How We Started Pt. 01

How We Started Sleeping Together

I originally wrote this as a series of posts for an anonymous website to get some things out of my head. Some hated my posts, some loved them. For me, I feel better when I post, so I decided to switch to here where I can type as much as I want (rather than being character-limited). I didn't use names purposefully so for my posts so I kept that the same compiling them here. If I post again, I'll be sure to create some names for the characters and write more fluidly since I'm not limited to a set number of characters and certain words were "monitored". I take no credit for any similarities to any real life events.

Parts 1 -- 4 are old posts repurposed as submissions, so they aren't my best writing. Putting a bunch of posts together, I realize some of it gets tedious and repetitive. This is just how I posted it, so I'm letting it go. I don't expect many (any?) five-star reviews for these first few posts...

I'm Michele, 40, mom of two and married since college. I'm pretty attractive except for maybe not so much in the face. My kids are good looking as is my husband.

About a year ago I started noticing semen in my panties when I was doing laundry. It was on most of the pairs way more than my husband and I were doing it. Finally one time I went to get a bathing suit out of the hamper just after my son Ethan left the bathroom. I wanted to wear it and when I put it on I realized the crotch was sticky and wet and there was his load in my crotch. I'm on birth control so I honestly just let it go, though I did tell my husband Derek. He said he'd have a long talk with our son but I said let it go since he'd probably just embarrass our son and he'd grow out of it.

Fairly often I've found sticky, crusty, wet panties and bathing suits in my laundry.

This weekend my daughter Hannah came to me mortified. She had changed out of her church clothes but then we were going to dinner at my in-laws so she went to put them back on. Apparently (minor point...) she was lounging commando all afternoon so when she changed back she also put back on her panties from the morning. She showed me the inside of the black panties she was wearing...they were full of sticky white semen in the crotch. I panicked and said she shouldn't wear them and immediately clean herself with soap and water if she did. I knew instantly my son's semen may have been resting on my daughter's privates, and she's not on the pill.

I haven't told Derek yet. I haven't confronted Ethan. I told Hannah that is what some teenage boys do and she went "Ewwwww" but otherwise seemed to shrug it off (though now going to be sure to look first before dressing...). She's also aware that even though he's good looking and fairly smart, he has some emotional challenges and can be awkward to be around.

I've told my daughter to tell me if it happens again. So far it hasn't. I don't really pay attention to my laundry other than when I wash it. It still happens, but I didn't think of it as any more than a boy being overly interested in and woman or girl, not necessarily mom or sister.

I do need to rethink the bathing suits. My husband is fairly religious but has a wild side when it comes to me and my body. I think my body makes up the difference for not being that pretty. So my bikinis tend to be a little racy, though not overtly so. I hang them up between uses or sometimes grab one out of the laundry for a dip. There have been a few times they have my son's sperm in them now and I just blew it off since I'm protected. He's been there a few times when I've put them back on so he must know what I'm wearing. I look it as nothing though now I realize that was a mistake as I'm not trying to encourage him more. I don't see it as sexy but more likely cute or one of those funny things about puberty. Ethan gets hard at the drop of a hat...so it's amusing but I think also part of being a teenager I guess.

A few weeks after the incident with my daughter, I caught Ethan with my swimsuit again, this time a bikini...nothing super sexy, but still a bikini which is probably more of a turn-on than a one piece (at least it is to my husband). I purposely put on a different bikini and went out to the pool because I knew it would just be my son. I sat with him across from me and said we needed to talk. I told him I knew he was using mine and his sister's underwear to jerk off and that I think he just used my other bikini. He instantly got hard! I told him he had to stop using his sister's right now, no more of her panties and no more bathing suits. If he has to use panties, use my dirty ones in the hamper. He kept staring at my crotch. I told him to look at me and I said this is it or I tell his father all about it.

Ethan replies back "So you knew?"

I said, "Of course I knew and feel it, you sprayed sperm in my bikinis!"

Right when I said that, he started to ejaculate through his swim shorts. At first a little black wet spot, then some white sperm beaded up on his shorts.

"I can't believe you are cumming right now!" I said, "You can't be doing this."

He said "It's just so hot seeing your pussy in your swimsuit and I know my jizz has been there."

I got up and scolded him while he came. I don't know if this will change much, but at least he knows that I know and maybe he'll stick to my dirty underwear. If it gets worse we may have to take him to counseling.

Several months later, near the holidays I posted again, saying: I wrote a couple of months ago about my son's ongoing fetish with jerking off into my panties and swimsuits. It got worse. I've been very mindful of my son not tormenting his sister, but I have let him use my underwear for his habit. Not really "Let" so much as didn't say anything anymore.

First we had to go to a service for church. I had on a dress, nothing too frumpy but definitely not what you'd call trampy or overly sexy. It was fitted though, so I went with a thong. We were waiting in the lobby of the church after service and it was packed (COVID be damned, right?)... My son stood directly behind me and on a few occasions the group would compress. First time we bumped I didn't think of it, second and third same thing, thinking it was my son's hand or thumb more precisely. Then the fourth I felt my son again and realized it was his erection jabbing me in the ass cheek. Then again. Then I felt him run a thumb over what would be the waistband of my thong, and he TRACED IT...he ran his thumb along the thong until it met my ass crack.

He pressed his thumb to my crack and I looked back and said sternly through my mask "Careful!"

My husband and daughter were both talking to others with no signs of leaving soon. I walked over to Derek and said I'd start the car. Ethan and I went to the parking lot and got in the car. I immediately yelled at him for what he had done.

He responds by asking "I can see your thong line. Can I see your thong? Can I use it?"

I was shocked and asked "Here, Now? What is your problem?"

"Please Mom," he says, "I can't wait."

He begged for a few seconds urgently, I know I'm not doing it justice but can't think of how to explain how hyper and agitated he was. I know how unbelievable this is, but in the moment I was so flustered that I looked around to see no one was looking (it was dark outside) and I pulled up my dress enough to pull off my thong. I handed it to my son and watched him in the back seat as he first sniffed and licked the crotch and then jerked off in my thong.

He asked, "Are you wearing the matching bra?"

I was startled he knew the underwear I owned and said "Yes."

With that he blew his load in my thong and HANDED THEM BACK.

"Please wear them." He said. When I hesitated he shouted "WEAR THEM!"

Even more shocking that I think of it now, I put it BACK ON! I sat with his fresh sperm in my pubic hair while we sat in silence waiting to go home. I was mortified. I was also afraid both of my husband catching us and what Ethan might do if he got more upset. So I sat with sperm in my thong the rest of the way home.

I got over the church episode over the next couple of days and found fresh sperm in my used underwear the next two days. This is normal now. I wanted everything to be normal and outside this issue it was, but isn't now. It was New Year's Eve. We were watching a movie I never saw before but the family had. When midnight hit, we cheered and hugged then my husband declared he was off to bed.

Soon after, Hannah said "I've seen this movie before" and went to bed, too.

I didn't feel nervous being alone with my son, until a few minutes went by.

My son said, "Mom, I love you."

I said "I love you too."

He sat aside me on the sofa and gave me a hug, and I hugged him back like a mom. He shocked me again when as we hugged he took a hand from my shoulder and put it between my legs to rub my crotch. I had on yoga pants with panties and baggy sweatshirt.

I flinched and said "What the hell?" pretty loud.

"Shush" he told me, his hand still planted on my crotch.

"Stop it right now." I said, but he just dug his hand in against me, leaned in and kissed me.

I stopped that right away. "Please stop this now." I ordered him.

"Please let me use your underwear again." he pleaded.

"No" I said as he pressed his thumb to my crotch through my pants.

"I have to, Mom, I have to." he said.

He pushed his other hand behind me and pushed into my pants, pushing a finger between my cheeks onto my asshole as he still thumbed my pussy, and kissed my cheek as passionately as he could. He was grunting fairly loudly and as he got louder I worried his father would hear.

I realize this sounds unbelievable and it could never happen, or I thought it couldn't. But I gave in. I felt dirty with his hands on my privates.

I said "Okay" and he withdrew his hands and leaned back while I pulled off my yoga pants and pulled down my panties.

I handed the panties to him and he sniffed the crotch while I sat pantless next to him.

He looked down at my lap and asked "Can I taste you?"

"You mean me down there?" I asked in horror.

"Yes, please Mom, I need to."

I responded "No!" in a strained whisper as he got off the sofa, knelt down in front of me. He pushed his knees between mine and I spread my legs as he knelt between my feet and pressured my knees apart. He quickly bent over and kissed my pubic mound and waited while I spread my legs more and he began sucking and licking his way down to my clit.

He passed it and without thinking I grabbed his head and said, "No, there" as I guided him back to my clit. He was sloppy, but he licked and kissed my clit as I first got very wet and then came on the sofa. I squirted, and I hadn't squirted nearly that much in years.

On the sofa on New Year's Eve I had sex with my son. I pulled him off my pussy after I came and I actually helped him slide off his sweatpants. I sat legs spread on the edge of the sofa and we fucked.

When he entered he said "Oh WOW!"

We sat for a minute both looking down at his buried erection. I could feel him pulsing and hard.

"Oh My God." He whispered as he began to pump long slow pumps.

He didn't last long. He buried himself in me and having him go in me caused me to orgasm again, making a loud slurping wet sound as I did. I left him finish in me as we just stared at each other.

We finished and quickly got dressed, except he held on to my panties after wiping himself. I felt the cushion of the sofa was wet from me and flipped the cushion.

"Wow" he said again.

I could tell, but asked "Was this your first time?"

"Yes," he said.

"This didn't happen." I told him. "You need to find a girlfriend or do something because this cannot happen again."

He said okay but he put my underwear in his pocket.

"What about those?" I asked.

He replied "I just need to keep them for a little bit to smell you, PLEASE?" I couldn't deal with his begging so I let it go.

As of a few days later, nothing sexual between us had happened and I was trying to play everything as normal, but I still worried he will try something again. He used my dirty underwear but hasn't mentioned it. I know what I did is horrible. I think I was in shock but I know I should have stopped it. He is old enough, but still my son. I dealt with knowing his habits for over a year but he got so earnest with his pleading I just felt pressure, and now it's much worse.

From that post, I received a lot of feedback. I replied to the string with: I can't believe how many people ready my post already. I have struggled with sending my son (or trying to send him) to therapy since I know it will embarrass him for his father and sister to know he has a problem. Until New Year's Eve I tried to think of it as a phase, but obviously he's becoming bolder with me than just using my underwear.

All day I've been thinking about my post and reliving what happened. I'm so confused now. What's worse, I am scheduled to take him on a trip to visit colleges in a couple of weeks. He's late to the game so we have to take him now, but I am planning to take him while my husband stays home to work. Up until recently I had not thought of the issue of us being in the car and hotels together. If I don't go, it will create drama, but if I do go I'm sure my son will push to do something, especially since we have already had sex once.

Trust me, I don't believe my story, either. For example, believe it or not, this morning I put on panties he used to pleasure himself and I fingered myself through the material to push his sperm in me. I feel horrible, confused, aroused and curious. I can't believe how infatuated my son is with me and I can't believe I've let myself go and gave into him. This site just let's me get it out without telling anyone, if that makes sense. After looking online I don't know what to believe and what not to. I just don't want his life ruined.

Shortly after those posts, my son cornered me for sex again.

I went out for coffee and some retail therapy with a friend, Tanya, yesterday and came home just as my husband was taking my daughter to practice. This was normal, but it did leave me alone at home with my son. It didn't concern me at all when they first left. I grabbed a load of laundry and took it into the laundry room. As I'm loading the washer, Ethan comes by. He says, "You look great." For a second I just thanked him for the compliment, but then I got just a little anxious because he's complimenting me and we had sex two weeks ago. I immediately pictured us having sex that night.

As he complimented me, I threw in a pair of my used panties, and stopped to look at them. He had used them to masturbate again.

I pulled up the panties and said "You really have to stop this, this can't go on like this."

He came up to me very close and put a hand on my butt.

He said, "I can't help it Mom, you make me so horny."

I said, "Stop it."

But he had felt my ass in the polo shirt dress and asked, "Are you wearing a thong?"

I said, "None of your business!" and tried to turn to put the laundry in the washer.

I turned away but he became hyper and excited, getting very shaky and pulling up my dress from behind.

He said, "You ARE wearing a thong!"

I yelled, "Stop it right now!"

Instead pulled my dress up so that my entire dress was above my waist and I stood in front of him just in my thong from the hips down. I turned and showed him I was angry, and I exclaimed, "Stop it!"

My son became frantic.

"Please, let me taste you again, PLEASE?" He pushed me towards the washer until my butt was against it and he came up close to me.

I said, "No, not again, we can't."

But he replied, "PLEASE, Mom, PLEASE?" and put his fingers between my legs.

A few times I said "We can't."

He proceeded to kneel down in front of me and pulled my thong to the side. He licked at my pussy and start to kiss and lick and push in harder. One last time I said "No."

He was persistent with his kissing and licking, and I don't know why exactly but in spite of wanting to resist I also lifted a leg so I could spread myself for him. I opened wide enough to let him lick inside my pussy. He started sucking on me and licking at my clit, and I remembered last time I was the one who guided him where to lick. I felt like this was my fault. But it felt so good as he sucked on me that I opened up my leg a little wider and he sucked and kissed my clit until I shuddered and felt a little orgasm.

He felt it too. He looked up and said, "Mom, let me make love to you again."

I said, "No, please, we shouldn't be doing this."

He stood up and kissed me on the cheek over and over, frantically.

He said, "Please, this is so much better than panties. Let's do it now." I said no again and tried to push him back but he got hysterical. He started yelling, "Please Mom I need it. I need it so bad, Please!"

He was so loud I thought a neighbor outside might hear. I panicked and again I know how crazy this is, but I said, "Ok, calm down, its okay."

He started grabbing my butt to pull me closer, and he asked, "Do you mean it?" I was so confused, and I felt his erection pressing against me, and it rubbed my pussy.

I said, "You can't tell anyone."

Ethan replied, "I won't. Please. I swear I won't."

I didn't say anything. To be honest, after saying no all that time I really wanted to have sex with him that night, especially once he had put his tongue on me and sucked on me like that. I leaned over and he stepped back while I slid my thong down to my knees. I turned around a bent over the washer. I said, "Okay."

With that my son pulled his erection out of his pants and came to me. I wasn't that wet yet, just a little from him kissing me there, so he had to push his way in after a few tries. He kept spreading my butt cheeks apart to open my pussy up to him and he barely got in when I felt him start to tremble. He only pushed into me a few more times when I felt his first ejaculation in me. If felt so hot and his spray was so strong. I don't know why other than it felt good and he felt good in me, but I started pushing back on him to make him go more and I went back and forth on him until he stopped.

He just stood for a minute inside me and said, "Wow that was great." He was so calm now, not frantic. I know it's not a good reason to have sex with my son, but it truly calmed him down.

Afterward, he fixed himself up and thanked me again for letting him make love to me. I used some dirty laundry to clean myself up, then put myself back together and went to make dinner. I know it sounds awkward, but after something happens, whether it was when he masturbated in my panties or now that we just had sex, but things go back to normal. We mostly talk about him planning for college, his grades and his classes. His father and sister got home and we had dinner like normal.

I know none of this is normal and I know it's horrible to admit I enjoyed it when it happened. But I do. I don't want to, but now I get turned on finding his loads in my used underwear. I didn't plan to have sex last night, but once we were in the moment and he was pleading at the top of his lungs, I just couldn't stand it. Plus he is so calm afterwards. I, meanwhile, am so confused but also turned on.