing they're going to feel once they turn their back is his hands around their neck

Ok play the dumb, so the dumb sluts believe your whipped, but as soon as they release you to go to work, you punch them both in the head. To knock them out, take key and remove the chastity cage and shock belt. Cuff both girls up and put the shock collar around your wife neck. Then hit the button, for about 5 minutes. Then take it off her, and put it on her sister and do the same thing. If their still alive tie their feet and gag them, and lock them in the basement. Then go to the hardware store, get a Stun gun, three plastic mattress bags, a shovel, and all the gear and food for a camping trip. Now wait for Mark to return, give him the same treatment you gave your wife and her sister, after you Tease him when he comes in. But before you put him in one of the bags too, you freeze his cock down to a small enough size to fit the chastity cage. Take them all out deep in to the forest and drop them off, before you leave them you fuck your wife's sister, then put the shock collar on all of them again, and one at a time shock them another 5 minutes. Remove all the cuffs and ties from them. Put up a small tent site with 3 sleeping bags and food. Put the key to the chastity cage around your wife's neck, then drive home.