All Comments on 'How They May Be'

The story rambled on and on for far too much space. It could easily have been cut by at least half the space used.

What a great story. While long, it drew you in and understood the characters. However, if you did this...500 hail mary's will get you nowhere!!!

No, it's not true, of course. The length I did worry about, but...the characters, the interactions, the emotions were as important for what I wanted to tell as the sex. I don't think I could have cut it very much and retained the same story. Maybe I'm just not good at being terse.

I loved your story. The length didn't bother me since it was quite well written. The end, however, was bit depressing.

Well, maybe, but perhaps not in the way you mean. Remember the introductory paragraph, where Mark says that he is too enamored of his sickness to seek its cure. And the times he indicates that he cannot deny her anything. And the many, many times within the story that he failed to live up to his good intentions.

He can't stand to see her cry, and what would she do if he tried to leave?

Perhaps I didn't make that clear enough.

I liked the build up and its denouement equally. I did not think it rambled, it really brought life to the characters' story. Very well written.

I also was a bit unsure whether the last line negated the previous two paragraphs or not. I went with 'yes it did' because I greatly preferred it that way, but it's nice to see it confirmed.

It wouldn't have been as good a story if you had made it shorter...the buildup made it even better. I loved it :)

While a little long, it leaves you wanting for more, Well written

Very rich story telling. I was rivited throughout as if I wasn't familiar with the theme.

The ending; I am not sure if the resolution matches how I perceived the story and I will have to think more. Is it the character that we are to believe or the integrity of the writer. In any event the question may be what is the readers expectation of the resolution suposed to be. I will ponder this for a while.

I enjoyed your rich story. It took me out of my life for a few minutes. I look forward to your next story.

Great story. Always a sucker for romance, this filled that bill in spades.<br><br>

Long stories are a pleasure to read if well written, and every page here was a pleasure. I especially enjoyed your talents for describing the nuances of emotion, and descriptive imagery.<br><br>

The amount of detail you devoted to the emotional development of the characters was superb, and added tremendously to the story. Actually, I would liked there to have been more character development with the daughter, and more with how dad compares and contrasts daughter and wife - without significantly changing the plot, of course.<br><br>

The following is intended to be constructive criticism, fwiw:<br><br>

This may be a spell check error (which it is obvious that you used), but when referring to an orgasm, the words are spelled <i>cum</i> and <i>cumming</i>, not <i>come</i> and <i>coming</i>.<br><br>

Near the bottom of the first page, the phrase, "her unsatisfied pussy an angry red from its abuse", was incongruous within a paragraph full of eloquent and poetic imagery, in spite of its subject matter. It jarred me out of dad's fantasy a bit too early. [Just to clarify: The word <i>pussy</i> is entirely appropriate during the lovemaking scene(s) - just out-of-place in this paragraph.]<br><br>

On page 10, the phrase, "knowing that I could be the first to plant my flag within her", is likewise jarring and incongruous. While the discovery of her maidenhead and the anticipation of deflowering her understandably further inflamed his desire, his terming this honor as, "to be the first to plant my flag within her" evokes a juvenile notch-on-a-belt superficiality and disrespect. True it is more poetic than saying, "knowing that I could be the first to fuck the shit out of this cunt", but the sentiment is the same. It seems to me that he loves her far too much to think of her in such base and objectified terms.<br><br>

Finally, about the end. I get that he doesn't stay away from her. The problem, I think, is that there is so much tension and negative emotion built up after the vomiting bit, the daughter's story, and dad's resolve that it not happen again - that the positive and hopeful ending sentence is not enough to turn that around.<br><br>

If you were planning a sequel to this story, perhaps ending this one at, "This was heaven.", and beginning part 2 with, "I awoke the next morning with a deep sense of well-being", and the remorse. Or not.<br><br>

Anyway, that's my input. Fine work, this story. I look forward to reading more.

Usually long stories here are also long-winded, but not in this case. On the contrary, given your obvious writing skills, I believe that the aftermath of the sexual encounter could possibly have been extended a few more pages to more fully explore the father's eventual acceptance of the new relationship. There are a few lines here and there that suggest to the reader the Hawaiian trip was only the beginning, and that the relationship continued. Perhaps a part two is in the works, but if not it's just a minor criticism of a story that is more than a cut above 99.99% of what you normally find submitted here. I hope to read more from you.

For the commentor below, the words come and coming have long had definitions as being terms for an orgasm, and cum and cumming are slang versions of those words, not the other way around. The latter would only be true if Noah Webster had also published porno magazines.

I'd like to thank everyone for the kind words. And Klaxx, you make some very good points. I was unhappy myself with the "from its abuse" bit, partially because virtually all the slang for genitalia grate on my ears as excessively crude. But I couldn't quickly think of another good way to put that and I kind of thought, well, perhaps the story needs a bit of crudity. But you're right, it's not just crude, it clashes, and I should have worked harder at rewording it.<br><br>

The 'flag' line I'm less certain about...I saw it myself as less a 'notch on the belt' sentiment than the notion of exclusivity, that she's only for him, as it were. I originally had it say he felt relieved, but decided that that didn't suit the moment, as well as perhaps implying that he expected the opposite.<br><br>

I was planning to submit a revised version anyway, to clear up the ending and perhaps add a note of warning at the beginning for those who aren't fond of longer stories, and I will definitely take your criticisms under advisement.

Thank you.

I can't believe this doesn't have a higher rating.

I loved everything, the buildup, his declining restraint. Fuck, that made me so horny!

Superior writing and outstanding imagery make this the best story I have ever red on this website.

From beginning to end, this narrative draws the reader into the plot and into the lives of the characters.

I hope you continue to use your tremendous writing talents on this website.

You are my perfect author.

What a joy to read.

Favourite stories - ever!

Congratulations!

Love LadySugar x

"How They May Be: After the Fall" is required reading if you liked the first part.

I am not a big fan of male POV, but this worked quite well. You put a lot of work into this and it shows.

First off, ignore the asswipes that are whining that the story 'is too long'. These are just fuckups that want to jack off in some shitty 3 minute story and then go play xbox. Fuck that. ...don't get me wrong, I like a moderate sized story that I can get off quicky to, but it's not hard to spot a short one. Finding a WELL written story that has a great buildup and enamors you to the characters and story is difficult! Folks these days want instant gratification; like watching a sci-fi movie that is all special effects and no story line worth following. ugh. Fine if your an idiot or a 5 year old, but the rest of us old school folks who actually read books like stories!

Wile I really didn't like the ending overly much (was hoping for something a bit longer), I DID get it and clearly understand that the dude was not going to even remotely kick his daughter out of his bed. Duh.

Keep writing stuff like this.

Your devoted reader,

Mike2501

It is a beautiful story, and you tell it so well. I can only hope he did not hospitalize himself, they never again attended mass, and that she made a home for him and he denied her nothing for the rest of their lives.

Every now and again I find a story that requires six stars.... this is such a story.

Superbly written, builds the characters beautifully and not at all too long.

Could you please write a sequel?

Just amazing!

There is one, though I originally didn't intend it. It's up with the rather stilted title of "How They May Be: After the Fall."

This is so romantic, free of any imperfection!

Beautiful & Perfect!

The writer is amazing, I have to say! I just cant bring myself to liking the dad character. He just pissed me off from the word go with his attitude, I actually had to stop reading and come back another day just so I wouldn't walk away from the story completely. Glad I finished it... Still think the dad is a douche, but the writing was excellent! :)

I adored this so so much. You are a fantastic writer. Tis true, most people will come to this site looking to um.... get off.... and they may wish to seek fanfiction and storytelling elsewhere.... but DAAAYYMMMN you rocked this story. From my personal experience and from other people I have known - the 'forbidden fruit' element in an incest story is the focal point. I love how you made him even despair once he'd finally given into temptation. Reminds me of SO many intriguing greek plays and random theatre romances in general. Right! I'm off to read the second part!!!!!! *Cyber salute* xxx

"I am a sinner. As are all men, of course, hounded eternally by our own darker natures. But my sin is the heavier, not because it is unforgivable but because I am too much a coward to ask forgiveness, too enamored of my own sickness to seek its cure. I tried as best as I might - fought the evil within me, and lost, and wallowed for a time in guilt. I have grown tired of that now. My sins are a part of me, as much as my heart, and as readily removed. I do not know what waits for me when life's final tally is called, but I pray that, at least among men, I may be understood before I am judged..."

Wow. Just wow. That is what drew me in and the excellent writing is what kept me reading. A thoroughly enjoyable read.

You've ruined all other daddy/daughter stories for me!!! Lol I keep expecting them to be at least slightly more well rounded x Then I find myself back here lol PLEASE tell me you're gonna continue writing!!!

Also:

- How do you favourite a story/writer? :(

- To nomennescio and any readers - listen to the song 'Love Song Requiem' by 'Trading Yesterday'

(Lyrics - "Emily will find a better place to fall asleep, she belongs to fairy-tales that I could never be...." etc)

This song was WRITTEN for this story. Honest to god. WOW.

I make music videos so I was thinking of making a vid to go with this story if that's ok with nomennescio..... That'd be the song... I just need the right characters from any tv shows or films that I can edit together - Who should Emily be and who should her father be? xxx Love Danielle xxx

I am so touched by your story. A bit florid at time (but who doesn't like flowers) but a great story and wonderfully told.

Thank you.

Best I have read, look forward to another ,

I've read hotter stories but none better written. You are a really good writer & should do this professionally. You made this man cry it was so good. Keep on writing.

The emotions are so high on this one. I love how the dad truly struggled through his emotions because he really wanted the best for his daughter. It's beautifully written, even the love-making scenes feel more intense & intimate than most.