Huzzie 02

Huzzie 02

"Let me be the judge of that, Huzzie. Just exit your truck and let me have a little looksee at your costume for tonight then, okay?"

Well, I owed my acquaintance, Chester, a costume of his choice for having my back last Friday night, so, I tried to accommodate his requests. I mean, not to the tune of his movie script from the last chapter, but a few of his requests were doable. And doable is not the same as appropriate, hence, which was why I remained seated in my truck for a while.

"Do not laugh, Nate!"

"Huh, a weed leaf pasties t-shirt under a jungle vest, check. Exercise shorts under canvas shorts, check, but un-necessary since most people have known like forever, fingerless gloves, check, the craziest hair anyone has ever saw on you, check. Hmm, ripped tall socks, two different socks as if you made a hasty escape form capture, check, one black boot and one brown boot, check, toy spiders stuck to the back of your vest, check..."

"Oh, I mean, I went to the Sports Bar and asked a couple of guys if I could have a game dart to stab one of the spiders dead with, but then a couple of other guys came around and before I knew it, there were four darts pointing at me and one guy holding the Men's room door open, so, um, I ran, Nate."

"Well, you did the right thing, Huzzie, so, check. One "at the ready" headband bandana pre-rolled and hanging out of your back pocket, check [pat, pat], what feels like a couple of hard sucky candy in the other back pocket, check. Oh, um, that's called a choker, right, Huzzie? Check. So, um, a red food dye bloody ripped t-shirt bandage on your forearm, a little too far, but check, er, one eye patch in one side ammo bag and a cigar and a butane lighter in the other side ammo bag, check!"

"Are you sure, Nate? I feel like I'm wearing like six different costumes at once and that's not how the people know me, so?"

"Well, did I miss anything, Huzzie? Like a get out of jail free card or something? And, tee he, I'll search around for it, if I missed something, so? I mean, there are a lot of pockets in your jungle bounty hunter vest, right?"

"Um, I'm not sure I'm following, Nate, so?"

"Ahem, there isn't a full moon tonight, Huzzie!"

"Oh. Ooh, sex then, um, er, Nate, um, oh snap, stupid night of no full moon!"

Well, at least I had my standards, right?

"[Peck smack smooch] I'll be back this way along the Strip in a little while, Nate."

[Walk clump, walk clump, walk clump, walk clump]

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Bounty Hunter Bonnie! What's up, Huzzie?"

"Tee he, me in these heeled boots, Kenny! Well, I'm still shorter than you, but you like it that way, don't you, Kenny, hmm?"

"Aww, yeah and I can't wait to knock boots with you some day, Huzzie! By the way, ahem, on the quiet, when is that day then, Huzzie?"

"On the night of the Strawberry Full Moon, Kenny! Put it in your calendar and buy condoms!"

"Aww yeah, baby, now we're talking! Wait, when is the Strawberry Full Moon then, Huzzie?"

"Oh, last week or in one year from now, so, bye, Kenny!"

"Aww yeah, baby! Wait, what?"

Kenny lives rough and there's a better chance that he will have a broken leg this time next year than having being the first to break me, so.

[Walk clump, walk clump, walk clump, walk clump]

"Hi, guys, I'm glad to see that Martin the loser isn't hanging out with you guys tonight, so?"

"Oh, wow, that's a lot of costume stuff you have going on, Huzzie, um, but we gave Martin a time out for creeping on you in the access walkway because your business is your business and then we gave him another time out for you know, passing out in his own mess! I mean, even I'm all "ewe" about that, Huzzie, so?"

See, folks? Every Tranny, Trap, CD or Transitioner needs a friend like my Jason.

"So, Frank, Charlie, you both realize that Jason and I have never, right? We're just best of friends, so?"

"Tee he, you wore your black bands aids on your thighs, just for me tonight, right, Huzzie, tee he?"

"Well, Frank, as a jungle bounty hunter, I mean, I may or may not have been bitten twice by snakes and I may or may not need someone to latch their lips on my thighs right where the black bands aids and suck the venom out!"

"Tee he, bring it, jungle hunter!"

Huh?

Also, huh then, right? Really, bring it? Frank?

"Oh, oh, well then, um, tee he, I met your father briefly at the Sports Bar this past Wednesday, Frank and oh boy, the disgusting apple doesn't fall far from the tree, now does it? Also [snatches phone], let me update your full moon calendar [tap, tap, tap, July Buck Full Moon, try to fuck Huzzie, tap, save], there [hands phone back], so, Charlie, um..."

"Huzzie, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, bah, bah, bah..."

Well, he chose to clump walk with me anyways up the Strip so he could go all "bah, bah, bah, I'm not gay" in private! And he followed my fake sashaying hips!

[Walk clump, sashay, walk clump, sashay, walk clump, sashay, walk clump, sashay]

"I'm not your type, Charlie, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you drooled over me before you knew I had what I have and for who I am, so?"

"Bah, bah, bah..."

"Charlie, you're the social media guru of the group and a few boards on Chang have been saying that I'm making mountains out of my little mole hills and..."

"Huzzie, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, bah, bah, bah..."

"Ahem and since I'm supposed to be proud of what I have and all, I was wondering if you would, I mean, not tonight with everything I'm wearing, but maybe another night..."

"Huzzie, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, bah, bah, bah..."

"Ahem, maybe another night you could recommend a costume t-shirt, a lighting setting and a pose for..."

"Bah, bah, bah..."

"Ahem, a good pose to expose my puff chest, like in a "caught" photo op, so?"

"Huzzie, I'm not, bah, oh, here's what we're going to do then, Huzzie. First, it has to be outdoors because a bedroom will make it look like too much of a set up and just off to the side of a street lamp for the lighting and then you're going to pull the front of literally any t-shirt up over your head and lock it behind your neck and then pull your hair out so it falls forward while you're caught leaning forward to push your shorts down, which will put your puffy boy boobies falling forward as much as they can and then you look up at the camera at the last, but perfect moment, so?"

[Oh, from the last chapter, flabbergasted!]

"Charlie, bah, bah, bah..."

"Oh, and you're not leaning forward to push your shorts down for secret outdoor sex because you already did that before you got caught, so, you're actually pushing your undies down and there is a double reveal of your falling forward puffy gum drops and your springboarding flicker tool down below, so?"

"Charlie, bah, bah, bah..."

"I mean, Huzzie, maybe I have scoped you out a little bit and lurked around your Chang homepage, so, I mean, you will springboard flicker when it pops out from the waistband of your undies as they are being pushed down for secret sex, right?"

"Charlie, I'm, I'm, I'm bah, bah, bah..."

"And do they puff up just a tad more when you finger squeeze them, Huzzie? Even real girls do that for their very pronounced nipple selfies, Huzzie, so, do they puff up just a tad more then, hmm?"

"Charlie, bah, bah, bah, um, a tad, Charlie, a tad, a tad, um, and um, yes for the springboarding and bah, bah, bah, I'm flabbergasted, Charlie!"

"Good, because then, I would suggest that you take two of your infamous black band aids and form a "V" with them that points directly at your bouncing and flickering springboard and ..."

"Charlie, bah, bah, bah..."

"And then, because you just got caught undressing for secret sex under the street lamp, you're going to stay leaned forward, but spin around to protect your near naked body from the camera and low and behold, right there, across both of your globes are four black band aids that form an "X" across each of your desirable buns and..."

"Charlie, bah, bah, bah..."

"And then I'm going to drop my camera phone and fuck you silly, right between X left and X right, all the while you're grasping onto the street lamp post and giving it back as best as you can, does that sound about right, Huzzie?"

"[Heavy breathing] Charlie, bah, bah, bah, okay! The street lamp can be my fake full moon light!"

Well, nobody ever said that the rules couldn't be manipulated a little, so.

"Ahem!"

"Oh, all on the quiet, Charlie, you're going to doggie butt bang me into this week all on the quiet, I mean, tee he, I'm still a butt virgin for many more full moons to come, tee he, um, I have a nice t-shirt to wear while getting faked caught and I'm free this Tuesday, so?"

"Or, or, or, Huzzie, you can go show off your crazy bounty jungle hunter costume to your puppet master right now and by the time he's done jacking off over it in the access walkway, I mean, when he returns to the Strip to the east, then you head to the alley towards the west and start stripping under the third street lamp, sound good?"

"[Gulp, this is happening!] And what will you be doing all the while then, Charlie, huh?"

"Oh, I'll be at the Condom Shop along the Strip buying black condoms to match the black band aid "X" marks the spot on your cheeks, Huzzie!"

Well, at least Charlie is thoughtful and has a little sense of fashion matching, so.

"Hubba, bounty hunter, hubba jungle momma!"

"Hush, David! Where is Chester? He asked for all of this, so?"

"Tee he, that side fag is off in his windowless van searching for your release of your "Hot Bounty Hunter, Hot Rain Forest" photo series, LOL."

[Tap, tap, tap, click, download, release]

"Well, David (whisper, whisper, whisper) and it will wash right off, so?"

[Zip, arm hooks Huzzie, swoosh, zig, zag, swish, into the darkness of the access walkway]

"Now, are you sure about this, Huzzie? I don't want to read about this on Chang tomorrow, so?"

[Opens a few costume buckles, undoes a belt, whips off jungle hunter vest, pulls the weed pasties t-shirt forward]

"All on the quiet, David, just reach under my t-shirt with this preloaded blush pad and, well, have your way with my little gum drops then. Just leave behind a good coating of blush for highlighting color."

LOL, like either of us knew what we were doing, right? But oh boy, did David give it the old college try or what?

"(Whisper, whisper, whisper), got it, David?"

"Oh, so I pinch the blush pad in my fingers in a circle, cup over your puffy boy nipple and gently pull forward and off while applying a little pressure to tweak you up a tad and leave behind a little color, right, Huzzie?"

"Well, I wasn't going to post the process online, David, but yeah, try that, left, then right, then repeat."

[Pinch, squeeze, cup, cover, apply pressure, tweak, pull, repeat]

"OMG!"

"OMG!"

"Oh boy!"

"Oh boy!"

"I can't stop, Huzzie!"

"Aha, aha, aha, you have to stop now, David! Drop the blush pad!"

[Plop]

"Rub David, it will need to be smoothed out!"

"OMG!"

[Rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, argh, argh, ahh, ahh, oops, oops, spew, spew, oh man!]

"Whew, wow, so many "firsts" in my life lately [mwah], thanks, David!"

Well, I wanted some color. I mean, street lights are bright, but they are not Hollywood lighting, so.

"[Wheeze, wheeze] I mean, I mean, I mean..."

"[Mwah] one last light wiping down with my headband bandana, David, okay?"

[Wipe, argh, wipe, ahh, wipe, argh, swipe, rub, wipe, argh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh!]

"What the hell was that, David?"

"Um, ooze, so?"

"Oh, actually, I know about that then, but I guess it slipped my mind since I didn't have to milk you by the stem, tee he, um, right?"

[Swipe, rub, wipe, rub, clean, wipe, argh, ooh, ooh, ahh, oh]

"And the drizzle too, Huzzie!"

[Pulls weed leaf pasties shirt down in case there is anything beyond ooze and drizzle]

"I mean, what are you doing now, Huzzie? That's my phone."

[Tap, tap, enter, save, tap, hands phone back]

"We have a date, David, the night of the Harvest Full Moon. Find a box of condoms that resemble the colors of candy corn! Bye!"

[Trots off half out of costume, but with good chest color and a couple of puffy puff gum drops]

"[Snap, snap] don't strip to fast, Huzzie and don't smile. This a "caught" outdoors photo op, not a selfie series, aww, yeah, keep your eyes to the left of the camera and do it, Huzzie [snap, snap, switch to live video], yeah, ooh, flick your hair forward, Huzzie."

[Lean forward, look around, flip hair forward, pull t-shirt up and over the head and neck]

"OMG, lean in and straighten up and then lean forward to drop your undies, Huzzie! And you've been cheating! You have color! And super puffy gum drop balls!"

[Deep lean, dangle those luscious gum drops, straighten up proud, look around, flip hair]

"Push them up and cup them for your last look around, Huzzie."

[Goes live feed video, pans the alley audience, pans back to the lifting]

"OMG, make it twang, Huzzie! Push those undies down and make it pop and twang!"

[Looks around, pushes those undies down, plop, twang, flick, springboard flicker, twang, that's hot]

[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]

"Never mind the growing audience, Huzzie, you're locked in! Realize that you're caught and give the camera your biggest surprise eyes!"

[Oops, big eyes, caught in the act eyes, flicks hair, spins around to point left X and right X at the camera]

[Camerman fap, fap, fap, fap, actress grabs the street lamp post and assumes first sex position]

So, well, whenever you're getting doggie banged into next week under a street light, I mean, keep your head to the right or to the left of the damn street lamp post!

[Thump, clunk, ouch, thump, clunk, ouch, ram, bang, OMG, ram, clunk, damn it, ram, ram, ram, clunk]

Well, I passed out from head concussion protocol, so.

"[Ouch] OMG, what happened, Charlie? And those guys, you didn't let them..."

"[Wheeze] no, no, Huzzie, the straight8 fags on the Strip [wheeze] play fair, just don't, tee he, walk over there [wheeze], so?"

"[Woozy] tee he, is that your condom then, Charlie? It's full, tee he. Also, Charlie, why is your face so red and why does it look like you gasping and choking?"

"[Gasp, inhale, hold it, grunt, choke, gasp]"

"OMG, you saved your ooze and drizzle for me? Yay! That's my specialty!"

[Engulf, slurp, let it go, milk the stem, milk the stem, milk it, milk, pull that stem, this is fun]

"[A big exhale!] Ahh! Tee he, you trend for your "milking the stem" specialty, Huzzie, but some idiot messed it up and tagged it as "Floozy" instead of Huzzie, so, ahh, oh, this never happened, but this was great! Here, check out the video."

[Hands off phone]

"Video? Charlie, what the, ooh, what, Charlie, did you fake my chest? I'm, um, shaking! OMG, they're bigger than my, er, um [mwah], this is great, Charlie!"

[Ping, bouncing boy boobies, trending, watch these puppies, trending, who is this, trending, where is that rain forest, trending, black band aids rock, trending, my girlfriend should have such color up there, tending, I know those mis matched boots, trending, capture me, bounty hunter, trending, X marked the spot alright, trending, twang, flick, twang, flick, trending, full moon under a fake full moon, trending, Boing, trending, I heart you, trending, mermaid next, tending, hijacked flight attendant next please, tending, are those globes faked, trending, Huzzie?, trending, training bra graduation, trending, help, help, I need rescue, trending, thanks a million, the Costume Shop, trending, Floozy?, trending, I'm stranded in a row boat out at sea, trending, the Middleton Strip needs a little red riding hood, trending]

"[Wheeze] all on the quiet though, right, Huzzie?"

"Oh, oh, oh and on the quiet twice in a row, Charlie [attack!]"

Also, learn your lesson from the first time that you held a position up against the damn street lamp post!

[Thump, clunk, ouch, thump, clunk, ouch, ram, bang, OMG, ram, clunk, damn it, ram, ram, ram, clunk]

End Huzzie 02