How to Sensually Dominate a Man

Toys and other fun gadgets

There's a whole world of sexy items to play with while dominating sensually. It's another topic area to discuss with your sub to determine what things might make your playtime more fun and arousing. It's impossible to list every sexual gadget out there, especially since almost anything can be used to enhance your experience. However, I want to discuss a few of the more common types. First, there are items to restrain your sub like handcuffs, spreader bars, chastity devices, cages, ropes, gags, leashes, etc. This can really highlight your dominance because it restricts his freedom, and you choose how to restrain him and in what position. It will also enhance your sub's feelings of helplessness, which can be a huge turn-on for you both. Restraints make it easier to tease your sub when he cannot touch your body or move closer to you. It also makes it very clear that he only can do what you allow. He can only kiss you if you get close enough. He can only suck your nipples if you put them within reach. He can only lick your pussy if you put it against his mouth.

Be aware that restraints take a higher level of trust because your sub is putting himself in a situation from which he cannot escape without your help. If he's not ready to do that, or if you aren't prepared for that level of control, here are a couple of alternatives that might work. You could just order him not to move. It's a simple but powerful solution that can be very dominating. This is how I prefer to restrain my sub because I love the psychological element and his voluntary obedience. My sub has full freedom to move, but he chooses not to in order to please me, which is very erotic evidence of his submission. If he obeys and doesn't move until he's allowed, he gets a reward. If he moves before he's allowed, he gets punished. Another option that offers your sub more movement would be a rule like, "Keep both palms on the bed at all times." This allows you to see how much he really squirms while still restricting his movements in some way.

Items for penetrating him anally are sometimes also used in domination, including butt plugs, dildos, strap-ons, and anal vibrators. I mention this type of toy for four reasons. One, be sensitive to your sub's preferences, and don't be surprised if he loves or hates the idea. Most men feel strongly one way or the other about being penetrated. Two, you do not have to use toys to explore him anally. Fingers can be a great way to get started to see how you both feel about this type of fun. Three, if you do use something other than your fingers, please get a toy made specifically for anal penetration to help ensure safety and comfort. And four, make sure you use lube as you experiment in this area! Subs who want a Domme to penetrate them appreciate the intimacy of letting someone inside them, and it can feel extremely submissive even while it's tender and loving. Additionally, the physical sensations can be extremely pleasurable for your sub, especially when the prostate is involved. Making a man cum always makes me feel like a good Domme, but absolutely blowing his mind with the most fantastic prostate orgasm makes me feel like a goddess for days.

Spanking toys are popular, which can include floggers, whips, riding crops, paddles, and canes. You can also use things around your house, like rulers, wooden spoons, hairbrushes, etc. In sensual dominance, spanking usually focuses more on the psychological impact and sexual arousal than physical pain. You can spank your sub for fun or use it as a reward if he loves it. It can be used as a punishment as well if he finds it very humiliating or if he becomes extremely aroused by it, but you don't let him cum. The most common place to spank a sub is on his sweet ass cheeks, but you can also spank him in other fleshy areas like his thighs. Various positions can also have different effects. If you're behind him while he's on all fours, he'll feel very exposed and vulnerable, especially having no idea when the next spank is coming. Putting him over your lap allows more skin-to-skin contact and can help increase intimacy. Having my sub face down across my legs is my favorite way to spank him because it's the best way for me to feel his physical reactions. The way his body squirms and thrusts against me as I spank him is very arousing. I can also feel how hard he is and how much he's leaking on my legs. Another great position for spanking is ordering him on his back and making him pull his knees up wide to give you access to his thighs and ass. This can make him feel very exposed, and as a bonus, you can see his face as he reacts to each swat.

You also need to decide what you want to spank him with. You can always use your hand, which is an easy and free way to start. I actually prefer to use my hand so I can feel the heat of his skin against my palm and enjoy how it gets warmer the longer I spank him. If you don't use your hand, be aware some toys hurt a lot more than others. Be sure to research and learn which toys are better for light play versus heavier play so you can choose the best one. It takes some trial and error to learn how hard to swing a spanking toy, but just start gently and work up from there to achieve the desired pain level.

Toys that aren't typically used with dominance can also be a lot of fun. Imagine using a clit vibrator on yourself while he watches and cannot move. Perhaps you want to order him to use a dildo on you while giving him explicit directions on how to do so. This is a win-win because you get an orgasm while he serves you, enjoys the gorgeous view, and hears the sounds you make. This is also great for Dommes who may need a little extra help orgasming. Just make sure you discuss bringing a toy into playtime before you do so. If you're getting toys that go inside either one of you, be sure you consider what size to get. In my experience, you get what you pay for when it comes to sex toys. I'm not saying break the bank to buy them, but if you want good toys that are quality and have more options, they will cost a decent amount. You might want to start with cheaper toys to see what you like. Then you can upgrade and spend money on the things you really love.

Rewards

You'll want to reward your sub when he's done something wonderful. Maybe he obeyed perfectly, or he went above and beyond your orders to please you. In any case, make sure he knows why you're rewarding him to reinforce his excellent behavior. You can give big or small rewards, both of which are based on what he really really likes. For example, if he loves blowjobs, then giving him one makes a fantastic reward. Yes, you can give blowjobs to your sub. Some Dommes think that isn't very dominating, but I beg to differ because you're still in total control of his pleasure. You get to decide whether to suck him slowly to prolong his orgasm or suck him deep and fast, so he's helpless to do anything but cum. If he has a foot fetish, allowing him to give you a foot massage can also be a great reward. If he loves being under you, then give him some quality make out time while lying on top of him.

You can certainly add more dominance to your rewards to foster his submissive feelings. Let's say your sub is a breast man, and you reward him by letting him kiss and suck your breasts for eight minutes. He would feel more submissive if you tie him up, kneel over him, and 'feed' him your breasts. Or you could make a rule that he can't get any precum on you. Maybe the rule should be that he can't make a noise the whole time. Perhaps you want to set a timer for the eight minutes and give him periodic updates on how much time is left. Ultimately a reward is tailored to your sub. I guarantee there are subs out there who would have trouble not cumming while sucking your toes as a reward, and there are others who would never want their mouth anywhere near your feet. That's why it's essential to know what your sub likes, dislikes, loves, and hates.

Punishments

Punishing your sub in sensual domination means you withhold or delay pleasure, which can be very fun. You should punish your sub when he disobeys you or breaks a rule. He may test the boundaries and disobey to see what happens. He also may purposely break the rules because he's in the mood to be punished. Subs who continually act out to get punished are called brats. I personally don't like a bratty sub because I find it disrespectful to my dominance. However, there are many Dommes out there who love to take a firm hand to a bratty sub, so it just comes down to personal preference. It's also possible for you to force your sub to break the rules so you can punish him. For example, you can make a rule that forbids him to make a sound for the next five minutes. Then you can perform very wicked sexual pleasures on him so he can't help but make a sound, which forces him to break the rule. You can do this if you're in the mood to punish him and need an excuse to do so. However, be aware that if you do it too often, your sub might not appreciate you stealing his ability to obey.

You should also consider the punishment duration and match it to the level of offense if you prefer. In other words, if he barely disobeyed and maybe even did it by accident, his punishment might not last very long. More significant offenses would then translate to longer punishments. Some Dommes like to punish their sub by denying them pleasure and orgasms for many hours or even days. Personally, I always allow my sub an orgasm before the night is over because I'm a greedy Mistress and love making him cum. I enjoy seeing and hearing how much he loves what I do to him, and his orgasm is the number one way for me to witness his pleasure. How long I make him wait depends on how strongly he needs to be punished, but more time just means more anticipation and teasing.

Aftercare

It's your responsibility as a Domme to make sure that you take care of your sub after playtime is over. Whenever you are done dominating him for the day/night, you need to provide aftercare. There are two types of aftercare: physical and emotional. Make sure that your sub is physically comfortable as he comes down off the pleasure high. He may need water, snacks, warm blankets, a shower, etc. I suggest always providing hydration and then take visual cues of what he might need. If you aren't sure what he needs, just ask him. Also comfort him with touch in a loving way, so he knows you're there for him while he relaxes. You could hold him, stroke his hair, spoon him, and give him small kisses. Make your touches comforting and not sexual to help him come back to earth gently. It also continues the intimacy of what you just did together and most likely comforts you too.

You must also care for him emotionally. Your sub might feel a little embarrassed about what you did together, or he might wonder if he pleased you enough. During aftercare, you should shower him with compliments. You can talk about how sexy he was, what he did that you loved, the amazing noises he made when he came... just sweet pillow talk that makes him feel great. He's welcome to share what he loved too, but he might not have enough brainpower to do so right then. Take that as a compliment about how hard you rocked his world, and don't be offended if he doesn't rave about you until later. Now is not the time to be asking questions or having a discussion about your playtime. Make it a rule that those conversations wait until the next day. Aftercare is about comfort, peace, and happiness.

Learning for next time

Every time you play, you will learn things that help you be a better Domme. The next day is a great time to think about your experience and discuss it with your sub. This is an integral part of sensual dominance and will help your D/s relationship grow. You'll learn what worked great and should definitely be done again in the future. Remember to repeat the compliments you gave him during aftercare now that he's no longer delirious with pleasure. You can also spin off new ideas from the things you loved. For example, let's say you tried using a timer in your play, and you both agree it was really hot. Then next time, you can use the timer to give him a one-minute window to cum. It's up to you on how much you help him make or miss that window. If he doesn't cum in that one minute, use the timer to dictate how long he has to lick you before you give him another window.

You also need to talk about what wasn't awesome. Discussing why it wasn't great is very important because maybe you want to try again with a small adjustment. Let's say you wanted to put your sub on display, so you watched him masturbate while using a toy on yourself. Maybe he didn't love the experience because you had your eyes closed from the toy, and he didn't feel on display as much as he wanted. A tweak would be to take turns playing with yourselves instead of doing it simultaneously. If you didn't discuss why he didn't love it, you might wrongly assume he didn't like masturbating in front of you. Sometimes it can be hard for your sub to ask for adjustments to playtime because you're supposed to be in control. Therefore, be sure he understands that his opinions matter and that he has a voice in your D/s relationship.

I hope you enjoyed reading this and have many sensually dominant fantasies and so much fun!