All Comments on 'How to Tame a Succubus Ch. 01'

Okay, so I noticed I somehow duplicated a part of my post.....@Exeltus: If you're reading this, please use your mighty authorial powers to delete my previous post.

This is what I meant to post (I also revised my post a little bit because I was a lazy bum that didn't read my preview lol):

You're off to a great start, and have many paths that you can chose to develop your story (ex: Adventure, Redemption, heck, even harem depending on if Juste fights with his "spear")! I have to admit, I'm a sucker for the redemption stories, and having a succubus is it the cherry on top (just out of interest, did holstaurus come from the Monster Girl Encyclopedia? And if so, are any of the other monster-girls going to appear?)

Now, time for recommendations. Warning: Wall of text ahead.

First of all, I noticed that Juste's character behavior has drastically changed between the rough, forceful:

"It's no use, I've sealed that dirty mouth of yours. Not so much as a whimper will pass from those lips unless I permit it."

to the almost virginal:

"Well, I seem to be off to a decent start." He swallowed hard as she mounted him.

that wants to redeem everybody. Quite a big difference from dominance he was showing before. You may possibly want him to have a "dominant" attitude on the outside/in bed, and a soft, caring side within/post-intercourse, but I would recommend making a note of it in the story so the reader doesn't get confused. Ex: "Jezelle noticed with slight amusement the difference between the nervous youth beneath her and the domineering young man yesterday night" or something similar. Either that or continue to show how he seems rough on the outside but kind on the inside. (Ex: consistent events where he seems rough, but is actually kind on the inside, not just while having sex either)

So tl;dr: If it was your intention to make Juste character like that, then go for it. Just make sure to stick with it/make a mention of it. However, if not, then it is advised you pick one character behavior and stick with it.

Secondly, I would advise you to put thoughts in italics. Ex:

Something is wrong, she thought.He didn't cum!

By putting direct thoughts in italics, it differentiates them from normal sentences (almost like how quotations differentiate speech). You can also use the apostrophe as well.

ex: 'Something is wrong,' she thought. 'He didn't cum!'

How to bold/italicized can be found here:http://www.literotica.com/s/bold-or-italic

Lastly, um...what is "monster gurk"? I was looking at your tags and I was slightly confused by that one. Also, you may want to put oral sex/blowjob and anal on your tags. More tags=more people seeing your submission when they try searching for said tags.

End wall of text.

So, great job so far on the story. Its extremely interesting so far (don't let my wall of text discourage you lol) and I'm looking forward to reading chapter 2!

this one really feels like it has potential.

I want to read more of this story when you can. The rules of the binding and the relationship between the Paladin and the Succubus make for an interesting conflict in and of itself. Please enlighten us with more of the story.

Thanks for your kind words so far everyone, if you have any more feedback please let me know! I'm looking to make this the best story it can be~

For those who're interested I'm working on submitting chapter 2 as we speak~

@Occulus: Took care of the double post for you! And I wanted to touch on a few points you brought up as they were quite good.

I first wanted to thank you for the Italics/Bold information. I had those thoughts of Jezelle originally in italics, but when I tried previewing it the formatting didn't carry over from the forum post version of the story (wrong tags for it, so no duh!) or from the word version so I thought it just wouldn't work. I've since submitted en edited version with the proper formatting~

To answer your questions about the monster gurk tag and holstaurus: I had made a typo initially, it should be girl and not gurk. My main inspiration for the story is the Monster Girl Encyclopedia, so rest assured that there will be many a monster girl/boy encounter to come.

About Juste's dominant/virginal personality switching: This is something that is brought up in chapter 2 by Jezelle and is something that she's trying to figure out about him.

Also thanks for the tip about tags! I'm still sort of new to this thing, so oral/anal never even crossed my mind as something to tag ^^;; And I thank you very much for the wall of text! It didn't deter me in the slightest, in fact that sort of feedback is the main reason I finally decided to post the story here.

I really enjoyed this first chapter and think it has great potential. I was thinking the palladin was maybe a bit too arrogant for someone who follows the light. This chapter didn't give us insight into the inner dialogue of what the palladin is thinking vs the succubus. So, it will be intersting to see his perspective as well and if he has any internal conflict, fears, etc.

Very much out of the ordinary and very promising. I will be looking for the next chapter.

Never seen something quite like this before, but I think it could be pretty good.

I just hope that you keep writing. I've had several authors who's stories I loved just up and abruptly stop writing them. Here's hoping that doesn't happen with you.

Excellent writing, a wonderful ability to paint a fantasy scenario. You blend the delicious sex with the story itself so well. The language you use is beautiful too, and very erotic.

Truly a great start, can't wait to read more.

Faye Skylark

You know, when I read the first I thought it's gonna be another hardcore master-servant thing with the guy being a total douche. But then page 2 changes my mind. Sure he still has that arrogant air but it's clear that he has quite a golden heart for Jezelle. And ofc Jezelle turns from sexually frustrated to blushing cutie xD

I like these 2 all lot already.

When I first started reading,this seemed like regular succubus horror story where she sucks the life right out of the victim,but then Juste turned the tables and enslaved Jezelle with a binding spell,thereby turning her human,albeit partially still being part demon.

Even tho Jezelle may never be granted acceptance into Heaven,I am sure she will be granted a new life until her deeds and repentance allow her to be granted salvation.I like stories like this that have a somewhat happy ending.

Excellent! I could visualize the story like it was an anime. Eagerly awaiting chapter 2 and what awaits the pair. Reminds me of the Anime on Netflix. Very good.

Even tho Juste binded Jezelle to him it didn't define whether Jezelle was now human or not,it only stated she was not mortal and she had no power to kill anymore.So does that mean Jezelle is half human and half succubus?

Also does this mean Juste and Jezelle are for all intents and purposes Married since the binding is technically the same as marriage?.I gotta say Juste is a smoothe cunning guy who got the better of Jezelle by turning her harmless and dependent on him to survive.But now Jezelle can only rely on Juste to sustain what little succubus power she has left,and also to turn her into mostly human with a soul to learn from her evil past.

This is a great story with lots of emotions like anger,hate,satisfaction,fun, contentment,orgasms,anal action,disappointment,blowjob,pussy action,and finally acceptence.Just what a great story needs.