How to Give a Yoni MassagebySelena_Kitt©
I once had the incredible experience of one Yoni-massage a night for a week. As a woman, if you have never had one, I highly recommend it! I discovered places in myself that I didn't knew existed, deepened my connection with my partner, and learned how to be the receiver of pleasure in the moment. It is an amazing process, and I hope that I can convey to you the profound power of this sacred act, so that you can learn how to give the woman in your life this kind of experience.
"Yoni" (pronounced yo-knee) is another word for vagina—but its meaning goes far beyond the physical. The word was first mentioned in the Kama Sutra, and its meaning is loosely translated as "sacred altar" or "sacred space." When spoken of in tantric terms, the Yoni becomes the sacred doorway to the Goddess, an aspect of the divine. This was a place to worship, and the goal of the Yoni massage it just that—to worship the sacred temple that is Yoni.
The feminine is all about pleasure, and this massage helps a woman tap into and understand her deep connection to bodily pleasure. This massage isn't so much sexual as it is sensual, designed to promote relaxation and openness in a woman. Orgasm isn't the goal, although orgasm may occur during a Yoni massage, and it may be more intense and expansive and more deeply satisfying than other orgasms.
The person giving a Yoni massage is a witness to the beauty of all that is feminine. You, as the massager, are worshiping at the sacred temple of Yoni. Remembering this and connecting to the Great Feminine through your partner throughout the massage will make it a more powerful experience for both of you. Touch her as you would touch a goddess—with reverence, awe, respect, and great love.
Bathing together is a beautiful ritual to partake in before a Yoni massage. You can start your process of worshipping her long before you touch her Yoni. Use essential oils in the bath—lavender is a wonder relaxer. Wash her hair for her. Dry her body off after the bath, and moisturize her skin. Make sure you both void before starting, as you won't want to have to interrupt the flow if one of you has to use the bathroom.
You need a quiet, preferably dim space, with a bed, or a futon mattress on the floor, or even pillows. You can drape a sheet over them, in case you spill any oil. The temperature in the room should be a little warmer than normal because you are both going to be nude, so you may want to turn up the heat. Lighting many candles in the room also helps generate heat, as well as giving the room a soft glow. You will want to make sure that you have an open time frame where you won't be disturbed, preferably a few hours. Remember to turn off all of your phones and pagers, and if you live with others, you can even put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door.
Music is good to set the mood, but be sure it's something where all of the tracks are appropriate. There's nothing so jarring as a discordant piece of music suddenly playing when you're trying to relax. Make sure your CD player has a "repeat" function, so you don't have to stop to push "play" again and again.
You can also go so far as to have fresh flowers and fruit in the room, as well. These are sensual delights, and will help soften a woman into her feminine nature. Soft, juicy fruits are best, especially exotic ones like mangoes and papaya, but even peaches and pears work in a pinch. Feed her with your fingers, let the juices run down her chin. This flow will encourage her to flow elsewhere.
You lubricants and oils should be somewhere within easy reach. Try to get spill proof bottles, and use plastic rather than glass. (Knocking over a bottle of massage oil and breaking it makes a huge mess and goes a long way toward ruining the mood!)
If you are giving this massage, you should remind your partner that their communication with you is key. Make sure that they feel comfortable making requests or comments. She should know that this is about her comfort and pleasure (which, ironically, may initially make her feel uncomfortable, but that's ok) and if she has to get up to use the bathroom, or if she needs a break, or if the room is too cold or too hot, or the touch is too light or too hard, she can and should speak up and say something. This alone can be a difficult practice for some women, and you can often encourage her by asking "Is this too hard?" or "Is the temperature ok?" just to get her into the swing of things.
The first thing you should do is breathe together. Breath is the way we make love with the divine. Look into each other's eyes and breathe, deep into your belly. You should be sitting face-to-face (or standing, if you prefer). You can hold hands, or hold onto each other, whatever feels good to you both.
The massage begins with the woman lying on her back, usually with something under her hips to lift them a little—a pillow (cover this with a towel) or a cushion. She can place a pillow under her head if she likes, or not, whichever is more comfortable. Make sure she is relaxed and truly comfortable before you begin, because she is going to be in this position a long time.
You should sit between the woman's legs, cross-legged. Tell her to bend her knees slightly and then let them fall open. You can also position her legs for her if you like. You should continue looking into her eyes and breathe with her. Remind her, often, of her breath. If you find she is holding her breath, you can place your hand on her lower belly and remind her to breathe from that space, to "fill her belly" with her breath. Practice this a few times before you begin.
Yoni massage begins with a slow, sensual massage of the other parts of the body. Massage her legs, her belly, her breasts, her arms. This a long, slow process. Look at the feminine form in front of you, breathe her in—this is a goddess. Worship her with your hands, your eyes. Advance the massage slowly toward the inner thighs and pelvis, until she is breathing deeply from her belly, and her body has no more tension and is fully relaxed.
Then, and only then, should you approach the Yoni. This is a sacred act, and a powerful one. You should ask her permission to enter this temple. You can simply say the words, "May I touch your Yoni?" or you can more formally ask, "May I touch your sacred spot?" She may giggle, or smile. She may actually get tears in her eyes. Most women have never had their bodies held in such regard and worshipped in such a way, and any reaction is normal. Take it in stride, whatever it is.
If she gives you permission, pour a small quantity of very good quality massage oil or water-based lubricant on the mound of the Yoni, just so that it drips over the vulva (the outer lips). The quality of the oil is important. This area of the body is very sensitive, and the skin can get raw quickly if the oil isn't high quality. (I know this from personal experience—yeouch!) Spend a great deal of time here, rubbing the oil into the vulva. Use slow, steady motions. You can cup the entire Yoni with your hand and massage it that way as well. Then focus on the outer lips: squeeze each lip between your thumb and forefinger, stroking up and down the entire length.
Remember, too, to ask her what she is feeling—is it too hard, too soft? Too fast, too slow? Let her pleasure be your guide. You don't need to have a conversation (and probably shouldn't—it might take her out of her body) but definitely keep communicating during the massage. Look into her eyes, and keep breathing with her.
Next, do the same motion over the inner lips, squeezing each one between your thumb and forefinger, stroking up and down the length. Spend as much time as you need here—this isn't about rushing through. Her Yoni is a sacred space, and you are making your way through it, exploring it completely. Worship every soft, delicate fold as you massage her.
Her clitoris should be stroked gently, first with clockwise, then counterclockwise circles. You should then squeeze it between thumb and index finger, and gently pull on it. You should continue to stimulate her clitoris in slow, easy circles. She will probably become aroused during this process, but continue to encourage her to relax and breathe.
When you have spent your time here, you should move on to the entrance of her temple—it is time to enter the Yoni. Again, you should ask her permission, in whatever way feels most comfortable for you to say. "May I enter you?" is fine, as well as, "May I enter your sacred space?" Gently insert one finger (some women prefer two, you can ask which she likes) slowly into her Yoni. If she prefers one, use the middle finger of your right hand. If she prefers two, use your middle and index fingers.
Gently explore and massage the inside of the Yoni with your finger(s). This is a massage, remember, and while you are penetrating her, this isn't about simulating coitus. This is about truly discovering what she feels like inside, reveling in every glorious inch of her flesh, and allowing her to feel your worship of her while she experiences the pleasurable sensations of her own body.
Explore the textures of her, the smoothness, the softness, with your finger(s). Take it a fraction of an inch at a time. If you come up against spots that are painful and tight, stop moving, but continue to press your fingers there. Women often carry years of pain, frustration, and trauma locked up tight inside their Yoni and this massage can help release those if you are patient and gentle.
You may be surprised if she starts to cry—whatever her reaction is, it's ok. This is about releasing, and letting things flow. Strong emotions—fear, anxiety, or even joy—could come up. Encourage her to let them flow through her as you keep massaging the inner walls of her temple. She may also experience some tingling or heat in those places where there once was tension. This is normal as well. Keep breathing together.
If you have been using just your middle finger, now insert the finger between the pinky and the middle finger and, with your palm facing up, put them as far as they will go inside of her. Now, curl your fingers in a "come here" gesture—crooking them back towards the palm. This is the area of the G-spot (it's "sacred spot" in Tantra). It can be very sensitive and it feels different from the vaginal walls, soft and spongy to the touch. You will know you have found it because most women feel an urge to urinate when it is first stimulated, or some may experience a kind of burning, or some woman find it immediately very pleasurable. Continue focusing here at this spot, varying the speed and pressure to her liking. Remember to keep asking her for feedback.
You can use your other hand, or the thumb of your right hand, to begin to stimulate the clitoris. You want to begin to awaken her to an even higher state of arousal. You can also, if she is amenable, insert the pinky of your right hand into her anus. (Don't do this unless you already know she enjoys anal stimulation—this isn't the time to experiment with first time anal play!) In Tantra, it is said that when your pinky is in her anus, the next finger and middle finger are in her Yoni, and your thumb is on her clitoris, you are "holding the mystery of the universe" in your hand. Experience the power of that moment together, breathe it into your bellies. You are worshipping the mystery she is, as woman.
Continue massaging her this way until she asks you to stop. She may orgasm, clitorally or vaginally, or some combination thereof. If she doesn't tell you to stop, then don't. Many women can learn to have multiple orgasms using this technique. Keep reminding her to breathe from her belly, and remember to breathe with her. You can use your other hand to press her womb, as a reminder. You can also use your other hand to massage her breasts, or her belly, or her clitoris. You shouldn't, however, use your other hand for self-stimulation. If you are a male massager, you may have an erection, or if you are a female, you may be aroused—this is normal. Use that energy to focus on the woman in front of you, pour into her the passion and love and reverence you are feeling with your hands. It is a powerful gift.
You should stop massaging when she tells you to stop. At that time, slowly and gently take your hands away. Thank her for the opportunity to worship her, and then you can hold each other, kiss and cuddle if you like. If you are going to transition into some other form of sexual contact, I would recommend a break of some kind—go to the bathroom, or go to another room to continue. You want to keep the Yoni massage about worshipping her as a goddess, and don't want to diminish it in any way.
If you do Yoni massages over a period of time, a woman can learn a new level of trust and intimacy and a deeper connection to her body. Yoni massage can release layers of tension, and allow a previously non-orgasmic woman to become orgasmic, or even to learn how to have multiple orgasms. Just remember, it is about entering the temple of the divine feminine—treat her with reverence, deep love, respect, and honor her for the great mystery that she is. If you do, you may find that the rewards are immeasurable.
Copeland, Pala and Link, Al. – Soul Sex: Tantra For Two The Career Press, Franklin Lakes, New Jersey 2003.